Body and Mind Matters: Why Loneliness Feels So Heavy
March 9, 2026Long before COVID-19 became part of our world, scientists were sounding the alarm about a different kind of epidemic – global loneliness. The pervasive use of technology and smartphones seem to give us the illusion of connection while often serving to isolate people. We hide behind our screens, interacting with virtual strangers and never needing to leave our homes to meet our basic needs, if we so choose. The digital revolution has given rise to a whole host of new challenges (and opportunities) in an already-volatile world. However, I do not intend to blame technological advancements for all of society’s woes. Humans have lived in a broken world since Adam and Eve!
Doesn't Hurt To Say Hello!
In 2014, about one-fifth of Americans reported feelings of loneliness. Neuroscientist John T. Cacioppo reported that acute loneliness had more of a negative impact on mortality rates than obesity. Researchers at Harvard Medical School reported that loneliness is also on par with smoking and hypertension in terms of poor health outcomes and lifespan. Oprah Winfrey felt so strongly about society’s increasing reliance on smartphones and social media (at the expense of real, interpersonal interactions) that she launched a campaign called “Just Say Hello” with Sanjay Gupta and Skype. Numerous superstars joined in to help promote the program, which encouraged people to get their noses out of their phones and greet someone they normally wouldn’t speak with.
In 2025, Los Angeles started its own “Just Say Hello” campaign to mark International Friendship Day and help promote compassion, connection, and anti-hate sentiments. The idea behind Oprah’s and LA’s campaigns is a solid one—even a simple greeting can enhance a sense of belonging and connection and sometimes even kick off new relationships. It’s a concept at least as old as Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People (1936), which taught us to take genuine interest in other people and to remember their names—two basic tenets that fall by the wayside when we’re engrossed in text-messaging, scrolling, or binge-watching our favorite television show. With so much to distract and entertain us, we tend to ignore others, the world around us, and even ourselves.
Reliance On Technonlogy
We are living in uncharted territory right now. Never before in history has the world been so reliant on technology, which allows, and even expects, us to be always “on” and reachable. We have witnessed political upheaval, mass violence, a global pandemic, an affordability crisis, and climate change. Understandably, we are collectively experiencing trauma, which, by its very nature, can make us want to withdraw and guard ourselves. In addition, our competitive culture celebrates independence and self-sufficiency while shaming basic human needs for connection and interdependence. It’s a small wonder why people are experiencing mental health challenges at historic levels and have lost relationship-building skills.
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines mental health as “a state of mind characterized by emotional well-being, good behavioral adjustment, relative freedom from anxiety and disabling symptoms, and a capacity to establish constructive relationships and cope with the ordinary demands and stresses of life”. As humans, we are hard-wired for belonging and connection. Just like animals, individuals tend to thrive better when they are part of a group. One reason loneliness feels so heavy is that our basic survival instincts kick in when we remain isolated for long periods of time. In addition, we all need to feel seen, understood, and supported.
Chronic loneliness has the capacity to negatively affect thought patterns, decision-making abilities, behavior, and emotional responses. Conversely, emotional support and social interaction can help us find different ways of thinking about things, take our minds off of problems, and feel valued and loved. A friend who is a good listener can be priceless!
As the Harvard Study of Adult Development (1938-2023) found, people with strong relational connections tend to be the healthiest and live the longest. They are less likely to have arthritis, diabetes, or heart disease and experience delayed-onset of cognitive decline, if at all.
Social connections seem to provide a buffer for dealing with all the stressors life throws at us. As I have tried to illustrate, the science has begun to catch up with what we all probably already knew about the importance of friends, family, and acquaintances. It’s a tough world out there. While the culture might encourage us to go it alone, the reality is that most successful people would admit that they “had help.”
Chronic Loneliness Leads To Depression
Chronic loneliness can lead to feelings of worthlessness and depression. As a result, people can experience persistent sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of energy and motivation. Loneliness can also exacerbate anxiety. People may ruminate more, feel insecure, withdraw, and constantly analyze relationships. In addition, self-esteem levels often plummet when faced with long-lasting loneliness because people interpret the lonesomeness to mean that something is deeply wrong with them. Lonely individuals may experience sleep disturbances, low energy, inflammation, and elevated cortisol levels.
While all the physical and psychological effects of loneliness can feel “heavy,” there are steps we can take to improve our interrelatedness in today’s hyper-connected society. Some suggestions follow:
- Be intentional about combatting isolation and building relationships. Even “weak ties,” such as those experienced with neighbors or store clerks, help to foster a sense of belonging and connection.
- Seek out quality connections based on trust and openness.
- Know that you are not alone in your feelings of loneliness. Much of the global population feels isolated and lonely.
- Get professional support. A good coach or therapist can help you get in touch with your feelings, build relationship skills, and set realistic goals for improvement.
- Join a club or gym. Practice being around people and begin to socialize at your own pace.
- Quiet your inner critic. Learn to challenge negative self-talk.
Loneliness is not a personal failure riddled by shame. It is a “heavy” sign of the times that we all need to address personally and collectively. Hopefully, some of the aforementioned points have motivated you to evaluate your own sense of loneliness or connectedness.If you often feel lonely, try one or two of my suggestions to start feeling more connected. If you have an excellent support network, consider extending grace and kindness to others. Maybe choose to brighten someone’s day and “just say hello”!
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Coach Jenna Nocera, MA, MFT, CLSC, CPFT is a Life & Wellness Coach, Psychotherapist, and Personal Fitness Trainer with advanced degrees in Behavioral Science, Psychology, and Marriage and Family Therapy. She works with clients to redesign their lifestyle habits and reach their personal and professional goals. Subscribe to the Formula For Excellence® newsletter to receive a Free Habit Tracker and occasional health and wellness tips. Read more articles by Coach Jenna! |
