Raygirl414

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I have been very busy lately.  I am still in school, studying photography, something that i realized that i loved forever.  I have had many ups and downs these past months.  My grandbaby has become my star...when she arrives...my life halts.  Time is moving so darn fast...wow!.  I am still holding down my weight in the 190 - 198 lb range. It flucuates weekly.I do realize that i do need to have the tummy tuck, that would be a big difference in my weight probably about 20 ilbs would be removed from my belly region.  But until i can afford to pay cash or acquire insurance, im tuck with the folds of skin, which i conceal pretty good with body shapers and clothes.  I do realize since the surgery that i have a gastro problem...i have gas all the time and have to take something to belch before and after meals.  Oh yeah...love my new hair color. 

 
Im so in love with my grandbaby...she has brought me so much joy and memories.  Hi Family, it's been awhile.  I have been busy trying to re-invent myself. I started school in the fall of 2010.. Im studying to become a professional photographer...freelance and one day forensic.  I just got a new camera..my baby a Cannon EOS T3i...not the top of the line but a good start.  When summer arrived I was worried weather or not i would be able to fit into my clothes from last year and to my suprise, i could.  That has not happened in a long time, usually i have to buy a bigger size...Good for me.  
I do find myself watching a lot of food shows....don't know how i got hooked maybe when i was recovering from surgery...that's all i use to do. Im still walking daily.  I dont work out, which i know i could use the workout to build muscle in my arms and legs and work on my belly.  I remember before i started my journey, the only wish i had for plastic surgery were my breast.  ummm....now since the twins have shrunk...my real wish is to have my stomach fixed, considering my doctor told me when i started, my end weight should be 140 lbs...not for me...You get too thin, too many things sag, like your cheeks, chin, belly, back, inner thighs. I thought i wanted to be that small but since i saw how i looked at my lowest weight 175...i got too many complaints about looking sick.  I did not gain the weight on purpose, it just happened while i was coming out of grieving. I still drink sugar free pops...don't pay much attention to caffeine...bad me...I watch my serving sizes also.  I just recently had bloodwork for my thyroid levels done and everything was ok but i was lacking Vitamin D3.. So I am taking those.  


 I change my look often.. right now im sporting a short hair cut. I was also able to get into a 42 DD bra....long stretch from 52G and its a strapless bra.yeah for me.  

Im happier now since the loss of my husband. I have a boyfriend and each and every day is a struggle for me because of all the changes i have come across.  But all in all he hangs in there with me and supports me as much as my husband use to do. Im also  working on a better relationship with my mom..and my youngest son.  My grandbaby keeps me busy, my affliation with my high school alumni keeps me busy and my constant faith in God, keeps me believing and hoping for great things to come. 

It seems like time has flown by so so fast.  So much has happened.  I am now a student at OCC taking classes in photography, my lifelong love.  I'm enjoying it but am too darn busy.  I am the recording secretary for my high school alumni association, among other things...  Each day, I am busy.  My children are now 23, 19 and 17.  And my grandbaby is 14 months old. Time is flying.  I have moved twice, this time im sitting still for at least 2 years...moving is the worst thing a person can do.  I have been through a lot of transitions since my husband passed. I still miss him...he was everything to me...He started my journey with me.  I am currently wearing a size 12 pants. Not bad for a sister whou use to wear a size 32 pants. I have not had a tummy tuck, nor a breast lift. Those things are not so important to me anymore. My only concern in life right now is tokeep the weight off, stay healthy, stay mobile and active. For years, my weight limited activity...not any more. After my husband died, i changed  and i changed in so many ways, alot for my own sanity.  I cut my hair and stopped wearing makeup so much and i am loving every moment. I even started wearing gym shoes something i never cared for.  I weighed myself this morning, y weigh...185...that might be heavy to some, but it's wonderful to me. I don't think my frame or body would look right at 100 - 140 pounds which doctors think my build should be. I dont want to look like im dying. I look healthy and i love the way i look. If i had ot lose any more, i would not go under 170, i have been there and no one liked the look.  I will be having a birthday in a few days and I can't complain about being 46.  Oh yeah, i also have new boyfriend.  Life is ok, could be better but I won't complain cause God has my back.  And I still don't have a job, but God is providing, amen.

