Second Time's the Charm

May 05, 2013

In the final stretch.  Counting down the days, the hours until surgery.  And it dawned on me - this time is different.  For anyone who gets to surgery day, is sitting on the gurney all prepped to go and then their surgery gets canceled - take heart in knowing this.  The second time's the charm.

All the feelings, emotions the rollercoaster leading up to surgery the first time?  Yeah, it doesn't repeat.  All the wondering, worrying and dietary funerals.  Nope - doesn't happen either on the second time around.  At least not for me.  I"m not sure why, but this time I've been completely calm barely thinking about the desecration of my guts that will happen on May 14th.  Ok, desecration may be a strong word but you know what I mean.  The first time I mourned.  I was frightened.  I was happy.  Now I'm just... well I'm just waiting.  This time - No emotions attached to it what so ever.  Is it because I now know how it will all go down (at least right up to the point of lights out)?  Is it because it's summer and it's so friggin nice outside that's all one's mind can concentrate on?  I'm not sure and I don't care.  Maybe the lack of terror coursing through my body will mean I won't lose my hair   A girl can hope right?

In any event, the absence of the emotional rollercoaster is a welcome relief..  

8 more days....  wait... wait... wait...

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