MelissaF

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6/5/08 - Yep, I can hardly believe it!  18 months postop as of yesterday!  Wow does time ever fly when you are living life and having fun! So whats new with me..

I am still running for exercise. I have ran two.. TWO 5k's in the past two months.  Ran them both in 30 minutes.  My next goal is to run a 10k but will not do this till the weather cools off, perhaps in the fall or in the spring of next year and I will probably have to take the day off work that night I would imagine.  That is where it gets sticky.  It is hard for me to take time off because I am committed to working every weekend as I only work weekends and two days a week (sat and sun nights) and get full time pay and benefits for that.  So I will have to figure something out there.  All I know is it is way to warm for me to do it in the summer, I get very overheated quickly when I run for some reason when its hot outside.  Thank GOD for treadmills! I love the gym, I go twice a week and have really focused on strength training.  What a difference it has made in my body!

I was asked to colead the Mason City (my local) support group by Dee, the current support group leader.  You can imagine my asonishment but also how proud this makes me that she feels I am a good "fit" for the role.  I am super excited to help her out and hopefully take some of the stress off her shoulders as she has been doing it a while.  She is awesome and I can imaging working together will be amazing. 

The PA, Angie, at Dr. Glascock's office has left and ironically my angel Dixie, is working with her at her new nursing job from time to time.  Sounds like Angie was a bit burned out (I can't imagine why!) and Dr. Glascock is feeling the burn now with her gone.  So far from my understanding there is nobody yet in the works to replace her. Hmmm..

At 18 months out, you realize more and more why you became obese in the first place.  You can eat more now and tolerate more things.  I am learning this the hard way.  I have let my weight bounce within a 10 lb range.  My original goal was 140, I got down to 131 for a day and then maintained at 133-135 for a very long time.  I now go from 135-145, even 148 at times.  So far never seen 150 and never plan to.  At 151, I am considered overweight again.  I am still in a size 4 at 140 lbs and some 6's with medium tops.  I'd like to settle back down to 135 for the long term but it may be hard to maintain.  I certainly can eat more than the average postop.  If I consume 1200 calories, I lose lbs.. lbs in a week.  I tend to find that my average maintenance with exercise to be around 2000.  But of course b/c of the bouncing I have allowed its still hard to say for sure and I know with the malabsorption that eventually I may have to consume less. I just need to quit playing games with myself with the weight changes and allow my body to settle and I honestly think this will happen very soon.  I have some anxiety issues as I come from a long line of people with anxiety, however, I am getting treatment for it and it really has been an eye-opening experience, I am learning a lot about myself and how to handle life in general.  There is still more treatment to be gone through but I feel hopeful and excited for my future as I know the rainbow is there and already see it and its not that far in the distance.  My husband is one amazing creature, he has helped me through this entire journey and continues to support, encourage and wow me.. each and every day.

Here is a link to my virtual slide show I finally made.  I had lost the original pictures on my digital camera and OH brings the resolution down (distorts them) to post them on my profile so when I tried to retrieve them from here, it was a mess trying to get them to actually print out.  I was able to purchase this DVD and get a photo book made of my journey, I am super excited to receive them.  Here is the link to my journey and thanks to everyone for all their encouragement and support, where would I be without you here on OH? I can't even imagine...

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=6166c1bf498224d5a8b93e&skin_id=701&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

5/19/08 On Saturday, May 17th I ran my second 5k, it was a race for "the cure".  It was focused on women's cancer - breast and ovarian.  My Angel, Dixie, was there.  She was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  I told her I wanted to run this one in her honor.  She is such a strong, courageous, beautiful woman that I have learned so much from and value our friendship greatly. This was the least I could do to show her just how much I truly appreciate her and all she has done for me over the past couple of years.  She has completed her last round of treatment and is doing very well.  It was nice to see her smile this past Saturday. I really enjoyed spending some time with her after the race and reconnecting some.  It's always a good time.  20k was raised for this event, how awesome is that!?!? YES!

I ran the race in 30 minutes and 43 seconds a tad slower than my first one but I had no time to train for this one at all honestly so I was very happy with my results.  Hitting the first mile I thought to myself "wow, 2 more miles!" and thought I would never finish it without walking.. but its amazing what determination and willpower and the power of one's mind can do to a person when they are determined to succeed..  I told myself I will not walk it..and I didn't.  I am proud of myself.  It was 65ish in degrees that day and BEAUTIFUL, SUNNY!!! Perfect day for the run!

Other than that.. not much else going on.  I am maintaining my weight around my original goal of 140 give or take 5 lbs depending on the time of the month and how well I am eating and exercising at the time. 

I got away from logging my food and I really need to get back into that.  So I am challenging myself to get back in the groove with that.

