**willow**

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Cooking is one of my favorite things to do. I simply love the process, I find the chopping and peeling to be very relaxing, and a great way to de-stress at the end of the day. I love cooking foods that are beautiful and full of color. I like things that are very fresh and as natural as much as possible. I use some things that are premade, but sparingly. IE I only rarely make my own salad dressings, and I like bottled spaghetti sauce. I use the Paul Newman brands as they seem to be high quality, minimal weird ingredients, and all the profits go to help sick kids. I use some canned ingredients, tomatoes and beans for example as additions to other recipes.
as for my vegetables, occasionally I'll buy frozen but I much prefer fresh. Fresh spinach for example cooks in 1 minute, much faster than frozen and it tastes so much better. the bags of spinach are so good raw too. I love the bright colors of red , orange, yellow peppers. When I make a salad it will have many colors in it. I love the bags of mixed baby salad greens and will use them in a wrap or on a sandwich as well as for a salad.

an average loser day

breakfast omelet - large handful of spinach, 1 egg and a tiny (1 -2 tsp) of cheese on top.

snack - 1 lite & fit yogurt with 1/4 c kashi go lean cereal. (the cereal makes it thicker and stays in my pouch longer.)

Lunch - 1 whole wheat tortilla with refried beans and 2 oz boneless skinless chicken breast with 1 oz cheddar cheese made into a quesadialla

spread the beans on the tortilla, put cheese & chicken in middle , cut in half and fold together and cook over medium heat in a skillet sprayed with pam until brown on both sides and cheese is melted and hot.

snack - 1/2 cottage cheese+1/4 c NS applesauce on top

dinner -3 oz turkey Italian sausage with 1/2 c cooked green peppers and 1/2 cup green beans

snack - no sugar added fudgecicle and 1 cup raw strawberries

1067calories and 106 grams of protein.

You could easily modify by using other lean protein sources different fruits and veggies. I challenge you to eat it all.



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MY FAVORITE RECIPES
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I have several really good recipes, I thought I would share. I love to cook as much as I love to eat. Food is such an important part of our health.
I don't do too many "special" WLS recipes, I just focus on healthy whole natural foods as close to their natural state as possible.


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MAIN DISHES
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This is one of my families favorites , all my kids and grandkids love this.

TEX MEX CHICKEN BREASTS

4 chicken breasts
1 cup refried beans (I like the spicy fat free ones)
8 tablespoons shredded cheddar or Mexican blend cheese.

bake chicken breasts at 350 for about 20 minutes or until just done. top each with about 1/4 cup refried beans and 2 tablespoons shredded cheese. continue to bake until cheese is melted and beans are hot, aprox 8-10 minutes.

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BRIGHT AND HEALTHY SAUSAGES AND PEPPERS

1 package (5) turkey Italian sausages

1 each red, green and yellow pepper sliced in 1/2 inch slices, seeds and stems discarded
large yellow or white onion, peeled and sliced thinly
couple tablespoons of water or beer
whole wheat buns

brown turkey sausages about 3-4 minutes on each side in a large non-stick skillet. when browned on each side add in the peppers and onions and water with the sausages. Cover and cook stirring occasionally for 8-10 minutes, until the peppers are tender but still brightly colored. serve on buns with spicy mustard.


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CROCK POT ITALIAN BEEF

3-4 pound beef rump roast
12 oz bottle of beer
12 oz jar of peproncini peppers and their juice with seeds and stems removed

place roast in the crock pot and top with beer, peppers and about 1/2 the juice from the peppers.



cook on low for about 8 hours. serve on Italian rolls with some of the juice soaking the roll. or for the low carbers, just plain on a plate. My DH swears it is better than any Italian beef he has had from a restaurant.

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DINNER CREPES

use the crepe recipe below omitting the splenda.


1 pound ricotta
1 whole egg
about a quarter cup of Parmesan
1/2 tsp of Italian seasoning
a clove of fresh garlic minced or crushed
1 cup shredded mozzarella
1 jar Paul Newman "sockarooni" spaghetti sauce (or your own favorite)

mix all together first 5 ingredients and fill your crepes. Top with your favorite spaghetti sauce ( I like the Paul Newman brand, few weird ingredient, and his profits go to help sick kids!) top with a cup of shredded mozzarella and a sprinkle of Parmesan
bake at 350 until cheese is melted and all is hot and bubbly (usually about 20-30 minutes.
the crepes can be made in advance and layered on a plate with paper towels between them , covered with plastic wrap and refrigerated.
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BUFFALO DRUMSTICKS

