Rita T.
New Years Resolutions... there are 4 f them!
Jan 04, 2008
1) Stay together with Geoff (my boyfriend)
2) Get this surgery! (RNY)
3) Get engaged
4) Lighten up (in mood and in weight)
now lets see if I can stick to these...
2) Get this surgery! (RNY)
3) Get engaged
4) Lighten up (in mood and in weight)
now lets see if I can stick to these...
What ifs...
Jan 04, 2008
So as always my mindis wandering off about all the reasons I CAN't/Won't get this surgery... I mean... I know I will get it but I rather get it done in the states then Mexico. I would also much rather my insurance pay for it instead of me. Is any of this going to happen though? WHO KNOWS! I'm worried that because I am getting my insurance through my job that they won't cover i, even if I do pay for the extra insurance. I'm also kinda wondering what happens if I no longer have this job? Does that mean that i have to pay the insurance company back?... *sigh*... I feel so helpless with all this stuff and I feel like a dummy asking people questions like these when it seems like I should already know the answer myself.
I keep getting weird sharp pains in my upper right shoulder I'm not sure what thats all about but I type for a living so who knows I may be sitting wrong or something.
One lady on one of the message baords I asked a question said that I more than likely need it to be medically proven that i need this surgery for the insurance company to give it to me and I would need at least one if not two ailments... foruntely/unfortuently I don't have diabetes, or GERD, or any other really big symptoms out side of my back killing me (from my boobs). Me never going to a doctor doesn't exactly help either casue i have very little medical records... like... VERY little.. I'm talking gyno... THATS IT! I went to a dietician for like a month or two and they did an EKG but that was about it. I was supposed to get some blood work done too but yeah that was too mcuh for me to pay for at the time...
I'm hoping once i get a full physical that maybe they will find something helpful in this case. I know that seems horrible to say in a way but damn it other than me being over weight my entire life I don't have much to go on. My grandfather has diabetes, my grandmother died of ovarian cancer, my other grandpa has had a stroke and I think almost all of them have high blood pressure... so why don;t I have their records sent to the doc's office you ask? well because they all also live in Hungary... and I don't think all that translates well and i especially think that I will in no way be abel to get a hold of those records... AT ALL... my family is very private with these kinds of things...
So yeah I have TONS of aprehension about this mess. I don't know if I should ask the insurance people the first day that I get insurance if they will cover me or if I should wait a while after I get insurance or WHAT?!? i think thats going to be my next question on the boards...
I keep getting weird sharp pains in my upper right shoulder I'm not sure what thats all about but I type for a living so who knows I may be sitting wrong or something.
One lady on one of the message baords I asked a question said that I more than likely need it to be medically proven that i need this surgery for the insurance company to give it to me and I would need at least one if not two ailments... foruntely/unfortuently I don't have diabetes, or GERD, or any other really big symptoms out side of my back killing me (from my boobs). Me never going to a doctor doesn't exactly help either casue i have very little medical records... like... VERY little.. I'm talking gyno... THATS IT! I went to a dietician for like a month or two and they did an EKG but that was about it. I was supposed to get some blood work done too but yeah that was too mcuh for me to pay for at the time...
I'm hoping once i get a full physical that maybe they will find something helpful in this case. I know that seems horrible to say in a way but damn it other than me being over weight my entire life I don't have much to go on. My grandfather has diabetes, my grandmother died of ovarian cancer, my other grandpa has had a stroke and I think almost all of them have high blood pressure... so why don;t I have their records sent to the doc's office you ask? well because they all also live in Hungary... and I don't think all that translates well and i especially think that I will in no way be abel to get a hold of those records... AT ALL... my family is very private with these kinds of things...
So yeah I have TONS of aprehension about this mess. I don't know if I should ask the insurance people the first day that I get insurance if they will cover me or if I should wait a while after I get insurance or WHAT?!? i think thats going to be my next question on the boards...
Changed my mind?
Dec 30, 2007
So after talking to my mom I guess I changed my mind... for now at least. She said that there is a higher chance for me to regaint he weight if I ge the lap band and that I don't lose the amount I could with the RNY so I decided that if I am going to do this I might as well do it right. I decided to get the RNY and to wait and see if my insurance will cover it. If the insruance doesn;t cover it however I will have no choice but to get it done in Mexico.
I really hate waiting... but I think my new years resolution is going to be to do this and do it right. I will have insruance through apperantly United Healthcare... I'm not sure if its going to be a PPO or EPO or god knows what. I am not even sure if it is United Health Care cause the guy I asked at work saiod he "thinks" thats what its called... My work covers all of my insruance cost but I cna opt to get more coverage if I pay for it... not sure if its worth it or not though.
Yeah I am going to face some fun little bumps in the road I think. I don't know I am so confused about this whole thing. All I do knwo is that I want to do this right and I just want to do it once. I just hope I don't end up 300 pounds by the time I do have the surgery.
