Darla S.
Happy New Year
Jan 04, 2010
That's what I'm hoping and praying for, anyway - last year was anything but happy. Not that I didn't have a lot of happy, I'm typically a pretty "up" person. But I - meaning my family and I - had more than our fair share of icky in 2009.
So I've decided to focus on some of the GOOD that came of it all.
I learned, at age 47, that I can not be everything to everyone. Sometimes I might find myself in the right place, at the right time, in the right state of mind to do something really worthwhile, and that's GOOD!! But for those occasions when I can not be what others think they need me to be, I have learned to forgive myself. To accept that I'm not all that, and sometimes I need to conserve my emotional energy for the people I'm closest to - my family, and dearest friends. That has been one heckuva hard lesson to learn!
I find myself secretly THRILLED every day that my legs no longer rub together when I walk! Whodathunk???
After literally MONTHS of breathing issues, and sleeping in a recliner, my DH finally accepted and followed through with the need to have surgery for his sinus issues. Men really are wimps, I'm afraid - his was outpatient surgery for a deviated septum and a bone spur in his upper sinuses. 2 months later, I found myself needing surgery to remove masses from my ovaries, and to have a big messy hernia in my upper abdomen fixed. I had to spend 4 nights in the hospital. The silver lining to it all was that Dr. Jones, who stepped in after my OB took care of the masses and ovaries, also decided he needed to remove a large portion of the extra skin I carried on my lower belly "to aid in wound healing". Wow.... I've said this a million times, but I truly never even allowed myself to HOPE for that! No rash, and I know it's rarely covered by insurance. So that was a definite PLUS to having to go through all the rest of it!
I have grown even closer to a group of dear, compassionate, fun, generous and diverse WLS friends - become a part of a circle of unconditional love unlike ever before in my life. The downside? Dealing with people who are just plain jealous of what we have found. The upside? Immeasurable. I have learned to stop apologizing for this gift, and just appreciate and enjoy it!
There's even an upside to my DH having been unemployed since last March - he has come to appreciate what he has, rather than focus on all the things we DON'T have. We have managed to skim by, with more than a little help and generosity from my mother. I pray that 2010 bring him either new employement, or the opportunity to get his eggs in a row so that he can get work on his own - insurance, LLC certification and all. It's scary, but maybe it would turn out to be a really good thing? I just hope I wouldn't have to do TOO much to help manage his business, although the chances of that are probably slim and none. I'd REALLY prefer to just have him get HIRED by someone else!!! The economy sucks eggs.
I guess I'm really happy that I have continued to watch the scale move slowly DOWN (VERY slowly!), when the stress and issues I've had to deal with this year would have been the perfect opportunity or EXCUSE to stuff crap in my face! My goal for THIS year, preferably in time for my 3 year surgiversary, would be to see that elusive place called ONEDERLAND!
But if I don't? Hey, at least my thighs still aren't rubbing together!
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So I've decided to focus on some of the GOOD that came of it all.
I learned, at age 47, that I can not be everything to everyone. Sometimes I might find myself in the right place, at the right time, in the right state of mind to do something really worthwhile, and that's GOOD!! But for those occasions when I can not be what others think they need me to be, I have learned to forgive myself. To accept that I'm not all that, and sometimes I need to conserve my emotional energy for the people I'm closest to - my family, and dearest friends. That has been one heckuva hard lesson to learn!
I find myself secretly THRILLED every day that my legs no longer rub together when I walk! Whodathunk???
After literally MONTHS of breathing issues, and sleeping in a recliner, my DH finally accepted and followed through with the need to have surgery for his sinus issues. Men really are wimps, I'm afraid - his was outpatient surgery for a deviated septum and a bone spur in his upper sinuses. 2 months later, I found myself needing surgery to remove masses from my ovaries, and to have a big messy hernia in my upper abdomen fixed. I had to spend 4 nights in the hospital. The silver lining to it all was that Dr. Jones, who stepped in after my OB took care of the masses and ovaries, also decided he needed to remove a large portion of the extra skin I carried on my lower belly "to aid in wound healing". Wow.... I've said this a million times, but I truly never even allowed myself to HOPE for that! No rash, and I know it's rarely covered by insurance. So that was a definite PLUS to having to go through all the rest of it!