1/2 C Tabasco sauce
2 cloves garlic, mashed
2 TB olive oil
12 chicken drumsticks
Blue cheese salad dressing
( I prefer the Lighthouse chunky blue cheese dressing)
celery sticks

take a large gallon sized zip lock bag, dump in Tabasco, mashed garlic, and olive oil. Add chicken drumsticks and marinate in the fridge for several hours. The longer they marinate them the hotter they get. I then drain them, & cook them on a hot grill or they can be broiled until cooked thru.
Serve with blue cheese dressing and celery sticks


I do not eat low fat salad dressings, I think they taste fake and weird and just can’t do it. so I eat a tiny bit of the real thing and it is wonderfully satisfying.

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CHICKEN WITH MANGO SALSA


4 chicken breasts grilled or broiled- seasoned to taste, lemon pepper or southwest seasoning are all good.


MANGO SALSA

2 large ripe mangos , peeled & diced
1/4 C tiny diced red pepper
1/2 very tiny diced jalapeno pepper
1/4 c tiny diced red opinion
handful of cilantro, chopped fine
juice of 1/2 lime

gently mix all together and serve with chicken.

the mango salsa is great with pork roast or chops, grilled or broiled fish, shrimp.

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BAKED MOSTACCOLI

1 box Barilla Plus mostaccoli/penne pasta
1 pound ricotta cheese
1 jar favorite sauce
2 cups shredded mozzarella (or more to your taste)
Parmesan

spray a 9X13 pan with pam ( for easier clean up)
preheat oven to 375

boil pasta per package directions. Drain and place in a 9X13 pan. add ricotta by big spoonfuls and mix leaving some clumps of ricotta. Pour sauce over the top. I use a spoon to push some of the sauce down into the pasta, but not really mixing it in. top with mozzarella and sprinkle with Parmesan. Bake for aprox. 30 minutes until it is all hot and bubbly.


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SHRIMP AND VEGGIE STIRFRY

1 TB canola oil ( or use olive oil, but canola seems to work better with high heat than olive oil)
1/2 red pepper- cut into thin slices
1/2 red onion- cut into this slices
2 carrots peeled and sliced very thin
2 stalks of broccoli florets ( about 2 cups) I do not like the stems, so I throw them in my compost bin
1 pound medium shrimp - peeled and deveined
1/2 head of Napa cabbage- sliced thinly

1 TB pesto ( Either home made or from a ajar)
1/2 pound barilla plus spaghetti cooked, drained and tossed with a little olive oil
grated Parmesan cheese

place canola oil into your wok or a large skillet over high heat. When the oil is very hot add in red pepper, onion, carrot, and broccoli. Cook over high heat stirring frequently. Add 1/4 cup water as needed to help the veggies cook through with out burning. when they are tender but still crisp. Add the shrimp, cook 1 minute than add the Napa cabbage. The cabbage looks like a LOT but it cooks down very rapidly. Cook until shrimp are pink and cooked through and the Napa cabbage is tender. toss with pesto and serve on top of the Barilla plus pasta. For a pretty presentation I put the pasta in a huge bowl and pour the shrimp and veggies on top. Garnish with a little fresh basil, chopped green onion for extra color, and grate Parmesan cheese over the top.


This recipe is so easy to vary. use different veggies, skip the pesto, and use a different flavoring. add diced tomato and fresh oregano, or use an Oriental dressing instead of pesto and serve over brown rice. Thai peanut sauce would work very well. flavor with lemon and a little butter for a fresh taste. The possibilities are endless - using your imagination is half the fun of cooking.

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SALADS & VEGGIES
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GREEK STYLE GREEN BEANS

1 medium mild onion diced small to equal about 1 cup

1 TB olive oil

14 oz bag frozen green beans or equivalent amount fresh green beans

2 small zucchini

large russet potato - diced into 1/2 inch cubes ( anti carb people may omit, it will still be good. OR substitute with an equal amount chopped cauliflower.)

28 oz can diced tomatoes and their juice

1/2 tablespoon of oregano

salt & pepper to taste


sauté the onion in the olive oil until onion is translucent. Add all other ingredients and simmer until potatoes are tender 30 - 45 minutes.


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VAL'S ALMOST GREEK SALAD

1 sliced, peeled, seeds removed, cucumber (or I use the seedless and don't peel)

2 Italian plum tomatoes, diced

1/2 a small red onion cut in very thin slices and separated

2 tablespoons feta cheese crumbled

combine all the vegetables and top with bottled Italian or Greek or vinaigrette dressing to taste.

