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I can't NOT drink while I am eating! I have tried and tried and i keep feeling like food is caught in the back of my throat. maybe that's normal? i don't know but i have to at least sip something i find.

i got CIB this morning to have for breakfast instead of eating. cuz when i wake up i definately have to drink something, usually caffeinated. so waiting an hour for breakfast after i drink won't work. it has 2x as much protein as eggs and yogurt. so that'll be good. i had a problem with the protein shakes. i can't drink them but i don't mind the CIB because i didn't get the one with artificial sweetener. i don't think that's a problem the sugar in CIB because i've lost weight before drinking NON sugar free stuff. i don't go much for sweets so i'm not worried about those few calories.

i've noticed when i eat mushy foods like seafood salad spread or egg salad i don't lose weight and sometimes i even gain it. so those are definately foods i want to stay away from i've decided. course once i get a fill maybe i would consume only a spoon or two and then it wouldn't hurt?

Well things are going good, i'm learning to eat properly. still having trouble not drinking while i eat. i have even started having discomfort when i don't chew small enough bites. i could see that in a week or two i'd be ready for a fill. gained 2 lbs over the past 2 days, but probably from the soda i've been drinking. i'll have to start watching what i eat. course when i get a fill i'm not going to have to 'diet' per se. i don't want to feel like i have to do something that requires a lot of effort because with those kind of diets i end up doing it great for a period of time but there's always the point where i just stop and have to make up for what i've been missing. success means not doing that rigid discipline with myself. for me anyways.

got a cute haircut yesterday, inspired by my new assistant. will post pics later.

Well last night I THOUGHT i was going on a binge. lol NOT! i ordered 2 quarter lb'ers with cheese and 2 big macs, large fry, six piece chicken, and large coke. by the time i ate the six piece 2 bites of a quarter lb'er, and a big mac with a handful of fries i felt like i was going to die. i don't necessarily know if i was stuck but it felt like someone was standing on my chest with a boot heel. hard to breathe, and just plain uncomfortable. for hours!!!!

then this morning i do good with my croissant ham and cheese, potato chips and coke. but after leaving the bookstore i stopped at starbucks for a coffee and got a venti white mocha. within mins i had to stop because i was so uncomfortably full.

so i don't want a fill anytime soon until i get the hang of what my new portion sizes are. i would hate to slime and pb and get really stuck because my brain just couldn't adapt to new portions. i'm just so afraid of getting smaller portions because what if i am still hungry when i am done?

i know that is ridiculous, there's no shortage of food, i can always order more if i'm still hungry. i just need to order smaller amounts and work my way up.

yeah i definately don't need a fill until i can get these simple principles down.

   This time next year will be a whole new me. How disappointing if it weren't. today i had christmas breakfast at denny's. scrambled eggs, sausage, grits, and a bagel. denny's was packed. we're thinking of ordering pizza tonight and i'll get the chicken wings since i can't have nor do i want pizza.

i feel restriction when i eat. maybe not what other people refer to restriction but it does limit my eating. my meals are more normal sized now. i used to eat 3x's a much as my husband at every meal now i eat much less than him. about what a normal woman would eat. it's already starting to work so it's nice getting used to the full signals before any of the bad stuff happens from acccidently overeating.

i'm still drinking coke. i'm a major addict so unless there's something really unpleasant from drinking it i can't forsee my stopping it.

anyway just laid around watching movies rented some xbox360 games and gave my cats their presents. they're having a ball today. makes me happy.

Today I had microwave popcorn but the best item was the string cheese. YUMMYYYYY!!!!! When we go grocery shopping on Monday I will get lots of eggs. i can have things like egg salad, scrambled eggs, yummy yummy hardboiled eggs.

i think i'll also get tons more string cheese. that stuff is great. oh and soup at hand creamy chicken and maybe some clam chowder.

i'm not going to let bandster hell get me down. my doctor told me that as soon as i felt "up to it" i could move past the liquid phase. five days was almost 7 days which is what he originally was going to have me do.

i think a lot of people forget that the 4 weeks post op aren't supposed to be about losing weight but they drive themselves insane trying to anyway. i know that the band won't actually start working until i get my first fill. and that's when he puts in 5-6cc in my 11 cc band. i've talked to other lapbanders who got fills from him and are now at their goal weight. one girl had only 1 fill in 14months and lost 88 pounds. she's going in for her next fill in a week.

so i'm just going to start practicing what i can eat with the band, though i'm not sure popcorn is something i would normally be able to. the way it went down felt like had i been tight it prob would've caused problems.

i tell you it WILL be nice to have dinner around the holidays and after the first of the year when biz gets busy without having to worry about sliming :) i will have to take a hiatus from all business eating functions until that time.

anyway now that it is in me i'm much more relaxed.

