NYC Disaster**Long Post**

So, yesterday was supposed to be an amazing day hanging out with my GF (her boyfriend calls me her girlfriend and it has stuck.)  She recently graduated with her Masters and my present was a kidnapping to NYC for the day.  Her mom was invited because she is awesome and my GF loves having her around.  We rode the train into NYC and the hell began.  First let me give you a visual of me.  I am 5'6'' and weigh about 280lbs...depending on the day...I carry my weight well or so I thought until yesterday.  I have horrific knees, compliments of the United States Navy and over indulging.  I have had 2 rounds of cortisone injections and a 3 shot series of "fake cartilage" injected into my left knee in the past 3 years alone!!.  Oh yeah, I'm only 31.  A normal day for me is working 12 - 16 hours and I can barely walk down stairs at the end of it.  I sleep on my couch most nights as my bed is upstairs and it's too painful to walk.

  I didn't figure NYC was going to be a problem, cause my GF knows about my knees and my newly added addition of plantar fascitis and a heel spur in my right foot.  Needless to say I'm in constant pain.  So we arrive in Penn Station and we are off to M&M World, the only place my GF requested we visit on this trip.  Well at least my petite and in great shape GF and her equally petite and in great shape mom were off like two fat kids let loose in Willie Wonkas Chocolate Factory.  These two closet fat girls walked so fast that by the time we made it through the mile walk, I was soaked!  Not from the rain either, since it was a gorgeous 72 degrees with a generous breeze.  I was soaked from sweating and breathing like I had just ran a mile.  I kept my cool and went to purchase a t-shirt.  Much to my surprise it was extremely difficult to find a 2X shirt in the damn store.  Seriously is everyone skinny in NYC?  Grrrrrr!  I finally found one, gray of course so that when I sweat again it freaking shows...I change and we start walking again because...yep M&M World doesn't open for another hour!  This time I'm not as hot but pissed that we are 45 minutes into our day and I've already purchased a $27 shirt I would never wear again. 

Fast forward to our cab ride after M&M World.  This cabby was the highlight of my day.  He gave us a true NYC experience and drove like we were being chased my the Mafia.  We thought we were going to die.  It's funny now, but wasn't so funny then. LOL.  So, we arrive at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and proceed to walk throughout all of the exhibits for the next 1 1/2 - 2 hours.  When we leave we, meaning they, decided to walk and enjoy the day.  At first I was onboard until I found out we had just walked 20 minutes in the wrong direction.  UGH hello fat girl here...  So we do an about face and head in the correct direction.  For the next 1 1/2 hours I walked completely alone and talked to myself as to how it was great to be alone.  My GF and her mom walked about 10 feet ahead of my obese, sweating, heavy breathing fat ass with the ocassional looks back to assure I was still in tote.  We walked from the MET to the world’s largest MACY's with a slight break for lunch (at least it is to me...lol).  Even in NYorker lingo that is a long ass walk.  In Tamika lingo that's a FREAKING LONG ASS WALK!  We stopped to eat lunch in a deli, but I'm sure my complaints of there being no where to sit were not welcomed.  We walked next door and enjoyed a sit down lunch in an expensive, but well air conditioned diner.  From there we went to Macy's, which by the way we were on 57th st or ave and we needed to be at 34th....sweet jebus please let me break my ankle or get hit by some crazy NYorker as I cross the street. 

Once we arrive at Macy's I have absolutely no interest in shopping in the petite section nor do I want to help her since I am once again dripping in sweat and now my knees are aching beyond the help of hydrocodone (which I took with my lunch).  So I inform them I am going to sit by the dressing room and wait.  While resting I sent my GF a message on FB apologizing and letting her know that I was just in a lot of pain (which btw she never responded to).  I decided that I would try to be a good sport so I found out where the fattie clothes were.  When they were done I asked if we could visit that section.  They obliged, but much to my surprise they both informed me that they would be waiting at the dressing room.  I was crushed.  Actually wanted to cry, but had to keep it together.  So, I grabbed two items I didn't want and went to try them on.  I told them I didn't want them and we then went shoe shopping.   The shoe shopping wasn’t so bad because I could look through the shoes quickly and sit and rest.  From there we finally took a cab (it was as if the heavens heard me crying inside) to dinner.  Dinner was nice; I was starting to be happy again with the day.  We then took a cab to our show, STOMP, which was amazing and I highly recommend. 

