BeckyM
07/10/2005
Jul 10, 2005
Well I have made it to day 4 of the liquid diet. I am proud to say that I have NOT cheated even once. I think because I know that its something that has to be done and I know that each day I go thru it is a day closer to my surgery. I don't want the guilt feeling that would come out if I DID cheat. I just make sure that I am constantly drinking something. I even went to a wedding shower then over to some relatives for dinner and I didn't get tempted. I brought my CIB and ate that and stayed away from the kitchen. I haven't weighed myself yet to see if I have lost weight. I do have to say that I feel like I do have more energy though. I am surprised. 10 days and counting. Won't be long now .
07/06/2005
Jul 06, 2005
Today is the first day of my liquid diet. It's 3:30pm and I have to admit that it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'm working today so I think that helps. I don't have to worry about cooking for the kids and I just make sure that I am full of fluids all the time so that I don't get hungry. I've had 3 CIB one Soup at Hand, lots of water, some herbal tea and propel. I just have to keep saying to myself that this is the LAST diet I will ever have to do. It's very important that I follow the surgeons instructions to a T! I am getting really excited and hope the next 13 days go quick!
07/01/2005
Jul 01, 2005
I had my first pre-op apt on Wed. I had an ultra-sound, then was supposed to meet w/the bariatric nurse but she called in sick, then I met with the nut. The nut weighed me and since the last time I saw her in NOV. I have GAINED 20 pds. I was at 285 today. I said ya, I have been on a binge lately. She said, "Well that is about to come to a screeching halt." I know I should have been eating out of control like that but I just feel like oh . . I'll never be able to eat that again, better take advantage of it now . .
Last night a girlfriend took me out for a "last supper" we had wine, cheese bread, pizza, and dessert, tiramisu I had and she had carrot cake, we shared. It was nice to go out with her and visit. She has been real supportive of my decison on WLS and doesn't mind me blabbing about it all the time.
I know how I got fat . . . I ate to much of the wrong foods, I got lazy and didn't exercise, I got to the point where I was so out of shape and my feet hurt so bad that I COULDN'T exercise because being on my feet for more than 15 minutes would kill! I also think I may have been testing DH like, how fat will you let me get before you stop loving me? I have gotten to the point where I don't love myself. I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself. How could I do this to myself? I cannot do this on my own and the only hope for me is to have this surgery. I truly believe that this surgery will make or break my marriage. I was 145 pds when we got married. DH didn't expect me to balloon up to 285 pds. I can bet my life he wouldn't have married me if he knew I was gonna get that fat! He doesn't ever say he is embarrassed of my fat but I know he is. . . Once I lose this mass of fat he won't be able to treat me like $hit anymore. If he does, there are plenty of men out there that won't! I know that is terrible to say and think but it's how I feel. . . Right now the way I look, I just put up with this $hit because, well, where would I go? Who would want a 285 pd heffer?? When I lose 100 pds maybe he'll change, maybe he won't . . . Time will tell, it is going to be an interesting year . . . Hang on for the ride. It's gonna be a rough one i'm afraid!
06/28/2005
Jun 28, 2005
I was able to make the last support group meeting last Thurs. My husband ended up getting home early. I saw a gal that I have been keeping in contact with and following. She had her surgery April 11. She has lost 50 pds already and she looks amazing.
We decided last minute Friday to go camping since it was going to be such a nice weekend. My 8 year old races ATV's so we camped at a campground near the race track. Sat. I decided to stay at the campground with the baby until just before the races. I called DH just before they were due to race and Logan had broke down in practice! His brand new $8000 custom quad and he blew out the transmission in practice. NICE! So I decided to hang out a the campground with the baby instead of sitting at the dusty track all day. It was 85 out and it was nice to go down to the water and splash around with Evan. The campground was nice, the beach wasnt' great. Not sandy at all and it was really rocky and weedy. I hate weeds. Again I was the fattest one on the beach but I didn't care. I didn't know anyone anyway.
Tomorrow I go for my first pre-op testing. I have an ultra-sound, then I meet w/the bariatric nurse and then the nut. One week from tomorrow I start the dreaded liquid diet. Still very concerned about that. I hope I can do it. . .
