dicastro1010
Surgery is on! Woot Woot! Can I bring snackies to the hospital?
Aug 10, 2011
My surgery is scheduled!!!!
I found out last over a week ago but have been in somewhat of a daze. I don't know what my deal is.
Anyway, on to the good news- September 14th is the day everything changes. I am anxious, nervous, scared, mourning food already, ugh! All the emotions. Mostly I'm nervous.
I have never had any type of surgery so I am nervous about that, but even more than that I am overcome by a kind of ... fear? it is? Nerves? I guess fear & nerves over my life changing to where I can't eat what I want. Or drink what I want for that matter. Not that I am a drunkard, but I enjoy my wine and my once every 6 months or so occasion to go out.
I have even thought, Oh! I can celebrate surgery by getting sushi afterwards (sushi is my guilty pleasure which of course I fake myself into believing is healthy although I eat all the fried/mayonnaise filled rolls). But then reality kicks in...and it's like ummm no...You won't be having squat after surgery but some ice chips and a swollen stomach with a few holey holes in it.
I wish I could just keep my eyes on the goal, which is what I need to do. I need to think of how good it feels to look and feel fit and comfortable and full of energy. Right now though, I am just at a place where my love of food has overpowered my love of being thin. I want it so bad, but then my actions speak louder than my thoughts.
It's interesting because I have been thin several times before, and each time I never "missed" food or loved it so much. I even think "why did I ever eat that, or let this happen" "never again!" on and on- but then, something washes over me and the fat elementary kid in me comes out and eats everything in sight. I all of a sudden have urges for fast food, sweets etc, and stay in that "phase" long enough to balloon. So sad. Hopefully I will look back on this post a year from now and think I was silly to have all of these reservations/fears. I really pray that I will be able to focus on other things that make me happy and are good for me.
I was good and had a shake this morning, and am having another for lunch with two pieces of deli meat. Hopefully I can keep this eating pattern until surgery...not that I trust myself to, but we'll just have to wait and see!
