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Maybe this is a bit to much information but for me this was my life.  This is what it was like for me.  Everyones stories in their lives are different.  Limitations all look different for everyone and how you cope and deal with them are different.  For me it was a reallity check time and this was all a part of the big lifes picture for me.  I mentioned somewhere a my pior post about the weight that my feet would endure on a daily basis while sitting as well as of course standing.  I was not able to do much walking at my highest weights.   I will elaberate a bit more on the pain that my feet and legs would have when sitting. For me it was as though my feet never got a break or rest until I was in bed and laying down. I say bed, because the couch was not an option and nor was the floor. I did not fit on the coiuch and the dicomfort was terriable. And of course (((hello))) the floor was a joke to get to and an even bigger joke to get up from.  My sanctuary was my bedroom.  However this was also becoming my prison.  This is where I spent so much time.  I was very confined as my weight continued to pile on.  I had a love hate relationship with my fatness and with my food.  That I may explain in later postings.  Although I could find comfort there would always be discomforts to.  The bed was my spot that I was able to walrus role around on until I would or could find a comfortable position.  I was at weight that I was starting to have more challenges in even rolling over.   I would have to ask occaisionally for some help in getting rolled over.  I was no longer able to get up on my knees and slide my belly over to get to my other side. Not sure if that makes sense to you.  I could not just roll on my stomach to the other side.   I always had to be on my side, and at my higher weights could not be on my back or belly.  I will not yet go into the beds I have broken because of my weights but I will tell you this… mattress are not comfortable at the weights I was at.  If they were, it would be a very short time frame before they were broken down and no longer comfortable.   My hips would ache.  Pain meds were my friends for comfort.  I would have terriable leg cramps durning the night.  Muscle relaxers also became my friends for comfort.  I think about the pain and discomfort and wonder how I delt with it.  I wish it on nobody!  The cramping in my legs would happen any time of the day, and even more at night.  I could not just get up and stand or walk it out.
Oh, my fiance' (at the time boyfriend) got first hand experience on the incrediable weight that would be constant on my feet and legs as I sat. He did not like to see the pain and would try to help when we were out and about. When we had to sit and wait for our rides he would sit in front of me and rest my belly on his lap to aleiviate some of the pain. After a bit of time he would have to slide it off to get the feelings back in his legs and feet. He had a sense of understanding this way and showed his love for me. ((He is an incrediable man, really is a special man)). He has been with me in the best of our times and the worst of our times. He does love me at any size! In honesty as a FA (someone that admires fat women) the more important thing is that he LOVES ME and wants to see me healthy and happy and not in pain. We want to do things together!! He has been on this journey with me. He supports me and my decisions. We will be getting married 07-04-2012.  We have been together since 12-16-2008. 

So in this little blurb I will tell you about some of my limitations while being over 600 lbs and the challenges as a supersized morbidly obese person I was.  Being able to get to and from places that I needed to get to was very difficult to sometimes it seemed impossible.  My worries in just even getting to the “I have to go places” and not so much even the “I wants to go” places were terriable.  A problem that most people, unless they are in the situation, do not realize what the extreme challenges are.  I had a power chair that was over sized to accomodate me that came with challenges because of the size it was.  I was slightly over the rated weight the chair could hold.  It was extra wide so it did not fit through all door ways.  The wheels were extremely expensive and with my weight.. they wanted to give out. It was also a very heavy power chair. So no, the power chair alone was not going to fix my being able to just go.  We did not have a van with ramps or lifts to just be able to go. Nor did we have the equipment for this on the car.  Because of the size/weight of the power chair it would have been too much weight on the back end of the car.  At the time up till 07-2010 when we moved to a new apartment in a flat downtown part of town, I could only use the ACCESS bus transportation. This is a great service, and for me I was grateful to have it even with the limitations for me personally.  With my power chair weighing 354 lbs and my size of 654 lbs. I could not go up the lifts. I was not allowed to ride without a Personal Care Attendant, and having someone to ride when I needed to go was difficult.  It was a process to be loaded onto the bus.  They would load me first without the chair.  It was scary.  I weighed 654 lbs and the lift had a weight limit of 650 lbs.  Then the personal care attendant riding with me would have to board my chair.  I would sit back in the chair while riding and then the unload process would look simular.  I would sit in a seat on the bus long enough for the chair to be unloaded and then I would go down and back onto the chair.  This was difficult for me with the standing and moving.  SO NO, NOT EASY.  But still I was very grateful.  Sitting on the bus would be so uncomfortable… as I said before… when I was as big as I was…. If I was not laying down I would have the constant weight of my belly pressing down on my legs and feet… it was as if I was standing on my feet all day long.  So the mode of transportation alone was only merely one hurdle to get through.  During a period of this time, I was also on constant oxygen.  This was something that I pray never happens to you.  If by chance you are on oxygen, then you already know some of the challenges that this brings.  Being prepared is all in the planning.  But it does add but yet one more challenge.  How to carry your spare tanks along with all of the other things you may need.  It added to the weights in my travel that already were maxed out.  Then there was also the worry of not running out before you got back to your home.  With the ACCESS bus you never knew how long you would be on the buses.  Sometimes a few minutes and other time a few hours.  Sometimes pending the areas that you had to go you may to transfer bus to bus.  Another thing for me was the fact that I was on the bus for so long and then I already had a weak bladder from the weight.  When riding the ACCESS bus they do not stop if you have to go to the bathroom.  I was to big for adult diapers and so I would always have to have a towel to sit on and try really hard to not pee.  This was terriable when I had to stand to get off the bus.  Accidents did happen.  I would be so embarrased and get frustratingly angry with myself.  I really disliked those times.  

