Tamika460

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I know that this is normal but for the last days I have been going through so much emotionally that I feel like I am driving myself nut and everyone around me.  I know silly huh, but it is true. I keep asking question to everyone and if I am not doing that I am over thinking everything and if that isnt bad enough I am stressing to the point I can not sleep. I know stupid huh.  I know this is right for me but awww...I guess I just need to "man up" and chill out. I have had a very amazing journey doing this and made a lot of new friends and found out who was and isnt in my old corner of my old ones.  I am just so ready. 

With the lab work.  I took my son today care and spoke with his teachers (daycare ladies)  to explains what I am doing and since I am not going to be home he might change since we have never been apart.  They all said that they will watch him a little closer next week and if anything does and then had to rush and get a smog check, which was OVER priced.  I then ran and got on the freeway for my hour drive to Oakland to do my lab works.

Let me start by saying the whole way there my heart was in my tummy and I was making myself feel sick. Stress can do crazy things to you. 

I went to register which was easy and the lady was super nice and fast and told me to just be happy this is happening and not to worry so much, I guess she could read my face.  I went upstairs and meet the funniest person besides myself.  His names is Will.  We cracked a few jokes before he told me that I would have to take a pee test..(which no one told me about) I wouldnt mind doing them normally but there were cute men right behind me and I told Will in the nicest voice, "why you going to have me put my business on blast like that, wow one of these fool could be my next baby daddy." I know..but we both started to laugh even the lady next to him was laughing.. He gets up and said 'dont ever say Will never helpped you." So he goes to the printer and gets a blank paper for me to wrap it in..lol I go and do my pee test and come back and not only have it wrapped but covering it with the clip board.  Yeah i know it is a hospital but what man wants to look a someone pee.  then I wait for what felt like years but more like 10 mins. Finally this lady came and we talked and did the normal talk and she told me what I needed to know for Tuesday, she TRIED to draw my blood, but that didnt work. I then got the low down on where my family would stay while I am in surgery and what not. Can not complain about that since it seem really nice. We talked for awhile then she told me that I needed to go down to xray and since I am a hard draw that I need to go to the lab. I drop my papers off at the xray and went to the lab first. while i was there I started talking to Abdi about ramadon and the celebration of Eid, and somehow forgot why i was there until his boss came up and got into the conversation. I know I talk to anyone about anything. I am random to the fullest. but I then waited for what took forever 7 mins only because Abdi had to call over to the doc office because they didnt order a test. I then went to get my blood drawn, wow but I just became known as a "hard draw"...all bad.. did my xray which was nothing and now it is set...October 7th 10:15am...oh I have to see the doctor on October 6th but that isnt major...OMG this is really happening

So lately I have been trying not to thinking about what is going to happen to me...ie my world changing and you know what it doesnt work... I want this so bad and now that is is less then how many days away I am just losing my mind...I just dont want anything to happen to this...I am going to do my labs on Wednesday and I am once that happens it is all forward from there. Come monday I have to meet with the doc and tuesday I will be a loser...OMG...i am so ready I just hope GOD hears me that I need this and that if I dont want anything else but to be a better mom, sister, cousin, friend, daughter...I really hope I am as blessed as I feel.

I am going through so much emotionally on the inside right now.  I keep trying to be positive but I am so scared that it is killing me..Not really killing me.. I just wondering if it is going to be open or closed...Will I change in a bad way... wow I am going through it.  I have so many supporters  but then I have a lot of family and some friends saying dont do it, but this is what I want... I just need to get my head and heart togeher so I can do it...I know this is normal for me because when I had my c-section I just about had a panic attack on the table and I came out of that just fine and with a cute son, who trys to act like he is running things..lol but I love the journey and it has tought me a lot about not only myself my the people around me.  I know when the next step of the jounry starts who is going to be there and who isnt.  but for now I am just ready to get tis over with...but dont get me wrong.. I am not happy about having to give blood dont they know I HATE needles..lol I might as well just move in over there because it is going to be a long day...lol well take care and I can not wait for this to be over so I can go back and read everything that I wrote...just so i know where I have been and where I am going...

well as I said I ate like normal when I was out my family and friends for what was supposly my last meal..on the 19th...which some how extended until the 21...on top of all of that I am dealing with TOM...so I knew I gainned a lot of weight...I got on the scale today and it said that i gainned 6lbs...yeah some could be water but most of it is fat since I ate like a hog..i am so mad at myself but today is a new day and I am back to the basics...God this sucks but oh well...I did this to myself...

I am so stupid.. Okay so I finally got my date and since Friday was my 27th birthday...I said I might as well have my last meal and then go back on my diet, what the hell was I thinking..On friday I was on the diet all day until 9 and I ate small piece of cake and less then a 1/4th of ice cream and some meat..well on saturday i had the same thing..really all bad..and sunday...all bad i  ate a small piece of cake and I am not happy...but I am so scared to get on the scale and see what I have gained...oh hell...what did i just do.. i just set myself back

 

October 1st lab work

October 6th visit with doctor...and you know what they changed my doctor so I no longer have my cutie..dang it..but oh well maybe I can still get a last look at him...

October 7th...RNY the new me starts..

So I call Blueshield to see if I got approved... I know I shouldnt have but damn let a me know what is going on .. The nice lady paula said that....I got   and that they will be sending the fax and hard copy to Dr. K's office and that they will be also send me a copy.

I waited until Renee came in and told her that Blueshields approved me, after she screamed at me, not really screamed but just "harped" that I need to call Dr. K's and set a date.

I did only to find out that D' Angela is doing clinic right now and would call me back when she is almost done in order to set a date...

I am so happy but at the same time I am like OH WOW!!!!

Stay tone the day is going to a good one...

That title makes me laugh..but that is how I am feeling.  So my claim was submitted on the Friday as per D' Angela, who really must think I am a Stalker..but yeah I am just trying to get this done... So I call Blue shields to make sure they "physically" have it. 

The lady who picked up after 2 mins being on hold to me..."yes, we have it, we just entered it in today and should have an answer back by Thursday or Friday." Well dang I said " Well is there anyways to put a rush on that since Friday is my bday and all." She says" Really, it's going to be your bday cause you are going to get approved or really is it your bday."  She paused and says " Well since it really is going to be your bday and I am looking at this now I might as well work on it now."  I said "Thank you" 

So I might get my date earlier then I think...Well I did cheat this weekend.. I had a ribs and well you know the rest I went to a BBQ and GAINED 2lbs...which sucks but I just put myself on a liquid diet for the week to see how much I can lose. I hope it works but this is just a mild set back that I will fix in the mean time...Wish me luck and


Stacy...Thank you so very much for the phone call... you have and will remain a dear friend to me.. I love how you kept it real with me about the whole experience and I will never forget that..But your ass better be ready in a year to go clubbing...lol

Well I called today to see if I was approved only to find out that she didn't submit the claim on Monday as she said she was and will do it tomorrow...awww man... it sucks but that means that she better call me on the 19th with the good news...

So I called the doctors office and spoke with D'Angela, who really didnt seems like she wanted to be bothered with me since I do feel like a STALKER..lol well she said that she will submit the claim today..SO it is currently a waiting game!!!! I'm thinking it will take 72 hours since that is how long Renee's took, but oh well I am so happy that is until I read what Stacy wrote and now I feel that I am not ready emotionally.  I think I need to get ahold of a new shrink, since I think the one that I went to needs one..lol..and get ready to talk some problems out cause the road seems like it is about to get bumpy... (i know this face has nothing to do which what i posted but it is too funny)