I really hate waiting... but I think my new years resolution is going to be to do this and do it right. I will have insruance through apperantly United Healthcare... I'm not sure if its going to be a PPO or EPO or god knows what. I am not even sure if it is United Health Care cause the guy I asked at work saiod he "thinks" thats what its called... My work covers all of my insruance cost but I cna opt to get more coverage if I pay for it... not sure if its worth it or not though.
Yeah I am going to face some fun little bumps in the road I think. I don't know I am so confused about this whole thing. All I do knwo is that I want to do this right and I just want to do it once. I just hope I don't end up 300 pounds by the time I do have the surgery.
UGH!!
Dec 26, 2007
I really wish I had someone to talk to! I am so nervous about getting financed and the surgery and what about getting fills done in the us if I am having surgery in mexico and blah blah blah!!! UGH!!!!
I wish I knew someone that I can litteraly sit down with and jsut cry with or something face to face to let them know everything I am feeling. I'm so worried I am going to fail and my mom said that I should get the RNY because I will lsoe more weight nso now Ia m looking through photos of people who got the lap band and wondering if I am only going to get down to 160 and i want to exerciose after the surgery but what if its another one of those things like dieting where I want to do it but never get around to it? What if I get fired from my job for taking time off from work what if what if what if?!?!?
My head is completely in a million places and i am so gald that the supervisor is out so I can just sit here quitely and go insane. I have only been here for like 1.5 hours and I already know that this day is going to be the longest.
I swear if I don;t get that freaking loan with my mother as a co-signer I am going to have a fit. i don't want to put it all on credit cards but damn it i will!!!!
There is a post up about what inspired you to have wls and I am thinking about writing in it saying that waht inspired me is all the before and after picutures I see on here and the blogs I read and that NO ONE and i mean NO ONE is ever like oh geez I wish i didn't get this surgery cause i am so unhappy with my life now... yeah exactly everyone I read about seems to be in complete and utter bliss after loseing the weight complications or not and damn ti I want to be that happy too!!!
i work hard I am always trying to achieve so,mething in life I deserve to be happy. I honestly think there is nothing in life I can;t do... other than diet and I think if my weight stops holdingme back i will be able to accomplish soooo much more in life and be able to DO so much more in life. I honestly think I could get a better job and work more hell I could get a second job if need be. *sigh* I REALLY WANT THIS TO WORK OUT!!!!
I wish I knew someone that I can litteraly sit down with and jsut cry with or something face to face to let them know everything I am feeling. I'm so worried I am going to fail and my mom said that I should get the RNY because I will lsoe more weight nso now Ia m looking through photos of people who got the lap band and wondering if I am only going to get down to 160 and i want to exerciose after the surgery but what if its another one of those things like dieting where I want to do it but never get around to it? What if I get fired from my job for taking time off from work what if what if what if?!?!?
My head is completely in a million places and i am so gald that the supervisor is out so I can just sit here quitely and go insane. I have only been here for like 1.5 hours and I already know that this day is going to be the longest.
I swear if I don;t get that freaking loan with my mother as a co-signer I am going to have a fit. i don't want to put it all on credit cards but damn it i will!!!!
There is a post up about what inspired you to have wls and I am thinking about writing in it saying that waht inspired me is all the before and after picutures I see on here and the blogs I read and that NO ONE and i mean NO ONE is ever like oh geez I wish i didn't get this surgery cause i am so unhappy with my life now... yeah exactly everyone I read about seems to be in complete and utter bliss after loseing the weight complications or not and damn ti I want to be that happy too!!!
i work hard I am always trying to achieve so,mething in life I deserve to be happy. I honestly think there is nothing in life I can;t do... other than diet and I think if my weight stops holdingme back i will be able to accomplish soooo much more in life and be able to DO so much more in life. I honestly think I could get a better job and work more hell I could get a second job if need be. *sigh* I REALLY WANT THIS TO WORK OUT!!!!
Financing Denied...
Dec 26, 2007
So I was denied by Efinancial for my loan of $8,000 yesterday. needless to say I was really upset. I applied with another company after that and they approved me but only for $5,500... with that amount I could probably have the surgery as long as I put the rest of it on a credit card but I didn't want to have all that on my credit cards. SO... I asked my mom to apply with me on my first application... she suprisingly agreed but I think i am going to get some sort of a repercution because of it. I'm now once again waiting... to be aproved... My mom also said that i should have the full gastric bypass... because tehre is a longer and better results with it. That kind of sucks cause thesurgery I am tryingto get this money for is the lap band. I can't afford the other one casue it costs like an additional $3,000... and yeah no way in hell i have that kind of money. So I think i am sticking to the lap band for now and I might check out the sleeve thing, I haven't read up much about that procedure though. We'll see...