I wrote this to my twin brother as he had shared something and was questioning his "life's canvas" as a father and person.  I said to myself after I responded to him with the following, "Sherrie, that is well said and something you need to remember in your own life". So here is food for thought:

"Everyone has things that they could work harder on, done better with, or in some way made a bigger difference. It is important for us to all remember that this is how we learn and grow for the betterment of ourselves and others around us.  We are all only human!  That means we are not perfect.  We do make a difference in the lives of many around us.  As the artist to your own life's canvas, you will be your own worst critique. Those around our life's canvas see the beauty and hard work we put into it. You seeing any flaws enables you to fix them and  improve them.   Thank God for the friends and family around us to help blend and support us in our life's canvas. We are all beautiful, unique, and individual works of art!!"

  This is more about of my journey.  Once I could cover myself with a suite that I could work out in the pool with, I started doing daily water arobic workouts. I had some experience with the water arobics as I had done a few months at the YMCA. I love the water and have no fear of it so I knew it was going to be what I needed. The low impact on my body worked for me. Well, it sounds simple. But for me every bit of it was work to get to do the workouts. In order to get in and out of the pool was a workout. I did have to use a crutch and rails to get in and out and took time to get in and out safely. Although with in a short time of doing this it started to get easier and easier. I was starting to be able to breath better and with the excersize and the movement I was having a tiny bit less pain. Little bit at ...a time I saw the positives coming back to me. I saw a future and that I could start doing this with success. I started my vision with clear sites. With my eating better choices of food along with the excersize my weight started to drop. I was getting the ahh Haa!! After the first few months of weight loss prior to surgery I started to try out eating several times a day eating less at a time. I started to journal my eating and excersizing. With working with my dietician at the time, she said to watch the calories and so I did and kept them at aboiut 1000 to 1200 per day. She told me prior to surgery to not feel the yucky feelings inside me to not count my vegtables in my calories and that I could eat as many as I wanted and that after surgery it would be different. So this is what I did. But by November of 2010 I was doing pretty good with eating less of the vegtables. I prepared my kitchen with the tools I needed to go through my surgery as by November I knew for sure I had been cleared for surgery and that I was going to be going through this in December 2010. Now the tools that you need are some what simple and you do not need a bunch of things. But some things has made it easier for me to adjust and know what I was doing and pay more attention. It was a complete change I wanted to make and so I did what I felt I needed to do. So by November 2010 Ii had my surgery date and that is actually when for some reason I began to worry about if I could really do this and be lifetime successful. Also the reality of going under and pro and con of people warnnig me. But I perservaded on with my decision, as at the point in my life I was at, the quality of life and my health issues became my fate of death and so I weighed the risk of surgery and the risk of staying the same with all the nasty health issues I was having along with it. The not doing surgery scared me more so I delt with my fears. Life in my power chair and life with doctors telling me things could not be done to help due to my size and weight limits on machines I needed for treatment.