I have grown even closer to a group of dear, compassionate, fun, generous and diverse WLS friends - become a part of a circle of unconditional love unlike ever before in my life. The downside? Dealing with people who are just plain jealous of what we have found. The upside? Immeasurable. I have learned to stop apologizing for this gift, and just appreciate and enjoy it!
There's even an upside to my DH having been unemployed since last March - he has come to appreciate what he has, rather than focus on all the things we DON'T have. We have managed to skim by, with more than a little help and generosity from my mother. I pray that 2010 bring him either new employement, or the opportunity to get his eggs in a row so that he can get work on his own - insurance, LLC certification and all. It's scary, but maybe it would turn out to be a really good thing? I just hope I wouldn't have to do TOO much to help manage his business, although the chances of that are probably slim and none. I'd REALLY prefer to just have him get HIRED by someone else!!! The economy sucks eggs.
I guess I'm really happy that I have continued to watch the scale move slowly DOWN (VERY slowly!), when the stress and issues I've had to deal with this year would have been the perfect opportunity or EXCUSE to stuff crap in my face! My goal for THIS year, preferably in time for my 3 year surgiversary, would be to see that elusive place called ONEDERLAND!
But if I don't? Hey, at least my thighs still aren't rubbing together!
How on earth did I MISS a month??!?
Dec 15, 2009
I could check, but I really doubt that I've missed posting for an entire MONTH since I joined OH! So I suppose I'm due for an update, eh?
Thing is - this far out, the notable moments are much fewer and farther between. That doesn't mean I'm any less grateful for getting my life back, for experiencing all the wonderful things that life in a "normal" body brings! I think it's just becoming more normal to ME. And that is a WONDERFUL THING!
I'm in size 14 jeans now - pretty sure that I won't go any lower, even if I drop another 15-20 pounds. And as much as I'd love to see a lower number on the scale, to be honest - I'm not sure I care if I lose any more? I'm pretty darn happy where I am! YES, I want to see ONEDERLAND - but will I stay there if/when I get there? I don't know. I really think I'll be fine right where I am, even tho I'm still a wee bit over 200, as long as I don't have to resort to buying 16's (OR HIGHER!) ever again. I'm a big girl, and I'm fine with that! 'cuz I'm no wheres NEAR as big as I once was!
What else? Christmas is coming - the XC Ski season has begun, so work is crazy busy - Rich is still unemployed, and the stress of that and the extreme drop in income have certainly taken their toll on us. I pray every night that God will lead him to a job that pays more than unemployment! It's just sad to reach this stage in life and be in a WORSE position than we were 15 years ago! The only thing that keeps me from going off the deep end sometimes is recognizing the fact that we are not alone in this predicament. At least MY job is solid - I'm very thankful for the fact that my position with the Park District is virtually bullet proof - and I'm knocking on wood and sending up a quick prayer that I didn't just jinx myself. I doubt it. Having been here almost 21 years, there are PLENTY of others who would get their walking papers before me.
Well anyway, I'll try to come here and share more gooder stuff.
Happy Holidays, if you're reading this!
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Thing is - this far out, the notable moments are much fewer and farther between. That doesn't mean I'm any less grateful for getting my life back, for experiencing all the wonderful things that life in a "normal" body brings! I think it's just becoming more normal to ME. And that is a WONDERFUL THING!
I'm in size 14 jeans now - pretty sure that I won't go any lower, even if I drop another 15-20 pounds. And as much as I'd love to see a lower number on the scale, to be honest - I'm not sure I care if I lose any more? I'm pretty darn happy where I am! YES, I want to see ONEDERLAND - but will I stay there if/when I get there? I don't know. I really think I'll be fine right where I am, even tho I'm still a wee bit over 200, as long as I don't have to resort to buying 16's (OR HIGHER!) ever again. I'm a big girl, and I'm fine with that! 'cuz I'm no wheres NEAR as big as I once was!
