THINKING

Jul 25, 2007

LATELY I HAVE BEEN SITTING AND THINKING HAVE I BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY SELF AS I SHOULD.... HAVE I BEEN CARING FOR MYSELF AS I SHOULD..... AND FINALLY DO I LOVE MYSELF AS I SHOULD..... THE COMPANY THAT I HAVE BEEN KEEPING IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME AT ALL...... AND THE ANCHORS THAT I HAVETIED TO ME ARE CONSTATNLY WEIGHING ME DOWN.......I KNW IN MY MIND WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER BUT MY HEART WILL NOT ALLOW ME OR IS IT THE LONLINESS PART OF ME THAT KEEPS ME FROM BREAKING EVERY RELATIONSHIP APART.....I DONT THINKI LOVE ME ENOUGH... AND FOR THIS REASON I STAY SO ANGRY SO UPSET SO HURT..... I LOOSE MY ABILITY TO MAINTAIN WHEN THINGS GO OFF OF MY PLAN....... ALL MY LIFE I COMPENSTED FOR MY WEIGTH MY SHORT FALLS IN THE PHYSCIAL PART OF ME BY LEARNING AND GETTIN MY EDUCATION..... HOWEVER... I HAVE ALLOWED MY WEIGHT DUE TO BEING TIRE DOF NOT BIENG ALE TO SIT IN DESKS.... ADN I COULT NO LONGER GIVE PRESENTAIONS IN MY CLSSES KEEP ME FROM CONTINUING ON WITH THE ONE THING THAT .... I LOVE THE ONE THING AND THE ONLY THING THAT I COULD USE TO IDENTIFY WITH ME..... NO I AM SO EMPTY AND NOT ONE CAN UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL IN MY EYES.......I HAVE A VERY CLOSE AND INTIMATE FRIEND WHO MAKES ME FELL LIKE I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD..... MY BEST FRINED IN THE WHOLE WORLD... WE HAVE BEEN THRE IT ALL.... AND HONESTLY I LOVE THIS PERSON TO DEATH AND HAS HELPED ME TO SEE A DIFFERNT FREEIER BETTER SIDE OF ME.... THEY SUPPOR TME IN MY SURGERY BECAUSE OF MY HEALTH ADN NOT BC OF THE COSMETIC RESULT OF IT.....SADILY PRESIDENT BUSH TOOK THAT FROM ME.... BUT GOD HAS BLESSES US TO BE ABLE TO TALK CONSISTANTLY OVER THE NET AND THE SUPPORT IS LIKE IT WAS BUT THE PHYSICAL PART IS NO LONGER THERE..... THE PART THAT MADE ME SO CONFIDENT THAT MADE ME FELL LIKE I WOMAN.... IT SO FAR AWAY.............AND ITHURTS... SO MUCH... HELL IM CRING NOW LOL..... BUT I MISS THEM SO MUCH THAT PART OF ME IS SO GONE SO LONST AND NOW IT IS LIKE..... SO HARD HELL THAT IS A BAD WAY TO PUT IT...... MY STRESS WAS RELIEVERD BY THIS PERSON... WHEN I WAS MAD THEY CAN CHEER ME UP IN SECONDS........NOW....... I AM SO SAD SO MUCH OF THE TIME.... BECAUSE I HAVE NOTICED HOW ALONE I AM FEELING BECAUSE I FEEL SO EMPTY AND LOST BECAUSE I HAVE NO WAY TO TRUELY LET OUT MY ANGER AND FUSTRATIONS BECAUSE I AM FEELING LIKE A FAILURE I KNOW I NEED HELP AND I THINK THAT I WILL BE NO I KNOW I WILL BE GETTIN SOME HELP REALLY SOON........ WE ALL KNOW THAT SOME OF US BECAUSE OF OUR WEIGHT ARE SO UNHAPPY, SHY, LOW IN CONFIDENCE, AND SURGERY HELPS US IN SOME SORT OF WAY TO GAIN CONFIDENCE AND I KNOW THAT I WILL HELP ME THE REST IS GOING TO BE MENTAL FOR ME.... AND ADDITIONAL HELP WILL BE NEEDED..... I HAVE OTHER DEEPER DEMONS THAT NEED TO BE TAKEN CARE OF .... THAT NEED TO BE CLEARED AND CONFRONTED.......THIS SURGERY IS ABOUT FINDING ME AGAIN ABOUT TAKING CARE OF MEABOTU GETTIN MYSELF HEALTHY IT IS ABOUT ME LEARNING TO BEHAPPY AND TO KNOW THAT I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WELL... THAT I DONTHAVE TO ACCEPT SUBSTANDARD TREATMENT IT IS ABOUT ME... AND NO ONE ELSE.... IT IS ABOUT ME ONLY ME....... OKAY GUYS.... I HAVE SPENT ENOUGH TIME PUTTING MY LIFE OUT AND MY THOUGHTS.... TALK TO YOU ALL SOON.... UNTIL NEXT TIME SMILE FOR ME