My husband is the varsity highschool softball coach for the school here in town so I will be busy going to his games but that is a fun thing and I look forward to that.

Trying to hit the gym a couple times a week and still running. I really love to run.  I am also looking forward to reading some good books this summer and continuing to work part time at the floral shop (one day a week). 

Until next time...

Let me just start by saying I am in complete astonishment and shock and just beside myself in tears..

I finished my biggest life dream.. to run a 5k!  I not only finished without walking but finished in 30:04 seconds, that is 9:41 seconds a mile! HOLY COW! I have never done 3.1 miles in 30 mins.  My adrenaline was pumping HARD! I was so excited!!! Crossing that finish line had to be one the biggest rushes I have ever had besides saying "I do" to my husband or hearing I was approved for RNY!

Before I had surgery I just wanted to put my comobidities into remission and get to a size 12 if possible.  Well I did that.. and then some and now I ran a 5k well under a time I expected.. This surgery is just amazing.. the sky is the limit.. we can be our worst critics and I am definently at fault for doing this personally but I *cannot* underestimate to myself just how HUGE this is to run a 5k in 30 mins.. unfreaking believable!  My whole family was out of town even my husband.. i went and just did it alone.. it was so eliberating and freeeeeeeeeeedom like.  I can't even explain it!

Thank you to everyone who has supported me in my exercise.. those of you who push to make yourself better allow me to do this for myself as well.  Thanks and you know who you are!!!!

My next 5k will be May 17th in honor of my personal Angel, Dixie.  She has been there for me through thick and thin with this surgery.. never skipped a beat.  I feel obligated to run this one for her as she is battling breast cancer and currently getting a round of treatment.  She has been so strong and so determined to overcome it.  May 17th there is a walk/run for breast cancer and other female cancers at my hospital so this one is for her!!  I love you Dixie and its the least I can to repay you back for all you have done for me!

I am so proud of my accomplishments and had to do a little shout of to myself today!!!  thanks for listening and I'll see ya next time with an update. thanks for all the support everyone!!!

*HUGS*

 Me before RNY at 328

 Me post op and below goal at 133!!!

I was wanting to try a recipe using chocolate with the cottage cheese pancakes and this is what I came up with, man are they delicious!

 Chocolate Cottage Cheese Pancakes

Ingredients:

1 egg or egg substitue equivilent

1/4 cup low fat cottage cheese

2 tbsp of whole wheat flour

2 tbsp of cocoa powder

3 packets of splenda

generous dash of cinnamon

Mix all ingredients together and then spray a pan with PAM cooking spray and cook on each side till done and flip a couple more times.  This mixture is thicker than the original cc pancake recipe.  For those of you who have struggled with the original recipe being too runny and not setting up right, you might find this one easier!

You can top with SF sauce from davinci/torani/starbucks like caramel or cinnamon dolce or cinnamon bliss from bariactric eating and a squirt of FF rhedip whip and even a *couple* semi sweet choc chips, they sell mini ones. 

Next time I may put some decaff espresso in it as well :) YUM! So great, would be good in a waffle iron also!

 Molly took a pic for  me (Thank you Molly!) let's see if it shows up right.  I always have trouble with this!

 ENJOY!

Hello Again!

Just popping in to update that I went ahead and scheduled a plastic surgery consult with Dr. Recinos in Mason City, Iowa for May 5th, 2008!  I do plan to have kids so initially I was not going to do this.  But after talking with a girl from my support group who had her surgery done with him this past december, I changed my mind quickly.  She hasn't had children yet herself but she was told she could have kids after her body contouring.  He told her it would never be the same as it was before kids but just like any other woman getting pregnant but never as bad as preop plastics.  Also, insurance might pay for a part of it now before I have kids, more likely to now than 4-5 years down the road when it doesn't seem so apparently necessary then.  I have had a couple rashes in my belly button and have showed my pcp, not sure if he documented it but I did get a picture of it.  I have used over the counter yeast infection products and will turn my own documentation in for that.  Hopefully it will help some.  They said the consultation will take 1.5 hours! Wow..  Dr. Recinos is very talented.  His OR times tend to be longer than I like b/c he is so meticulous, however he truly is an artist.  I have taken care of many of his patients when I worked on the surgical floor.  They do very well and he is very attentive to them postop.  This makes me feel good and after seeing what little scarring my friend has (Laila, if you are reading this.. KNOCKOUT YOU ARE!) it totally sold me on him. So I am excited about this. If insurance doesn't pay then obviously we will wait till after kids.

On another note, my presentation at SG went great Monday night I felt.  I had to cram a lot information in within the short time frame that I had.  I am glad I prepared a surgery guide for them to take home to reference being that the information was covered quickly.  I left them my email address if they have more questions to email me.  I really enjoyed it.. I hadn't had much sleep that day so I am shocked It went as well as it did.  Got lots of good feedback and great questions afterwards.