Well last night I ate solid food for the first time. It was beefsteak tomatoes with buffalo mozzarella on top and proscuitto. Nothing has ever tasted so good. I was full after 3 tomatoe/mozz/pros combo's

Today I'm bored. I always get bored when I'm out of work too long. But today is saturday and the next work day won't be until wednesday cuz of xmas. maybe i can talk hubby into going in to work on xmas eve with me so it'll break up the monotony.

usually when i'm bored i eat. but i don't feel the slightest bit interested in food so nothing to do plus hubby broke tv while i was hospitalized trying to get it to turn on. so nothing to veg out and watch either. i've slept so much since tuesday that i can't sleep anymore.

i only crushed my pills one time and that was in the hospital. for now anyway the capsules and the pill are small enough for my stoma. once i get a fill not sure if i'll give it a try then though.

well nothing more to say i don't really want to weigh until i see the doctor but then again i'm so bored i just might. course i already have been drinking so it wouldn't be my lowest weight.

well surgery was on tues. they kept me an extra night cuz i drank too much of the barium and really had bad bad explosive diarrhea.

the intestinal cramping from drinking too much barium has finally started to lessen. it made my whole intestinal system so irritated that when i drink anything it starts rumbling again. the doctor said that will pass in a couple of days. didn't need much of the pain meds. i didn't have any gas pain from the surgery just slight incision pain. and the pain meds didn't help the barium indigestion pain and neither did the gasx strips.

i could have gone to work today all i do is sit. but i stayed home because i could. not hungry yet either. my hand swelled up from lymphaedema where the iv was. it finally went down.

i know that my profile says surgeon szomstein and i guess he's the one who did it but i saw him maybe 3x's the whole time i was in the hospital. he has a whole team who works with him but i never really felt like i had someone to latch on to as the go to guy.

on the last day because as usual nursing staff is always understaffed i pulled my own iv and got dressed and told them i was ready to leave. that's the only way i was getting out of there before i went nuts. luckily the next person to walk in was one of the doctor's who said ok. tried to talk me into another bag of iv fluids but i showed him my hand and he said ok again.

so today is kinda boring. for some reason my direct tv isn't working and i can't exactly crawl around down there to figure out why. it's probably because my cats were pissed at me for being gone and wrecked havoc on all my electronics. it's bad enough they found my bag of pads and have strewn them throughout the house. and one threw up right in the middle of the living room. luckily i have pergo floors so that'll clean up easy but i have to wait for the cleaning lady to come cuz there's no way i can get on my hands and knees to do it.

ok well guess i'll just lounge on the couch. i hope this was as much detail as was expected. i really wanted to do it in the hospital but my battery charger was left at home and my assistant had a breakdown and i had to fire her and bring in another. so it was kinda complicated in there.

stomach is still gurgling so loud! i was able to sleep on my left and right sides last night.

it's 9am i'm in the hospital waiting to be taken back.  my feet were all itchy so i had to take off the socks. i'm starving. after this i won't be able to just eat breakfast or lunch or anything without much thought. i wonder when i can eat next. he said that they put in 5-6 cc's in my 11cc Allergan band. that's a lot more than what i hear from others. but that'ssuper. thisdoctor said six weeks the other one said 4 - the surgeon who's name is on my arm so i'll go by his word. they put stockings on my feet to keep from  gettingblood clots in my legs. theysay i'm the 2nd one to go in so hopefully willbe in within the hour. not sure if i'll beable to blog once i've had the surgery. we'll see though.

It's about 6:30pm and Danielle and I checked into the Hyatt in Weston so we wouldn't have to drive an hour to get here at 5am tomorrow. Now we can sleep til 6am cuz it's right across the street.

They want me to check in at the ER tomorrow morning. Surgery is scheduled for noon though so it'll be a long wait.

Hope they don't give us problems about Danielle spending the night in the hospital with me. I hate being left alone in the hospital.

So only thing I'm nervous about is that they will cut me open then decide my liver is too big or there's too much fat and refuse to do the band. If that happened I don't know if I could go through all this again.

So going to read today's messages on the board then go to bed early.

WISH ME LUCK!

Almost forgot, ate rib egg rolls and a huge double cheeseburger with fries tonight but i threw it up when we got back to the hotel so hopefully i'm fine. can't go without eating. after the surgery though it better be different. hopefully my appetite will be gone and i won't feel like eating cuz eating after surgery could ruin everything. hopefully postponing the fasting til the end will make me able to get through the next 2 weeks.

Well I had my official last meal. Nothing but clear fluids 24hrs before surgery, which starts tomorrow morning.

For my last meal, I had a fish filet with cheese, a double cheeseburger and a big mac with fries and a coke. I've officially said goodbye to all the foods i can no longer eat.