Willowbeez
My Prerogative
May 08, 2013
I’ve had time for personal reflection with the recent news about politicians getting WLS and their motives for doing so, coupled with all the talk about whether you should or shouldn’t tell people.
For me my decision to have WLS had to do with the fact I was getting older. I feel like I’ve been on borrowed time, like a decades old smoker who has yet to get sick. You know you’re tempting fate and time isn’t on your side.
As I’ve aged I’ve become profanely aware of how fragile life is and how quickly it can be taken. I’ve noticed there aren’t any real fat, old people. Knowing my odds I was still struggling with the decision to “save" myself once and for all.
Then in the summer of 2012 I found out I had a mass in my liver. It took almost an entire month to go through the ultrasound, cat scan, mri, blood tests, liver tests, surgeons, liver specialists. During that period, I knew that if what was found was liver cancer, it was a signed, sealed and delivered death warrant. That is not a cancer people recover from. I can’t even describe how you feel when faced with almost certain death. Life was temporarily drowned out, like when you lie back in a pool or tub and cover your ears with the water. You can kinda hear some muffled noise but for the most part it’s quiet - just the sound of your own breath rising and falling. Time literally stood still during those weeks and everything I had ever done or not done in my life was now center stage for review. I was grateful for all that I had and all I had done and sorely mourned everything I had put on the back burner. I was vulnerable and raw and the thought of telling my children that I may die kept me from sleeping, eating.
When it was finally confirmed what I had was neither cancer nor terminal I cried. I cried for all of the people who never get that joyous, wonderful message that they will be ok. I prayed for all of those who never got that second chance and I promised them I wouldn’t sit idle and watch my life go by.
It was at that moment I knew without a doubt, I would have WLS. Being overweight you become a spectator of your own life and now I knew that time was a precious commodity and your bank account of minutes are limited.
My choice not to notify everyone and their brother of my decision was just natural for me. Other then the fact that my co-workers know I have children and a husband, I don’t discuss our life with them. Same with acquaintances, distant friends and neighbors. My life is my personal business and I rarely share details. My closest of friends and of course my family know. Again because it has always been my MO to include them in my life at such a personal level.
My decision to not disclose my journey is my prerogative. It’s not a lie by omission or a deception - it’s just none of anyone’s damn business.
For anyone who thinks WLS is taking the easy way out? I don’t give a shit about what they think. As far as I’m concerned they can go fuck their hat. They have not walked one second in my shoes and until they do, I could care less whether they think I’ve copped out or not.
Here on OH I can remain anonymous. My name isn’t Willowbeez or Willow for that matter. But hidden behind that userid I can be honest and open to those on a similar journey. Here I can participate, encourage and belong to a group that totally understands me and they don’t give a rat’s ass why I decided to have this surgery or why I didn’t tell anyone.
This is my journey and if I wish to keep it hidden from those who know me and divulge the world to those I’m anonymous too, that is my prerogative.
