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Hi everyone, it's been a looooong time since I made a post on here.  The site has changed in so many ways since I originally joined.  And for me, not in a good way.  Not much new to report....livin life and trying to do good with my lifestyle change.  I hope that everyone is doing well with thier journey.  Keep your heads up and push forward.

What's going on everyone?  Just thought it was time to put a little something on the boards for those of you that actually keep up with me and my progress. 

I actually got a chance to meet up with a lady from here on the boards (shout out to imonly30)...come to find out that we live in the same community....and our kids are dating....now isn't that ironic? 

I have finally had the chance to get with someone to keep me on track...and keep me honest.....curses...no more ding dongs on my walks...OK only kidding.  We have started trying to do some walking daily and working hard to try to get in a workout or two a week.  With my crazy work schedule I can't seem to make it to the gym on our property...but wait til the weekends...and I plan on tearing up some treadmill time. 

As for keeping up with all my goals....I have failed miserably....but I am willing to try to refocus myself on getting back on track.  I have succeeded in getting my protein in and taking my vitamins....now I just gotta get that carb and sugar monkey off my back.  They seem to call to me....and even when I'm not trying to hear them I am. 

I have been on and off of steroids for months now for my asthma so my weight has gone up a bit...and I'm not too happy about that.  But all I can do is focus on the stuff I need to do and do it all the time.  To all those evil people who keep bringing me goodies...I really don't like you much...lol.  I have my own team of saboteurs.  I know they mean well, but they know I'm weak....help a sister out already.  At least bring something with coconuts on it....I hate coconuts...that way I won't even be tempted.  Bring me some sugar free candy....at least I will remember the runs and not eat it like a nut again. 

For those of you that don't get why I am saying this...people will "help" you in all the wrong ways...and boy do those ways taste so good.  I still crave my best friend....and at times I give in to her sweet nothings in my ear...but I really do need someone to just snatch that corner of red velvet cake from in front of my face...lol. 

Be kind to your WLS friend....don't bring them good stuff...lol.  Enjoy the holiday, stay safe and don't drink too much and drive.  Take care all.

M

Ok, this is a rant post so if you can't deal with the topic stop reading now and move on.  What I am asking about is coming from a black womans point of view....but i'm not saying that anyone from other races don't deal with this.  So here goes.

Why is it that black men think they are complimenting you when they tell you that....you looking a little thick in those jeans....your azz is fat (F-A-T not P-H-A-T) or my personal favorite....you gettin' a little healthy and fillin' out those clothes.  What the hell? 

For years, I have fought with my weight...and just as I FINALLY get comfortable in my own skin I get some azzhole telling me i'm getting fat.  What the hell?  Why can't they just say you look nice? why not just say those jeans look nice.  But no, I have to be reminded that i'm fat.  because instantly I begin to scrutinize my weight and how i look.  I question everything about me yet again.

In my head, I know it's a compliment.  But in my dark side of my mind I am back to the fat woman I was before my WLS.  I get so tired of jumping through that hoop.  Wondering if I will ever totally feel like a human being....without all the doubts and second guesses. 

Men need to realize how the power of thier words affect us....but I doubt they ever will.  Will this vicious cycle EVER end?  I finally told that guy to stop saying anything to me because he was only making my struggle with my weight even worse.  He apologized....tried to explain....but the damage was already done and I told him I didn't want to hear it.

I am so tired....emotionally i'm drained.  This journey is a rough one.  It's almost been 4 years since my surgery and I just don't see where it has helped me.  Yes it has gotten rid of the health issues and made my body change....but it has made me a basket case....never feeling normal for any long periods of time.  Just when I feel a little secure....someone says something to send me back into the abiss.  Can anyone relate to what i'm talking about?  Guess i've gotten this rant out of my system...thanks for listening.  Talk to you soon.

M

Well....talk about a deep subject...lol.  I finally got all  the dental work I needed to have done.  I am in the final  leg of that journey...having everything put in on Aug. 1...YAY.  I am so glad that I did this.  I feel and look so much better than I have in many years.  The mouth  looks great even with all the temp stuff in place.  I just hate that my dentist is leaving to  go  to Texas.  Just when I thought that it was safe to go back to the dentist....I get to find a new one.  But at least this time around all the major work is completed. I will have 3 bridges, 2 crowns and a partial plate for the bottom for the back teeth.  But even now the mouth looks awesome with the temps in...I could totally live with it. 

On a totally other note....I FINALLY got approved for my disability (ssdi).  My case went before the ALJ for review and he approved it based on the facts in my file.  I just can't believe that it took them 28 months to tell me that "hey, you are legally blind".  I have been telling them that all along.  So I guess I will wait for the letter from my local Social Security office for all of the details.  That in and of itself is truly a blessing.  I have been fighting so long for this that I can finally take a deep breath.  I just wanted to give you all a breif update.  So take care for now....will write more soon.

M

Well all, hello again.  It's been a while since I made an update for all of you to see...so here I go. 