 Hello family:

I have been very busy this past year. I have had many ups and downs with my life being turned around and different.. The death of my husband, had to move, birth of grandbaby..whew that is a lot. Still unemployed, now enrolled in school for photographic technology...cut the hair, tried to enjoy my summer.  Now it's fall.  I have new puppy, Bella Sky...we getting to know each other...I'm at the 195 mark with my weight, but it is comfortable, i had gotten as small as 180 lb and i didnt look well at all.  Im still discovering what looks well, what i cant handle as far as food and adjusting to the changes with my body.  I am still the coldest person in the room....and house...but it's ok. The knees don't hurt, nor does the back.  I am in a size 12 pants and large tops, thought i would never see that ever again in life.  If i had to have tummy tuck, i surely would be about 170 easy and with a breast reduction/lift in a medium shirt.. But i got time...i got stretch marks, but i wear them proudly, it's still part of who i am and where i came from. I will post pictures later.  I hope everyone has had a great year.

Hello, OH family, it's been a while since i have been here.  There are so many things that have happened in this year.  I am still unemployed but now I know why.  I lost my uncle the earlier part of this year, my husband of 15 years just passed away November 30, 2009 which has caused me great sadness.  He was with me throughout this journey from day one, even when i was overweight.  He accepted all of me as i was.  He prided himself in making and keeping me happy.  I cherish all that we had, he was my friend, partner, soulmate, there will never be another like him.  I miss him everyday with each passing minute.







I am down to a size 13/14, it has been steady the past few months until my husband's untimely passing.  My current weight is 190, bra size has shrunk to 40I that may not seem like alot, but trust me, 52G is much larger.  There are days i look in the mirror and still can't believe that i can see my old self and then there are days i think will by some reason will i gain all that weight back?  I don't never wanna be back in that position to have the health issues, loss of movement, being handicapped and trapped inside of a shell. 




Yes, my stomach sags, inner thighs are wrinkled, under arms are sagging but so what.  Those are the things to expect when the skin stretches. I don't exercise at all, i have really fallen off.  My diet is the same, i don't weigh my food because i don't eat big portions anyway.  You may as well say, I have proportion control.  The only bad thing i can say is that I don't drink protein anymore and i promised myself i will start again because i know that is vital to my health.  I have just started taking vitamins again.  A friend of my mine told me never to stop taking the vitamins because your organs may not be able to absorb enough from food, in turn may cause your organs to shut down (she had a friend in the hospital with that issue).  So don't stop taking your vitamins.





Me and my bbf are the same size, we don't look it because she is shorter and we both are maintaining and being each other's rock.  With all the bad things going on around me, she has truly been an angel in my life.  


Even after losing my husband i was blessed with the birth of my first grandchild, Kassidy Sheila-Marie Johnson, (which i have fallen completely head over heels in love with) her birthdate was predicted by my husband weeks before he passed.  He was waiting for her just like i was.   Without God in my life I know that I would have stumbled and fell, but he has his workers working real hard to hold me together. 


Until next update, Happy New Year's to everyone, i pray next year be a better prosperous one for all. 

Hi Oh family:  It has been a while since i have been here to share my journey. So many things have happened in my life. 
Let me first start with saying I am a Star as of 9/13/09. This was a personal goal i had been working on most of my life. I am still unemployed, but I knew that I was gonna be off for a while which i did not welcome at first but I have enjoyed since. God knows what he is doing.  Next year I will be back in the workforce for sure. I moved from Detroit to Southfield in December. I did not think i was going to like it but I fell in love with the area.  Now I am moving to Farmington Hills, a smaller place but it is what it is. 


I have stopped consciously dieting.  I am use to my food intake now, I watch what I eat, I eat what don't make me sick or upset from past experience.  I am still working on the goal of cooking everyday. U would think that I was trying to be like Julia Child.  I just find it difficult to try to eat the same thing over and over.  I do cheat but not alot.  When I have a taste for something, like a big fat juicy steak, i got get it even though I know I can't eat the whole thing.  But oh well. 


