Bittersweet Week...

Oct 30, 2010

Wow... my life is a mess... lol It's sad, but I'm kinda laughing about it at this time... I'm tired of crying! This week has been ridiculous... First of all, I'll give the good news first... I have officially lost 100 lbs as of Friday!!!!!  That was the only happy and exciting thing that happened this week... Things started last Sunday...

I had a great day with Matt, my significant other... We both fell in love with this sweet beagle named Lucy, and he decided he would buy her for me... So, I officially adopted a dog, my first one ever, on Tuesday. She's adorable, but she has had issues with going potty outside... I'm learning to retrain her. So, I got really frustrated on Thursday, and I called Matt crying. I told him I wanted to take her back because I couldn't deal with everything. He didn't talk to me the entire night... Friday morning, I get the "text message of death" saying "We need to talk"... and you know automatically what that means... So, he ignored my calls and text messages all day (which he said was because his phone was dead all day), and I went over his place after I got off of work Friday (7pm -- I went in and worked on my day off -- and I figured if it was over, I needed to go get my little bit of stuff from his apartment)... I completely caught him off guard. He told me how upset he was about my response to the dog issues, and he told me he was going to break up with me that day but had mostly decided against it. I explained to him what all was going on, and I apologized. We had a good evening together, and before I left he hugged/kissed me and said everything was okay. Saturday, we talked on the phone at least three times, and everything seemed fine. He decided to stay home and not hang out with me, which is fine, so I decided to go to a Halloween party for a couple hours. I called him on my way to work from the party, and he didn't answer. What happens next shocks the hell out of me... He texted me and said "It's over." And, he never really gave me a good explanation. He said "we weren't ever really good," and he also told me he was breaking up with me because our friend Brian wants to "rebound with me." He even wrote on Brian's Facebook and said and "did it for you" meaning breaking up with me... really!!?? Ridiculous... Then, he told me that my "hairy arm thing is a huge turn off." That really hurt me because I told him before that it's an insecurity of mine -- I've gotten teased about it my whole life. And, he told me he wants to break up with me "so I don't cheat on you." I think that says something, but it's still ridiculous... whatever... He won't admit that what we had was special at all... I'm just SOOOOO frustrated... I don't understand what happened, and I sure as hell don't appreciate being anyone's entertainment for the night since I figured out through Facebook that Matt had friends over, including Brian who I thought was my friend and wouldn't allow this crap to happen. I feel like it was all a game, and I don't believe Matt, but it's ridiculous and completely immature to treat someone like that... Even if it is all true, I feel like he's letting others influence him in the decision instead of thinking with his heart -- I've seen his true feelings, but obviously he won't admit those feelings to anyone else but me. I know what we had was special... Why else would I have met his family and been a part of his son's life when he doesn't have girlfriends around his son ever. I'm just really hurt and upset... I really liked him a lot and could see a possibility of a future with him... And now, I have to look at this dog and be reminded of Matt forever... I just can't handle this all right now... I'm just really sick and feeling like absolute crap... And, not to mention now I'm dealing with a divorce, dealing with missing my husband and really wanting things to work out, dealing with his rejection, and now dealing with breaking up with Matt and never getting to see his son again... It's just too much for me to take right now... I know I'll get through this, but how much more hurt do I have to go through before things get better?? I guess I should have listened and not have dated Matt, I shouldn't have even thought about seeing anyone until my divorce was final, but I couldn't let a possible good thing go without trying... I don't even know what else to say right now... I just need prayer... Please think of me in your prayers... Thank you

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