Jean M.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Today I had an appt. with my counselor, G., for the first time in a month.  "You change so much every time I see you!"  she exclaimed.  "it's not just your body size, it's the self-confidence and joy you radiate."

Although I went in there feeling crappy from my bad day yesterday, I left her office feeling like a million bucks (which happens quite often - one reason I love her).  She has a way of reinforcing all the positive stuff and making the negative stuff seem insignificant or at least manageable.

G. asked, "So, are you thinking of having an affair?"  "What?!" I exclaimed.  She said she has 3 other WLS patients (2 RNY, 1 band) who are all married and now, having lost weight, are having affairs!  They apparently are so hungry for attention that they couldn't resist the allure of adultery.  I told G. I wasn't at all tempted by that.  "Well, I think you went into surgery with stronger self-esteem than any of them did," she said.

She also said, "I like the outfit you have on today," then paused.  I was wearing denim leggings (size 14) and a fairly close-fitting blue print cotton knit top.  I said, "But?"  and she ignored me and finished by saying, "Because it's not baggy!  You always used to hide in baggy clothes."  She's right.  I figured if I wore a tent, no one would notice how fat I was.
I told her about the tee shirt I bought in St. Lucia - it's really pretty, a soft cocoa color with a black filigree printed design and the words "St. Lucia" in small letters - not touristy at all.  It was the biggest one the shop had in that style (large) and looked about the right size for a Barbie doll, but I tried it on in the fitting room and it fit...skin tight...and I still bought it and wore it happily while on vacation.  It's not quite tee-shirt weather here yet (though it's getting close) so I'll have to see if I have the guts to wear it around town.

I need to whine.  Today I woke up at 6:30 am with a headache.  Thought it was because I was fasting before having blood tests done, but after I ate it stayed with me despite several doses of Tylenol.  It's now 3:40 pm and the headache is still here.  

I called the VA this morning to find out the status of my mother's application for an increase in her Aid & Attendance benefits (since moving into Assisted Living that costs $2570/mo).  They wouldn't talk to me because I'm not my mom's official "fiduciary".  I requested the paperwork for that and said I would call back later when I was with my mom and put her on the phone to tell them it's OK to talk to me.

Later, after a mind-numbing session of physical therapy for my hurting back, I went over to see my mother and call the VA back.  They have an automated phone system that makes it almost impossible to talk to a human being.  Then my mother couldn't hear the woman over the phone who was trying to authenticate her identity.  Then 10 minutes waiting for the woman to look up my mother's application, only to find out that it's still "in process" and the department that handles that is really backed up right now by an annual income review or something like that.  "Well, we're running out of money here," I said.  The woman apologized and told me to call back in 2 weeks.  I know there are thousands of other deserving veterans out there waiting for benefits, but it's been over 3 mos. since I sent in the application and at this rate, my mom's going die before we ever get it resolved.  I drove home wondering what I would do if we run out of money for Assisted Living.  We don't have room to move her in with us - or the patience, bless her heart.  The thought of applying for Medicaid so we could move her into a nursing home (which she would hate) makes my heart sink.

When I got home from town, I discovered that my pug, Polly, had stolen about 12 tissues out of the box on the table by my chair and chewed them up, shit on my office rug, and stole a pen out of a mug on the table by my chair and chewed THAT up.  What a darling.  She just smiled and wagged her tail.

Meanwhile, my #1 client is driving me crazy by changing their mind about the latest big project EVERY day.  I don't know how they stay in business when they conduct themselves like that.  I'd like to tell them to take a hike but I need the money to pay for the danged Assisted Living!

OK, I've got it out of my system.  I feel better now.  I'm going to go sit down with the 2 dogs in my lap and chill out for a while.

I posted about this on the lap-band forum yesterday and today but thought I'd blog it here too for posterity.

When I saw Dr. Argotte yesterday, he gave me a .2 cc fill and told me to test my band restriction as follows:

Prepare & measure 2 cups of oatmeal or cottage cheese.  Eat it continuously until you can't eat another bite (no longer than 30 min.).  Measure what's left in order to figure out how much you ate.  With good restriction, you should be able to eat no more than 1 cup.  