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GREAT GREEN BEAN SALAD
4 cups fresh green beans, steamed until slightly tender but still a little crisp then plunged into ice water to cool

1 medium tomato

1/2 thinly sliced red onion

1/4 cup Athenos Greek dressing, or your favorite vinaigrette
(Paul Newman's Italian is wonderful!)

couple tablespoons blue cheese or Gorgonzola cheese crumbled

Combine first 4 ingredients and marinate for an hour or two, sprinkle with crumbled cheese right before serving

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CAPRESE SALAD

2 large ripe, very fresh tomatoes, each sliced into 4 thick slices

8 oz. fresh mozzarella (the kind that is very soft and packed in water)

tablespoon extra virgin olive oil

tablespoon balsamic vinegar

8 large fresh basil leaves.

optional - 8 thin slices crusty French bread

slice the tomatoes, lay in a single layer on a large platter. top each with one slice of mozzarella and drizzle oil and vinegar lightly over the each one. You might need a little more or less vinegar and oil to your taste. If desired serve each on top of one slice of bread.
garnish each with a fresh basil leaf. beautiful, fresh tasting and delicious!!!


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DESSERTS
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FRESH STRAWBERRY PIE

1 small (0.5 oz) sugar free strawberry Jello
1 1/2 cups boiling water
3 cups sliced fresh strawberries
2 cups non fat plain or strawberry flavored yogurt
1 9" gram cracker crust
8 perfect whole strawberries
cool whip (optional)

Dissolve Jello in water in a large bowl, chill for about 15 to 20 minutes. Whisk in yogurt.
Place strawberries into crust and pour over the jello yogurt mixture and chill until set, about 4 hours. Top each slice with a perfect fresh berry and a dab of cool whip.

makes 8 large slices

My family LOVES this. My daughter requested it for her birthday last year instead of cake. I have served it to guests who raved over it and could not believe it was a "diet" recipe
It has 177 calories and 6 grams of protein per serving

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BREAKFAST FOODS
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EASY CREPES

1 1/3 cups skim milk, room temperature
1 cup all purpose flour
3 large eggs
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 tablespoon splenda
1/4 teaspoon salt

Nonstick vegetable oil spray


Mix first 6 ingredients in blender just until smooth. Cover batter and chill at least 15 minutes and up to 1 day.

Spray 7-inch-diameter nonstick skillet with vegetable oil spray and heat over medium heat. Pour 2 tablespoons batter into pan and swirl to coat bottom. Cook until edge of crepe is light brown, about 1 minute. Loosen edges gently with spatula. Carefully turn crepe over. Cook until bottom begins to brown in spots, about 30 seconds. Transfer to plate. Cover with paper towel. Repeat with remaining batter, spraying pan with oil spray as needed and covering each crepe with paper towel. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.)

Makes about 20 crepes.

My favorite filling is to take a bag of frozen strawberries, thaw and sweeten with a little splenda, a squeeze of lemon and mix well mashing the berries. put a couple tablespoons of the filling in the crepe and roll it up and dab on a little cool whip.

My grand kids go crazy with it!

another good variation is to just spread them with you favorite sugar free or reduced sugar Jam and just roll them up and eat them.

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QUICK & EASY SPINACH OMLET

Large handful fresh spinach ( prewashed bagged is fast and easy)

1 large egg beaten in a small bowl ( I prefer the organic cage free eggs, Yes they are more expensive, but 1 dozen feeds me 12 meals so for $3 it is well worth the expense)

1 tablespoon crumbled feta cheese ( or substitute your favorite, mozzarella is great also)

spray a non stick skillet with PAM and heat about a minute until really hot, add the spinach, cook and stir for about 1 minute until it is wilted, add the egg, stir continuously with a rubber spatula until egg is cooked thru, about 1 minute. remove from heat and sprinkle cheese on top. let melt for a minute and YUM!!!! with experience I now have this on my plate and ready to eat in about 7 minutes from the time I walk into the kitchen. Almost as fast as a bowl of cereal, with protein, calcium and a serving of a vegetable in my belly before I even head out to work.


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LOW-FAT BANANA BREAD


2 large eggs
1/2 cup splenda
1 cup smashed ripe bananas (about 3 medium- I often use more!)
1/3 cup buttermilk
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Large handful of pecans or walnuts if desired
( very sinful/wonderful if you skip the nuts and add a big handful of mini chocolate chips too, I think you could use SF chocolate if you tolerate it just chopped really tiny.


