Angela M.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Brandy made it out of surgery okay and she regained control over her rectum and there is no nerve damage as they can tell so far. It will still be 30 days of physical therapy and lots of pain meds. Im still praying for little pain and a speedy recovery.

Dear St. Anthony, you recognized Our Lord Jesus as the Divine Healer. In your goodness and kindness, please intercede for Brandie-Lynn who is suffering.

If it is God's will, I ask that this day, the gift of healing be granted to her. Comfort her during times of unbearable pain, and ask our Lord to grant her peace and patience in suffering.

May God give her the fullness of life here on earth, or call her home to eternal glory forever. Amen.

                        

Well my dog didn't get any better last night- actually she got worse...so we brought her back to the vet again this morning (3rd time in two days) and she told us that she was losing neurological function rather quickly so we had to bring her to the emergency hospital at Tuft's School. They think its disc disease and something pressuring her spinal cord and she needs surgery. If it ends up being a cartilage clot then she needs to be confined to a crate for 6 weeks. I am so depressed, I keep crying. The med student sounded optimistic but while we were waiting another dog came in who had the same issue and same surgery and he had all these complications and couldn't even walk, he was being help up by a rear harness and only could function his front legs. I cant deal with this. My mom told me that if anything goes wrong that we have to put her to sleep because we can't take care of a crippled dog. She looked so sad in the crate hooked up to a catheter and IV and had pink bandages on her paws. My poor babygirl. The only positive is that there were people there with their animals who have traveled from all over the place- Alabama and Maine...that hospital is like the best of the best so I hope to God everything goes smoothly. I'll be praying for her. My brother is going to be so upset when he gets home from school. =(

Well oh well. Good news today actually! I got a phone call from Dr. Arcand who is the surgeon through Fallon, and this was the first time that I have ever spoken to him. I must say that I never have talked to a nicer doctor before. He didn't talk down to me and he didn't speak to me like he knew better than me- he completely related 100% and talked to me like we were equals and as if we've known each other for years. He told me that I should not be discouraged and that there is NO REASON why the team did not approve me and that I've passed the entire program and have met every requirement and he set the age limit to 18 for a reason, and I completely qualify. At the next team meeting he himself will put me through approval and whereas it takes most patients a few weeks for a consult- he will get me one right away because I was unfairly overlooked. He gave me his WORD. He is amazing. I feel so much better now. My mom even went and ordered me that Hanks protien powder. So tomorrow morning I will start again on my healthy eating and exercise and really get on the ball. This could actually be happening. God is really really watching over me and helping out. I just hope that this is the last hurdle and that I wont be on an emotional rollercoaster again. But I trust Dr. Arcand and I believe that he will really advocate on my behalf at that meeting. Speaking of meetings- tomorrow is the meeting at Fallon and I will be attending! It sucks thats its only November 2nd- that leaves 20 days until the team meets again- I can barely stand the wait!!! Oh I also got a chance to ask Dr. Arcand about my friend Patti because he operated on her today and he said she is doing amazing and everything went as smoothly as possible. So Im psyched. This is real. I can't even contain myself any longer. But I can't get too excited until I get that phone call from Dr. Arcand's office to schedule my appointment. Pshh I will be calling Lisa (Dr. Arcand's nurse) myself on friday the 24th demanding an appointment! haha KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR ME....20 DAYS!

My poor puppy has been crying ever since 8 last night and she woke my mom up at 4am crying even more. She wont stop crying and we've noticed that she hasn't been wagging her tail for 2-3 days. She has bad back legs and is walking funny but just recently she keeps lifting her head up in the hair and burping and also straining to poop. She isn't constipated though and her legs keep giving out... I just don't know whats wrong with her. She is going to the vet in 15mins and I hope its nothing serious. I can't stand to see her like this. Poor puppy. She is my best friend. And my mom reminded me today that she "isn't going to live forever" but I just told her SURE SHE WILL! I can't think about that right now. Im staying home from class to take care of her. Hopefully the vet can help her out.

 

The vet thinks that she has a back injury. I dont know how that could have happend because she is always around me and my mom and we haven't seen anything happen. But she is on pain meds and if things don't improve she needs x-rays and possibly surgery. She can't even stand in front of her dish to eat, we had to put the food out on the floor and she ate it off the ground while laying down. I feel so bad for her, she is still crying non-stop. I wish there was something I could do. =(  My brother just came home from school and he is usually such a tough guy but he ran to his room because he was petting Brandie and she wouldn't stop crying...so he started to cry. He didn't want me to notice but I did. That made me want to cry even more!!