THIS FEELS LIKE A LIFE TIME

Jul 20, 2007

WELL LETS SEE ON THE 4TH I POSTED ABOUT HOW I HAD CONSULTATION WITH THE DR ON THE 24TH WELL GUESS WHAT THEY HAVE CONTINUED TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK BAD IN MY SIGHT.... THIS IS FUCKING SAD IN MY EYESIGHT... I TRY TI BE PATIENT I REALLY DO ....... AND IM SITTINE HER ELIKE IF I HAD NOT FOLLOWED UP BEHIND THEM I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR...... SO GUESS WHAT HAPPENS TODAY THEY CALL AND SAY OH WELL THERE IS A SCHEDULING CONFLICT SUCH AND SUCH.... ADN HELL NO IT ISNT THE DOCTOR WILL NOT BE THERE... IMA LIKE WHAT THE HELL THEY GOTTA DO WITH IT .... I M TIRED OF SHIT BULL SHIT.... AND SHE HAS TO NERVES TO SAY WELL WE ONLY WANT TO MOVE ITTO FRIDAY... IM LIK EONLY FRIDAY.... YOU KNOW THEY ARE SO INCONSIDERATE... I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE GO THREW SO MUCH TRBLE WITH SOMEONE THAT IS SUPPOSE TO BE A DMAN ADVOICAGE FOR TTHEM IT SEEMS LIKE IT HAS TO BE ME AGAINST THEM AND IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT WAY BUT THAT IS HOW IT SEEMS AND HOW I FELL.... I FELL DEFENSIVE WITH THEM...... I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO KEEP MY GUARD UP........I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THEM AT ALL....... AND THAT IS NOT GOOD THAT IS NEVER GOOD AT ALL....... I HAVE NEVER HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE OUT OF A DOCTORS OFFICE.. THEY HAVE STRESSED ME OUT MORE THEN MY JOB .... AND BELIEVE ME YOU I HAVE A STRESSFUL JOB...... THIS IS SO DAMN SAD IM SO TIRED OF BEING STRESSED FROM THEM....... IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT SOME EXCUSE AND IM JUST SO TIRED OF IT............THIS IS BECOMING MORE DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH AT THE WRONG PART OF THE PROCESS,,,,,,,,,THIS IS DISCOURAGING..... IT WOULD BE DIFFERNT IF THEINSURANCE COMPNAY WAS POSING A PROBLEM... BUT NOT I IS THE DAMN DOCTORS OFFICE....................HELLL HE INSURANCE HAD NOTEVEN HAD ITS CHANCE...I WONT HAVE SURGERY UNTIL LIKE SEPTEMBER.... FUCKING WITH THEM.... NOT BC OF MY INSURACNE COMPANY BUT BC THEY CANT SEEM TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER

UMMM IIIIIIIIII.... THINK IIIIIIIIIIIIIII....... OUTTA.........

