alieden

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Now I weigh 220lbs. I was at a standstill for about a month or two. I started working out, not so much cardio as weights 3xs a week. then about 3 weeks into it I started getting weak and dizzy.

i did go through a phase where i was eating lots of cheetohs and risotto, which goes down great. the past few days i've gone back to trying to eat tons of protein, but about 30-1hr after i eat i get diarrhea, weak, fatigue, and dizzy.

sometimes when it's time to eat i feel nauseous. the only place i've seen people with these symptoms are on the RNY forum.

will check in later when feeling better.

Well it was a hard month getting my mind used to what it could not eat. I experienced so much frustration when ordering out or buying food. It would smell so good, look so good, taste so good but i was only able to get like 2 bites because it just wasn't lapband food.

I was pretty angry too because after losing my initial 15lbs I didn't lose a pound for 2+ weeks! And I was not able to get more than 1 or 2 bites of anything down. I was ravenous!

Finally about a week ago the weight started dropping off but slower than the first 15lbs did.

I'm down to 237lbs now and am ready to buy some clothes. Not because my old ones don't fit anymore but because I was bursting seams and popping buttons and now I have only 1 pair of pants that I can wear but they drag the floor. And shorts that are faded and shredded.

I did pass my first goal of 20lbs lost. The goal I really have my eyes on is the 190 goal since that is where I left off the last time I lost weight and I really want to feel like I'm moving forward and not just relosing the same weight all over again.

Now what I eat mostly is cold cuts. Since I can't stand those artificial sweeteners in the protein shakes. Also cut back on the coke. Now I drink coke zero at home and only drink 1 or 2 cokes 3x's a week while I am out at work or on the road.

waking up is so not exciting anymore. there's no coca cola to greet me, no sausage egg and cheese bagel to greet me. where's my sugar rush and caffeine rush? i hate the taste of coffee and tea has never done anything much for me.

i'm bored and blah all day. nothing excites me. my passion for living has suddenly been taken away.

i am going through food withdrawal BIGTIME!!!!

MAN do i want my soda i'm so craving it.

i am not completely immune to drinking it either. i get this mild pressure in my chest when i sip it every so slowly. but i'm able over a period of 4 hours to drink it.

man would i love to bite into something thick with layers of tastes, textures, and flavors. but those things are off limits now.

there i went again just zoning off into the distance, i feel lazy and nothing interests me and i'm completely bored. and even at this point if i do go get that soda it won't change anything cuz i can't guzzle it.

and i just found out the great diet i thought i was on of egg salad, ham salad, tuna salad, and chicken salad turns out to be high in calories.
specifically 650 per 8 oz. and i was eating three a day. they didn't even really taste that good. still i lost 9 lbs but i guess that explains why i haven't lost any in the past 2 days.

so NOW what do i eat?

so, wow. how boring is life when you can't spice it up with the food you eat? i mean what is there to look forward to when all you can eat is mush?

had sushi last night and got stuck :(

ate it this morning in tiny little bits chewed to mush . . . went down fine but lost it's grandeur.

so now i'm sitting here. it's 11pm and i'm BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!! Normally I would do something like order pizza, go to Mc D's. Order a Lobster Roll from sushi masa. eat the pieces in 2 bites!

no more fun. no more food luxury. all i've eaten since tuesday basically is egg salad, ham salad, chicken salad, tuna salad. maybe i'll splurge tomorrow and have seafood salad.

*sigh*

i'm realizing now that i ate out of boredom - which leads to depression if it lasts too long. i just feel really lazy and tired and just not interested in anything.

so i go into the kitchen just now and think "i'll spice things up by grabbing a coke" only there are none left.

course everytime i drank a coke i'd get a tight uncomfortable feeling that i couldn't burp away. but if i drank it slowly i could get it down in like 2hours. not really as much fun as guzzling it.

*sigh*
nothing to do . . .

I got my second fill on the 14th of March. This time it was the doctor's assistant who did it. I felt more comfortable with him and told him I wanted a real fill. So he took me from 5cc's to 8cc's via fluoroscope. That was a sweet fill as I could see the barium ever so slowly trickling through. Since the fill on the 14th I have gone from 255 to 247.5. WOOHOOOO!!!! The weight loss is finally going to start.

Now for what I've been able to eat:

Naturally I've been able to eat soups. They aren't very filling so I try to stay away from them.

I've been eating string cheese as a snack.

But mainly I eat stuff like tuna salad, egg salad, ham salad, chicken salad. I would say I probably eat like between 1-2 cups of food at a time.

I am still trying to cut back on soda. It's getting much easier as when I drink now I get gas in my pouch after one sip and it feels sorta uncomfortable like the beginning of being stuck, so that prevents me from taking another sip anytime soon. I would say my soda consumption is down to 1 20oz a day. BIG CUTBACK for me!

Also drinking with meals - or NOT drinking with meals is becoming easier too. I notice when I drink with meals i get full quicker and feel stuck more often for about 20-30mins and then after that I am able to eat again. So I don't stay full very often.

I tried to eat a tiny slice of a sausage last night and chewed it super well and it felt like i was semi stuck, very full, and very uncomfortable.

