need to vent

Sep 24, 2012

Well, it's been awile since i have writte on here.  It seems life gets busier after you lose weight.  My 2 sister in laws have been in sick, one had a heart attack and had to get a stent, the other one who is my age, had colon cancer last year....now it has spread to her lung and liver.  She went to Mexico for alteritive treatment and was doing well until last week.  On Aug the 12 my husband had a heart attack.....come to find out her also had pnemonia and some emphysema also.  After being in the military hospital for 3 days, they sent him to the civilain one for more treatment.  He had ct scans, xrays, bloodwork, ultrasounds and what not.  At first they thought a spot on his right lung was maybe TB, then pnemonia....now, we dont know.  He has to go for a brachcoscopy on monday and results that thurs.  The more i read about this test online, it seems they use it for lung cancer.  His doctor told us whatever it is, it needs to come out....they have mentioned cyst a few times then abnormality....I know how he feels about cancer, his dad had cancer and had chemo and radation for a long time....he suffered.  I know my husband does not want this.  I don't want him to be sick, i scared for him....his family.  His daughter just got stationed in Japan with her husband for 3 years, they have 3 boys.  He has a son in wv and one here local.  His brothers and sister are in Ohio.  His brother has heart problems, his mom died of a massive heart attack, when she was in her 50's my husband is 61, he has smoked forever, until this heart attack.  He uses his patches and his vapor cigarettes and is doing good, grouchy but good.  My daughter just moved out this month and got her first apartment.  I feel alone in this.  I am a awful worrier....now i have problems sleeping ans staying asleep i find myself waking up and listening for his breathing or snore....i just lay there and listen.  I know i am puting the cart before the horse, he has not had the test yet...i will worry myself sick.  I find myself wanting to turn to "old reliable" FOOD ugh....i gain 5 lose 7 gain 4 lose 9.....i cannot even imagine how i will be from monday-thursday next week.  I keep praying for positive results, he has a 2 highly skilled doctors who are top of everything...that makes me worry too..why are they hurring the tests? do they think it's cancer? are they being cautious? ugh.....just going nuts here, think i need to go see my psych :( from surgery, just needing to vent somewhere

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