Jul 10, 2007

NAW WHAT WILL THIS BE ABOUT HONESTLY I DONT KNOW... I WILL JUST LET MY MIND LEAD MY HANDS... AND THEN GO FROM THERE.....WELL....MY LIFE... DAMN IM EXPOSING MA SELF.............WELL.... I HAVE SOME PEOPLE THAT I WILL BE SOON THROWING OUTTA OF MY HOUSE REASON FOR IT.... UMMM THEY ARE STRESSING MEI WANT TO BE IN MY HOME ALONE AND HEY TO TOP IT OFF ..... BECAUSE..... I JUST UMMM AM TIRED HIGH BILLS NOT PAYING ME ON TIME IF AT ALL AND PLUS..... I DONT FEEL LIKE MY HOME IS MY HOME ANY MORE........AND FOR THIS REASON HEY THEY ALL GOTTA... GO... I REFUSE TO HAVE ANYONEN IN MY HOME NOT TALKING TO ME.... THAT SHIT UMMMM JSUT AINT RIGHT...... SO I WILL BE GIVING OUT THE DAY THAT THEY GOTTA BE OUT AND THAT IS IT.... RIGHT OR WRONG AD RATHER I GET SPOKEN TO BY THEM AGAIN .... HEY IT REALLY DOESNT MATTER........I HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYONE BUT MYSELF NMOT RESPONSIBILITY.... IM SO TIRED OF TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE BUT MYSELF......... AND FOR THIS REASON I THINK THIS IS THE BEST DECISION FOR ME..... AND IT IS FOR ONCE GOING TO BE ABOUT ME... AND WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY.... AND NOT EVERYONE ELSE.... IT IS TIME TO TAKE CARE OF ME.... ANYWAY I GOTTA GO MY HANDS ARE TINGLING.... ANDYOU KNOW HOW THAT CAN BE LATA

WELLLLLLLLLLLL WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WELL

Jul 03, 2007

UMMM LETS SEE UPDATE.... I HAD JUST TOLD MY CLOSEST FRIENDS THAT I WAS NOT OGINTO CALL THE DOCTOR ANY MORE IF THEY WERE GOING TO BULL SHIT ME AROUND I WOULD JUST FIND ANOTHER PROGRAM..... YOU KNOW RIGHT IS RIGHT AND WRONG IS WRONG....I DONT LIKE TO BE DISAPPOINTED.... I FEEL THAT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THA TIN MY LIFE.........SO.... TODAY OR AS IS SHLD SAY YESTERDAY I RECVD A CALL..... UMMM THEY CALLED TO SAY HEY YOU HAVE A SCHEDULED MEETING WITH THE DOCTOR ON THE 24TH OF JULY.... UMMM.... THAT IS ALMOST TW MONTHS FROM THE END OF MY PROGRAM...... YES I AM REALLY UPSET BUT HEY WHY COMPLAIN IT WILL GET NOTHING ACHIEVED NOTHING DONE AT ALL.......SO I WILL JUST ACCEPT THINGS FOR WHAT THEY ARE AN JUST WAIT HELL I HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL MY LIFE..... WHAT IS ANOTHER MONTH..............BUT HELL ANOTHER MONTH CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN SOMEONES LIFE... HELL A NOHTER SECOND CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE..... BUT... OH WELL... WELL AT LEAST FOR NOW....... ALL I COULD SAY IS HEY WHEN THE LORD IS READ I WILL BE READY....... AND THIS IS THE WAY IT WILL BE.....THIS FOR NOW IS THE HUMBLE ME... BUT I KNWO THE IMPATIENT AND ANGRY ME WILL COME OTUJSUT NOT RIGHT ABOUT NOW... I HAVE BEEN KINDA MELLOW FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS.... RELAXED ADN UMM JUST STREAMING MY WAY ALONGE YA KNOW.... BUT HEY THAT IS LIFE...... WELL PEOPLE... I WILL GET ATYOU LATER... HEY ALL SMILE FOR ME OKAY..... BYE