Preheat oven to 325 F. Lightly spray with Pam/ or other nonstick spray 8 1/2x4 1/2x2 1/2-inch bread pan. Using an electric mixer; beat eggs and splenda in large bowl until thick and light, about 5 minutes. Mix in smashed bananas, buttermilk, oil and vanilla. Add flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt to mixture; beat until just blended. Add nuts & stir gently. place batter in prepared pan.

Bake bread until golden brown on top and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 45 min. Turn bread out onto rack and cool.

Makes 1 loaf.
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SOUP
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This would be suitable for a pureed diet


CAULIFOWER AND CHEESE SOUP
1 cup diced onion
2 stalks celery diced
1 TB olive oil or, spray pan with Pam
1 large head cauliflower, cleaned and cut into small chunks
1 Quart low fat, low sodium chicken broth
1 cup non fat evaporated milk (adds a thick, creaminess that milk will not, also higher in protein than regular milk)
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

sauté onion and celery in a large pot with olive oil or Pam, until the opinion is tender and translucent, but not browned. Add chopped cauliflower to pot and add chicken broth. If the cauliflower is not covered with broth add a little water until just covered.
Simmer for 20-30 minutes until the cauliflower is very soft. When it is very soft, puree using a hand held immersion blender, or cool and place in regular blender or food processor and after pureed place back in pot. Stir in the evaporated milk and heat soup until is just simmering, remove from heat and add 1 cup of the cheese. Stir until melted. Serve hot with a sprinkle of extra cheddar cheese on top.

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ITALIAN BEAN SOUP (MMMMM - VERY GOOD)

6 hot Italian sausages, skins removed and crumbled
1 large onion
2 - 15.5 oz white cannelini beans (or other white beans)
32 oz low fat, low sodium chickn broth
6 cups shredded kale or escarole

Brown crumbled sausage in a large heavy bottomed pot. When browned, drain and pat with paper towels to remove as much fat as possible. add 1 chopped onion, and cook aproximately 5 minutes, until onion is transluscent. Add drained beans to pot and pour chicken broth over beans and sausage to cover. Bring soup to a simmer, then add shredded Kale and simmer another 10 - 15 minutes, until kale is cooked tthrough.

I like to serve this with a salad and a nice hearty mutl-grained baguette, like the one sold at Panera.

This is a quick, hearty soup, very good on a cold fall or winter day. It takes about 30 minutes to prepare start to finish. It is good reheated for lunch the next day as well.

12/29/2006

I spent the first week of December at Disney World with my Grandkids. What a great time! I got an early start on my New years resoloution - which is to try to do something new every month in the new year to live a more fun and exciting life. While I have been to Disney several times before, One thing I never had done was climb through the play tunnels (the ones kind of like a hampster trail tunnel system for kids) WELL! here is photo evidence of my little adventure with the babies!



1/31/2007

My 3rd grand baby is born today. I am so filled with joy at the wonder of this new life. I was honored to be present at her birth. Here is Jane Elizabeth when she was about 5 minutes old.

9/25/2006

weight 137 this morning,
I was about 135 1 year ago, so I feel my maintenance is at a good level. I regularly fluctuate up to 5 pounds.

It is my 4th anniversary since surgery. 4 years ago, I was super morbid obese with a BMI of 53. I was on blood pressure meds, and my cholesterol was dangerously high. My Achilles tendons were so aggravated by my weight that I was nearly crippled.

I was working towards becoming more fit , wanted to be in my best possible shape for my gastric bypass and minimize my risks of complications. I had started an exercise program and had about 8 session with a personal trainer to get started. My first contact with a personal trainer was a very cute and petite young woman who asked me why would insurance pay for a gastric bypass when it was only cosmetic. I was not at the point in my life that I could make it the educational experience that I would now. I just decided that trainer was not the best option for me at that time.

A while later I was attending an orientation class at the health club and the instructor was a muscular 25 year old guy, who seemed fairly sympathetic. I told him I would like to get a trainer and he offered to connect me to one of the female trainers, but I asked him if he would train me. (He reminded me of my son) Apparently many women feel more comfortable with a female trainer. I didn't care, I wanted someone who would understand my issues and needs.

As I later found out, his Mom is also morbidly obese and he wanted to help her, but she was not ready yet. He was very respectful of my feelings and also protective of my privacy, asking me if I minded working by the free weights where it was mostly guys working out and that sort of thing. He also worked with in my many limitations I had at that time.
I have been spending my 4th surgiversary working hard on a presentation on Obesity Sensitivity for a personal training class. That alone is representative of the changes I have been thru in the past 4 years.

