Fighting emotional eating

My surgery was less than three months ago, and I'm falling into the bad habits that have sabotaged by previous attempts at weight loss. I really thought I had those demons under control during my pre-surgery journey. Then one month after surgery my 26-year-old niece died after being hospitalized with vasculitis. Suddenly all the good changes in my life didn't seem important at all, and I wanted to undo every change I ever wished for. Under extreme stress, I don't want to eat, and I was still on liquids when it happened. I've been journaling and going to therapy. I settled in to actually experiencing grief instead of suffocating it with food. 

Then this last week I've started making bad choices. Taco Bell on the way home choices. I've been throwing away at least half of my purchase, but the destructive urge is there. I need to post this because I need to take responsibility for my actions. My niece was my surgery buddy, who visited the surgeon with me and drove me home from the hospital. She would be so disappointed that I'm using her loss as an excuse for my sins. Tomorrow will be my second WLS support group, and I thought I'd confess there, too.

Annette

I am so sorry for your loss. How sad to lose someone who is so young.  I feel so bad for you.

I can't imagine I could have stuck to my plan with that kind of stress.  I can just recommend being gentle with yourself and give yourself some time to heal.  You can get back to the diet when the time is right.

I'll hold you in my prayers.

Carol

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Be kind to yourself, work on conquering one thing at a time, you'll get where you need to be.  Hang in there.  

First thing I can offer is - get rid of this idea that anything you are doing is a SIN!?? No confession needed. it's called a coping skill for a reason - yeah? You are doing the best that you can under the cir****tances. Work on one thing at a time. Dont expect yourself to have magically developed new coping skills over night, or within a couple months. I am over 3 years out and still working on changing my coping mechanisms and doing really intensive therapy, so it definitely takes time.

Deal with the grief. If you have to eat, do it. But dont let it be a way to drown out the grief. You are doing an excellent job by jounraling and going to therapy. Thats far more than ive seen a lot of people do. Once you get past that difficult part of your life, you'll be in a better place to start re training yourself, and cleaning up your eating habits. Not to say you shouldnt keep trying, but dont obsess about it to the point that it takes over your life and keeps you from dealing with the real issues.

Feel free to PM me if you need to talk more - this is my world :)

My condolences and prayers going out to you and your family...(((hugs))).

Sophie

Many thanks to all of you for the kind words and good advice. I'm trying to remember how inadequate food is as a coping device. It only works while the bite is still in my mouth, but then I can distract myself by feeling bad about eating. Now I need to experience my sadness instead of working around it.

Annelinda59.......I strongly agree with ACBBrown...except for "if you have to eat, do it"... Now I'm sure this does not mean that you should over eat or go back to your old habits.  I'm not sure what your faith is but this is the time that you need to call upon it.  Life happens the good and I'm sorry to say the bad also.  Just keep your head up continue with the support group .......but you have to be careful and aware of what you put into your mouth.  Your niece is no longer here in the physical form but she is still your angel. So if it helps write her a few letters of all of feelings during this  time.  Seal them and one day when u are ready go back and read them.  I   hope you can hang in there it may seem hard right now but with each passing day it will get easier.

My guess is you havent been through anything extreme in terms of life events post op - there was a point in my life, 2.5 years post op, that eating was the only thing keeping me from killing myself....so i was just referring to the very extremes. Obviously we all have some strength and ability to find a new coping skill but...the reality is, there will be times some of us dont.

Well acbbrown that's not true... I have had to deal with a lot since my sleeve. Life is not always easy but how we deal with those hard times can not include resulting back to our old eating habits.  Sorry if you felt hurt by my statement.

Annette - I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your niece.  

I'm glad you are going to therapy and working on your issues.  Another "tool" that I use for my compulsive eating behaviors is Overeaters Anonymous.  It's a support group based on the 12 steps and 12 traditions of AA - and it really helps me!   There are meetings all over the place and if you can't get to a group meeting there are phone and online meetings.  No fees, no dues.  In OA meetings you will hear other people tell the same crazy stories as we have about all the stuff we've done with food or want to do.  

If you're interested you can research it at:  http://www.oa.org/

Good luck!