Shopping, I am in love with Dots and Rainbow.  I love that I can fit into those clothes. Yes, I still go to the plus size department because some items are made funny and you have to get a size larger but its only a number.  I wear a 14 pants now.  I believe I moving into a 12/13 by January.  My weight loss is down to about 2 lbs every 2 -3 weeks with variations of no weight loss at all.  My feet have went down tremendously. I don't have to wear wide with shoes anymore, and I find this quite shocking and my rings have to be adjusted.

This is my joy right here, remember those 52G's "the twins"-- they are gone.  Yes, I am wearing a size 40I bra, don't let the I fool you.  U can look at me and see that my breast are smaller.  I can see everything when i look down now. 




Now, this gas thing, i still can't get with that.. After eating, my stomach starts grumbling like a volcano, like i just did not eat! Then the after blast, will clear a room.  My family has gotten use to it, we laugh, but trust me, i have to warn people when i spend the night that it is powerful and not to be offended.  I know this is attributed to something that I am not taking in. 




I am glad that I took the step to change myself physically. Yes, it was and still is challenging because people think they see you, but they really don't, because you look different on the outside, you are still the same person you were on the inside before the change.  I for one have the same goals, dreams, likes and dislikes. Well maybe, my stomach control what i like or dislike in food, but anything else, by opinions, values, morals are still the same.  People seem to judge by sight, not by insight and I find that truly amazing that with all the knowledge that is out here, people can't figure that out.  God is and always has been the light in my life. My husband and family are helping guiding the way too, without them, i could not be me.


I am no longer challenged by walking, running, going up and down stairs, getting into small cars, fitting in chairs, sitting at tables or just simply sitting in a chair.  My overall health is good. I am scheduled to see my doctor this month. I do need my levels in every department checked, no longer on the blood pressure meds, probably need to find a medication to make my but grow (lol!) but otherwise I feel good.   Until my next post.  Peace, love and happiness, stay strong, don't give up. 

Hi family:  It has been a while since i was last here.  I am glad to see everyone's beautiful and adventurous progress.  I have good and bad.  Let me start with the bad and get the darn stuff out the way.   YESSSSSS, i have been eating everything, meaning, sugary, fatty, high calorie crap, especially chips and dairy queen ice cream and potatoes.  Dam me!.  When I looked at the stuff, i knew i was committing a crime, but i did it anyway, i was like, oh a little ain't gonna hurt.  Well, it didn't hurt but i am quite sure it slowed by progress down.  Even though I have not reached my goal weight (I am 40 pounds short of it), i am still happy with the way i look.  Yes, the bobs are like grandma's favorite flap jacks, but i have accepted that they are me and are a reminder of what i once was.  Anyway, i wonder are there any breast exercises to plump them back up?    Another issue, i don't exercise like i did in the beginning and yes there are places that need to be tightened up, the arms, belly, back and thighs. But i don't particularly worry much about that because, it was not a great issue when they were big as they were.  The other issue, fast food!.  Though shall not eat with thy children ever!. 





They eat at every fast food restaurant and yes, i was right along with them, even if i did not eat a gang of fries, i ate the sandwiches not paying attention to how many calories was included in each sandwich.  Just wasn't really paying attention to what i was doing.  Now that I have time to reflect because i got on the scales last night and to my horror, i gained 3 lbs.  The nerve of me to be surprised.  I acted like what!!! this can't be right.  Then i sat my butt down and was reminiscing on that blizzard, baked potatoes (loaded), double cheese burger, foot long, bags of potato chips and was like girl what the F%*k!!!!. Get back on track.  Tomorrow is my anniversary, i should be happy.  I feel like I failed myself. True I lost alot of weight but i did not meet my goal.  I had to realize, the weight loss don't stop at your anniversary date, it continues and you have to maintain it just like your hair, nails, and teeth.  So now I am not so bummed out. 



Now for the good.  I feel great, good, marvelous, sexy, and happy.  I can shop anywhere except the tiny girl stores.  My feet have went from wide with to regular, I am still working on the breast thing, I am still too far in the alphabet but being an "I" is not as bad as a "G" and losing inches is really as good as losing pounds.  I feel good when I put on my clothes. I love that the important people in my life continue to support me and compliment me in my progress.  I really feel blessed and wonderful.  Has it all went to my head.  No.  It has went to my heart.  It takes strength, determination and love of oneself to do alter the inside to better yourself all the way around.  My health issues still exist with the exception of the pre diabetes and  high blood pressure.  I still have bone to bone (in my knee) and the thyroid issue, but that ain't nothing compared to going up a flight of stairs and having to rest or sweating profusely when having to walk from your car to the door or having to have a seat extender applied to a belt because you can't fit in the seat or having to knock food off a table when walking by or having to sit at a table as oppose to a booth. 