This next week I will be trying out my restaurant options. Sorta scary as I don't want to slime or pb at one, since they are business meals. But I was able to eat a whole Yellowtail Snapper broiled in garlic & oil. But those few bites of sausage did me in. Though I didn't feel full after the fish, but I also didn't feel hungry, so maybe that should be my guide.

Well I am finally happy to be on the band bench of losers now. I wanted for what seemed like forever, but I never lost hope.

Well last night I ordered steamers, thinking that would be a nice thing to have. well they came with their anus attached full of poo and were sandy as all hell so i sent them back. really a shame too cuz that woulda been a nice meal.

so then i ordered lobster bisque. well when i got done with that - naturally i didn't feel full. and to be honest after 2 days of all liquids i was fed up with liquids.

so then i ordered a lobster caeser salad. all i ate was the lobster salad off the top. there were some pretty big bites. bigger than i thought i'd be able to take and i didn't experience any sensation of fullness when done with the 1lb of lobster on top of the salad. but i stopped anyway cuz i wasn't hungry anymore.

so today it's lunch time and i made a tuna fish sandwich with light mayo and used a whole can in the sandwich. after last night i was thinking i didn't have any restriction so i wasn't being careful at all when i started eating.

after 3 bites i felt dizzy and in trouble. i actually gave the rest of the sandwich to the cats. i refrained from drinking anything even though i was extremely uncomfortable. after about 20 mins the uncomfortable feeling passed. i wouldn't say i feel full (unless i don't know what full really is now) but i would say i was no longer hungry and completely disinterested in another bite of food esp since i thought i was about to become stuck for the first time.

so i'm pretty sure i have restriction after that experience. it's not the kind that will leave me in pain for hours or sliming or pb'ing or anything but it's like a gentle guiding into how to change eating habits.

i think my doctor did that knowing that i have been eating a lot lately and knowing that my transition would be gradual. that's why it's good to be honest with your doctor. in the beginning i was upset that i wasn't TIGHT but now i realize than in his ineffable wisdom he gave me the adjustment that would be most beneficial and comfortable for me and still enable me to cut back on what i eat and lose weight.

So I woke up this morning, err afternoon, feeling kinda . . . blah. Not really upset about anything but kinda have a headache, but not really. Just sorta blah feeling like "What's the point of getting out of bed" kinda thing.

It probably has to do with the band. Normally when I wake up I look forward to my coca cola and my scrambled eggs and sausage.

this morning i knew before i got out of bed that there was nothing to eat cept liquids.

i'm still dying to know if i have restriction or not. so far with liquids i haven't felt any restriction.

almost forgot to add, i took my meds last night - they happen to be capsules - one at a time - went down fine. i think they are ok because the capsule comes apart as soon as it hits liquid and then it's just powder.

i also had 2 tyenol caps this morning for my headache.

Well today i got my first fill. i tried sipping on some soda afterwards cuz i am a huge soda fanatic. i was fine until about 20 mins after. then i started just not feeling really good. i was miserable but can't really put my finger on why. i had drank maybe 1/4 of the can.

so i'm on liquids for 48 hrs then gradually moving the consistency up. i'm excited to see what eating will be like once i am eating again.

i got the feeling he was really conservative with my fill since i only lost five lbs since i last saw him.

he added 5 cc's it was done by fluoro which was really cool. first he put 8cc's in but nothing was moving so then he took out 1 and a tiny bit was moving, then he took 1 more and i thought that was perfect but he continued taking it out until he got to 5. really i think 5.5 or 6 woulda been fine.

so he told me to come back in a month if it wasn't a tight fill and come back in 2 months if it was.

so far today i had heat and sip creamy chicken. didn't get full at all but it was liquid.

tonight i'm supposed to be eating lobster bisque -- heehee maybe i'll nibble a bit on the tiny lobster pieces :)

so the losing should start right away since all i ate today was a cup of soup.

gotta update my tracker as i gained 5lbs back of what i had lost. i've gotten to where i don't really feel like anything has happened for the past 6 weeks but i will now.

So now the waiting game continues and counting down the days until my first fill when i'll finally start noticing an effect from my surgery. i've been managing to maintain my weight though the past few days i've started being able to eat like i was before. hopefully i can hold on til the 28 just 2 more weeks.

been reading a lot lately to pass the time. found some interesting science fiction been making the time go by really fast thank god.

well the next time you hear from me i should have my fill or be about ready to have it. not really nervous just not looking forward to crushing all my pills. ick!

The first real cold of the year hit us yesterday, so I had to go out and get sweaters since last year this time i was 190 instead of 246. it was so depressing. i was in such a good mood before i went shopping. dammit why didn't i just stay home?!

i'm 5'3'' and should be wearing petites but because i'm a huge ass fatso i have to  wear women's W's which drag on the ground and don't fit my shape at all - hell who am i kidding i have no shape i'm just a fucking fat blob!

i have such high standards for how i should look and dress and i'm forced to wear potato sacks of no fashion whatsoever. and grandma shoes so that my feet don't hurt carrying this ton of fatsoness around.

i'm so angry. why do we have to wait 4-6weeks for a fill. i got the surgery, stuff should be happening. i want to be 190 NOW! then i can patiently lose the last 60 lbs. i can't stand this. i'm sure i'm the laughing stock to everyone in the pharmaceutical biz. the fatso trying to look cute. yeah right! whatever i don't even feel like eating.

goodnight