The Masks We Wear
October 30, 2015A client shared a photo, and the image stays with me. It’s a young girl, standing tall on a balance beam. So proud. So beautiful. I imagine she just danced gleefully, her 9 year-old limbs performing a both exquisite and adorable routine. Although young, she is powerfully connected to her own wild, divine, expressive, true self. She is wiser than she realizes, and the wisest she will be for a long time to come. She smiles to herself and, because she’s 9 and hasn’t learned to be self-depricating, to everyone else watching. It doesn’t occur to her to question herself - her desires, her expression, her body, her worth…yet. For now, she just is.
As she stands proud, planning her dismount, she hears her coach whisper to his neighbor: “She’s already too big to be an Olympian.” For the first - but not the last - time, she reaches inside, finds a false face, and puts on a mask. She smiles externally while inside she cries. Over the next few months and years, she begins to gather masks. She starts saying she doesn't care about gymnastics that much and eventually withdrawals altogether. She loses faith in the wisdom and beauty of her body, and starts to hide, criticize and manipulate it.
Wolves in sheeps' clothing
We humans, on some levels, are a highly developed species. But when it comes to some critical issues, we just don’t get it. We seem to be the only species on the planet that are so self-rejecting. We actively, effortfully hide our true selves. I have never seen my dog in the corner of the house, whimpering to himself, distraught because he can’t meow like the neighbor’s cat. I’ve never seen an elephant starving herself because she detests her own belly. Animals don't reject their own nature. We tell fairy tales of wolves in sheep’s clothing but, in real life, wolves are just wolves and don’t disguise themselves as sheep. That’s us humans that do that.
Masks and our true selves
When we are born, we are free from this kind of fear. We don’t know how to do anything other than express ourselves honestly. With time, with emotional wounding, with the threat of rejection or abandonment, we learn to disguise and filter ourselves. We learn to read - both accurately and inaccurately - our audience and play to them in a way that will get us what we want, whether that is to be praised, ignored, loved, rewarded, heard, etc.
We develop the ability to cover our true nature with one or many masks. Sometimes at night or with very close friends or our beloved we take the mask off and sigh a deep exhale of relief. Other times our wounds are so deep and our fears so strong that we never remove the mask. Or, more likely, we only remove a mask long enough to replace it with another. As you can imagine, the danger of wearing masks is that if you wear one for a long time, your true self begins to corrode and, when you want to take the mask off, there’s not much underneath. You have forgotten your true self or, maybe worse, never allowed it to grow and develop.
It’s that time of year where we celebrate by wearing masks and costumes, which is fun. But more than that, it’s that time of year where we celebrate the falling away, the shedding of leaves, the dying down after the harvest. This is a perfect time of year to be introspective. The days are shorter and the trees are modeling for us the fearless art of releasing what is no longer necessary.
Consider shedding your masks this year and nurturing your true nature. What are you ready to release? Well, what are you almost ready to release? It’s rare that we ever fully ready for any new, difficult venture. We just need to be ready enough. You may have had to wear a “tough girl” mask as a kid to not get hurt by the people around you. Maybe you picked up a “neutral/don’t notice me” mask. Maybe yours is “I’ve got it covered and I don’t need you,” or, “I can’t do anything and totally depend on you.” Whatever your masks are, look at them honestly.
Do you still need them? If not, maybe it’s time to do the scariest thing, which is to take the mask off and embrace your true, wild nature, whether that be wolf or sheep.
Photo credit: Robyn Jay cc
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Angela Taylor, PhD, LCSW, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She has a dedicated private practice. As a mental health professional, she provides expertise and understanding for the changes that come along after bariatric surgery. Angela is consulted regularly as a weight management and eating disorder expert. Read more articles by Angela! |