 Before I had surgery, I prepared myself by telling myself this is a new chance for me in life. I think of it like this. I have this new "baby" stomach and what I do with it is my choice. I did start trying to prepare myself prior to surgery with my thoughts and self talk. To bring my awareness to food and when I would eat. Why I would eat. But for me the pains of not eating large amounts before having surgery would be incrediable stomach aches. The growlings of my stomach would be miserably terriable. In the past I used to just start walking, excersizing, and go on a slim fast diet or some sort of diet and would lose only to gain and the regain double or triple what I had lost. Like I said, I have had weight issues all of my life since I had those cute little blonde curly locks as a toddler. At my largest in August 2010 I was 654 bls. The difference was that I could not just get up and go for a walk and excersize like I used to. The pains of not eating the amount of food my belly ached for was terriable.  The way that I felt emotionally and physically with the intense fears of death's door being so close to me I knew I needed to make a change. I was having issues with my diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, blood clots, oxygen issues, and asthma. I was pretty much stuck to my powerchair for movement and was bedroom ridden.  My bed with reinforcement could hold me.  Limited on the outings and things that I could do. I carried the largest part of my weight in my belly, thus when I sat my power chair it was as though I was still standing on my feet. I had to lay down for my feet and legs to get half a chance of a resting break.  I say this and unless you are in it, it is harder to really understand. We all carry our weight differently and I guess this is why some of us have easier times with different things. All of us seem to have a different tollerance to different things at different sizes. So for me I hit a weight that my body could no longer support. So many issues were arising.  I do have my fiance, he has been with me through all of my hardest issues. He has helped me when I was no longer able to get myself into the bath tub to shower and bathe. . He was there to care for me and bathe me in bed. Rolling was getting harder for me. Truthfully I was getting to be a person of negative feelings that I knew I did not want to be. I had always felt confident as a person but I knew I was losing that confidence. So the tools that I was using in life were not working for me. I have always known or said and believed that your positive or negative thoughts are your choices. What you do with things and situations are your choice. But during my largest times last year, I was changing to negative perceptions of so much in my life. I always managed to push through and adapt to life and enjoy life. This is only a piece of my life. I guess it is the "size" piece of my life. But it affects alot more than it in itself.

I attended SPS support group yesterday! Very happy I attended. Been reading to OH magazine they gave me. Filled with lots of good stuff. Being around people that have an inside bit of understanding is helpful. I look forward to all ideas and suggestions! Thank you for welcoming me!

     I live in Renton, WA and have had extreme weight issues all of my life. I have lost and gained and done this over and over. I have always been a happy person and lived life to its fullest possible of course weight according.  Having always had an open mind and out going personality.  For me also enjoying size and things that go with it. For some people they may not understand  this. So for me the decision to have Gastric Bypass was not a "lightly" made decision. My hope is to have a place where I can share, learn, and hopefully even make friends that understand. Accountability or support networks are what I need and want. I had the Gastric Bypass December 15, 2010 and so it is not quite a post year surgery date. My journey did start for this much earlier. It took along while to get past the criticism of others in my own Supersized Big Beautiful Women/Big Beautiful Women world and the people that loved us plus all the negativism that I worried about. Also my own issues with being scared of the surgery itself. Ok, and the comfort with being the Supersized woman I have been and a few other things. I lived in a world of people that accepted and desired me at the size that I was. I loved to eat and be fed and being desired. Not having to do alot and being taken care of was what for the most part felt totally great. Although, I love people and love being social and out in the world, I never had reality of my life truely hit me until I fell getting out of a bathtub and damaged my knee. This hindered my mobility terriably in 2008. Amongst many things that went on in my life since November  2007 it was part of my downfall in a full life.  My comforts had become my extreme discomforts.   What I mean is my quality of life was not Ok.  I had  more and more health issues occurring.  My life span I could feel was getting shorter and shorter.  I had to seriously re-evaluate my life and its pro's and con's.  

Well, I was just sitting here pondering what to type.  I am pretty sure my story is much like others.  Like so many, when just joining something or just starting something, it can be hard to know where to start. 

I actually had started my weightloss on 08-23-10.  Although the process started and stopped since 2008 with regards to possibilities of WLS.  Finally by last 08-23-10 I knew that I was approved for WLS from insurance and was on my way to possibly having WLS (Gastric Bypass).  I still had to go through the many needed medical appointments to determine if my body could handle the surgery.  I had many health issues that were possibly hindering the surgery.... and may have had to postpone to try to resolve some first.  Although my start of losing weight prior to surgery was not a requirement, after talking about what the percentage of weightloss was after surgery and the pain the surgery would have, I put 110% into excersize and eating healthier... calorie counting and all of that!  I had the help of the nutrionist/dietician and it all made sence and "clicked".  I had also just moved into an apartment that I was able to utilize pools for my excersize needs.  My food journal was my new best friend. 
I did not know that this site existed, although I wish I had as it would have been great to blog and track with such a great tool.  I had difficulties/challenges getting around much back then.  I have been and always will be a strong woman and when determined to do something, I will push and think outside of the box to figure out ways to "get r done".   I have learned that support networks around us really do help and the more the better. 

I have along ways to go.  But I have come along ways and in the comparison, I am over half way there to my goal.  I can soon say that I am half of the woman that I used to be.  I am now currently 333 lbs, but started this journey out last year at 654 lbs.  So yes,  I do feel great about what I have accomplished with my new tools in my life!

I actually have LIFE back,  with quality and fun.  I have my HEALTH back, and a work in progress to be at the healthy weight I want/need to be.  
                  
             I can WALK again, and soon I want to RUN!  I have a list of things I am going to do with my new start!