Rollercoaster

Apr 15, 2013

So 8 more days until the "BIG" day and I've been riding the emotional rollercoaster.  One minute I'm happy and can't wait to get it over, next I'm scared and thinking "what the hell am I doing", next I'm looking at new clothing in much smaller sizes.... anxiety, happiness, nervousness, excited, scared, impatient, resistant, joy, sadness...  on and on and on.  HOLY CRAP stop the rollercoaster.  Enough already!  I've rethought my decision a million times.  I've played the best scenario in my head at least 10 times but played the worst case scenario in my head 100 times/hour.  STOP!  Please for the love of God just STOP!  

Why are we so attached to our gut!  I mean I had tonsils removed, adenoids removed.  I didn't miss them.  I've been operated on several times and never once was scared of the outcome.  So why this?  Why is this such a slap in the face.  You know, maybe it's not the loss of said gut but rather the loss of a friend.  A friend who has been with me for the past 15 years and has listened to me when no one else would.  A friend that neither judges nor turns their back on me and rides the highs and lows of life.  We celebrate together and we mourn together and now in 8 days that friend will be gone.  (or at least greatly diminished)  

If I had to have a piece of my stomach removed for an illness I would be all over this surgery, telling the Dr. "are you sure you took enough".  But thankfully I don't have an illness that requires this operation.  But I do have an illness that makes this operation a viable solution.  This operation is going to save my life - right?  Or at the very minimum make my quality of life better.... right?  I think I need to stop thinking and just keep counting down.  Leave it in God's hands....  Amen.

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