As I had written about early on in my blogs, I have been wanting to have some dental work done to get my smile back the way that it use to be.  Well, I have finally taken the steps and started getting things going.  So far I have had 5 teeth removed, 3 temp crowns put in place, had part of my extensive cleaning done and had my original root canal retreated.  I had this stuff done about 4 weeks ago and am meeting with the oral surgeon tomorrow morning to see how soon I can get the rest of the teeth i need to have taken out done as well as having the bone in my jaw sanded down to make room for my partials.  Talk about terrified...this visit is really worrying me...not for the extractions...but for the bone itself.  

I have had to take out 2 loans to help me pay for all my dental work...and I only pray that the second one is enough for the surgeon...but I should know by the afternoon tomorrow...so keep me in prayer on this one.

I am also still waiting on news about my SSDI hearing...but I have FINALLY been assigned to an ALJ.  So I am hoping that it is only a matter of time before I hear something about my hearing...or at least have a date set for my hearing.

The panic attacks have increased to some degree...but I know that most is in part to do with all the  "balls I have in the air".  But for the most part I haven't had to take too many pills for them.  I only take them when they are severe.  

Besides those things there isn't much else going on...thankfully...lol.  I will try to keep you posted.  Take care all.

M

Hello all...I have been away for a long time from this place....and I think that it's time for me to get back to basics in my own way.  Life has again gotten in my way...and I am doing things that I haven't done in a long time....like eating things that I shouldn't.  I am in my first week of detox so I am on the turnaround.  But dang, it is so easy to get off track.  I have yet to find a place that I feel comfortable these days.  But I will continue to look for that place.  

I think that I am a bit stressed out as well as lonely...but that is no real surprise this was going on when I decided to have this surgery.  So for all of you who think that surgery will fix these things...it doesn't...get help.  While I have not regained..I feel that I am my own worst enemy.  To all the old timers that know me.....HELP....I feel like i'm drowning.  The boards aren't the same for me so I don't go there much...but I also don't see too many people who were on here when I started out.  If you are reading this...please feel free to PM me and I will get right back with you.  But with all respect to the newbies....if you don't truly know what i've been through please hold your opinions to yourself....I can't promise that I will be "nice" in my response to you during this time.  This is a call to the old timers....Thanks in advance for your help all.

Hi everyone....it's been a whole month since my last update.  And boy do I feel like it's long overdue.  This isn't a cry for help so please don't fel like I need an instant intervention.  This is just me being true to the things that I think and feel.  So hang on to your hats...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

I have found that it is so easy to get away from the things that you know that you are suppose to do and slip back into bad old habits. Even in moderation...it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that everything is "fine".  It starts with...I can have just one piece of chocolate and slowly hits that slippery slope of eating it daily.  It got to the point that I could finish an entire bag of hersheys truffles in the span of 3 days....not exceeding the allotted portion....but the bag didn't say how many portions I could have in a day...lol.  So now I can't even bring them home.  

What else have I learned?....That liquor goes down TOO easy.  I can easily drink 3 vodka and cran apple juices and still function through the buzz.  The buzz lasts for about an hour and i'm back to reality.  Is this a good thing to know?  For me it is...because i'm 27 months out and drinking fluids is MUCH easier than it was when I first had surgery.  This is not something that anyone needs to test...but this is just something that I have found for myself that I could become addicted to and not realize it before it was too late.  

I can truly say that NOW I can see how easy it is to develope a cross addiction.  Before anyone panics and thinks i'm doing this daily....please relax, as this is not the case...this is merely an observation of one instance of drinking.  

On a lighter note, work is busy as heck....and I hardly have time too do much surfing anymore.  The kids are well and so is hubby.  Nothing new on the SSDI front so there isn't anything to report on that.

Feel free to leave comments.  Hugs to all, take care.

Moni

.hov:hover{background-color:yellow}Music Video:http://videzonn.com/videos/h/heather_headley/in_my_mind.html" target='_blank'>IN MY MIND  (by Heather Headley)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

Well all,  I have made it to 2 years out from surgery as of today.  Talk about miracles.

The ride has been a long hard one but it has definately been a memorable one.  Have I forgotten where I came from?....Heck no.  This journey has brought about many different feelings about myself and others.  It has brought me sadness and happiness.  

Would I do it again?...In a heartbeat.  I just thought that I would share some of the ramblings of a 2 year post op.....YAY me.  

Take care.

Moni

Not trying to scare anyone but I really felt the need to post this for those of you who THINK that supplements aren't important.  That is a myth...they are very important.  I have taken my vitamins and calcium faithfully since my surgery.  But I recently went to a new dr. who drew my bloodwork and added a few things that my original surgeon didn't test for and got a bit of a shock.

He did the bloodwork to test my vitamin D level....and mine was in the toilet....literally.  You should be at no less than 32....mine was at 17.  Needless to say that I am now taking 50,000 IU a week to get back to where I should be for the next 4 months (yes you read that number correctly...it's not a typo).  

If your dr. isn't testing you for this....ASK FOR IT.  This is NOTHING to play around with.  I only wish that I had known earlier to ask for this to be done.  There is no telling how long I had been this low.  

On a good note, all my other bloodwork came back GREAT.  Be your own advocate...if you don't feel right...let them know.  Good luck.

Moni