I tried it this morning with oatmeal and ate 1 cup exactly, so in theory yesterday's fill was perfect.  We'll see how I do with the between-meals hunger.  Before yesterday, I was getting hungry 1 hr after eating.  So far today it's more like 2 to 2-1/2 hrs - improved, but not ideal.

Yesterday I got a letter from Tanis, the aunt I tried (unsuccessfully) to move from Massachusetts to Tennessee earlier this year.  She wrote:

REMEMBERING:
- your good marriage
- 4 acres of gorgeous land
- afternoon family walks
- Georgie's & Polly's constant love
- delicious & different dinners
- mixed nuts
- fried pickles
- pulled pork on a roll
- J's many kindnesses
- V's many duties & errands (including my trash!)
- the airport runs willingly done by J.
- and always the tornadoes!
Thank you both for everything you did for me.
Tanis

It really touched me.  It also amused me that 4 of the 12 items on her list involved food.  I come by my obesity honestly!

My stay in St. Lucia was wonderful.  The Body Holiday resort is charming, friendly, intimate, with great service and great food.  I had 4 spa treatments: a full body massage, a facial, a hand and foot massage, and a back and neck massage.  Also did body toning, body stretch, and water aerobics classes.  The water aerobics was too much fun!  I got slightly sunburned - not too bad considering how fair I am - and super relaxed.  My room was right on the beach, with its own balcony and a fabulous view.

The trip home was grueling, though.  The flight departure was delayed 1 hr (due to delay of the incoming aircraft), then delayed another hour because of strong head winds, then after we landed in Atlanta some kind of security problem in the baggage area delayed the deplaning another hour.  So I missed my connecting flght to Memphis.  Delta put me up in the Clarion Hotel overnight and gave me a $7 food voucher, which was fine, but it was 12:30 am by the time I got to bed and I was too exhausted to sleep.  Then had to get up at 5:30 am to get my flight out this morning.  Only a 1 hr flight, but a 3-hr drive home in pouring rain.  Home sweet home.

I didn't worry about food while I was gone.  I ate whatever I wanted, pretty much whenever I wanted, including rum punch and banana-coconut smoothies.  No bread or other starches, but I did eat desserts.  I ate in small quantities, but I'm pretty sure I ate more than my usual daily caloric allowance.  Now I'm afraid to get on the scale!

I talked to Noah today about Kirk's violation of the restraining order.  He tried talking to the NY State Police and didn't get anywhere, so he was going to have my NY attorney try to get a warrant for Kirk's arrest, and Noah will go to TX to serve it on him and bring him back to NY to jail.  Noah just wants me to pay for the gas and hotel.  I said OK.

Kirk called again tonight.  I didn't answer the call.

My brother violated the restraining order I have against him by calling me 4 times this evening.  The first time, he said, "How's Mom?  Is she OK?  Does she have the flu?" (who knows where he got this idea).  I said, "She's fine, and you're not supposed to be calling me," and hung up.  He called back in 5 min, again in 10 min, then again 2.5 hrs later.  I didn't take the calls.  The last time he left a voice mail message in an angry, bitter tone, asking me how much money he would have to pay me for the right to talk to his mother now that I "own and control" her.  "It's all about money, isn't it?" he said.  I wanted to scream, "No, it's about you abusing her!"

The number Kirk was calling from was a Dallas, TX area code.  This jives with what he told my aunt when he called her recently and reported he was living in Dallas.

After the first call, I called Noah (my NY bodyguard, who has been looking for Kirk for my attorney) and asked him who I'm supposed to notify of the violation: local police, NY police, or TX police.  He said he didn't know and would get back to me.  When I didn't hear from him in 15 min, I called the local sheriff's office.  They looked Kirk up in the NCIC computer and found the restraining order.  An officer called me back and told me that as far as he knows, Tennessee will not extradite from Texas just for violation of a restraining order.  So the restraining order that I worked so hard to get is basically useless at protecting me.  The officer said he'd file a report, talk to his captain about it in the morning and call me back tomorrow.