What else? Christmas is coming - the XC Ski season has begun, so work is crazy busy - Rich is still unemployed, and the stress of that and the extreme drop in income have certainly taken their toll on us. I pray every night that God will lead him to a job that pays more than unemployment! It's just sad to reach this stage in life and be in a WORSE position than we were 15 years ago! The only thing that keeps me from going off the deep end sometimes is recognizing the fact that we are not alone in this predicament. At least MY job is solid - I'm very thankful for the fact that my position with the Park District is virtually bullet proof - and I'm knocking on wood and sending up a quick prayer that I didn't just jinx myself. I doubt it. Having been here almost 21 years, there are PLENTY of others who would get their walking papers before me.
Well anyway, I'll try to come here and share more gooder stuff.
Happy Holidays, if you're reading this!
Happy Halloween!
Oct 30, 2009
I don't really have a great deal to say here, nothing profound, no WOW moments or anything, but I noticed that I hadn't missed a single month of posting SOMETHING ever since I discovered this place - so I had to say SOMETHING!
So.... HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
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So.... HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
Perserverance
Sep 28, 2009
~ Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other ~ Walter Elliot
~ A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success. ~ Elbert Hubbard
~ Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~ John Quincy Adams
~ Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~ Newt Gingrich
~ Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ~ Winston Churchill
~ No one succeeds without effort... Those who succeed owe their success to perseverance. ~ Ramana Maharshi
Why do these thoughts speak so loudly to me today? Because I had a happy moment this morning when I stepped on the scale - no, not ONEDERLAND yet, but I can see it from here! My scale said 209.5, and that got my brain percolating.
I was what you could call SGRMO (Super Ginormously Ridiculously Morbidly Obese). My highest recorded weight was 377, although I'd bet I was closer to 400 after my 2nd pregnancy - and the case of Pringles I ate while on maternity leave. I'm pretty sure, although I long ago destroyed any such records, that I weigh less now than I did even in Junior High.
When I started this ride, I was wearing size 32/34 jeans, and XXXL tops - IF they fit. I've found, in my few attempts, that I can wear about 50% of the size 14 jeans I try on. (For those of you I have never had the opportunity to meet in person, I'm 5'11" and something of an Amazon...)
Out with friends Saturday night, I breezed through a long, narrow, CROWDED bar to get to the bathroom - a situation that would have caused me such anxiety in the past, that I'd have opted to hold my bladder as long as it took to find a bathroom WITHOUT the maze of pretty people to navigate through. By gosh, I even made eye contact and exchanged smiles with a few good looking young men!!
So what's the big deal? Why my fascination with "perserverance"? Because yesterday marked 2 years and 5 months since my WLS. No, I did not drop all my weight by my 6 month surgiversary. I wasn't at goal at my one or even my 2 year surgiversary. In fact, I'm not there yet - my surgeon's goal for me is 205. MY goal for me is to see ONEDERLAND.
I'm FAR from perfect in working my tool. I don't believe there is such a thing as "perfect". But, I have NEVER given up, NEVER decided I'm done. As a matter of fact, I don't believe, no matter WHERE my weight eventually bottoms out, that I will EVER be "DONE". And frankly, I don't think anyone who embarks on this WLS journey should EVER consider themselves "DONE". At almost 2.5 years out, I'm STILL trying to do right by my tool, and when I do, I see the rewards.
So the moral of my rambling is more for those who are pre-op, newer post-op, or just struggling along the way - NEVER GIVE UP. DON'T EVER FORGET THE GIFT YOU WERE GIVEN. You can live life, you can eat evil things once in a while, and it's NOT the end of the world. Just don't ever stop.
Next stop for me? ONEDERLAND, BABY!!!