That is about it for now.. still training for that 5k and hoping the weather is good next week so I can take my training outdoors. 

Until next time..

INSPIRATION  

To those of you who pushed me thank you without you I would have fallen.  To those of you who laughed at me thank you without you I wouldn't have cried.   To those of you who just couldn't love me thank you without you I wouldn't have known real love.   To those of you who hurt my feelings thank you without you I wouldn't have felt them.   To those of you who left me lonely thank you without you I wouldn't have discovered myself ,  but to those of you who thought I couldn't do it It is *you*, I thank the most because, without you I wouldn't have tried.    ~author unknown~

Well Hello Again!

Hope everyone is doing well and thanks for always coming to my blog to check out my latest happenings!

So whats new? Well, I am in the before and afters! Check me out!

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/before+and+after.php?Dir=Next&Time=1204556395&Count=18

Also, OH magazine asked me to submit my photos for a possibility of being in their next magazine, what an honor! Goes to show that if you work hard enough all dreams can come true! I hope to be in the next issue (fingers crossed!) If not just being asked to submit is an honor in itself!

I am speaking at support group on Monday night. I have all my preparation completed. I feel positive, confident and so ready to get up there and share my knowledge with everyone. I hope I can reach out to at least one person in group that night. Even if that person is preop, it doesn't matter as long as they go home with some more knowledge then when they stepped in the door, that is all that truly matters.

I have signed up to run a 5k again for Earth Day. It is on April 19th and so I will be starting to train hard for that. The weather is getting nicer and so next week, I take my jogging OUTDOORS! How fun that will be. It has been a long winter and I am ready to get outside and enjoy spring for all it has to offer.

My husband is now the varsity softball coach here in town so I will going to a lot of softball games! I am stoked b/c I played softball for 22 years.. I have sure missed it the past 9 or so years that I haven't played.

Having RNY makes you learn a lot about yourself and your relationships. You relationships with food and people. Some people don't see you the same way now that you are "thin" or they are jealous of you and want to see you fail. They try to sabotage you in hopes of watching you fail and that is such a sad phenomenon but it is what it is.. I have dealt with this from family to friends for the almost year now and it just doesn't get any easier. I never though so much jealousy would happen after RNY. I never thought I would be in a place where jealousy would even be a factor. I am truly blessed for as far as I have gotten. Some have called me even "neurotic" along the way with my journey and my struggles postop but being complacent sure didn't get me to my goal, sometimes being neurotic may help you get where you need to be.

I realize just how fortunate I really am. I have several friends that are battling different life struggles right now. From miscarriages, to depression to cancer/chemo treatments to jobless. I am so fortunate to have my health, with no comorbidities now, a loving husband who supports me 200%, a wonderful house, a career, a side job that I love (floral shop), and friends who love me unconditionally. How does life get much better? Sometimes we let little things stand in our way of this view, I am as guilty as any. But I have had a few things happen to my friends in the past couple weeks that I can't even fathum being in their shoes.. yet they remain strong, they keep the faith and have courage. They are true *fighters*. They are determined to get through anything that stands in their way.. I want to mimic their thoughts and behaviors. Stand strong, be determined and remain focused on the things that are important in life and dump the negative things. It's all about making decisions and we need to be healthy full circle... not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. Make the necessary changes in your life to provide you with the sanity and peace you need and remove the obstacles that provide negative energy.. keep the energy flow in a positive nature.. surround yourself with goodness. Be well.. until next time..

3/14/08  Well Hello.... Just wanted to stop in and babble a minute. I have a few things I want to talk about today...

1 - I am finally back on track with my eating and it feels good.  I am taking the time to preplan my food intake and sticking to the plan.  It feels good and the scale is finally moving downwards.. it was up and down for a long time but now.. its going down, down.. it feels so good to be back in control of my eating! I am so very PROUD of myself because I wasn't sure if I would ever feel this level of control again.  I have been reading The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck and it has been a great book for me to read because it supports all the principles I took to get to goal the first year postop.. it is a great reminder to get back to being accountable and reaffirm the reasons why I got to goal.. I love this book!  It isn't a "diet" book, it talks about food addiction and the behavioral/cognitive changes one must make to conquer the addiction and live with it.. It is so awesome, highly recommend it to everyone!!!!