V. said that the report is good, because if Kirk ever does show up in this county, having that report on file will make things worse for him.  And he said that calling the Dallas police is pointless because they probably have plenty of murders and robberies to keep them busy without worrying about a restraining order.

I'm so pissed off I can't think straight.

This day started off bad when I weighed myself this morning and found I hadn't lost anything since 3/4/08.  Then I had to take my mother to the eye doctor.  It takes me 20 min. to get to my mother's assisted living facility, 20 min. to get her out of there and into the car because she moves so slowly (complaining the whole time), and 30 min. to get to the doctor's office.  There we waited 2 freaking hours to see the doctor.  (I like this doctor - used him for removal of a corneal cyst a few years ago, but told him at the time he had the worst-run office of any doctor I ever saw in my whole life.)  Then another 30 min. to get new RX's, make another appt., and get my mother to and from the toilet and back out to the car.  By this time I was starving, but the only restaurants available were all fast food, so we drove home (another 30 min.).  I stopped at a fairly nice restaurant here in town for lunch and Mom didn't want to get out of the car.  "I just want something to eat out of my hand," she whined (meaning McDonald's).  "Well, I can't eat food like that any more, so we're eating here.  You can get a sandwich here."  Mom sighed deeply and got out of the car.  After we were seated at our table (another 20 min), she couldn't make up her mind what she wanted and ordered the same thing as me (green salad with grilled chicken and pecans).  Then she complained that there were nuts in the salad and she can't eat nuts. "It said nuts on the menu," I said.  "I know, but I wasn't thinking straight," she replied.  Either I was eating too fast or was tight because of tension because my salad got stuck after 2 bites.  I could hardly talk to tell the waitress we wanted "to go" boxes.  Mom insisted on taking her salad to go even though she wasn't going to eat it because of the damned nuts.  Whatever.  Another 15 min. to get to her assisted living facility, another 20 min. to get her inside and hand over the salad and the new RX's to the nurse, and I was finally free.  Another 20 min. to get home - I'm still starving - it's 2:15 pm by then - I tried to eat more salad, got stuck again.  I gave up and went into my office to catch up with my business e-mail, but my husband came home from work early, the dogs went beserk, and they were all pissed off that I wouldn't go for a walk with them because I had work to finish.  When they came back, V. wanted to chat, but I was still trying to work.  That's one thing that sucks about working at home - your family is likely to think that because your body is there, all of you is available for family instead of work.

Tonight I have a church vestry meeting from 7-8 pm, so I have to get supper on the table at 5 pm or I won't have time to eat it slowly, clean up, and leave for church on time.

Aaargh!

Just as Dr. Argotte predicted, my band is getting looser.  The good news is, I'm not struggling so much to get solid food down.  The bad news is, I'm getting hungry faster between meals.  I will weigh myself on 3/19, the 6-mo anniversary of my surgery, and am extremely curious to see if I've lost anything.  For some reason, I feel as if I  haven't.

I saw my gastro-enterologist's NP, who reported that the polyps Dr. Nuako removed were pre-cancerous (same kind as I'd had in the past).  So I have to go back for a follow-up colonoscopy in 3 yrs unless I have problems before then.

After a week of physical therapy, my back is feeling a tiny bit better.  The physical therapist thinks my problem is postural - weak muscles from all those years of slouching to "hide" my big breasts.  He gave me rubber bands to exercise with at home.  I have to wrap a band around the bed-post in the spare room and sit on the floor to do one of the exercises, which the dogs think is very curious.

I finally got my 1-week pre-op pix from Dr. A.'s office and figured out how to put them side-by-side with my 5-mo post-op pix.  Somehow in the process the pre-op pix got kind of squashed so that I look shorter and wider than I really was.  I'm glad I got the pre-op pix because I can really see the difference now.  I didn't realize I was as big as I was pre-op.  And those pix were taken after a 19.5 lb weight loss on the pre-op diet!  Yikes!