Now, i am going to get my butt back on track.  Happy Anniversary to me.

I am back, it took me awhile because so many things have happened.  My birthday passed it was the 14th.  Let me start over, first my uncle died on the 12th, i was really depressed.  I was like how can i be in a joyous, go out and get down kinda way.  All I could think about my uncle and mom.  I really was not looking for much.  It was raining both days which depressed me even more, my weight was stuck at 220, i was like whatever.  Then on Monday, when I got home, by husband and boys suprised me with a turntable (so I could play all my old LP's) I do have a lot, i went out to dinner, they even had a little cake for me.  It made me feel real good, then my mother had given me a card, so did my aunt and cousin. Even after losing their brother they thought about me.  That meant the most.  So, i helped get the funeral together and stuff. 

As for my weight, i dropped 5 lbs and now can wear a size 14 jean depending on how its made, large top, boobs are still there but are still looking like two flopped pancakes.  But overall, my spirit is good. I got a car, something I been wanting to get for a while.  Not bad for a chick that is unemployed.  Which I am still looking for that job.  i need some benefits so i can go see a doctor.  My anniversary date is coming up next month.  Oh, my bbf, her anniversay date was the 17th and she still looks good.  I can say, the sun is shining and it is nice and warm for a change, meaning, i need to go outside hop in the ride, open the sunroof and breathe in the beautiful date, it might not last long, here in Michigan..

Hey OH, it has been a while since i been here, i have not forgotten you all.  I been looking for a job and being my family personal valet service.  Since i got all this time on my hands, they think i just want to drive them here and there...Anyway, I have been doing pretty good.  I have not been sick or anything.  I have been able to eat alot more than what i could in the beginning and I am not scared of food anymore.  I have been hungry (the feeling of hunger) lately.  Maybe due to me eating 3 meals a day with my recommended snacking in between.  My body be expecting it now.  I am almost at my anniversay date. My best friend will be at hers in less than 3 weeks.  I am really proud of her.  She was the big baby in the beginning, but she a champ now.

Here is a picture of us taken last month...

We had a nice time this nice.   So, I am at this standstill now.  I am exactly 222 lbs.  The scale won't move.  I know you start and stop with this weight loss thing. But it is nerve recking because I want to know is this my ending weight.  The funny thing is that I am not losing weight but my 15/16 size pants were skin tight (like the  Ohio Players use to say) when I bought them especially in the thigh part.  Now, they saggy and baggy in my upper thigh.  Is this a mystery or what.  I am fitting the pants in my waist but the lower half of me is shrinking away. 

This is a picture of us before weight losss.....

What a difference weight loss makes!

I am her and she is me.. The past few months have been real challenging, tiring, trying and emotional.  I had this surgery in benefit of my health and goal for a long life.  I heard that it changes you and your outlook on things in so many ways.  I have learned that it changes your spirit, how u see yourself and your goals.  So so many things have happened and let me start backwards....  Since April 2008, my bra sizes have changed 12 times. Just think in one person's lifetime u may need to upgrade about 3 times.  I, on the other hand is still not done.  It is truly amazing.  I thought I would be stuck with the twins forever.  Me and my bf went shopping for bras, she had no problem getting her size I on the other hand had to be measured.  I learned that I had went from a 44 I to a 40 I(work in progress).  I felt like a new woman when i walked out the store, i could see my stomach.  The last size pants i bought which was back in December were 17/18 and they were tight. I went out of town last weekend and all of a sudden my pants were baggy.  I went and tried on a  15/16 they fit perfect.  I wanted to scream in the dressing room..  I bought those pants.  Just one pair.  I could not believe it.  I texted my bf right on the spot.  The last time i wore a 15/16 i was in high school.  I have to say when i look at myself these days, i am in utter amazement. I did not think i was going to be able to lose this much weight because of my thyroid condition.  Just like Dr. Wood said, it dont matter.  I love myself.  I loved myself before but I love all of me now.  My bf always was trying to get me to get fitted clothes, i was still in the same frame of mine like before, cover it up.  When u use to wearing stuff to cover up stuff that is what u do without thinking.  We were inside the mall something i use to not do because there was only 1 or 2 stores to visit.  NOW, i can go into DEB, Kohls, Marshalls, Macy's, and others without feeling that i am not going to fit into anything feeling.  I am really feeling good about myself and i guess it is all over my face cause so many people comment on it.        