Still no news on getting financed... :(
Dec 25, 2007
So I am at work yet again. Of course because of the holidays I was unable to get any news from E-financial about if I am approved or not and because of this I keep checking my status on their website like every 10 minutes... this si not helping the amount of stress i am already under.
My gloominess is back even though I am trying to fight it and I can't get the thought out of my head that I am not going to get this money. I know I cna alway build up my credit and THEN go get surgery but as the chick in Charlie and the Chocolate factory said "I Want it NOW!!!"
Saying i want it now doesn't even remotley begin to express how much I want this. I am on the verge of calling my mother (who doesn't speak to me) and asking her to immediatley give me the money she promised me so i can have this surgery! gimme gimme gimme.... yeah I know very mature, I am jsut trying to lighten up my own mood I guess.
Geoff (the boyfriend) is sick of me talking about this I think and i can't blame him casue I have been going on about it like every day making him look at all the before and after pictures.
All I need is freaking $8000 andI can pay it back i know I can I don;t think I am asking for too much! I am only going to be getting a better job in the future. So come on people just give me the money I am good for it! I haven't had a single thing in my life that I haven't paid back!
I talked to Mike (the exboyfriend/friend) and of course he jus thinks diet and exercising the way HE does it will let me lose all the weight I want. In the end he was still supportive but damn it I hate not being able to make peple understand that it is NOT that easy!
My gloominess is back even though I am trying to fight it and I can't get the thought out of my head that I am not going to get this money. I know I cna alway build up my credit and THEN go get surgery but as the chick in Charlie and the Chocolate factory said "I Want it NOW!!!"
Saying i want it now doesn't even remotley begin to express how much I want this. I am on the verge of calling my mother (who doesn't speak to me) and asking her to immediatley give me the money she promised me so i can have this surgery! gimme gimme gimme.... yeah I know very mature, I am jsut trying to lighten up my own mood I guess.
Geoff (the boyfriend) is sick of me talking about this I think and i can't blame him casue I have been going on about it like every day making him look at all the before and after pictures.
All I need is freaking $8000 andI can pay it back i know I can I don;t think I am asking for too much! I am only going to be getting a better job in the future. So come on people just give me the money I am good for it! I haven't had a single thing in my life that I haven't paid back!
I talked to Mike (the exboyfriend/friend) and of course he jus thinks diet and exercising the way HE does it will let me lose all the weight I want. In the end he was still supportive but damn it I hate not being able to make peple understand that it is NOT that easy!
Financing application
Dec 21, 2007
So I just turned in my application with E Financial, adn I should be hearing back from them in like 24 hours... I am SUPER nervous!!! I may be getting my surgery done with Dr. Armondo Joya but I am not sure yet... we'll see... Either way I will totally keep my fingers crossed for getting financed because I am SUPER scared that it won't happen and I mean SUPER scared. I don't know what I am going to do if i don't get that money... Cry more than likley... and cry a lot....
smaller is always better?
Dec 21, 2007
So i noticed that the people who are around my weight int ehbefore picture 260-230 are SUPER tiny after they lose the weight I mean like WOW! like 120! I can't even imagine beign 120 mainly becuase thats less than what my mom weighs right nwo i think (though honest to god I would LOVE to weight less than my mom and shove it in her face!!!).
I can't even being to imagine what I would look like if I were like 120 punds hell I can't imagine what i would look like at 150 pounds! I'm 5'3.5" so no worries i ma not trying to be a stick figure or anything like that.
God though those women look so amazing! All i can think of is that I want to look like that! i want to look beautiful and comfortable and be able to cross my legs and sit comfortabley and not have back pain and hell go up a couple fleights of stairs without breathing heavy! I knwo I am going to have saggy skin I can totally deal with that I knwo my boobs (which are like a DD-E or soemthing) are going to look like two empty socks hanging off my chest and I can even deal with that much but I CAN NOT and WILL NOT be able to deal with all this extra weight on me! Not anymore i am so sick of it!!! I look at myself the way i look in close ad I jsut want to throw up for ever letting mysef get to this point!
I want this stupid suregery so damn bad I can taste it. I am willing to go into a lifetime of debt if I need to (which I won't) at this point. I just want all this stupid weight off me. I will be happy if I am a size 12 for the rest of my life jsut let me go into a store and not have to shop in the fat section!
These simple stupid things in life like being ablet o turn down chocolate, shopping in a normal store, looking at myself in the mirror and not having the "muffin" thing happen when i am wearing pants, to have a button up shirt fit my waits and my boobs, these little things would make my life so much more happy!
I can't even being to imagine what I would look like if I were like 120 punds hell I can't imagine what i would look like at 150 pounds! I'm 5'3.5" so no worries i ma not trying to be a stick figure or anything like that.
