Five Years Post-Op
Jul 05, 2009
HAPPY 5TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!
It is truly hard to believe it has been 5 years already. That old person I see in pictures seems as foreign to me as looking at some old black and white photos of years gone by.
Many things have changed for the better this past year. I seem to be able to date with more frequency than before. Now that more DS loan is paid off, my finances should begin improving. And my health, for the most part, has been fairly good.
This year has also brought many set backs too. Most personally is the loss of my step-dad and the financial and emotional roller-coaster that something like that brings. Also, I have fallen back into habits of old; eating things I shouldn't at all hours of the day, being lazy with exercise and vitamins, and not doing my yearly bloodwork like I should. I haven't been to a support meeting in over a year. I am paying the price for these transgressions too: my weight is up, my sleeping is erratic, and my energy level is low. I also have seen a decline in my strength and physical prowess. It amazes me how much I beat myself up each day. You would think that I would eventually learn my lesson, wouldn't you?
My current numbers look like this....
Just an update...
There are times when you sit back and think back on your life. Seems like I do that a lot lately. I look around and see how things really don't change. I'm still the person that nobody really knows or likes. I have never been a good friend....never dependable...never really close. I look at how disappointing of a son I've been. I'm the guy at work that nobody gets or likes. I'm the "friend" that people know by "association" and really would rather just not know. I see how that frustration manifests itself in my eating problem.
I've also been thinking about this blog.....how much stuff I have "put out there". But I also think of all of the stuff I HAVEN'T put out there. I have really watered down the real story on here. Maybe it is time that changed too.
Before you ask, I'm not suicidal. That was part of my past that I have no desire to reinvent. I just think some hard honesty is in order.
So as the spirit hits me, I will be posting stuff on here....hopefully more than what I have done in the past few years. I might start revealing more stuff that has gotten me here. I really don't care if anyone else cares about it, but I'm really not doing this for you....this is about me.
I have always felt like I was wandering around lost in the woods. I think I know why. How can you find your way if you don't know your path? How can you know your place when you don't know who you are? I have taken steps backwards the past few years. It's time to start getting some momentum going again....
I have to find a way out of my funk. I have slipped back into the ways of old, and my weight is showing it. Here are the current numbers:
I have to start cleaning house again. I really am in a tail spin. My weight is climbing rapidly and my eating is out of control. Seems like I am hungry all of the time. I hate being this way. I just wish my stupid fake hunger would just go away dammit.