We took a cab to Penn Station and got on our train.  This time I got the impression my GF didn’t want to sit with me, I figured she wanted to sprawl out and sleep since it was 11p and our day started a 5a.  So, I moved up one and much to my surprise her mom sat with her.  They talked while I sat alone and finally went to sleep.  Needless to say I’m sure this is a pitty party.  One I haven’t had in a long time.  But for the first time in quite some time or maybe ever I feel obese.  I feel like my health slowed one of my best friends down from having fun, that I wasn’t fun because I was in pain, and that if I wasn’t there they would have had more fun without me.  I’ve realized for the first time that NO ONE in my life can relate to what I am going through and that I’m truly in this alone.  As I write this I am fighting back tears as I pride myself on not being an emotional person.  I’m posting this in hopes that one of you can relate and help me understand that things will get better and that a year from now  I will forget this pain and that I won’t hold this grudge against my GF that is forming.  It’s forming out of anger of her not walking slower with me, out of her not making sure I was comfortable, out of her not being my GF for the day!!  I love her and don’t want to lose the friendship, but I must admit I’m angry.  Maybe at her, maybe at me, or maybe at us both…

Awwww ((hugs)) girlie!  I know this is the stupidest thing to say right now, but try not to let it get to you.  Take comfort in knowing that yes, in a year from now you will be a completely different person on the outside and your body will be nicer to you.
I went to this seminar last year and the one thing that I took away from it was "everyone has a story"  You don't know what your GF was truly thinking so don't let every action she did get to you.  It is hard for someone that has never been overweight to understand what life is like for us.  Don't let yourself believe that you were ruining her day because I am sure she had a fine time. And I doubt that she was doing anything to purposely hurt you. Maybe her mother was pushing her to look at the clothing and then sit down when you were looking at your clothing, maybe her mother sat by her on the train because you didn't not realizing your GF wanted a seat to herself, again you don't know her story and she doesn't know yours.  The best thing for you to do is talk to her about how you were feeling that day, don't let the what ifs ruin your friendship or have your mind twisting things until you know the whole story or in the least get it off your chest and tell her.
Take care and chin up, your state is only temporary, things will get better!

I am guessing that many of us on this forum have been through something similar to what you have described. I have had several outings with friends where I was the third slower wheel that just tried to keep up throughout the day.

One thing I have learned in this new journey of mine is how little most people truly understand obesity. We have the physical side, the mental side, and the much worse emotional side. So not only are we slower and in more pain, but our head plays tricks on us and makes us feel less than. Now, I am a fan of deep emotions and the healing benefits of them so take tonight to wallow and to really feel what you just went through. But I urge you to then wake up tomorrow and change that mindset. Everything that happened yesterday was a message to you to that change is needed. You are on the path to a new life and you now have some things you can put on your list of stuff you want to be able to do when you regain your health. As for your friend, I don't think she meant you harm - I just think that thin people really don't understand. She may not even realize how you felt most of yesterday. Also, the trip was a gift to her for being such a good friend, so let her have that day. But remember it as a reason you want change in your life. I didn't tell my best friend for over 6 months after surgery that I made this decision (we see each other rarely so she hadn't seen me since before my surgery). When I took her to dinner and opened up to her about the surgery, I also told her that I now understand better how little people understand what is going on in our bodies and our heads (she is a marathon runner). She really listened though and later sent a letter telling me how proud she was that I made the choice for change in my life but that she never saw me as fat, just as Lori. I think you and your friend will get past this, but be patient as she just might not understand. 

Every day brings us gifts and lessons. It is our job to capture them and use them to make our decisions in the future. Good luck and hope that tomorrow is a better day.  

I know exactly how you feel, I too have slowed my friends down before, and felt ashamed. Once we all went to an amusement park, and my lower back was killing me so bad, because of all the weight that I'm carrying around, and I could barely walk,I was just looking for the nearest bench, and not to mention, I couldn't even fit on any of the rides, I was just annoyed and ready to go. I cant wait for the day that I can truly in enjoy myself, get on any rides I want too, and just have fun. Things have gotten better though, I work out a lot more, and it has truly helped my endurance, and my back doesn't hurt as much. I'm just looking forward to my surgery at the end of this month, I know that things will change very soon! So just hangout in there, soon you will be where you want to be, just start making some changes now, the way you eat, and try to always get some exercise in, whatever you can. Dont be upset with your friend, our friends really dont have any idea what we go through..but you could sit down, and talk to her about it, if you think that will help things a bit. Anyway just hang in there, all will be well, and soon you will be on the loser's bench!lol .

