Maryellen R.

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“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Perhaps the above statement is the most famous line from the Declaration of Independence…. and as I ponder the significance of what this means in our country’s history, I also consider “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” as a statement of my independence resulting from weight loss surgery. Simply stated, I declare my INDEPENDECE from the bonds and constrictions created by my obesity. I no longer look to others to tie my shoes, or get a “something” from upstairs or even across the room. I have the LIBERTY to shop for clothes where I want, no longer bound to “plus” size stores. I have a new LIFE, aided by surgery and I have the UNALIEABLE RIGHT and responsibility to develop goals and create dreams that allow me to pursue my own version of HAPPINESS.

I am not saying that I suffered a miserable life before surgery; in fact, I am one of the fortunate few. I had and have a loving husband, two very beautiful daughters, a father that loves me unconditionally and friends I have known most of my life. I held a very responsible position at a local college as an Associate Director of Admissions. I celebrate my five year “surgiversary” soon and during these past 60 months I have developed a new INDEPENENCE of thought and attitude. I have revised the “Essence of Maryellen”, and changed my priorities. My parents instilled extremely positive core values which will never change, but I have found new paths to follow in order to compliment those values; all because of my decision to have surgery and unlock the shackles of obesity.

My journey has allowed me to pursue my dream of “paying it forward” by founding LIPO, and with the help of Frank (may God Bless him) be a cofounder of this company, HELP and its numerous supporters. I am dedicated to the success of HELP because that translates into helping others. I wish for others to experience the new LIFE after weight loss surgery, the LIBERTY that comes with renewed health, and the right of the Pursuit of Happiness.

I wish you a healthy, happy, and safe Fourth of July.

(((HUGS)))
Maryellen

I have had so many positive experiences since my weight loss surgery 5 years ago. I have met so many wonderful friends during that time. I founded LIPO four years ago and have nurtured it and watched it grow to fulfill one of my “new” life’s dreams. I feel fantastic, suffering no co-morbidities and have participated in physical activities that I never would have imagined. I dance, I bowl, ice skate, complete 5K walks, bicycle, and exercise on a regular basis. My partner, Frank and I started this company, HELP, to offer WLS patients support and products to help them reach and maintain their goals. Aligning ourselves with some of the “best” and most talented people in the United States assures me that our success will be guaranteed and we WILL be able to “give back” to our WLS family.  Life is better than I ever hoped possible. I am blessed in so many ways!

It is NOT enough!

I feel a deep emptiness and concern when I ask myself, “Are they lost?” I refer to those that I am not seeing at group sessions or conventions; the ones that aren’t part of our virtual world. Of the thousands of surgeries performed over the last 15 years how can I reach those that see themselves as failures and no longer participate in aftercare? Have they suffered some weight regain and are now reluctant to attend meetings? Have they labeled themselves as unsuccessful and have they given up? Do theyknow about the possibility of revision surgery? Do they know, with support, they can get back on track?Do they realize we can start over?
Are they lost?

START OVER!
If you've started out in pursuit of your goal
And you've really tried with your heart and your soul,
but somehow things got out of control ---
START OVER.
When you've tried your best to do what you should
And you thought this time that you surely would,
But once again, you didn't do good ---
START OVER.
When you've worked so hard to follow a dieter's way
And you fought to win a victory each day
But one more time you went astray ---
START OVER.
When you've tried so hard to yourself to be true
And do the things that you know you should do
But once again you failed to come through ---
START OVER.
When the road to success seemed much too long
And each temptation was oh so strong
And once again you gave in to wrong ---
START OVER.
When you've told your friends what you planned to do
And trusted them to help you through
But soon discovered it's up to you ---
START OVER.
When you know you must be physically fit,
But your hope seems gone and you're stuck in a pit
That's not the time for you to quit ---
START OVER.
When the week seems long and successes few
And at weigh-in time you're feeling blue
Remember tomorrow is just for you ---

START OVER
To start again means a victory's been won
And starting over again means a race well run
And starting over again proves it can be done
So don't just sit there ---
START OVER. (Author Unknown)

I want to reach out to those that feel they are lost. I want to be part of their support and help them get back on track or start over. I hope some that reads this knows of someone struggling and needs a re-introduction to aftercare. If not here or LIPO, search for some support. You are not lost!
We have all stumbled on our journey; pick yourself up, find the path and start over.

(((HUGS)))
Maryellen

essence –noun 1.the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features.