I don't grieve food anymore.  I enjoy what i can eat and eat what i can and move on.  i am still taking the supplements, calicum, and vitamins.  I have been doing greatly bad on protein supplements. 

I think being unemployed made me take more interest in myself.  There is not a day that don't go by that I don't snap a picture of myself.  It is not being conceited or full of myself, it is because I have to keep looking at what a difference weight makes. I never use to like to see photos of myself.  I take the pictures to capture each moment cause it is truly a journey i don't want to forget.  Each day from family, friends to strangers, the compliments they give is like being a lit up Christmas tree with a shining star on top. 

Nothin is depressed about me anymore.  I look back at my older pictures and most of them show me being depressed and looking old. Not a day goes by now where someone does not comment that you are glowing and looking younder.  Now what does that tell you about excess weight...

Perfections, that is something that i don't harp on or want, never have, it is not necessary.  I can walk 4 flights of stairs without stopping and can breathe.  I can go shopping and not be too tired where I got to sit down and let everybody else do their thing.  I can job a little without looking like I am fast walking. I am so flexible now, let's just say this, there ain't no position that i got a problem with except upside down, things don't look so good hanging when u got excess skin (i bent over looking at my profile in the mirror and looked at all the excess skin hanging includin on my face, i don't look like it's excess but it is). 

I heard that married people go through a lot of issues after surgery.  I was a non believer, because my husband was supportive throughtout.  WELL....the deal is, the spouse can't deal with the changes that the other is going through and it makes them look at themselves and see changes and questions what they look like and make them feel like you leaving them behind.  Lately, the tv was my husband's mistress and my computer was my lover  I was like enough is enough.  He was not at all interested in me.  No matter what i said or did.  Durin this period of change, his friends, other people would say in front of him, their thoughts of my appearance (all good) and be like "by summer you gonna have to watch her"  Not the right thing to say to a man.  He started drawing away.  I was so into me, because it has been so long that it was about me. It was always, him and the kids.  I forgot to incorporate him in my changes, my thoughts, feelings, pictures, etc.  I did not ask him how he was feeling or nothing. So, I was like we got a problem...I went off on him so bad, but I could not help it.  He told me it was not me, but him. He said he was having issues because he looks in the mirror and sees himself getting and looking older(remember people keep saying I look so young now)., He see the changes in his body, he is a dialysis patient so he dont feel as good as i do daily and can't do alot of what i can now.  He is 11 years older than me (just think i use to think he would tire of me and leave for a skinny woman).  Anyway, he was thinking I was gonna leave him for a younger man after i got super slim and trim.  I was like eventually, if you kept ignoring me that would have happened but not for a man, to be by myself though.  He opened up to how he was feeling.  I told him i did not just do the surgery for me, but for us too, this should be our journey together.  He loved me when i was not looking my best, when I was down and out, angery, sad, sick, drunk, moody, etc.  Never once, saying I am sick of you.  Now, we got a better understanding what we got to do and what it is going to take from each other.  I guess it is intimidating for people to see you differently especially when they questioning their being. 

As far as my body, boy! i got saggy skin under my arms, around the arm pits, stomach, and face.  I am ok with this. I look at it as a trade off.  My thighs have dents and dimples, i still got 3 rolls on my back to be exact.  My hair is thin, but its okay, at least I am not bald, and as long as there are  wigs and weaves I am good.   I wear a stomach shaper to support my stomach and sides(thanks to my mother so many years ago).  I still am not working out, which i plan to do so in the coming weeks.  I have been so busy everyday doing something. I am living and loving my life now. So is my bf, she weighed herself this morning she is at 200lbs. I am so proud of her, to think she was scared. She getting her grown and sexy on too.    I am sorry this edition was so long but alot has happened.  Until next time, God bless.