Hang in there. Once you have your surgery you will feel a whole lot better both on the inside and out.
Let me know if I can help.

 Wow! You had a rough day.  And you're not alone. I have had some stories like this... different people, different events, etc but the same result and same feelings.  If your friend has never been overweight, she probably has no clue what you go through and what it means to carry extra weight around. The others gave you really good advice.  Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and know you are not stupid for having the feelings, but also try not to stay in that place too long. I am sorry you had such a day; I know times like those have left me angry, sad, hurt, the gamut of emotions. Normal emotions but not healthy ones to entertain too long.  Many hugs to you!!!

 And living in Florida, I can totally relate to the sweating... I hate it!

 Hi, and I am so sorry to hear about your miserable experience to my hometown. I am just a little older than you but can completely relate to much of what you experienced. I often go into Manhattan(I live in Queens) and go to  Manhattan(NYC) with my daughter who walks fast and is often several feet ahead of me and sometimes actually remembers to check behind her to make sure I'm still there-we have a very good relationship and both enjoy spending time together,so she's not walking ahead to hurt me but because like your friend she is naturally petite and full of energy and naturally walks quickly, (as I used to be also). I have travelled in your footsteps, both literally and figuratively.I also have knee and ankle and foot and back issues-from a car accident, falls, injuries and weight gain, and my daughter knows this, which is why I believe that your friends behavior was more from ignorance than a desire to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. Like you I have come to realize my actual physical shape and how I have let myself get to this point(5'4 and 235 lbs). Although my daughter is supportive of my decision to have VSG surgery and I have another close friend -male-who has actually gone through this surgery and highly recommends is, this is a very private decision and often a lonely journey that is often started after we hit our lowest points. The people on OH are a great support because they are either traveling or have travelled the same path. Good luck on your journey, and I am so sorry about your experience, especially in my hometown. Please keep us posted and let me know when/if you are coming into The City again. Good luck with EVERYTHING!

Vent & get it out (hugs).. it sucks, it really does. And you have every right to be angry at everything.. her, yourself and your situation.. that's valid & really understandable I think to many of us..

This is one of the reasons I got surgery, I've been there.. heck, I'm still working on getting the stamina up- my daily routine is a 25min, 1 mi walk on the treadmill.. sweating buckets.

Many of my friends hike, I used to... until I got too big, and my ankle and knee got too bad. I couldn't keep up if I tried. Sometimes I did, towards the end- I knew I just couldn't, so I didn't. I sat at the campsite, when I really wanted to enjoy nature and the sights.

My husband and I used to hoof it all over Chicago, from the aquarium to the museum to food, back to hotel and repeat at night. It was fun.. it started to not be fun, then I had to stop.. and we haven't been back since. Driving and parking in Chicago stinks, it was so much easier to walk and grab a bus if needed.. So yeah, that's one reason I did this, just to be able to be a normal active person again and enjoy things that I really took for granted, like walking easily without a huge exertion and some pain.

You will get there, it's going to take a lot of work- but in a short amount of time (relatively speaking) you will be in a much better place physically. 

I really understand your pain I still go through that, It really sucks and I get angry at everybody and my self!!!
I love to go shopping in New York I wish I could go all the time, but I only go in the winter because I sweat soooo much Its horrible I hate the summer time because I can't do all the things I want, I wish I could dress fresh like shorts or a skirt and a nice tank top and not sweat and feel good but noooo I have to wear Capri's or pants and long t-shirts  I can't take it anymore  IT SUCKS!!!
I'm from Italy and the one reason I don't go there every summer to go see my father and my family is because not everybody has air condition there because its not like here different heat (dry) everybody walks to go places and most of everybody is skinny there and I gained too much weight that I can't even go to my own country and feel good anymore its horrible I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!!!
I'm sorry about what happened to you we will get better and feel better soon and hopefully not forget what we went through!!!!! and every time we are about to make a wrong decision WE STOP AND THINK about days like these so we never ever have to deal with this again 

Oh and I will never make anybody feel like this.......I'm sorry but I think your friend didn't treat you so good she could have tried to make your day a lil more convertible  Its  not only about the sweating and the weight I'm talking about its the problem you have with your knees that I would have worried about if I was her.... 
I wish you the best  take care