SIDENOTE: I've always tried my best to be sensitive of other people but between last night and today I just realized how STUPID some people can be. And stupid people really piss me off. They have these attitudes like they know everything but the things coming out of their mouths either make no sense or make them seem like the biggest dumbf*cks ever. My rant of the day. kthanksbye!

Okay well I got an email from Marina (receptionist, "jack of all trades" at NWH) today and she told me that they have had Fallon patients before and I shouldn't have a problem as long as I get a referral from my PCP. And also get all my records. So yesterday I put in a request for all my nutrition/behavior/labs and they will be ready for pick-up in 3-5 days. Awesome. I also looked around my house for all my Weight Watchers books. It was really shameful. Some of them only have 1 weight recorded and then I never went back, the most is 3. The ONE time I went constistenly- I cant find. My mom told me not to show them but I have to- its proof that Im a failure at that kind of stuff. And I also found out that my highest weight wasnt 371 like I've always though, it was in fact 376! Wowzers! Ugh... I also called Geri from Jenny Craig and she is mailing me a copy of all my records from there so I'll definitely have that by the 15th. I wonder if many patients come in with all the crap Im planning on coming in with. The only hurdle I forsee is getting my behavioral records because I had to put in a request with Dr, Bourne for them seperately. But legally- she can't withhold them. I just hope I have everything together by the 15th. I see my PCP next week and Im bringing everything. I hope HOPE hope she is fine with everything that I am doing. I love her to death and she has been my biggest cheerleader up until now- I hope it stays that way. I feel good about things, I hope everything works out. Okay well I gotta go and study/cram for my test today. LATER!

Oh yea...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

So my mom just got back from her physical and she got the referral. I tried calling my doctor to ask her about it now to see if she wanted to do the bloodwork ahead of time but I was told that she is out all week because she had a death in the family, thats really sad. But it also means that she is going to be swarmed with stuff next week so I hope she has time for me! But yea anyways- Im kind of bitter today- I got back from taking my test and I did well but Im just not in the best mood. Everyone is getting surgery dates except me. I try to be happy for everyone but its really hard when I never know if I'll get one. Im trying to be positive but its hard. REALLY HARD. Ugh.

3:45pm- UGHHHHHHH. Dr. Bourne from Fallon just called me and she said that she talked to Dr. Shukla (the medical director) and that everything looks really optimistic and that she talked to Dr. Arcand about me and he should be calling me today at some point. She said that surgery looks like it would be in the same time frame with either program and that I really need to make a decision. I dont know what to do anymore. This is like a tug of war. I feel broken. And I got another email from a friend today that they got their surgery date and although I am EXTREMELY happy for them I couldn't even respond because I cant handle all these emotions. My next appointment with my therapist is November 7th, CANT WAIT!!.

Today has been a good day so far. I feel as though I got a few things accomplished. I didnt wanna get out of bed this morning for my 8:30 class even though I got to sleep an extra hour- and of course I finally got going and my teacher didnt take attendance so I could've skipped. Oh well. I found out who my psych advisor is finally and I scheduled an appointment for registration. I also got a department flow sheet to figure out what I need to take. I still didn't go to the registrar to get a course catalog but I looked online and Im going to try and take as many online courses as I can just so surgery doesn't make me miss too many classes. It looks as though I'd only have to go to campus for one class, two days a week for an hour- if I get all the classes I want. I think Im still a freshman as far as credits go (because I transfered) so I hope they don't make me register late. Oh well. I also called medical records and got information from them and I am actually headed there in 15mins to sign a release form so everything gets sent to NWH. I also scheduled an appointment with my PCP for a referral and blood work on November 8th. And I called pulmonary and tried to get a sooner appointment but December 1st is the only thing available. Its really not that long, 4 weeks. I also left a message with behavioral medicine because most of my work has been with them and medical records says I have to request that seperately so Dr. Bourne will have to hand over her notes and files on me. I hope she does. Well legally she can't refuse to, right? But Im getting all my ducks in a row and Im very optimistic. I've been dreaming about my appointment with Dr. Gazmuri. I have gained a few pounds back since last week but Im still doing okay, everything considering. But I will come back and update more later, I'm off to see Medical Records at good ole Fallon Clinic!

Got a great email from Patti!