WHAT/////////////////////

Jun 27, 2007

MORNING AFTERNOON OR EVENING…….WHICH EVER ONE FITS YOU LOL………..NOW I WILL NOT BE RANTING EVENTHOUGH HEY I HAVE THE RIGHT TO……………….THEY STILL ARE NOT GOING RIGHT BY ME BUT IT IS OKAY…………….WELL I AM GOING TO TAKE THE TIME OUT TO UMMMMMMMMM PUT DOWN ALL OF THE THINGS I WANT TO ACHIEVE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER……….. JUST TAKE THEM AS THEY ARE…………………

1. TO BE ABLE TO BE HEALTHY AGAIN…. TO BE MED FREE (WELL AT LEAST THE 8 THAT I TAKE NOW…..BEING BIG IS EXPENSIVE LOL)

2. TO BE ABLE TO WALK AGAIN….. I LOVE WALKING NOW I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN……..

3. TO BE ABLETO SIT WITHOUT MY BACK HURTING ME

4. TO BE ABLE TO SMILE AND MEAN IT

5. TO BE ABLE TO BE INTIMATE WITHOUT THE LIGHTS HAVING TO BE OFF AND UMMM IMMA LEAVE THE REST OF THAT ALONE

6. TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP THREW THE NIGHT

7. TO BE ABLE TO BREATHE

8. TO BE ABLE TO CLEAN MYSELF PROPERLY

9. TO BE ABLE TO GO TO AMUSEMENT PARKS

10. TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY LIFE

11. TO ACTUALLY GO TO A CLUB FOR THE FIRST TIME

12. TO STOP PRETENDING TO ACTUALLY LIKE BEING IN THE HOUSE

13. TO GO TO A MOVIE AND STOP PRETENDING THAT I DON’T LIKE TO GO BC OF THE SMELL

14. TO ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO BE HELD BY MY GIRLFRIEND INSTEAD OF ME HAVINTO HOLD HER

15. TO BE ABLE TO TAKE A BATH I HATE SHOWERS…

16. TO BE ABLE TO FIT IN MY CAR

17 TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON A TOILET WITHOUT HAVING TO MANUVER MY WAY TO FIT

18. TO BE ABLE TO TOUCH MY TOES

19. TO SEE EVERYTHING BELOW MY BELLY

20. TO BE ABLE TO REACH MY ANKLES

21. TO BE ABLE TO JUST BE FREE AND LEARN TO LIVE A BETTER LIFE ………..

DAMN IT MAN

Jun 25, 2007

OOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKKAYYYYYYYYY HERE WE GO AGAIN…. UMM I WILL WARN YOU IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH CURSING PLEASE DON’T READ THIS BLOG//////////// IM GETTNI MORE FUSTRATED BY THE MOMENT/////////MORE PISSED BYT THE DAY////////////////AND NOTHING IN THIS WORD IS HELPING ME///////////NOW I WAS TOLD AND THOUGHT THAT THE DOCTORS OFFICE WAS ON MY SIDE///////MY ADVOICATE MY HELP MY TEAM…….AND IT SEEMS AS IF THEY HAVE BEEN FOR EACH AND EVERY PERSON BUT ME…………I PERSONALY DON’T KNW AND DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO HAS SOMETHING AGAINST ME IN THE OFFICE THIS IS NOT PERSONAL THIS IS MY LIFE………….I WANT TO KNOW WHY EVERY PERSON IN THE PERGRAM THAT HAS STARTED