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~ A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success. ~ Elbert Hubbard
~ Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~ John Quincy Adams
~ Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~ Newt Gingrich
~ Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ~ Winston Churchill
~ No one succeeds without effort... Those who succeed owe their success to perseverance. ~ Ramana Maharshi
Why do these thoughts speak so loudly to me today? Because I had a happy moment this morning when I stepped on the scale - no, not ONEDERLAND yet, but I can see it from here! My scale said 209.5, and that got my brain percolating.
I was what you could call SGRMO (Super Ginormously Ridiculously Morbidly Obese). My highest recorded weight was 377, although I'd bet I was closer to 400 after my 2nd pregnancy - and the case of Pringles I ate while on maternity leave. I'm pretty sure, although I long ago destroyed any such records, that I weigh less now than I did even in Junior High.
When I started this ride, I was wearing size 32/34 jeans, and XXXL tops - IF they fit. I've found, in my few attempts, that I can wear about 50% of the size 14 jeans I try on. (For those of you I have never had the opportunity to meet in person, I'm 5'11" and something of an Amazon...)
Out with friends Saturday night, I breezed through a long, narrow, CROWDED bar to get to the bathroom - a situation that would have caused me such anxiety in the past, that I'd have opted to hold my bladder as long as it took to find a bathroom WITHOUT the maze of pretty people to navigate through. By gosh, I even made eye contact and exchanged smiles with a few good looking young men!!
So what's the big deal? Why my fascination with "perserverance"? Because yesterday marked 2 years and 5 months since my WLS. No, I did not drop all my weight by my 6 month surgiversary. I wasn't at goal at my one or even my 2 year surgiversary. In fact, I'm not there yet - my surgeon's goal for me is 205. MY goal for me is to see ONEDERLAND.
I'm FAR from perfect in working my tool. I don't believe there is such a thing as "perfect". But, I have NEVER given up, NEVER decided I'm done. As a matter of fact, I don't believe, no matter WHERE my weight eventually bottoms out, that I will EVER be "DONE". And frankly, I don't think anyone who embarks on this WLS journey should EVER consider themselves "DONE". At almost 2.5 years out, I'm STILL trying to do right by my tool, and when I do, I see the rewards.
So the moral of my rambling is more for those who are pre-op, newer post-op, or just struggling along the way - NEVER GIVE UP. DON'T EVER FORGET THE GIFT YOU WERE GIVEN. You can live life, you can eat evil things once in a while, and it's NOT the end of the world. Just don't ever stop.
Next stop for me? ONEDERLAND, BABY!!!
Back at it
Sep 24, 2009
Been back to work a week now, and it's going okay. Well, except for the cold my kidlets shared with me - I stayed home yesterday to nurse it a bit. (They both missed 3 days...)
The 16's are mostly loose, and I may actually have to try on some 14's, just for shits & giggles. I don't care if I never fit solidly into 14's, the jeans & such I have already look so much better without that belly flubber! I still hurt when I cough, or sneeze, or laugh, or do something stupid (like the "sha-WING!" motion from Wayne's world, out of a camp chair. What an idiot...)
Now that I can eat again, I have to pay attention to assure that I'm not eating more than I need. I COULDN'T eat for so long after this surgery, it was wild! I still have no appetite, but I do seem to be eating more than my body wants at times. Getting that overly-full feeling I dislike... ugh. At least I'm getting more fluids in now that I'm back at work! I just have a hard time keeping the sipping going at home! Go figure...
Looking forward to autumn. The colors are just starting to get good - I LOVE autumn!!!!
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The 16's are mostly loose, and I may actually have to try on some 14's, just for shits & giggles. I don't care if I never fit solidly into 14's, the jeans & such I have already look so much better without that belly flubber! I still hurt when I cough, or sneeze, or laugh, or do something stupid (like the "sha-WING!" motion from Wayne's world, out of a camp chair. What an idiot...)