4 years ago walking up a fight of stairs left me tired and out of breath, now I work out strenuously several times a week., and am taking personal training classes ( to get certified as a trainer)

4 years ago I ate what ever. Now I am on a great, healthy eating plan that makes me strong and healthy.

4 years my health was in jeopardy from super morbid obesity, Now I am healthy and strong.

4 years ago I could only shop Lane Bryant, and pray they had the size 28-30 I needed and that something would be decent quality and not too ugly. and at 4'11" that something would at least be close in length of pants and sleeves. Now, I can shop anyplace and find more pretty clothes that FIT well than I can begin to afford to buy. In an 8 petite no less!

4 years ago I was tired and unable to really enjoy life or really get out and play with my grandkids. Now I have more energy than I know what to do with and I fit the slides and tunnels at the park, and I wore them out at 6 Flags Great America going on the rides.

4 years ago I was an invisible woman. Now I get doors opened and smiles that I never expected to happen.

4 years ago I was just existing.
Now I am seeing so many possibilities in life that I don't know which one to grab on to first.

The past 4 years have been a roller coaster ride. Some times exciting, sometimes a little nauseating, lots of us and downs and twists and turns and surprises around the bend.

4 years ago, I never would have thought plastic surgery would be any part of my life and now I have had reconstructive surgery on just about every part of my body below the shoulders.

There has been the unexpected - like the adaption to the new body and still working on recognizing my own body. Sometimes knowing I have body image issues and not seeing what is real and others not seeing what is real and not knowing the difference. Who would have thought losing 130 pounds would take an emotional adjustment.? I thought it would be only happy and thrilling, but have sometimes struggled with the concept that I have lost a large piece of ME.

It has also been unexpected when others say I am a completely different person and I have to say that only the package is changed, the soul is the same. The really important things like my heart and soul, my capacity to love, and be loved, my intelligence and ambition all were there before. Then I wonder - Am I different?

I have lost friends who now don't have time for me, and had people who were acquaintances suddenly become friendly. Both situations can be hurtful.




I am only having one issue that may be related to the surgery. I have had my 4th episode of a small bowel obsruction/illeus and am bringing my CT scans etc. to the Gastric Bypass surgeon at Barix in Belvidere this week. I had my annual labs drawn this morning so am looking forward to seeing all of those when the results come in. I had a CBC last week and it was very good, no signs of anemia.

9/5/2006

I started school last week to learn how to be a personal trainer. I signed up thinking it would be only for my own benefit, I wanted to hire a PT but at $75 an hour it is just not in my budget ( paying off high payments on PS loans) Then I saw that the local community college has classes on getting certified as a trainer. The cost for both semesters is about the same as 6 sessions with a trainer and I will have the info in my head to continue to use. I have already taken the anatomy and physiology, nutrition, and biology and being an RN, I think I can skip the first aid class. I have to take 2 classes, one this semester and one next and I can get a certification from the college, which while it is nice, probably isn't enough. I will have to take a certifications exam thru someplace like the National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA)

I am really excited.

While I went into this thinking only of my own benefit of becoming stronger and more fit, my DH is seeing me as a personal trainer someday. I have trouble seeing it. But, maybe it is a new route for me to helping others going thru WLS and helping them to have success. I love what I do as a NICU nurse and can't visualize ever giving up my babies, but maybe adding another dimension to my life????

My DH also started college this summer, getting a degree in business. He owns his own company, and while it does OK, I think he wants more out of life. He gave up college when we got married, and only had finished one year. I know he has always wanted to finish his education. I have a lot of respect for him going back to school at 48 and working on his dream. He has always been very supportive in me getting my education.

When I registered for school I got a copy of my transcript. I have an AAS in nursing, but have taken classes all along, mostly things I am interested in, and/or that would apply for a transfer degree. Art appreciation, photography, ethics, speech, even an introductory legal technology class, etc. I found I have 120 credit hours at the community college, and if I had focused, applied and gone to a 4 year school I would have a bachelors degree by now. So, my mission by the first of the year is to pick a major and decide where I want to go for my bachelors degree. The problem is, I am interested in a number of things, and I am also limited geographically as to where I can go, since relocation is not an option. My biggest interest to study in college is political science. I know it sounds weird, but I am fascinated by the law and the constitution. How many people do you know who read books on the constitution for fun? I am also interested in psychology, health and fitness and nutrition. Much to think about.

