When to bring up the subject?

on 9/13/11 12:52 pm - Fremont, MI
When dating, when do you bring up the subject of WLS? Do you bring it up right away so as not to waste your time if they are looking for a person with a "perfect body". Or do you wait until they get to know you and then tell them that clothes hide a lot and you have a saggy baggy elephant hiding under your clothes and hope that they still want to date you?
Barb RNY August 4, 2008

Suzanne B.
on 9/13/11 1:40 pm - OR

Very interesting question.  I think for me, I would wait to see where the relationship is going.  I wouldn't say anything right away.  You will know after a few dates and being with the person if there is any chemistry between you.  YOU will know after dating someone when the time is right.  It is not like you hare hiding something.  It really is up to you when you feel right about talking about WLS.  I wish you great success.

Suzanne B
Eugene, OR
Dr. Aceves
Start lbs 225
Now 120
on 9/13/11 8:37 pm - FL

I agree with Suzanne.

Until there is a "relationship" rather than just dating, you are under no obligation to disclose such personal information.

I actually have a cousin who married, and though is now divorced, she never told her husband that she'd had lap-band at all.  To this day he does not know. 

I'm certainly not encouraging that, but do believe we have the right to our privacy and what we choose to disclose to someone we are dating. 
Mary Catherine
on 9/13/11 1:51 pm
 I would suggest talking to the person once you are ready to be intimate and telling that you had surgery and that you are concerned about the resulting sagging skin.  If a person is not going to be supportive and compassionate, you might as well find out quickly.
on 9/13/11 5:20 pm
DS on 08/20/07 with
When someone loves you, they will be in such awe that they are allowed to be naked with you, that they either won't notice flaws or will find them endearing--part of what makes you "you."

Tell them when YOU get to the point where you feel that way about THEM.
Check out my profile: http://www.obesityhelp.com/member/goodkel/
Or click on my name
DS SW 265 CW 120 5'7"

So Blessed!
on 9/13/11 10:45 pm
On September 14, 2011 at 12:20 AM Pacific Time, goodkel wrote:
When someone loves you, they will be in such awe that they are allowed to be naked with you, that they either won't notice flaws or will find them endearing--part of what makes you "you."

Tell them when YOU get to the point where you feel that way about THEM.

steve D.
on 9/13/11 11:43 pm - West Fargo, ND
From my perspective, I am attracted to a person that is friendly and outgoing.  Appearance is not the first thing nor is it a thing that would keep me from a relationship.  That would be awfully shallow.

Our beauty is really a reflection of our soul.  Those enjoying life just seem to shine a little bit more.  So, for me, it would not matter one way or another. 

* Nicole *
on 9/13/11 11:46 pm, edited 9/13/11 11:49 pm

I really dont ever bring it up anymore. I look normal and eat normal, I want to be treated normal. Pulling something a fav poster of mine (SinKim) would say, You dont tell or feel the need to tell someone when you get your appendix out do you?

I'll tell you now. Us women are more worried about what our post WLS bodies look like than any guy we date does. Most men don't care.

Yeah there are some shallow ones, but for the most part they will know you have flaws even before they have seen you completely naked. Does he not put his arms around you? Does he not touch you? If they want you out of bed they will want you in it. And chances of him being of perfect body, not that great.

I used to worry about that, but haven't in 5 years now. , I wasn't going to let my skin issues hold back from "settling" with a nice guy that maybe I'm not physically attracted to...you have to have physical attraction, sex is important in any relationship no matter what anyone says. And go for more of what I am after in personaility and looks, not worry about my body dsymorphia issues. Chances are if you get beyong a few dates... He just wont care.

DS Aug 15th,2005 @ goal, living life and loving it.

"An Arabian will take care of its owner as no other horse will, for it has not only been raised to physical perfection, but has been instilled with a spirit of loyalty unparalleled by that of any other breed."

(deactivated member)
on 9/14/11 12:14 am
I never brought up my lap band when first dating someone because a)wasn't their business
b)I'm still MO

The only time that varied is when in the 1st several dates you still have those nervous butterflies going my band would slam shut and I couldn't eat without getting stuck or PBing. I always tried to direct dates towards not having dinner out, and if I wasn't successful with that I had to finally out myself when not ordering at a nice restaurant or after running to the bathroom every 15 minutes to avoid throwing up on the table.

Now with my current boyfriend, things have always been pretty comfortable with him and it never occured to me to even mention it since my band never acted up. Then there was that dinner with friends and one of them brought it up, he looked at me all puzzled and he asked, "what you do that for?" Its never been an issue.
on 9/14/11 12:01 pm - Fremont, MI
Thanks Everyone. I have met someone online. I have not met him in person but feel that it is coming soon. I know be extremely careful. This is the first person I have met since my divorce was final last year. I have not been in the dating scene for 20 years. So I am kinda starting all over.
Barb RNY August 4, 2008

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