Now that I can eat again, I have to pay attention to assure that I'm not eating more than I need. I COULDN'T eat for so long after this surgery, it was wild! I still have no appetite, but I do seem to be eating more than my body wants at times. Getting that overly-full feeling I dislike... ugh. At least I'm getting more fluids in now that I'm back at work! I just have a hard time keeping the sipping going at home! Go figure...
Looking forward to autumn. The colors are just starting to get good - I LOVE autumn!!!!
Not quite 2 weeks post-op
Aug 30, 2009
Update - This surgery has kicked me in the hind end - I've usually been pretty good about rebounding, but wow... could it be my AGE???
OB got the left mass and ovary out, then took the right side masses out - but he could not get to the right ovary, because there was a mess of INTESTINE in the way! He was afraid to nick the intestine and put me in a bag, so he left the right ovary. I will pray that no other nasty masses develop on it. The plus side to still having that ovary? No HRT!
Then Dr. Jones, who did my RNY, came in - apparently, I was a wreck. One big hernia in my upper abdomen. He took 3 hours to monkey with adhesions, and put everything back where it belongs. He placed a large mesh panel in there - it's "tacked" to my pelvis, and stitched through my abdominal wall - so that sucker shouldn't let ANYTHING ELSE herniate in there! It smarts, I'm not gonna lie. I spent 4 nights in the hospital, because all that handling of my intestines made it take longer than average for them to wake up and start making noise. I was sent home on the 22nd on a liquid diet until I started to "produce" . The turds started the following Monday. Big, painful HARD turds - even tho I'm doing two doses of colace AND Milk of Magnesia every day, along with 2 or 3 prunes. Whatever it takes...
The plus to all this was the removal of the spare tire! AND my bellybutton. My incision is from hip to hip, and he GLUED me shut! Pretty strange, but it worked EXTREMELY well! No leaks, no bleeding or anything - nice, clean incision! I do have a fair sized "dog ear" on either side of the incision, but I don't care. I'm just happy to have the apron gone. I never hoped for a bikini body - I'm just so very grateful for what he did for me, I will embrace those dog ears and name them Thelma and Louise!
Right now, I'm just hoping I feel up to returning to work on the 14th as presently scheduled. Not sure about that right now, but hopefully I continue to improve daily.
The pisser in all this is that I currently weigh 4.5 pounds MORE than the day of surgery, even tho I can hardly eat anything. The incision severed the "route" that fluids in my lower body have used to flush out - so my ankles are once again puffy. This too, shall pass. But seriously, for the hunk of flubber he removed and the tiny amount of food I'm able to eat, I'd have almost thought I'd be close to Onderland! I will. In time, I will.
Thanks, Drs. I'm very grateful!
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OB got the left mass and ovary out, then took the right side masses out - but he could not get to the right ovary, because there was a mess of INTESTINE in the way! He was afraid to nick the intestine and put me in a bag, so he left the right ovary. I will pray that no other nasty masses develop on it. The plus side to still having that ovary? No HRT!
Then Dr. Jones, who did my RNY, came in - apparently, I was a wreck. One big hernia in my upper abdomen. He took 3 hours to monkey with adhesions, and put everything back where it belongs. He placed a large mesh panel in there - it's "tacked" to my pelvis, and stitched through my abdominal wall - so that sucker shouldn't let ANYTHING ELSE herniate in there! It smarts, I'm not gonna lie. I spent 4 nights in the hospital, because all that handling of my intestines made it take longer than average for them to wake up and start making noise. I was sent home on the 22nd on a liquid diet until I started to "produce" . The turds started the following Monday. Big, painful HARD turds - even tho I'm doing two doses of colace AND Milk of Magnesia every day, along with 2 or 3 prunes. Whatever it takes...
The plus to all this was the removal of the spare tire! AND my bellybutton. My incision is from hip to hip, and he GLUED me shut! Pretty strange, but it worked EXTREMELY well! No leaks, no bleeding or anything - nice, clean incision! I do have a fair sized "dog ear" on either side of the incision, but I don't care. I'm just happy to have the apron gone. I never hoped for a bikini body - I'm just so very grateful for what he did for me, I will embrace those dog ears and name them Thelma and Louise!