I saw Dr. Argotte on Tuesday morning and he is thrilled with my progress.  I had lost 8 lbs since I last saw him a month ago, which he said is a higher than average weight loss.  He said I'm doing "awesome".  I asked him about taking some fill out of my band because of my problems getting meat and veggies in and he said that while he would be glad to do that if I want, I should be aware that such problems are typical with better band restriction and they'll get better as I continue to lose weight and shrink the fat around my stomach.  So I decided to tough it out some more.  Dr. A. told me to bring him my food log with notes about stuck episodes to my next appt (April 14) so he can see exactly what's giving me problems, but that many band patients can't eat any kind of meat at all and must get their protein from LF cottage cheese and the like.

Finally, Dr. A. reported that the mole he removed from my belly 10 days ago was perfectly benign, which is a relief.

Today I saw my PCP, Dr. John as he is known (his given name is John).  Although he originally tried to discourage me from having WLS, Dr. J. too is thrilled with my weight loss and gave me a lab form to have my sugar, AIC, cholesterol & triglycerides checked again in 4 weeks with the hope of going off the Lipitor.  His response to my back pain was to X-ray my thoracic region, which showed no arthritis or other obvious problems other than a slight sideways curvature of the spine.  He prescribed 6 weeks of physical therapy (3X/week) and if that doesn't help, will do an MRI.  I like the idea of PT better than taking painkillers, especially now that I am struggling with getting the cursed Valium out of my system.  I am 6 weeks into my tapering-off schedule and suffering breakthrough anxiety, insomnia, sweating, hives, and itching - all withdrawal symptoms according to Dr. John.  He suggested increasing my Lexapro dosage and trying Buspar, a non-addictive anxiety medication, to help with the withdrawal.  Next I do a week of 1 mg Valium 3X a day plus Buspar and extra Lexapro.  Then drop to 1 mg Valium 2X a day for 3 weeks.  Then back for another check-up.  He said it can take months and months to get the Valium out of your system.

This afternoon I got a call from my mother's sister Tanis.  My brother had called her to ask how Mom is doing.  Tanis just said fine, didn't tell him where she is.  Kirk claims to be living in Dallas, TX now close to the woman Lana he calls his girlfriend, and that he's now a millionaire due to smart investments of Kenny's life insurance settlement, living on the 10th floor of a 10-storey building with Russian neighbors that he likes.  Tanis asked him if he has a job and he said yes, it has something to do with selling electricity, but Tanis wasn't very clear on that.  Unfortunately Tanis doesn't have Caller ID service and Kirk didn't tell her his phone number.  But I talked to Noah later on and gave him this scoop together with Lana's phone number that Kirk had left behind in some papers in the trailer.  If we can trace Kirk and/or his money, my attorney can swoop in with the Supreme Court judgment that awarded me a $6500 settlement and literally scoop the money out of Kirk's bank account(s).

I saw Mom this afternoon too but didn't tell her about Kirk's call.  She was anxious to tell me all the little details of her life in assisted living and I didn't want to spoil her pleasure with talk about her errant son.  When I told her about my 8 lbs in 1 mo. weight loss, she gave me the "OK" sign with her fingers and a big grin.  Very gratifying when previously she ignored my weght loss.

On Friday morning I go back to see my gastro-enterologist's NP for the results of the biopsy on the polyp he removed during my recent colonpscopy.

After I got done with Dr. John and seeing Mom this afternoon, I went to the physical therapy facility to schedule next week's PT appointments.  The young woman who runs the front desk, Jennifer, is beautiful but very heavy.  She said, "I do believe you've lost some weight since the last time you were here."  Yes, I told her: over 60 lbs.  She confessed that she is having lap-band surgery in Memphis soon.  It sounds like her surgeon has a good education and aftercare program, though Memphis is a long way to go for it (because she works for Baptist Hospital, it has to be done at a Baptist Hospital).

Then I forgot to pick up the new Buspar prescription at Walgreens because I was so hungry and anxious to get home, so I can't start that new regime until tomorrow at the earliest.