9/4/2006

Today Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" was killed by a stingray. I read that only 17 people worldwide are reported to have ever died from a sting ray. I was shocked, Sting rays seem to be such gentle peaceful creatures. A real highlight of my life was scuba diving with the stingrays in Grand Cayman several years ago. These pictures below were taken in 1991. I have not been diving since my WLS.

It may be several years before I get to dive again, due to my finances. Also my gear no longer fit me since I have lost so much weight, so I sold everything but my regulator in a garage sale. When the guy was buying my stuff he asked me why I was selling it. The look on his face when I said I had lost (at that time) close to a hundred pounds and it no longer fit was priceless. He did say - wow, congratulations.

At the time I became a certified diver, I took lessons with my girl friend. The dive instructors said it was the first time they had taught girls who came in on their own, not dragged in kicking and screaming by a husband or boyfriend. I found the process of becoming certified to be very empowering. It was a challenge, physically and mentally.

Of course, I do nothing the easy way. On day 2 of the certification dives I became quite ill, abdominal pain, vomiting etc. Everybody was sure it was nerves. I knew something was wrong. I laid in the car trying to sleep while the rest of the class, including my best friend finished.

I found out the reason for the illness a week later - when I had another attack so severe I went to the ER and had an emergency Gall Bladder removal the next day, on a Sunday no less. My Gall Bladder was totally non-functional, and infected as well.

So, I arranged a make up day for my certification as soon as I was well enough and did pass with flying colors. I was sad not to complete it with my very best friend in the whole world, but did gain a sense of independence doing it on my own.

these pics are me, in Grand Cayman having a blast diving with the sting rays.

I am very proud of myself that this is one instance where I did not let my morbid obesity stop me from doing something that was fun, empowering and adventurous!

8/29/2006

There has been some discussion lately about attitudes towards obese people, and it really hit me in the heart. I always feel like I still have the super morbid obese person inside of me struggling to get back out., and I fight the battle every day. So far, I am winning most days but there are the days I lose control. I only pray I have the strength to go the whole way for the rest of my life so I can keep my good health.

For me HEALTH is my focus. being well nourished, strong and physically fit. Able to do all the things I have learned over the last couple of years that I love. I never knew because I never had the opportunity to know how great it feels to exercise as a small person. as a super morbid obese person, it mostly was just painful and torture. I am sure many people looked at me and judged me as lazy, stupid and unmotivated. They did not know what was in my heart. They did not understand the daily struggle involved.

Even now there is a struggle to not go back to old ways. Most of my new habits are now just that, daily habits. take a shower, brush teeth, and take vitamins. eat this at this time and exercise . There are the days I really want to lay on the couch and eat cookies though.

It is good to look nicer, and I enjoy that. I have gone from 260 to currently 135. I have had extensive plastics and may have another procedure in a year or so. I am maintaining well. my 4th anniversary is 9/25, which is also my real birthday. I guess I am feeling introspective right now. But, how I look is only one very small part of who I am as a person.

Here is what is bugging me. So many people comment on how nice I look, which is nice in itself. It is often followed by the comment that "your husband must be all over you NOW."

I get that it is INTENDED as a compliment, but do they not hear the implied message that before, as an obese woman I was not as deserving of my husband's love and passion as I am thin? The truth is, he treats me exactly the same as he did before. and that is what I say. for the most part people kind of raise their eyebrows, only once some one hugged me and said I am truly lucky and she was so happy for me.

what about the inner person. Isn't the fact that I am loving, smart, hardworking, creative etc, enough?

what do you guys think?
Have you experienced this at all. Am I crazy? (well of course I am, but you know what I mean - LOL)


8/31/2006

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WTH WANTING TO LOOK YOUR BEST!!!!!

REPEAT AFTER ME : THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WTH WANTING TO LOOK YOUR BEST!!!!!

Look in the mirror and say it every day until it is a part of you.

seriously, It is weird and difficult at times to look in the mirror and say I look nice. It is a little embarrassing. I never thought of my self as like THAT. Really went thru and still struggling with allowing myself a healthy self esteem and seriously have trouble with someone using the S (exy) word to me. It makes me seriously uncomfortable.

I was not obese growing up and when I look at pics from then I realize I was a beautiful child, but I do not remember EVER hearing that said to me as a kid by any family member or that I was cute or anything. I never knew.

I don’t exactly know how to put it into words but I will give it my best. We went thru the stage of invisible woman, through the feeling ashamed of our bodies and wanting to hide them. Now it is our turn to shine, to feel pretty and enjoy our bodies the way other women always have.

We all deserve to feel good about ourselves, to have the excess skin removed etc. To me it a reconstructive surgery, same as anyone would have for any deformity.