Right now, I'm just hoping I feel up to returning to work on the 14th as presently scheduled. Not sure about that right now, but hopefully I continue to improve daily.
The pisser in all this is that I currently weigh 4.5 pounds MORE than the day of surgery, even tho I can hardly eat anything. The incision severed the "route" that fluids in my lower body have used to flush out - so my ankles are once again puffy. This too, shall pass. But seriously, for the hunk of flubber he removed and the tiny amount of food I'm able to eat, I'd have almost thought I'd be close to Onderland! I will. In time, I will.
Thanks, Drs. I'm very grateful!
Tomorrow's a biggun....
Aug 17, 2009
Okay, here's the update.
Dr. Jones took a good look - and, might I add, had a good feel - this morning (jerk didn't even bring me flowers!
just kidding!!), and says the hernia I claim to have is actually rather large! He was a bit surprised that it wasn't bothering me much. It really hasn't, but I've known about it for some time, and he agrees that tomorrow is an opportune time to take care of it.
He re-read his notes from my three-fer weight loss surgery, and said I'm a challenging person. But this is do-able.
So my OB will start the party by removing those pesky ovaries and their uninvited friends, then Jones will come in to repair the hernia. He messed around with my belly skin quite a bit (AWKWARD!) and said he'd LIKE to do a complete panniculectomy (?), but with surgery scheduled for tomorrow, there's no time to get that through insurance. He asked me how I felt about my belly button. I said I'm not particularly fond of it. So he's going to "excise the redundant skin in the area of the incision to aid in wound healing". At least that's how he worded it on his orders. Sounds very surgical, doesn't it? The incision will be hip bone to hip bone, and I'll be left navel-less. Like I've said before, more than I ever allowed myself to hope for!
I won't be completely at ease until pathology comes back and assures me there's no cancer present, but I'm starting to get both nervous and excited.
AND, Dr. J asked me to do the mag cit thing this afternoon. FABULOUSSSSS!!!
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Dr. Jones took a good look - and, might I add, had a good feel - this morning (jerk didn't even bring me flowers!
just kidding!!), and says the hernia I claim to have is actually rather large! He was a bit surprised that it wasn't bothering me much. It really hasn't, but I've known about it for some time, and he agrees that tomorrow is an opportune time to take care of it. He re-read his notes from my three-fer weight loss surgery, and said I'm a challenging person. But this is do-able.
So my OB will start the party by removing those pesky ovaries and their uninvited friends, then Jones will come in to repair the hernia. He messed around with my belly skin quite a bit (AWKWARD!) and said he'd LIKE to do a complete panniculectomy (?), but with surgery scheduled for tomorrow, there's no time to get that through insurance. He asked me how I felt about my belly button. I said I'm not particularly fond of it. So he's going to "excise the redundant skin in the area of the incision to aid in wound healing". At least that's how he worded it on his orders. Sounds very surgical, doesn't it? The incision will be hip bone to hip bone, and I'll be left navel-less. Like I've said before, more than I ever allowed myself to hope for!
I won't be completely at ease until pathology comes back and assures me there's no cancer present, but I'm starting to get both nervous and excited.
AND, Dr. J asked me to do the mag cit thing this afternoon. FABULOUSSSSS!!!
To the depths and back
Jul 28, 2009
I've had this pain in the vicinity of my left ovary for the past couple of months. I had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago - then this morning, I had a voicemail from my OB. The ultrasound showed that I have a "large, complex mass" in my left ovary, 9.8 x 4.7 x 8.8 cms. He said he would call me back this morning. I've been very nearly worthless today, stressing over the whole idea.
