Dinka Doo

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I find it interesting that everyone when they start off seem to have a lot to say. As time goes on and we settle into a losing pattern - no matter how slow it seems - we tend to feel less compelled to keep our journals up to date. I think this is a good sign in a way - a sign that we have other things on our minds. We get so consumed with our surgeries that sometimes things outside that realm get ignored. I still feel it imperative that we focus on this to a degree so we don't become complacent (which is EASY to do), but living life and going out and doing more is a great excuse for not catching up on our journals!

Anyway, what's new with me? Um, not a whole lot it seems, but I'm sure if I thought hard enough I would find something!

I am stuck at 212 right now. I got down to 211 a couple of times but bounce back to 212. I really wanted to get down under 200 by my 1 year anniversary but that I don't think will happen. My cycle has already passed with a net loss of zero (first time for that pattern to not be repeated), so I am just hoping I can show some sort of net loss for this last month before my anniversary hits. I have 10 days left! Yikes!

I am wearing a size 16 on pants and it seems 16 on tops are a bit large. I desperately need plastic surgery on the most obvious body parts. I'm hoping that I can start documenting the rashes (yes, I definitely have them!) to get the tummy tuck paid by insurance, but I'm not going to hold my breath. It's pretty bad though. My biggest problem is I don't feel comfortable enough with my current doctor to document my rashes so I need to just find one I am comfortable with. Silly, I know, but whatever!

I have been anemic and I've been horrible about remembering to take my iron. I have felt weak lately so I am trying to force myself to remember. Hard for me when I don't feel bad or cold or anything, so I end up forgetting. I have started losing hair again and I am pretty sure that is why. So everything else is fine but I just need to make sure I lean on myself over the iron issue. As if to add insult to injury, I had this last period only 3 weeks after my last one. That's a first for me also - not normal at all, but my cycles haven't been any sort of normal since surgery anyway. Good ol' PCOS.

Well, I will try to update on my anniversary date. I took vacation for a long weekend then so I can celebrate somehow. Hopefully I will be able to celebrate a net loss this month!

Thought I'd update a short one. I'm down to 219 (106 lb loss) right now. I haven't weighed yet today but it seems I'm going to stick with the "lose when you have a period" thing. That could be a long time with me and my stinking PCOS.

I have had a lot of stuff going on in my life lately and just haven't had time to post much. I will try to do more in the future. I just have too many irons in the fire and I need to cut back on responsibilities.

Looking forward to a week off for Christmas!

Well, I thought I would update more going to a blog and I have failed miserably. I just keep forgetting this is here!!!

I have FINALLY hit the 100 lbs lost mark. I hit that about a week ago and am quite thankful it was before my 9 month anniversary! I don't think I could hack it taking much longer. I'm 223.5 today and hoping to see a few more gone this week. I have been stalled out for quite awhile. Could be due to the new med I was put on (the timing is just about right) or it could just be that it is my time. That and stress...

Speaking of stress, I won't go into a lot of details as I just don't have a lot of time, but my father had a massive stroke mid-November and ended up on life support. We did take him off it and he died on his birthday Nov 18th. He was 68 years old. It was a really rough week, but I am so thankful my family was able to come out and be here. (He ended up in the hospital in my town. Long story.) It was very therapeutic to have everyone here.

Things are getting back to a sembelence of normal now and we are slowly seeing some Christmas decorations go up. It's a process in our house!

Oh - on my size: I have a pair of 18's that are just falling off me, but I think they are ones that are running large. I fit most 18's but have been able to get into 16's lately as well. Most are too snug (for pants anyway) to feel comfortable wearing right now, but I think in 10 lbs I'll be pretty secure into that size. I tried on a pair of 14's I could wear today too...how weird! For shirts, I can comfortably wear a 16.

The thing that annoys me the most right now is my flap of skin on my belly. I know that seems to be everyone's pet peeve. I can suffer with my arms for now, but that belly has got to go! I have quite a bit to go before I get the tummy tuck though, so I may as well just suck it up and cope. I just HATE how it looks under clothing and have taken to wearing body shapers to try and smoosh it smooth. Oh - and my legs. Yuck! Any hope of wearing shorts has gone flying out the window. Gotta get those lifted as well. And the girls need a hoist as well. Wonder if getting it all at once would be too much? Hmmmm. Well, I guess you need money to even consider it, huh?

Time to get ready for the support group meeting. No rest for the wicked this week. It's hell at work with the weather, and finishing up a cold means I get to cough myself silly and end up with 4 hours of sleep. Oh joy!