BOTH BEOFR EM AND AFTER ME HAS HAD THEIR MEETING WITH THE SURGEON AND ALSO HAD ALL OF THEIR PAPERWORK SUBMITTED TO THEIR INSURANCE…WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE ………….MY SIX MONTHS WAS UP ON THE 7TH AS I BLOGGED AND I WASTODL THAT IT WOULD BE SUBMITTED THEN ALLTHIS OTHER SHIT COMES THE FUCK UP…………AND NEEDLESS TO SAY THE TEST RESULTS HELL NO ONE IN THE DAMN OFFICE KNOWS SHIT…………I GETUP OUT OF MY SLEEP TO CALL THEM FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T KNOW I WORK OVER NIGHT……………………….AND NO ONE KNOWS SHIT………..OH WE DON’T HAVE THEM WHAT TEST WHO WELL IT MAYBEON SUCH AND SUCHS DESKA ND TEY WONT BE BACK IN UNTIL WEDNESDAY…………………..I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO IS NOT THERE I DON’T CARE….. THERE SHOULD BE SOMEONE THERE WHO TAKES CARE OF THIS WHEN THAT PERSON IS NOT IN…………………I SEE NO REASON FOR AN EXCUSE MYLAST CLSS WAS TH 7TH THE FUCKING 7TH AND MY PAPER WORK STILL IS SITTIN IN THAT DAMN OFFICE IT HAS BEEN DAMN NEAR THREE WEEKS AND I DON’T THINK THIS I RIGHT…… THIS IS NTO SUPPOSE TO BE THE DIFFICULT PART…………..I AM GETTING STRESSED MY STOMACH HURTIN AND HEAD AS WELL BECAUSE OF THIS…………………THIS IS PROOVING TO BE WORSE THEN SOME PPLS BATTLES WITH THER INSURACNE COMPANY……..HELL DEALING WITH THEM IS LIKE GETTING TEETH PULL IT HURTS ALL WAYS…….. I WENT WITH THIS PARTICULAR CENER BECAUSE OF THEIR GREAT REVIEWS AND MY PCP RECOMMENDED THEM BUT THEY ARE PROOVING TO BE ANYTHING BUT FOR ME….. I HAVE READ SO MAY GREAT REVIEWS ABOUT THEM AND HOW THEY AREYOUR ADVOICTE ON HERE…. I HAVNET SEEN ANY PROOF BY WHAT I AM AND HAVE WENT THREW WHEN IT COMES TO THEM……………….IT IS GOING TO TAKE A MIRACLE FOR ME TO EEN SAY ANYTHIGN GOOD ABOUT THEM ONCE THIS IS ALL OVERWITH…..I HAVE LITTLE FAITH IN PEOPLE BECAUSE I CONSTANTLY GET LET DOWN…………AND THIS ISN OT HELPING MY FAITH IN HUMAN NATURE…………NOT IN THE LEAST BIT……THE INSURANCE COMPANY IS THE ONLY THING THAT I SHOULD HAVE TO WAIT FOR IT IS THE ONLY THING THAT SHOULD TAKE THREE WEEKS TO DO NOT THE GOT DAMN DOCTORS OFFICE…. NOT THE FUCKING DOCTORS OFFICE…..THIS IS UNDO STRESS THIS IS SAD AS HELL…. AND I CANT BELIEVE IT I REALLY CANT……. U KNOW THE SAD PART IS THAT IM FUCKING PAYING THESE DAMN PEOPLE TO TREAT ME LIKE SHIT…. IM PAYIG FOR THE ACTUAL PROGRAM OUT OF MY POCKET NO ONE ELSE NOT MY INSURANCE COMPNAY AND THE SHIT DAMN SURE WASN’T FOR FREE……..OH GOD… OKAY LET ME TAKE MY ASS GO TO SLEEP…… I HAVE A COUPLE MORE HOURS TO BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP LET ME TAKE MY ASS TO BED GOD……..

