Being honest with myself

Sep 16, 2011

After ready many posts about BigSexy, I had to be honest with myself. I had my surgery for vanity purposes, not health. I have a new, kind of confusing look on the whole weight loss surgery thing for ME. I'm working on forgiving myself for being so critical of my old fat self. I wish I would've loved and appreciated me to the fullest before. There are all of these beautiful things about me that has nothing to do with my outer shell. But, I was too busy pointing out my flaws that I didn't let my strengths shine. I allowed socieity to have their say-so of me and took it as fact. Who knows if I would've had health complications? But I know for sure I have some iron issues now for the first time in my life due to this surgery. Nothing serious, I just take 2 iron pills a day, on top of my calcium, vit .D., and Multi.

The crazy part is I wouldn't have had this perspective w/o the complications due to surgery. As much as I'm enjoying this smaller body, I'm enjoying getting back to who I was a child just as much. Funny, outgoing, love to dance, play around, etc. As an adult, I'm just now learning to flirt, for real. When I was dating, had relationships in the past, I was soo serious most of the time. But I have had to forgive myself for squandering most of my 20's, messing up relationships with good men b/c I was so full of doubt and self-conscious about my weight in just about everything I did. Not matter how many times, friends and family said, "you're not that big," " you're a cute girl", and as one of my favorite blunt cousin's said, :."you're solid, not sloppy like some big girls." OMG, RIP Sasha, I so miss you. No matter how many men tried to get at  me or with me, I just didn't see the beauty in all of me. I was good for a face shot, but  a body shot, HELLS NO.

So to any big girl who has mad crazy love for herself and is not letting society penetrate her sense of self, I say YOU GO GIRL!

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