Just a short note. I'm still waiting to hit 90 lbs. I'm down 89 right now but having a heck of a time getting to that next decade. I would love to hit that century mark by my 7 month anniversary, but "FAT CHANCE" comes to mind. That's only 6 days away and a bit of a feat, if you ask me.

On vacation now and looking forward to some time off. If I don't get sick, it's to the coast we go! Woohoo!!!

Ahhhhh - vacation time!

I am happy to say that I am on vacation. I need the sleep, that's for sure!

Not going to be a long post, but I will say that my weight loss has sped up since last month. I directly attribute this to walking on a more regular basis and for longer periods of time.

I am anxious for 200 to come. I've waited so long and never thought I'd see it, but now it's within reach. It's almost like I'm more motivated than ever to get down there. I haven't been below 200 since 1987. That's 17 years folks! A long long time.

I have been horrible and buying lots of clothes lately even though I know I'm not going to wear them very long. I just hate looking frumpy, so I find myself looking for more pants that fit, etc. I need to stop!

Okay - enough blabbering. I have to go to bed. Very tired now. Toodles!

This will be much quicker then!

I am now 238 lbs. That is 87 lbs down from surgery but 100 lbs since my high from a couple years ago! Wow! I can hardly believe it!!! I am wearing a size 18 about now. Women's 18 fits nicely (as you can see in the pic) but misses size 18 is too tight. I know that today's 18 is like the 20 of 10 years ago, but still it's nice to be looking for clothing that isn't in the 20's anymore! I still have some in the 20's that fit nicely though, so I'm not deluding myself. In fact, I have some older pants that are sized before the clothing industry expanded the clothing sizes and they fit as I expected to fit right now. I have a pair of 24 Cherokee slim fit pants that are finally getting loose on me a little, but they still look fitted and quite nice. The others are size 20 that fit just about right if not slightly snug.

Anyway, below is my most recent pic from a couple days after my 6 month anniversary. I was 245 here and 80 lbs down at the time:

Kinda tired. Need to learn the value of forcing oneself to go to bed at a decent hour. Anymore I feel like I am in luxurious sloth to sleep 6 hours. Yeesh!

I have too many things I want to do, yet in the process of trying to do those things I always get sidetracked onto something else. I don't know how many things I forget to do when I get home. I am wondering if I shouldn't take another Adderall when I get off work to see if I can concentrate on the tasks I want to accomplish - including going to bed at a decent hour. I know they wake me up usually, but I am thinking they wouldn't interfere with sleep. Who knows.

Pondering a thought here....I responded to someone's question about choosing between RNY and lap band on the S of the Border board. I was flabbergasted to see a plethora of people board hopping coming over to express their views on why RNY was so horrid. I tried to post a response that was reasoned and non-passionate. Making sure in the process to be honest and unbiased, even though I ended up with an RNY. I in fact did consider the band, but that was ruled out with my hiatal hernia. Anyway, I shared what Dr. Mirande in Klamath Falls explained about the success rate of each type of surgery, also making a point to state that success also has to do with the individual and how much effort you put into it. Blah blah blah. I knew these threads could heat up so I really gave it my full effort to make sure not to give anyone anything they would take offense to.

Well, I found that was just plain impossible. Some people will jump down your throat regardless of your stance - even if you hint that RNY is an acceptable alternative in some cases. I was shocked at one "woman" who won't even list her name or picture. She is just outright nasty and makes a point to needle me and tell me how I'm full of misinformation and "crap". Her words, not mine. What a PITA.

I played nice, much against my inner urgings to verbally rip her a new one. But this got me to thinking about something. Invariably people will go onto the main OH message board and complain that those who have the RNY are excluding the folks who have the band. I never saw that but what I do see is a group of people who have convinced themselves that the world is against them and they then immediately take the offensive regardless of how you welcome them. I have seen it happen time and time again and it's getting really old to see. I don't blame the people, but I do blame the environments such as message boards where this negativity is compounded and spewed. These people can't help but walk out into the rest of their boards with the perception that everyone has their eyes on them to fail. I never even notice what surgery people choose. I figure they made an informed decision and that is good enough for me. But even though you make sure to let people know you support their decision and are happy for their success, some, like this "lady" will consistently push and prod and try to twist what you said into proving you are against the lap band.....and thus those who have it.

