Downward Spiral

Nov 25, 2013

And by "downward" I don't mean weight - I mean my apparent chances of success.   What is so freaking wrong with me that I have no (zero, zilch, nada) control when it comes to food???  I have the discipline to push my severely dehydrated , tied up in cramps body for 13.1 miles... but I can't be within sight of a chocolate bar and resist it.  I push myself beyond what I thought were limits just to keep my trainer "proud" of me, but I can't avoid eating crap to make her proud.

I have been in counseling for 8 years. Still am. I adore my counselor. Sometimes I wonder if he is too supportive and kind... maybe he needs to tell me I am a crazy ass cow and I need to suck it up and do the right thing.

Sigh. This negative, self-degrading, berating , self abusing road is all to familiar.... lined with food, headed towards morbid obesity and trailing regrets.  And I march on

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