7/9/2006

I haven't updated in a while.

Things are going pretty well. It is 6 months since my 2nd thigh lift. It looks better, but still quite a bit of loose skin around my knees. the scars have dropped and are visible if I wear a regular leg swim suit. So I wear one with boy cut legs or a skirt. It is ok. Dr said he could try to pull up the scars if/when I decide to redo my breasts. the swelling is mostly resolved, but I swear sometimes the flank area still swells. I still have discoloration on my legs where they bruising was. Dr says maybe a couple more months to resolve, but I think it might be permanent. Yes, permanent discoloration is one of the things listed in the informed consent so I am prepared for it. it gets better, fine, if not I can live with it. I am glad I had the redo. It does look better. I was warned before surgery it is likely that it will start to sag again, am not looking forward to that. In the meantime I am working on keeping my priorities in place and remembering that there is so much more to me than the shell of a body that I live in. I really was losing touch with that for a while and letting anger and disappointment take over because my body does not look how I envisioned it would.

Every once in a while I have to look back at the pre-plastic surgery pictures to remember where I started. It is funny how I can forget. I am very grateful for the improvements. I actually have worn a 2 piece swim suit to the pool. In public. I don't have the best body there, but not the worst either. I just blend in somewhere in the middle and that is a pretty good feeling.


But getting my priorities straight and remembering it is more important to be thought of as smart, funny, creative, caring, hard worker, good nurse, good mom & gramma, than how my body looks.

How life evolves over time.....


Speaking of being a gramma - grandbaby #3 is coming in Feb.!!!!!!!

3/27/2006

My thigh lift revision was 9 weeks ago and it is looking so much better. I still have some swelling, and even some bruising. I still have some wrinkling above my knees, but the improvement is phenomenal. I can definitely see myself wearing shorts and shorter skirts this summer with out embarrassment or self consciousness.

I am also starting to see some results from the lipo on my lower back. In the early mornings it looks great. By night it is pretty swollen and puffy looking. But - I think how it looks in the morning is a good indication of my results, and that the evening swelling will eventually subside. I can't believe how much slimmer it makes me look. My clothing size has not changed at all, but the contour is a LOT better.

Last summer I had pierced my belly button. I loved it. But, I had to take it in and out several times for x-rays, dexa scan and an MRI when it was really too early to be taking it in and out. It got real irritated and red and looked like it might be rejecting. When I had my thigh lift I had to remove it and after surgery I was all zipped up in a compression garment from armpits to knees, and not allowed to take it off until after my Dr. appointment several days later. The piercing closed and healed over. Last Thursday I went to a piercing shop and had it redone. It looks great. I really missed it when it was out. It makes me feel sexy and a little "naughty"

I have been showing it to everybody who will look. I showed it off to the girls I work with in the locker room yesterday when we were changing clothes and they were checking out my thighs and tummy tuck. Most of them have been with me for a long time, I have worked there for over 16 years and they knew me when. We have a pretty tight group there. I got a lot of positive response on my thigh lift improvement. A new girl just started working there, was the first day I met her, and I think was a little surprised at the openness.

I feel great!


4/7/2006

I now have my pre all plastics photos from one of the PS I saw over 2 years ago before any of my surgeries.

OMG, I had forgotten how I looked. Now when I want to beat myself up over what ever flaws I have I can get out these pics and remember where I came from. And celebrate where I am now!!!!!!!!!!

It feels SO good!!!!!!

I owe my surgeons my life. (WLS & PS)


If my plastic surgeon needed a kidney I'd give him one of mine after comparing what he has done for my body. The time he has spent with me in counseling me before and after my plastics and that he has continued to work with me and help me even when I am sure I was a pain in the butt. and he even let me cry on his shoulder when I was depressed and frustrated.

We definitely had some conflict over my first thigh lift, but he has done more than right by me on that issue. He is still working on a solution to the rippling of my implants. I was in his office yesterday and the first words he had for me were about the new implants he is working with and that he will keep me posted, and that after he has more experience with them following up on the other patients, and knows they are good and not rippling, he will let me talk to the other girls he has used them on to help me with my decision making.

I am so glad I did this!

3/20/2006

******SCARS******

There have been a lot of questions on scarring and what to expect after plastics on the PS forum. I wanted to share my personal experiences and mostly this is just my own opinion with my own experiences.

My scars are
LBL 38"
arms each about 9" = 18"
under breasts 4" = 8"
groin from thigh lift each 15" = 30"
inner thigh each 8 " = 16"
RNY 8" (was 14" but part of it was removed w/ LBL)
grand total is 117 inches.