PEOPLE

Jun 21, 2007

OOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAY SO HOW FAR DO I GO WITH THIS………….HOW MUCH CAN I SAY…………BESIDES I AM HURT AND I FEEL ALL SO BETRAYED……………I NEEDLESS TO SAY ME CALLING MY INSURANCE COMPANY FOR ONCE PROOVED TO BE HELPFUL…………PROOVED TO BE A GOOD THING…………….THEY CHECKED EVERYWHERE FOR MY PAPER WORK…………AND IT COULDN’T BE FOUND………..SO I CALLED THE CENTER AND GUESS WHAT NEEDLESS TO SAY UMMMMMMMMM THEY HAVENT FUCKING SENT IT…….ALL THEY CAN SAY IS OH YEAH YOU HAVE SOME MORE TESTS TO DO……..YOU HAVE TO SEE THE SURGEON TOO BEFORE WE WILL SEND IT OFF………….UMMM THEY COULDN’T GET ALL THE DAMN TESTS AND THIS SHIT DONE BEFORE MY LAST CLASS…….OR BETTER YET WHY THE HELL WAS I LIED TO WHY DID THEY SAY THEY WERE SENDING IT IN AND DIDN’T………..WHAT PART OF THIS IS FAIR WHAT PART OF THIS HELPS TO END MY SUFFERING HAVENT I DONE ENOUGH …………..MY FAITH IN PEOPLE IS ALREADY SMALL AND THEY ARE NOT HELPING AT ALL………………..BUT ONWARDS……IT TOOK ME TO CALL THEM FOR THEM TO DO ANYTHING……….SO THEY CALL THE SAME DAY AND SET AN APP FOR THE UPPER GI WHICH I COULD HAVE SWORN I HAVE ALREADY DONE………..AND I WAS TOLD TH RESULTS WD TAKE 24 HOURS… WELL NEEDLESS TO SAY IT HAS BEEN MORE THEN 24 HOURS…. AND I HAD TO CALL THEM AND THEY HADNT FLLWED UP TO GET THE RESULTS……. THEY SAID YEAH WE WILL CALL THE GET THEM FAXED OVER AND WE WILL LET YOU KNOW…. GUESS WHAT NO CALL BACK…… NO CALL BACK NO FUCKING CALL BACK…………….I WENT UP THERE AND GUESS WHAT THEY STILL HADNT GOTTEN THEM SENT OVER……………………I JUST WALKED OUT OF THE OFFICE UPSET AND UNHAPPY PISSED OFF AND HEART RACING……..I STILL HAVENT GOTTEN ANOTHER CALL FROM THEM…………..I STILL DON’T HAVE A APPOINTMENT WITH THE SURGEON………ALL I CAN THINK IS THREE DAYS FOR PROCESSING AND THEN UP TO 15 DAYS FOR APPROVAL……….AND AS WELL ALL KNOW THAT IS BUSINESS DAYS…………THEN THE TWO WEEK DIET TO GET THE SUGER OUT OF MY LIVER JUST THAT TIME ALONE IS 6 WEEKS ANOTHER MONTH AND AHALF…… ANDI THINK DAMNI WAS OLD AS LONG AS I DON’T HAVE ANY INSURANCE HANG UPS I WILL BE DONE BY JULY HAE SURGERY IN JULY…………AND HEREIT IS I MAY NOT UNTIL LATE AUGUST EARILY SEPTEMBER………………UMMMM GOD……..HELP ME…… MY SUPPORT PEOPLE MY MOTHER AND MY EX GF WHO ARE SUPPOSE TO COME HERE IN JULY HAVE TO DELAY THEIR TRIP DUE TO THIS……. MY MOTHER MAY NOT BE ALBE TO COME EHRE FOR MY SURGERY AS SHE WANTED TO BECAUSE OF THIS BIG DELAY…………AND SHE IS NOT HAPPY BC SHE IS WORRIED ABOUT ME ABOUT MY LIFE…………….DO PEOPLE REALIZE WHEN THEY SLACK OFF AND DON’T DO THEIR DAMN JOB THAT OTHER LIFES SUFFER AND MAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY IM JUST SO UPSET MY PERSONAL LIFE IS FUCKING CRAZY AND STRESSFUL WORK AND MY HAPPINESS IS DWENDLING…. IM GETTING SO DISCOURAGED AND THIS HASN’T EVEN WENT TO MY INSURACNE COMPANY YET THAT IS A WHOLE NOTHER ALL GAME…. AND BY THE GRACE OF GOD THAT WILLL GO THREW A QUICK APPROVAL….. AND I WONT HAVE TO CONTINUE LIKE THIS……. ……PLEASE LORD HEAR ME …………………..AND MAKETHIS ALL GO QUICKLY…………..LET ME GO AND MEDICATE MYSELF CRAWL IN MY BED MY HEAD, HEART, AND BACK ARE BOTHERING ME …………………..UNTIL NEXT TIME GOD BLESS

IS IT JUST ME.............