 I named this blog “The Essence Of Maryellen” because I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of subjects, and what I write is REAL.  In other words, you’re reading the true essence of who I am and what I believe. Of course, I reserve the right to change my mind, because I’m a woman, but mostly because I am evolving and learning as a person. I’m sure you won’t always agree with me, and that’s okay. I want to hear your thoughts — as long as you’re respectful.

So, with that explanation aside, I think I’ll start with something really big. Probably the most important thing in my life, because it drives my thoughts and actions constantly, and has since July of 2006. That is when I had weight loss surgery (WLS) and got a second chance at life. As part of my recovery, I began attending hospital-sponsored support group meetings for post-operative patients. I am so grateful for their existence, because they helped me learn the importance of nutrition and I gained insight into what would happen to me physically, as I progressed with my recovery.

These meetings were vital to my journey, but…I needed more. I needed more than PHYSICAL SUPPORT; I needed EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.

You’ve heard the expression, “The surgeon fixed my body but not my brain.” Truer words were never spoken! Like everyone, I went through my honeymoon period and, for the most part, couldn’t have been more pleased as the pounds just melted away. I followed my recommended food intake, kept journals and even exercised. Yep, I found the secret! Lose the weight and everything would be better! Problems all resolved! Shopping was more fun, sex was better, and people complimented me on my new look. PERFECTLY TRUE…for the most part…

But…then I watched as post-ops around me LOST jealous friends, and GAINED jealous spouses. They developed a new attitude: “Hey I deserve to be happy – as happy as I can possibly be – and I won’t let anything or anyone stand in my way.”

Well…there is some truth in that newfound attitude, except how do we deal with the attendant issues?

Trust me, NO ONE at the hospital talked about this sort of stuff in pre-surgery meetings, and we didn’t discuss it at the support group meetings at the hospital. Basically, we were not properly prepared for these scary and unexpected issues. Who could we talk to? Who would understand? Unless we are fortunate enough to have a strong base of support, these issues can cause a tremendous amount of STRESS! After all, many of us were used to handling our stress by consuming “comfort” foods… ice cream, potato chips, whoppers with cheese, candy bars and so on. But, as bariatric patients, what can we do in the absence of these forbidden “fruits”? Sadly, some people develop cross addictions to alleviate the stress and start abusing alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping or going back to old eating habits. In my experience, no one gave me acceptable tools to handle these issues, and I desperately needed a structure of “aftercare” to help me deal with the new stress.

For some, the needed support comes from psychologists and/or psychiatrists, clergy, family, friends or a wide selection of others. In my case, I felt that a peer group of fellow weight loss patients could be the answer so, a little over four years ago, I formed a supplemental support group in Suffolk County and named it “LIPO” (Long Island Post Ops). I didn’t do this to supplant the surgeon or hospital meetings; I did it to supplement them. We had eight members at our first meeting and we took off from there. This winter (January 2011) we launched our second LIPO group to accommodate those that were commuting from Nassau County. Each meeting has attendance from 30 -50 attendees and we discuss our successes and failures. We offer non-medical support. We have a minimum of a monthly physical activity that includes, dancing, ice skating, roller skating, 5k run/walks, sunset walks along the bay, bicycle rides and more. We also plan periodic “social” events like family picnics and dinner dances…. Perhaps more importantly: We have become a community – a community that understands, commiserates, and relates! Our guest speakers are prescreened and have included nutritionists, fitness trainers, motivational speakers, and life counselors. The meetings are giving us healthy NEW habits to cope with our stressful new lives.

I am not so naïve to believe that LIPO, or similar groups, are the only answer to the need of post surgery support, but it fills a “need” for some, and the success of LIPO has become one of my life’s proudest accomplishments. I have been able to find “like minded” individuals to become my co-leaders and subsequently developed life-long friendships with members of our groups.

I’ll leave you with this: Whether you choose to interact with a medical professional, friends or family, one thing is certain: A system of aftercare is absolutely paramount to your long-term weight loss surgery success, and if you’re not involved with a group, I encourage you to find one and join in. You’ll be happy you did.

(((Hugs)))

Maryellen

• LIPO (Long Island Post-Ops) 
  SAVE the DATE!!
  
  
  Please join us at LIPO's 1st Dinner Dance       
  
  When: Saturday, November 13
  
  Time: 7:30-11:30pm
  
  Where: Manor East Catering
  201 Jerusalem Avenue
  Massapequa, NY 11758 
  
  
  Stay tuned for more details at upcoming meetings and on upcoming posts!