Dear Angela,

I just returned from a trip and was shocked to read your email. WHY did Fallon allow you to hope if this was going to be the final decision? I don't get it at all. I hope you made your feelings clear to them. I'm still in shock.

Now, the next step. I'm so glad to hear you are still fighting for WLS. Let your anger propel you right into a program that is better for you. You are too precious to not have the chance for good health. Are you going to continue with the group? I'm sure that is a difficult decision because of this outcome. But we love you and it might help you to stay strong.

Please stay in touch and let me know how you are feeling this week. I'm not afraid to drive in Boston, if you need a driver let me know.

Love and prayers to you,

Patti 

YAY!! Her surgery is...WEDNESDAY! Wow I can't believe its that close. Everyone pray for her!

"Just because the road ahead is long, is no reason to slow down. Just because there is much work to be done, is no reason to get discouraged. It is a reason to get started, to grow, to find new ways, to reach within yourself and discover strength, commitment, determination, discipline. The road ahead is long, and difficult, and filled with opportunity at every turn. Start what needs starting. Finish what needs finishing. Get on the road. Stay on the road. Get on with the work. Right now you're at the beginning of the journey. What a great place to be! Just imagine all the things you'll learn, all the people you'll meet, all the experiences you'll have. Be thankful that the road is long and challenging, because that is where you'll find the best that life has to offer."

"Let your eyes stay filled with stars and your heart with glimpses of dreams to come true."

"Walk through life with your eyes closed. You never know where those little trips and falls may take you."

"Discouraged? Just remember that the darkest night did not turn down all the stars."

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers; remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs that just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care; some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers..." - Garth Brooks

I cant stop crying. Ive been crying for hours. Im so mad right now. Ive been in a bariatric program for TWO YEARS now and still no surgery. The team met this week and did not approve me (not insurance approval) for a consult with the surgeon because of my AGE!! The team requires you to be over 18 and I am almost 20!!! If they are so worried about age then they should change their minimun age to like 25. They said that I may regret surgery in 20 years just like if I got plastic surgery when Im young. That made me flip!! How could I regret a happier and healthier life? How could I regret not having hypertension, sleep apnea, insulin resistance, infertility, joint pain, and hormone problems? And if I wanted plastic surgery Im old enough- I dont need a 2 year program in order to get it- but even so HOW DARE THEY compare WLS to breast implants!!! Im so angry. They built me up and then tore be down because every department told me I was ready. Ive been in it for TWO YEARS and jumped through hoops doing everything they asked of me and it was all for nothing. They suggested that I lose the weight on my own. THATS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN- thats why I started the program in the first place!! Im just so done with them. Im miserable and hopeless. Go figure, this is the story of my life. I guess Im destined to be fat for the rest of my life and at the rate Im going I will be over 600lbs in the next 5 years. I dont think its fair how 6 people have the right to make a decision over my life. Im the one who knows if Im ready or not. Not them. It should be MY decision. I have to live in this body and experience this pain every single day...but its just a game for them. They gave me a list of more things to do for a reconsideration for approval but I just have nothing left inside of me. Im finding a new program but getting a referral from my PCP will be hard because this program works for the same company as my doctor so they dont like to refer people to other programs. I promised myself I wouldnt be fat next summer but...I just may be. THIS BLOWS!!!

Thank God I found a true friend in Lauren. I called her right after the phone call and balled my eyes out to her and then she let me come over and I almost forgot about the whole thing- but we talked and she made me feel better for a while. Its so good to have a wonderful friend- it makes the pain hurt a lot less. I am so lucky to have her. She's hardly known me for long and her and her husband welcomed me into their home like they've known me for years- it just feels so great to have a place that Im not judged and someone I can tell anything to. I don't know what I would do without that girl. Lauren really is my angel, I swear it.

NWH HERE I COME!!!

So today was boring. I woke up at 7 and went to class at 8:30. Then did nothing for a while- called Lauren...then called Fallon and left a message for Dr. Bourne to call me back because I want to know if or when I will be approved- they said she wouldnt be in until 1 and now its 4:30 and I still haven't heard. I bet I wont. It will be a long weekend of knowing nothing. This is getting ridiculous. I went to BJ's and bought some crap and now Im watching Oprah. Im not feeling her new hairdo but oh well. Bill O'Reily is on, he is pretty interesting. Nothing much else to say. Maybe I'll write later. kthanksbye.