Jun 11, 2007

OKAY..............IT IS JUST ME OR DOES THIS WAITING THIS SEEM LIKE FOREVER TO ME...................I KNWO MY PAPER WORK WAS SENT INTO MY INSURANCE COMPANY ON THURSDAY.... SO I CALLED TODAY OR YESTERDAY AND AKSED IF IT HAD  BEEN RCVD.... THEY SIAD NO... IT TAKES THREE DAYS TO BE PROCESSED ONCE SENT IN AND THEN UP TO 15 DAYS FOR APPROVAL IF ALL THE REQUIREMENSTA AE MET... HELL LOOK AT ME LOL ISNT THAT ENOUGH... I HAVE DONE WHAT REQUIREMTNS THEY ASK...... AND JSUT BY LOOKING AT PICS OF ME MY WHOLE LIFE YOU CAN SEEI HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OBESE SO WHAT MORE CAN THEY WANT.... OH GOD PLEASE LET THEM APPROVE ME... I NEED TO THIS I HAVE TO HAVE IT..........THEN BEYOND THIS WAITING I HAVE SOME FAMILY ISSUES.... MY GRNA DMONTHER HAD A STROK ETHAT AFFECTED THE BACK OF HER BRAIN.... HEART FAILURE..... SHE IS NOW PARALIZED FORMHER WAIST DOWN SHE WILL NEVER WALK AGAIN.. AND TO TOP TI ALL OFF SHE HAS PNUEMONIA....SO LIFEI S BEING LIFE.. AND MY FMAILY WANTS HER TO KEEP ON LIFE SUPPORT FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH REASONS...........GOD KNOWSL SHE IS SUFFFERING....DO FOR THOSE  OF YOU WHO KNOW IT GOES THE FMAILY IS AT ODDS.. RIGHT NOW ...................BUT I GOTAA GO... IM SLEEPY TTL

AND NOW IT ALL BEGINS...................

Jun 07, 2007

IT ALL BEGINS THE WAITING... I HAVE GOTTEN ABOUT 1/3 OF THE BATTLE OVER... I HAVE WENT MY 6 MONTHS AND NOW MY PAPER WORK IS BEIGN SUBMITTED AND I HAVE TO WAIT.... IT CAN TAKE THEM UP TO 15 DAYS FOR APPROVAL 15 DAYS OH GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE TORTURE TO ME........SO MUCH TORTURE....TO ME I DONT NEED A DENIAL..... I CANT HANDLE A DENIAL........ GOD KNOWS IT AND HE IS BY MYSIDE.... I WILL NOT DOUBT THAT HE WILL LET ME FAIL.... I AHVE FALLEN SO MUCH AND NO IT IS TIME FOR ME TO SUCCEED...... GOD.... PLEASE IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE PRAY FOR ME.....GOD IS ON MY SIDE.... HE KNOWS AND I KNOW THIS IS NEEDED..... I KNOW THATI HAVE FULFILLED MY PART NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE INSURANCE COMPANY TO FULFILL THIER PART...................

MY LETTER

May 31, 2007

THIS IS THE LETTER THA I AM PLACING IN MY PACKAGE THAT WILL BE SENT TO MY INSURANCE COMPANY....... WHO I HAVE FOUDN OUT DOES NOT REALLY WANT THE LETTER BUT I WILL DO IT BECAUSE I WAS TOLD I WILL NEED IT...... PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS THANKS



To Whom This May Concern,

Hello, my name is Ca Ky, ID# 000000000-00 I am a Single 26 year old female, who is currently weighs approximately between 391-393 Lbs. I am seeking to have an RN Y Gastric Bypass. This weight that I currently carry on my 5ft2 frames is not healthy for any height especially mines. My BMI is 71.5, I am considered to be Super Morbidly Obese. I suffer from: Hypertension, Sleep Apnea, Restless Legg Syndrome, Urinary Incontinence, Irregular Heart Beat, constant pain in my legs, back, side, and knees, Asthma, and lastly I have a high risk for developing Diabetes due to my family history as well as my current state of health.