God though those women look so amazing! All i can think of is that I want to look like that! i want to look beautiful and comfortable and be able to cross my legs and sit comfortabley and not have back pain and hell go up a couple fleights of stairs without breathing heavy! I knwo I am going to have saggy skin I can totally deal with that I knwo my boobs (which are like a DD-E or soemthing) are going to look like two empty socks hanging off my chest and I can even deal with that much but I CAN NOT and WILL NOT be able to deal with all this extra weight on me! Not anymore i am so sick of it!!! I look at myself the way i look in close ad I jsut want to throw up for ever letting mysef get to this point!
I want this stupid suregery so damn bad I can taste it. I am willing to go into a lifetime of debt if I need to (which I won't) at this point. I just want all this stupid weight off me. I will be happy if I am a size 12 for the rest of my life jsut let me go into a store and not have to shop in the fat section!
These simple stupid things in life like being ablet o turn down chocolate, shopping in a normal store, looking at myself in the mirror and not having the "muffin" thing happen when i am wearing pants, to have a button up shirt fit my waits and my boobs, these little things would make my life so much more happy!
At Work
Dec 20, 2007
So here I am at work... and all i can think about is getting this surgery. I keep looking at the before and after photos on the website and to me its like OH MY GOD! these people look like super models in my eyes in the after pictures! I'm serious! I mean the after picture they are staying they are still like 180-160 and depending on your height that is still considered overweight but i look at the pictures and I am jsut in awe i don;t knwo if theya re all jsut great photos or what but to me it looks like they could be 120-130 pounds tops.
I am sitting in my size 2 (in torrid sizes which is more like a 20/22) corset like top at work and i can barely breath in the darn thing and my boobs are half being cut off and i really thought that I could pull this off and I haven't gottten any weird looks from my co-workers so far except for maybe JS. (but I am pretty sure she hates me and I'll get into more of that later). but god do I regret wearing this dam thing I am crawling out of my skin at how uncomofrtable I am and how horrid I probably look. I just want to crawl under my desk and die! no seroisuly!
I am so glad we are getting out of here at 3:30 iunstead of 5:30pm.
God there is so much that I could be writing about in here...
i broke down to my boyfriend the other night about my weight. Breaking down in front of someone is very much not like me. I am usually the rock in my relationships. geoff and i have been together for a little over a year and we live together and I really don't think i could have asked for a more supportive and understanding nto to mention patient guy. But mostly jsut his patients! I swear if I were him i couldn;t put up with me.
I just started a new job like 4 weeks agona dn i am super nervous about making it to my 3 months. If I do make it i will be safe as far as the surgery payments are concerned.
I am talking to this one girl called Terri about getting the surgery done in either mexico or Detroit Michigan and I am so paranoid its a scam or they are going to steal my money or a kideny or something crazy like that. Not to mention the idea of dying. I guess though if they want their money I better not die so i can pay off the financing.
God there are a million thoughts going through my head right now and i don't think i can write it all down fast enough!
i might try and break these into smaller blogs or something. Shame I don;t have any friends on here to read this though... :( guess I could always try and make some friends.... but yeah I was never really good at that. at all!
I am sitting in my size 2 (in torrid sizes which is more like a 20/22) corset like top at work and i can barely breath in the darn thing and my boobs are half being cut off and i really thought that I could pull this off and I haven't gottten any weird looks from my co-workers so far except for maybe JS. (but I am pretty sure she hates me and I'll get into more of that later). but god do I regret wearing this dam thing I am crawling out of my skin at how uncomofrtable I am and how horrid I probably look. I just want to crawl under my desk and die! no seroisuly!
I am so glad we are getting out of here at 3:30 iunstead of 5:30pm.
God there is so much that I could be writing about in here...
i broke down to my boyfriend the other night about my weight. Breaking down in front of someone is very much not like me. I am usually the rock in my relationships. geoff and i have been together for a little over a year and we live together and I really don't think i could have asked for a more supportive and understanding nto to mention patient guy. But mostly jsut his patients! I swear if I were him i couldn;t put up with me.
I just started a new job like 4 weeks agona dn i am super nervous about making it to my 3 months. If I do make it i will be safe as far as the surgery payments are concerned.
I am talking to this one girl called Terri about getting the surgery done in either mexico or Detroit Michigan and I am so paranoid its a scam or they are going to steal my money or a kideny or something crazy like that. Not to mention the idea of dying. I guess though if they want their money I better not die so i can pay off the financing.
God there are a million thoughts going through my head right now and i don't think i can write it all down fast enough!
i might try and break these into smaller blogs or something. Shame I don;t have any friends on here to read this though... :( guess I could always try and make some friends.... but yeah I was never really good at that. at all!
About Me
Clearwater, FL
Location
29.0
BMI
Surgery
06/12/2008
Surgery Date
Oct 27, 2006
Member Since