So, he called me back about an hour ago. I was thinking this "thing" - this "large complex mass" - is about the size of a tangerine. Well, according to Dr. J (who I really do love...), it's closer to the size of a grapefruit. Shows you how well I know my metric measurements. He does NOT think it is cancerous, but it is not fluid-filled, either. It is a solid, dense mass, and he said there is another one, much smaller, on the right ovary. And he wants them gone. He offered to do it this Saturday, but I said - frankly, I NEED this weekend away, and I NEED the next weekend away. I WOULD cancel if he felt it was urgent, but he didn't think that was necessary. And if he did it on the 1st, I would not be able to make my Iowa trip on the 6th. So, he asked me if we could schedule surgery for August 18th. I said yes. He said he would write me off for 6 weeks, but I don't have that much PTO available. So he said as long as I'm not lifting anything, just working my desk job, I could go back in 3 or 4 if I wanted to.
I also tucked my tail, apologized for being shallow, and asked him if there was any chance he could make some of the extra skin go away? He laughed, and said I'd be surprised by how many people ask for that when they have to have a secondary procedure like this. He doesn't even submit for it on the insurance paperwork, because insurance companies are a "pain in the ass" - he just does it because it actually makes things EASIER for him to get the extra skin out of his way first. Given my weight loss and how MUCH extra skin I have, he won't even go to insurance for approval, he'll just DO IT!!!
Obviously, I have other questions for him (and PLEASE feel free to run any that come to YOUR mind past me, because I'm pretty well brain dead right now). I will have a pre-op the week before, be in one night for the surgery.
I'm just absolutely, completely numb. I'm very GLAD that he doesn't believe this is cancerous, or serious enough to get me in ASAP. And I'm speechless that he'll take away some skin.
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So, he called me back about an hour ago. I was thinking this "thing" - this "large complex mass" - is about the size of a tangerine. Well, according to Dr. J (who I really do love...), it's closer to the size of a grapefruit. Shows you how well I know my metric measurements. He does NOT think it is cancerous, but it is not fluid-filled, either. It is a solid, dense mass, and he said there is another one, much smaller, on the right ovary. And he wants them gone. He offered to do it this Saturday, but I said - frankly, I NEED this weekend away, and I NEED the next weekend away. I WOULD cancel if he felt it was urgent, but he didn't think that was necessary. And if he did it on the 1st, I would not be able to make my Iowa trip on the 6th. So, he asked me if we could schedule surgery for August 18th. I said yes. He said he would write me off for 6 weeks, but I don't have that much PTO available. So he said as long as I'm not lifting anything, just working my desk job, I could go back in 3 or 4 if I wanted to.
I also tucked my tail, apologized for being shallow, and asked him if there was any chance he could make some of the extra skin go away? He laughed, and said I'd be surprised by how many people ask for that when they have to have a secondary procedure like this. He doesn't even submit for it on the insurance paperwork, because insurance companies are a "pain in the ass" - he just does it because it actually makes things EASIER for him to get the extra skin out of his way first. Given my weight loss and how MUCH extra skin I have, he won't even go to insurance for approval, he'll just DO IT!!!
Obviously, I have other questions for him (and PLEASE feel free to run any that come to YOUR mind past me, because I'm pretty well brain dead right now). I will have a pre-op the week before, be in one night for the surgery.
I'm just absolutely, completely numb. I'm very GLAD that he doesn't believe this is cancerous, or serious enough to get me in ASAP. And I'm speechless that he'll take away some skin.
Yee Haw!!!
Jul 09, 2009
Went to the Hamel rodeo last night, bought myself a hat - I mean, the other ladies I'll be road-trippin' with next month to go see BIG and RICH have all bought one, and it WAS kinda my thing to go, so I NEEDED one, right???
YEE HAW!!!
But the best part? Bailey and I sat halfway up the bleachers - better viewing over the top of the fence (and GOD KNOWS she needed a good view of all them cowboys, right???) So we just strode right up those rickety ol' bleachers, NO PROBLEM-O, BABY!!! 160 pounds ago? I'd have stayed on the bottom row (therefore being forced to squint through the bars on the fencing). I COULDN'T have walked up the bleacher seats without making a spectacle of my ginormous self, and I'd have made DAMN SURE to sit right on top of a support bracket so as to not make the board we'd sit on dip too low under my weight!