The question that people always ask is: “ How could you let this happen to yourself?” and I always want to reply “Who would actually let this happen to them, honestly!” Obesity I can honestly say runs on both sides on my family. I have always been the larger person in my age group. I can remember taking my 6th grade physical and being told that I was 7 lbs from 200lbs. That was the first time I was ever placed on a diet in my life the first of many diets to come that never gave perminiate results. It was also the first year that I could not fit any of the clothes that were purchased for me for the holidays also the first of many years to come in my life.

I have tried numerous diets some I can not even mention but I will name a few for you: the first was a grapefruit pill diet---- I lost no weight, I only gained more depression and extreme abdominal pains, the next was a rice diet-----needless to say that did not work as well no weight was loss at all, I have also tried numerous diet drugs--- metabolife (20lbs), xandrine (5lbs), and Xenical------- which the side effects alone will make anyone stop taking them and honestly I lost no weight. At any given time the I have only lost an maximum of 20lbs. Yes, I did exercise while on the medications. I own and owned both an tread mill and exercise bike which I exercise every morning for 30 minutes. I also have spent hundreds of dollars on exercised dads’ including but not limited to: Pilates, Tae bo, and Richard Simmons. This is my last chance at life at living at being healthy. I am seeking this tool this surgery to help me to have a healthy life, one of which is livable, non painful, and non medicated. I want to be able to sleep without a mask on my face to able to walk again without feeling as if I am about to die to be able to wake up in the morning without my legs and ankles being swollen and my back hurting so bad that I can not move.

Hygiene, is one of the hardest things for me to keep up with at this point. One of the hardest things for me to do is one of things that I once enjoyed the most, take a bath. To even bathe myself is a chore. I have not been able to fit in my bath tub for the last year, I want to be able to do so again. I can not wash myself without my heart beating so hard and fast that I feel like I am about to have an heart attack and I am out of breath. I want to be able to see my feet and touch my toes. To be able to put my clothes on my body without feeling like I am dying without being out of breath. I also suffer from urinary incontinence I fear laughing, moving to fast, or just moving at all at times for the fear that I will urinate myself this I am so ashamed of this that I have told no one.

I love nature I love to walk, however I have not been able to enjoy it as I once have. My weight sits on my diaphragm and makes it difficult for my lungs to fully expand and due to the most of the medications that I am taking I have to limit the amount of the time that I spend in the sun.

 

This is not the easy way out for me this has become the only way out for me the only other assistance that is out there that will work for me as long as I work for it. I know the side effects and the dangers in having this tool installed in my body however I feel that the gains out weigh the means. I have a great support tam behind me from the associates at the weight management center to my friends and family who have spent time learning the side effects and also researching my needs before and after surgery and also every aspect of this procedure. I even have one who has come with me to each and every session of my classes.

 

I love my life, I love my family, and I want to know I need to know that I have tried and exhausted all of my possibilities with winning the war that I have been fighting with obesity my whole life. I need to know that if am to pass that I put up a great fight until the end. I am 26 yrs old I weigh approximately 393 and I know that without the assistance of this tool, this surgery being granted to me that I will get worse my health will not improve and I will continue this horrible nightmare that I am currently living in. I know that if this assistance is not granted that I will eventually cease to exist, I have tried tons of different diets, exercised, and medications and none have seemed to work alone or together. I see this as my last time at existence my last time as living as a normal functioning life. Thank you for reading this.


About Me
COLUMBIA, SC
Location
32.9
BMI
RNY
Surgery
10/18/2007
Surgery Date
Apr 25, 2007
Member Since

Friends 81

Latest Blog 52
DAMNNNNNNNNN.
ITS BEEN SO OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
MAY I INTRODUCE YOU TO.........
MARCH MARCH...... MARCH ON IN.......
AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.......OVER AND OVER AGAIN.....
IT FEELS SOOOO GOOD BUT IT HURTS SOOOO BAD........

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