The main problem this "woman" had was that I explained to the one person asking on the SOUTH OF THE BORDER forum about the pros and cons. I simply stated that the only 2 real problems I know of with the band is that there is a risk of slippage (which is still presenting a lower risk than the RNY, btw) and then if you go to Mexico that some people have had a really hard time finding a doctor who will do fills for them. This is a fact. I don't make this stuff up to piss people off. I just get it from people on local boards who lament that they can't get help. Just because one person in one part of the country is able to find someone for fills doesn't mean that it's that easy everywhere else. So this was just a warning that if one chooses to go there to make sure you research who will provide this service for you if you need it when you get home, or build in the cost of fills to more trips to Mexico. It wasn't intended to be discouraging, and I don't think it was. It was just a warning to be prepared. But this person - and some others - but mainly her, decided that this was something to really jump on. ::sigh::

Whatever. I find it incredibly disconcerting how polarized some people insist on making the lines between RNY and lap band. More and more now I feel these folks who hang around these lap band or "bandsters" boards are just wallowing in negativity that ultimately gets projected onto everyone else. If someone is mean to you - address it. But if you are looking to pick a fight, then I think it's time to step back and re-evaluate what is really going on. Are you always fighting to express your point? If so - and if you are fighting with people constantly, then it might be an indication that you have been whipped into a frenzy by someone else and are reading into what people are saying. Why bother? There is room for everyone to choose the surgery of their choice. I wish we didn't HAVE to have surgery at all, but right now that is the best alternative for me and others like me. Whatever gets us to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is good by me. Believe me or don't.

Okay - time to really get off here. I ranted. I got it off my chest. Now time to go back and see if nasty woman wrote another nasty post.

This is like when you are trying to train a dog to flip the doggie biscuit off his nose into his mouth. You keep saying "wait for it........wait for it......" and ultimately the dog blows it. But you keep trying. That's what it is like trying to get to the 75 lb mark. Why are these little tiny pounds getting to me anyway? I dunno why I worry so much, but I do. I am such a stinking slow loser, yet I don't feel that way about others who are in line with my rate of loss. Why is that? Well, maybe because I still feel quite fat. I realize that at 251 that I am still heavier than many people who seek to have this surgery. It's hard to see some people on my March message board (I mostly lurk for time constraints now though) who are already close or at goal. It's hard to watch that and realize that I am nowhere near seeing that right now, and it seems so far away for me.

I don't mean to sound whiney, because I am happy for everyone who loses quickly and gets to their goals quickly. It's not sour grapes. It's just more about *me* and my sad sack outlook. I feel like I will still fail. How's that for ya, huh?

Alrighty then! I just started doing my blog this way. I figure it is going to be easier to update quickly than trying to work in all the HTML on my OH profile. I will just do picture updates and such there and keep my journal here.

I still have not hit the 75 lb mark - was so hoping to see it by my 5 month anniversary, but it remains somewhat elusive. I am down 73 lbs right now so just a couple more to go though.

I have had the mother of all horrible periods the last few days. I know I couldn't possibly have, but it did cross my mind that I wondered if I was having a miscarriage. It was as intense as when I had one years ago. I think it's just the PCOS and hormones getting into shape after losing weight. I feel a little better now but go through chunks of time where I am miserable again.

Started out just crampy and bleeding but not heavily. Then a couple of hell nights at work where I tried to dull the pain with Tylenol, and I was ready to crawl into a hole by the time I got off work on Wednesday morning. I made some chai tea and waited for it to kick in so I could go to the bathroom. When I did I felt so sick and miserable. I ended up having to take my husband's vicodin to get through.....and it still didn't get rid of the pain. If you are a guy reading this - sorry, but I think it's important for women to hear this. If you are sensitive to these things, breeze on past please because it will get worse.

Anyway, I was bleeding through a super plus tampon and a pad every hour. I was so tired but I couldn't go to bed because my bed would have looked like a murder scene if I didn't take care of things. I had some extremely large clots as well, but as for the possibility of miscarriage, I will just say that it doesn't look the same, so I really am sure I didn't have one. But it hurt like it was.

I of course couldn't take Advil or other NSAID's so I was just suffering through. Should have just gone in and gotten an Rx for the vicodin but I didn't want to go anywhere for obvious reasons. It was horrible though because within a day of starting this, my legs ached so intensely and I was weak and dizzy. I know I have to be very low in iron...keep forgetting to take a pill. But it happened that quickly. So ladies, be forewarned, if you have PCOS or other cycle problems, prepare yourself for this. Hopefully it won't happen, but I've heard from many that it is common.

On an up note, my counselor today told me that her husband who is a pharmacist creates a compound cream with ibuprofen that works immediately. I am going to see about getting a prescription for it because I need something for these cramps that will work and I'd rather not chance taking an NSAID since there is a risk of ulcer with them. I will post what the results are when I get it. This might be a wonderful answer for bariatric patients!

Okay - well, I have early overtime Friday (for me anyway) so I need to get to bed before I don't get ANY sleep. Gotta try to fluff up my profile a bit and then will hit the hay.

Here are my most recent comparison shots.