We decided last minute Friday to go camping since it was going to be such a nice weekend. My 8 year old races ATV's so we camped at a campground near the race track. Sat. I decided to stay at the campground with the baby until just before the races. I called DH just before they were due to race and Logan had broke down in practice! His brand new $8000 custom quad and he blew out the transmission in practice. NICE! So I decided to hang out a the campground with the baby instead of sitting at the dusty track all day. It was 85 out and it was nice to go down to the water and splash around with Evan. The campground was nice, the beach wasnt' great. Not sandy at all and it was really rocky and weedy. I hate weeds. Again I was the fattest one on the beach but I didn't care. I didn't know anyone anyway.
Tomorrow I go for my first pre-op testing. I have an ultra-sound, then I meet w/the bariatric nurse and then the nut. One week from tomorrow I start the dreaded liquid diet. Still very concerned about that. I hope I can do it. . .
06/22/2005
Jun 22, 2005
I took the kids to the beach yesterday. I even went in the water myself in my size 24W swimsuit. Yes, I was the fattest person on the beach but you know what . . . I am sick of hiding behind these rolls of fat and having my children suffer for my insecurities. My 16 mth old loved the water and we played in the mud and collected rocks. It was a great day. Besides I figure let all see me now and then next year this same time. They won't believe the difference. Tomorrow is the last support group meeting before my surgery. I am really hoping I can go. Hubby is working out of town so I need to find a babysitter.
06/17/2005
Jun 17, 2005
I've given up caffeine. I was slowly tapering off my morning coffee and now I have completely cut it out. I don't drink pop anymore. I've really been thinking about this MAJOR transition that is going to be taking place. I'm 2 1/2 weeks from starting my liquid diet and I am very worried about making it thru those 14 days without cheating. This is going to be a huge struggle for me. I'll be saying good bye to my best friend, FOOD. Food doesn't judge me or talk back to me . . . It's my comfort. It is the way I deal with stress, anger and a whole lot of other emotions. Food is always the focus of my world and it will be a huge struggle for me to get over that. I have wondered if I should be seeking counseling NOW before this surgery so that I can deal with these demons easier. I have never been to a shrink other than for my pre-op MMPI test. I don't know who to call even or what to expect. I would want someone who is "fat friendly" maybe even possibly had gone thru the surgery themselves. I wonder if one such person even exists in my area?
06/08/2005
Jun 08, 2005
Well this past weekend I FINALLY cleaned out my closet. I had clothes in there from size 14-26. I took all of the clothes that don't fit out of there and put them in plastic bags and marked them and put them in the attic to take out when I need them. I had 14 bags of stuff! After my surgery it'll be like having a whole new wardrobe. Good thing I'm a pack rat!
The time seems to be passing quick. I only have less than 6 weeks to go until my date. I can't tell you how excited I am. I just can't wait until a year from now. In the summer I go down from full time to 3 days a week. I work Mon, Wed and Fri. Yesterday I was off so I took the kids to the beach in the afternoon for a couple of hours. I was so shot afterward I had to take a nap. I am SOOOOO outa shape. Chasing around a 16 mth old is a lot of work. I can't wait to be able to keep up with him and to go swimming w/my 8 yr old.
The time seems to be passing quick. I only have less than 6 weeks to go until my date. I can't tell you how excited I am. I just can't wait until a year from now. In the summer I go down from full time to 3 days a week. I work Mon, Wed and Fri. Yesterday I was off so I took the kids to the beach in the afternoon for a couple of hours. I was so shot afterward I had to take a nap. I am SOOOOO outa shape. Chasing around a 16 mth old is a lot of work. I can't wait to be able to keep up with him and to go swimming w/my 8 yr old.
05/30/2005
May 30, 2005
I went golfing with a girlfriend this morning. We did 18 holes and even had a cart. By the end of the afternoon I was soooo tired and my feet were killin' me. I am so outa shape it not even funny. How did I let it go this far? I hope this next month goes fast. I don't think I'll golf again until next year. Then I won't need a cart and can walk 18 holes without passing out.
05/24/2005
May 24, 2005
I got all my pre-op appointment schedules in the mail today. This is all getting very REAL now. Less than 2 months to go. I can't wait to get this over with and start my "new life".
05/16/2005
May 16, 2005
Well back from my weekend in Oshkosh. It was nice to get away without the kids and have sometime to myself. I brought my foot bath and my niece gave me a nice pedicure Sat. night. It was great! I got a speeding ticket on the way home. That wasn't so great. . . It's my second one in less than a year. I really need to be careful. I'm going to go out and get myself a radar detector this week so I know where they are all hiding!
About Me
Up North, WI
Location
Surgery
07/20/2005
Surgery Date
Mar 24, 2005
Member Since
Before & After
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