2- One of the things the Beck Solution Diet Book says is to get a "Diet Coach".. I did ask someone to do this for me.. someone I feel understands what I am going through as she is very similar in her journey to my own.. so similar it's scary lol.  This would be Britt, who had surgery in November of 2006, just one month prior to my own surgery.  She has been amazing successful and also lost 100% of her weight.  We have become good friends and it has been amazing to have her in my life and I thank her for all she has given me as far as friendship and support!  There have been many others who have also given me support and you know who you are!  Thank you to everyone who has supported me through my journey.. its nice to have that!

3- I am going to be speaking at my support group on March 24th.  The topic is "Surviving WLS One Day at a Time".  I have put together a guide of all the materials I feel have helped me the most personally through my own journey in one reference manual (survival guide if you will).  I am in love with it (my sister in law, Amanda, helped me compile it - THANK YOU AMANDA!) I can't wait to do this at the end of this month! 

4- I have decided I am going to run my first 5k on Earth Day, April 19th, in Clear Lake at 9am.  I do have to work that night but I think it will be ok.  I will just go home and take a nap before work (hopefully).  Almost all races are on Saturdays and well I have to work all saturdays so no way around this.  Thank you Britt for inspiring me to make and reach this goal!!! Love ya girl!

5- I got a part time job working at the floral shop in town.  I will be working every Wednesday from 9-5 and then possibly every 4th Monday of the month in the afternoons for a couple hours so my boss and her other employee can attend the Garden Club here in town.  I have only done one day so far and the first day was **AWESOME**  Very excited about it and hope to be able to design some arrangements soon too!

6- I am on wellbutrin, small dose, so far no side effects.  I feel good, will follow up with my doc soon with it and see what he wants to do.  I am on a very small dose b/c of the reaction I got with the zoloft, I think he wanted to be conservative with it at first.  I think he will probably increase it or have me take more than one dose a day.  I also started having menstrual cycles again - I feel my body was really off hormonally for a long time (many months) and its finally getting a bit more straightened out.  I am on the Nuvaring again the past couple months.

I think that is it for now.  I am enjoying my RNY!  I am so glad I had it done even if I have had some problems lately with falling off the wagon food wise.. but I am back in the driver's seat and doing well now.  I just need to start working harder on my exercise again.  Now I have a 5k to train for.... more later, thanks for listening! *hugs*

Hi Everyone!

Let me start by saying thank you to any of you who read my previous post to this one and sent me emails showing care and concern.  I was in a bad place with my postop experience (food and exercise wise).  I got sucked back into preop bad habits, something I thought would never happen to me.  Fortunately I do dump and I get serious reactive hypoglycemic episodes so I have no choice but to "get it together" or feel like crap.  Even if I eat too many good carbs, I pay for it.  It is difficult but is my journey and I must work with what I am dealt with.  I have had no other postop problems so I am still very fortunate and blessed and cannot complain. 

I have been going back to the gym.. kicking butt at it too. Running, doing the elliptical and intervals as well as circuit training.  It feels really good. Plus I got myself detoxed off carbs and trying to slowly add them back in.. I did have a decent weight gain after all this was said and done, so much so that I had to go up a size in pants and tops.. it was hard to swallow that.  I do believe that some of it was fluid but I definently ate enough for enough weeks to gain some actual "fat" pounds as well.  It was a good lesson for me to realize for myself that surgery is a tool (as much as I already knew that!)  I also have amazing surgery friends who have taken my hand and helped me through this.  I could not have done it without them and especially Coach "B".  Thanks for being there for me and helping me through the rough times.  You have been awesome!

I am speaking at support group at the end of this month.  I am excited and honored to do this.  I am taking this "falling off the wagon" as a learning opportunity to share about.  We can always get back on the wagon, no matter how bad we fall off.  I know that now.. but its sure easier staying on then getting off at all.. trust me on this one.  I never wanna end up there again.  I realize I am human and make mistakes but with some of the life situations and med changes etc and female problems I was having, it just wasn't a good combination for me.  I have no one to blame but myself for it but life sure wasn't conducive to me doing well either and I used food as my outlet for my stress.  I am working hard on my psychological and emotional stress and coping skills surrounding food addiction.  I am still in therapy, going more often now.. I see my therapist twice a month rather than monthly.  I am also taking to my PCP about it and we are trying some things (meds, etc) and going to the gym again has really been a stress reliever with the endorphines it produces. I am reading a really good book on the mental battle with food addictions by Judith S. Beck called "The Beck Diet Solution".  It is a great eye-opener. 

I want to thank you guys again for understanding and yes, even me.. the one who preached about "those of you who go off your diets shouldn't go there", do I feel like a hypocrit now.  I won't preach to the choir anymore but I will say its best to stay on the horse than get off... so much harder to get back on again.  A lot harder!  Remember, surgery is a tool only and a gift that should be treated as such.. if you are good to your tool it will be good to you.  I have learned this first-hand.  Lesson learned.

Till next time..