Three years since my VSG (spoiler alert: life is good)

Mar 09, 2016

Hey! How are you, OH? I've missed you. Things have been tumultuous around here, but overall it looks like Life Stuff is settling down some—and mostly in good ways. A quick recap of the last however-many-months: 

• In May, I was laid off from a high-stress, low-paying job that I loved very much and felt LOTS OF FEELINGS about this turn of events
• In June, I accepted a part-time job at a place I'd been volunteering—part-time so I could take some classes and process what happened at Former Job and just get a little breathing room and plan for whatever came next
• In August, an old friend came to stay with us while she looked for a job and tried to get back on her feet after a series of crappy events made her then-current living situation intolerable
• In September, my husband and I closed on a new house (!!!) (well, new to us—it was built in 1912) and in October we moved in...
• ...leaving our houseguest in our old place with our pack of horrible dogs while we dog-proofed the yard of the new house
• In December, still jobless, our houseguest joined us in the new house so my parents could finally sell the condo we'd been living in
• In January, she got a job!
• In February, she lost the job! ...and then a bunch of other stuff unraveled, and our already-deteriorating friendship went from Not Great to Nonexistant and she decided to go back to her home state. We are no longer in touch, but my husband and I both wish her well.

Woo, so yeah, lots of everything happening. Plus my so-called "part-time" job is not always so part-timey. Working a lot of hours, with a schedule that changes every week, makes it difficult to stay on top of things like "exercise" and "eating right" and although I'm not screwing up every single thing I do continue to struggle and at this point, imagine "struggle" is just how it's going to be for me—forever. I have recommitted to getting at least one protein shake a day, and my vitamins, and I'm staying reasonably active (thanks largely to my part-time job, which involves TONS of walking most days). 

As I ease myself back onto ye olde job market, I have to keep in mind that once I have a "normal" job again with a regular schedule it is imperative that I make time for meaningful exercise. Some friends invited us to their gym a couple weeks ago and I liked that a lot. It was a small place, and the balance was just right for me: plenty of individual attention, so I didn't feel lost in the back of a packed classroom, but not as intense as a personal trainer. When I do get a better-paying job I'm hoping to talk my husband into looking into joining. I'd also really like to take regular dance lessons again. There's a dance studio a two-minute walk from our new place, so that's got to be a sign, right? One other cool thing: the friend who invited us to her gym has also gotten me line-dancing once a week for the last few weeks. I am hilariously terrible at it but it's fun and although I wouldn't call it an intense workout, hey, it's keeping me active and trying new things. In other words, line dancing is exactly the sort of thing I hoped wls would make possible.

How are my stats three years out? Well, I was weighed at urgent care a few weeks or a month ago and the scale said 172. But more recently I went in for a Pap smear (FUN) and was more like 168. I'm calling it 170. Which...I'm not thrilled about, to be honest. But I know why I weigh that much: I eat a lot. And way too much of the wrong stuff. But overall I'm feeling much more in control and sane than I did, for example, last spring when things were unraveling at Former Job. For that matter, I'm feeling about 1000% better than I did over these last few months when things were getting tense and unpleasant with our houseguest. (Husband and I both did a lot of stress eating. And terror eating. And rage eating.) I want to be realistic; I'm not going to be eating like I did when I was eight months post-op. But I also need to hold myself to a higher standards than "whatever, I'll eat what I want". My goal for the next couple months is to keep track of what and how much I eat, get a lot of exercise, and just generally do better. I'd like to lose about ten pounds. I think that's realistic and sustainable. 

Usually I'm okay with how I look. I won't lie; I loved being down to 150 and sometimes I beat myself up for regaining so much. But I don't think I can quite manage to hang onto that; maintaining 150 would be a full-time job for me, and a stressful job at that. Aiming for 160 seems good. 

Other things I need to do: find a primary care physician, schedule a checkup at the Center For Weight Loss Surgery (I'm so overdue, argh!), consider not eating so many cookies. 

Anyway, I bought a bathing suit today. (If you're curious, I uploaded pictures to my album as proof that I did in fact do this thing.) It was fraught and weird and nerve-wracking BUT I was able to just walz into Fred Meyer, pull a few suits off the rack, and all of them fit. (Well, one set of bottoms were probably a size too small. But I could put them on!) Even if I didn't look amazing in each of them, they fit. I had choices. Off-the-rack choices. And I found one I liked. A relatively inexpensive off-the-rack bathing suit in one try. Even three years out, this stuff still gets me right in the feelings. I think options are improving for folks who wear plus sizes, but they're nowhere near where they need to be, and every time I'm able to do something like just go and BUY a bathing suit (as if it wasn't even a big deal!) I'm reminded of how crappy and unfair the fashion industry is to fat people. Needs to improve, seriously.

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