I love WLS...
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YEE HAW!!!
But the best part? Bailey and I sat halfway up the bleachers - better viewing over the top of the fence (and GOD KNOWS she needed a good view of all them cowboys, right???) So we just strode right up those rickety ol' bleachers, NO PROBLEM-O, BABY!!! 160 pounds ago? I'd have stayed on the bottom row (therefore being forced to squint through the bars on the fencing). I COULDN'T have walked up the bleacher seats without making a spectacle of my ginormous self, and I'd have made DAMN SURE to sit right on top of a support bracket so as to not make the board we'd sit on dip too low under my weight!
I love WLS...
Today's Deep Thought
Jun 17, 2009
~ Acceptance. It is the true thing everyone longs for. The one thing everyone craves. To walk in a room and to be greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles. And in that small passing moment, you truly know you're loved, needed, and accepted. ~ Rena Harmon
How scary true is that? As obese people, acceptance was something for which we sacrificed much of our inner selves. Because society, in general, did NOT accept us the way we were. Much as that sucks, maybe it was a blessing in disguise? Because it made many of us WANT to be "better" people - more acceptable, thinner, NORMAL. So we sought WLS - and for the majority of us, we have reached (or will reach) that "normal" state of being. Of no longer serving as a target for the snide comments of strangers. Of doing whatever we could to make others happy, just so we could be accepted. Of having HEALTH.
I think having been obese taught me to recognize the value of true, unconditional love and friendship. I can sense a judgemental person when I meet them. I choose not to get close to people like that. Having been obese has brought me to a place in life where I now have more dear, sincere, loving friends than ever before - and to be honest, I was never seriously lacking in the friend department. I have many that I've had for as long as 40 years! But the kinship of others who have shared the same painful journey I was on for the first 45 years of my life is - well, there just isn't a word to cover it.
It makes me sad to see people who struggle with acceptance - of themselves, and from others they've developed relationships with. We can't blame the people we've allowed into our lives and bent over backwards for, in the name of acceptance - in a way, we are to blame for their being spoiled. But hopefully, in our newfound acceptance of ourselves, we can teach them to appreciate us for who we ARE, not just the extremely giving person we've chosen to be with them in the past. We have value. We are worthy of respect. We are acceptable.
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How scary true is that? As obese people, acceptance was something for which we sacrificed much of our inner selves. Because society, in general, did NOT accept us the way we were. Much as that sucks, maybe it was a blessing in disguise? Because it made many of us WANT to be "better" people - more acceptable, thinner, NORMAL. So we sought WLS - and for the majority of us, we have reached (or will reach) that "normal" state of being. Of no longer serving as a target for the snide comments of strangers. Of doing whatever we could to make others happy, just so we could be accepted. Of having HEALTH.
I think having been obese taught me to recognize the value of true, unconditional love and friendship. I can sense a judgemental person when I meet them. I choose not to get close to people like that. Having been obese has brought me to a place in life where I now have more dear, sincere, loving friends than ever before - and to be honest, I was never seriously lacking in the friend department. I have many that I've had for as long as 40 years! But the kinship of others who have shared the same painful journey I was on for the first 45 years of my life is - well, there just isn't a word to cover it.
It makes me sad to see people who struggle with acceptance - of themselves, and from others they've developed relationships with. We can't blame the people we've allowed into our lives and bent over backwards for, in the name of acceptance - in a way, we are to blame for their being spoiled. But hopefully, in our newfound acceptance of ourselves, we can teach them to appreciate us for who we ARE, not just the extremely giving person we've chosen to be with them in the past. We have value. We are worthy of respect. We are acceptable.
About Me
Maple Grove, MN
Location
26.5
BMI
Surgery
04/27/2007
Surgery Date
Jan 12, 2007
Member Since
