Adjusting

Oct 12, 2011

Its just two days shy of one month since my surgery. The biggest adjustment is finding something to ease my anxiety/bored chunks of time that I previously spent enjoying or getting excited about food. I don't know why or how I thought that would go away just because I had surgery, but I find myself a little restless and now realize how much energy and happiness I put into food! So sad. I started taking a mosaic class on Sunday nights and that definitely keeps me interested and excited. I'm going to keep engaging in other hobbies or events to keep my mind off food and on other positive behaviors.

I still enjoy making food and enjoy the smells, so I have been toying with all those fab recipes out there, but eating so little doesn't really make it as "fun" as it was before since I got my thrills from large portions of "bad" food. I have pretty much cut most carbs now that I can eat some mushy food, but I need to work more on getting protein drinks in, and there is nothing really exciting about drinking food. For those people who think this is the easy miracle way out- it's not. Yes I think its miraculous that this surgery has allowed me the restriction I need to lose weight, and without it I NEVER would have lost this much so fast, but all of those head emotions/desires are still there. The need to excersize is still there and the motivation doesn't magically appear. And the more I am on these boards the more I realize that those success stories out there all came from people who literally worked their as*es off like no other, from excersize to counting calories to weighing food etc.

I am very happy that I had the surgery and have no regrets. Not even those emotions that I used to have because those and my lack of control are what got me into the size I was in pre-surgery. This morning I weighed 277.6, losing 38.4 pounds since surgery! I just can't believe it. The last time I was in the 270's was over perhaps Jan/Feb of 2011, and just kept gaining and gaining until I got to about 316 in August. I can't believe I let myself get so large but I took pics at that point anyway just so I wouldn't forget and allow myself to ever get back to that place. I can also cross my legs again!

Excersize. It's been tough getting myself to workout. I have been doing it 3-6 times per week as soon as I could (at the end of week 2) but I don't know if its the lack of energy or what, I just draaaag getting there. I don't want to go, I feel like I have no motivation, but then I go and all is fine. It's so funny too because once I am there I am totally into it and even think to myself that I was being ridiculous and this feels so good and bla bla bla. Hopefully that addiction will return. I used to cherish my time at the gym and would be in a horrible mood if I didn't go. I don't know what hapenned! Actually I do, I gained a crapload of weight, became a homebody and just a shell of the person I was, and lost my interests. Well that isn't going to happen again. I have started doing spin classes again which I love because I don't have to think much and am forced to be in a room for a whole hour. I also started weight training and doing other cardio when I can't get into a class. Although I am still really heavy, I no longer have ankle pain or other weird pains. I used to feel like my ankles were going to fall off from just walking my dog 4 or 5 blocks. No more!  

So that is my update for now!

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