Big Cry Baby!

Jan 10, 2010

 I cried when I first tipped the scales at 189 - I was 26..  I hit Weight Watchers and the track - jogging.  I cried in rage at 30 when I read a medical chart that the doctor left on the counter. It read "30 year old obese black female". I went home, looked up that word obese and cried with a broken heart.  I wanted to demand that he take that word out of my chart.  I weighed,  realized I had gone up a dress size, shut my mouth and went back to the track!  At 39, after the birth of my daughter that they told me I would never have - I creeped. 226, 203, 229, 240,246, 262,  279, 289. Over the past 19 years, I have cried so many times i have lost count.  I cried in hurt when my ex-husband called me "fat'.  I cried in frustration when I couldn't get on my expensive gown and had to wear a business suit to an evening affair.  I cried in shame when on the subway, men used to get up and give me their seat - it was a while before i realized they thought I was pregnant.  This was a mixed blessing - I got a seat on a crowded train every evening.  I cried when my young but honest daughter pointed out "mom see that lady - that is how fat you are and you walk like her too."  I cried in exasperation when I saw what I later learned was a "Moon Face"  in the mirror. I went to bed and did not get up for two days.  That was less than 10 months ago.  That was the end that led to my new beginning.  Something in me snapped. I moved forward from the darkness into the light with a vengeance, researching weight loss clinics and surgeons. 

I cried with joy when I got my date for WLS.  I cried with relief when I woke up and realized I had survived my surgery and a new day was begun.  I cried in Ecstasy when I went below 300 pounds.  I cried in amazement the other day when I went below 260.  Yep, now days, the new me doesn't mind being a BIG CRY BABY.  

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