Now that is a lot of scarring.

All the scars are at different stages of fading. Some are very light and flat, others are raised and ropey. All were closed the same way with stitches under the skin and looked very thin and fine initially then got thicker and very red /purplish, then some have since faded. Some are receding faster than others. We all heal individually and have differing risks of keloiding, and even on the same person all scars are not necessarily going to heal exactly the same way.

I have mixed feelings about it all. There was no way to get rid of the skin without scars. That is fact. period.

The only *really* bad scars I have are on my arms. They keloided. I have spent hours massaging, spent a small fortune on silicone scar strips, both the Neosporin Scar Solution and the Epiderm strips from www.biodermis.com

The Epiderm strips are more convenient as they are long strips and you can use a single one for each arm rather than several. They stay on better and can be washed in warm soapy water, air dried and reused for several weeks. I found wearing a shirt with snug sleeves that were long or 3/4 length also helped them stay in place. I tried Scar Guard cream as well. Mederma made me itch.

I do not believe any of these products made a real difference. The least noticeable scar I have is the oldest, My RNY scar. It is very faint, like a stretch mark. I did not massage, no creams, and no silicone strips. It is my personal feeling that time is the only thing that has really helped.

My surgeon is doing whatever he can to address the scars on my arms. I had a steroid injection (ouch) and will probably have 2 more injections over the next couple of months. Dr said it usually takes three injections for improvement.

I had a lot of excess skin and my arm shape is really nice without the skin and with working out the muscles firmed up nicely. I really like the overall look of my arms. I worked out hard to make them nice. I do wear sleeveless tops and I usually forget about the scars until I see someone staring at my arms. Most people are too polite to say anything, but I have had a couple nosy people ask. As in "holy crap! what happened to your arm?"

A lot of people are very freaked out by scars. I didn't realize how much until my arm surgery. I am a nurse and work in a hospital and even some of my co-workers have said things. My husband has never said anything and would not ever say anything. He is too nice and would not want to hurt my feelings, but I get a sense that he is not too thrilled with the scarring. We have been married a long time and even with out words I can "read" his actions in a lot of things.

Some people see the scarring as a mutilation of our bodies, as unnatural and ugly. Frankenstein's monster like. Some people see plastic surgery as a sort of betrayal of our true selves and that we should just be happy the way we are.

They have not lived in my skin.

While I don't LOVE my scars I don't hate them either. They are the tradeoff I had to accept to try to get my body to look somewhat normal after the abuse it has been thru. I am getting used to the scarring, they are just a part of me.

The years of being morbidly obese have left scars of another kind. Ones that don't show on the outside. I personally have had years of self loathing for my shortcomings. I have decided enough is enough. It is time to start treating myself as well as I treat others. I have had to do a lot of thinking and hard work in therapy and am struggling to be healthy in mind and spirit as I am in body. I am working on focusing on the positive.

Some one told me that self confidence is the most attractive quality. I would have to agree that is very true. I know a few VERY attractive people who are not necessarily "perfect" in appearance but radiate confidence. Even though they may not be conventionally handsome or beautiful, the attraction is powerful because of that confidence. I would like to know how they get to that point. I want to BE at that point!

3/13/2006
I was recently doing some reading on eating disorders after listening to a program on the radio about a book called "Just a little too thin" about how to identify if your daughter has or is starting to have an eating disorder. I didn't know much in detail on any of them. I know I have many issues w/ eating. I am an emotional eater and am working on that. As I was surfing the net I found pro-ana and pro-mia sites that support anorexia and bulemia not as eating disorders but as a lifestyle choice. I looked thru some of those sites and to be honest, I felt like I was reading some of the posts from this (OH) web site. It has really made me think long and hard about what I am reading and seeing and how I let it affect my thinking. I have had to kind of back up and look at my choices and how I feel about myself and my eating. Much "food" for therapy. I OFTEN let my food choices affect how I feel about myself and the control or lack of control I have with regards to eating. My strict desire to control is exactly what anorexics have, they are just more disciplined in following thru.
I recently also read a book called "how much does your soul weigh" by Dorie McCubbrey. she is a Dr (PhD) who treats eating disorders and is recovered from an eating disorder herself. It has exercises in it that help you look at your diet habits and the emotional stuff that goes with it all. get rid of the "diet" mentality, and unrealistic goals. I highly recommend it.

I feel it is important to share and support each other with kindness to be well and healthy.

However I don't think it is real possible to get recovery from an eating disorder with out some kind of professional help and support.