Rosa M.

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Original Post by Rosa M
Here I go...
1. I have been sneezing lately (a little sick), but yesterday when I went to the grocery store I sneezed and crossed my leg over to stop any leaking (sorry TMI) when I had to stop and go “I have been sneezing and staying dry OMG”.
2. Last night my 11 yr old came home from a five day trip with my parents (he went to Canada), he got out of the truck with a huge smile glad to be home, I could tell he was ready to give me a hug, when he stopped and his smile got bigger and with eyes of amazement said “Mom you have lost more weight” I said “I am still the same” His reply “no Mom you are so skinny – you have lost more weight”. I think the five day break from Mom gave him new vision!
3. This morning I got out of the shower and the only towel there was a regular bath towel. I dried and wrapped the towel – IT COVERED ME – MY STOMACH IS NO LONGER STICKING OUT THE SIDE BECAUSE THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TOWEL TO COVER/WRAP AROUND.
4. I went to use the bathroom at work. Well I was not able to use the handicapped stall that I have been using for the last emm 15 years because there was no tissue or seat covers – I was forced to use the “small” stall. I went in closed the door without having to “get on top of the seat” to close the door. No body parts brushed or touched walls. I left swinging the door open with the door not hitting me in the stomach or the back of my legs hitting the toilet!

I LOVE VSG...I LOVE LIFE...I LOVE THIS FORUM... 

I want to add to my list of Goals/Milestones/Things I can’t wait for: Wear a silk dress that doesn’t show my bulge or any dress that doesn’t show my fat pockets for that matter – HOW VEIN I HAVE BECOME – I want no fat pockets!!!!  

Over the weekend I was reflecting on my body image.  I have a friend (Hi Olga) who I have always thought was beautiful in all aspect – physically and emotionally.  I am not comparing my body to hers – she is perfect.  But when thinking about size I want to be a single digit size – a size 8.  I bring Olga into this because she told me she is a size 8 – so I know that is a good size for my bone size (med build).  When I shop I often look at the size 8’s and when I look at them I see these huge items – NOT SMALL ENOUGH, now on the logical side I know this is a good size but why I am seeing these clothes as big?  I don’t understand it – I will have to work on that.  I told my husband that I know I am loosing going from a size 22/24 to a now 14/16 (in the regular department) but I still see myself as fat.  He said no you don’t-that’s why you are always shopping…again logically I know that I am smaller – a lot smaller but I can not comprehend this yet (maybe the weight loss rate was so rapid it hasn’t given my subconscious time to register the changes).  

Another thing…most over weight people are probably like this – I couldn’t see myself pre-op.  I mean I would look in the mirror and see myself but I never really looked at myself – too painful.  My mind protected me I thought I was OW but I see pictures and now I even see images of myself pre-op where I was huge!  I really got to start working on getting a positive body image of myself…no matter where I end up.  So let me start by at least writing this to myself…Rosa I love ya today and always….me

My friend Olga replied to my profile entry via email… 
Oh! no wonder, I read the previous one. I just went back and whoa. I'm on you're profile! ( it was kind of exciting) seriously, first of all thank you for the grand compliment. I will accept it graciously. Now, this business of a size 8 looking too big is kind of interesting. Let's not get alarmed yet, it's probably what you said about the weightloss happening so quickly, you haven't been able to truly gauge, internalize, process it. We have, however, talked in the past about your extreme perspectives (addictive personality). So, what does your support group have to say? By the way, what did you have to eat today? 
Olga 

Here are a few of the responses from the VSG forum…

RE: Help...with your thoughts Response from Marie C 08/16/2006
to answer Olga - my response is: Whew! Just chill! it will all settle out with time! Remember Amy's post that talked about the six months or more for your head to catch up with your body? You'll get there - changing your mental body image is not going to happen overnight! 
r-e-l-a-x.....  - Marie 

RE: Help...with your thoughts Response from Barbara Nurse 08/16/2006 
It's all a matter of perspective. size 16 is huge to some people, but for us it's a huge milestone when we reached there. However, it's still not an 8. So hang tight, you'll get to that 8 and eventually your brain will too. I know that our facility had a state inspection a few weeks ago and I had to remind myself that I don't need to be embarrassed to meet new people. They are meeting a normal sized person -nothing more. No thoughts about how huge I am, I'm just a normal person to them___ shows how you can't just a book by it's cover!  

RE: Help...with your thoughts Response from MelRose 08/17/2006 
As a person for whom 10's are getting baggy and 8's are a reality, let me just say this: I understand what you're saying. On one hand, I'm thrilled with where I am and I'm in a smaller size than I ever anticipated. I truly am happy right here!...most of the time. But sometimes I see that I could *healthfully* go farther...I have another 10 lbs to go before I hit goal. Between that and plastics, it occurred to me the other night that I could end up wearing a 6, which blows my mind! The reality 90% of the time is-- 8's are miraculous and so so SO more than good enough. But 10% of the time, I see them and think: "Merely transitory...there's more work to do." I'm trying like hell to live in the 90% world...I kept a pair of my biggest pants from last year, and every once in a while, I pull them out and hold my new pants in front of them. The size difference is staggering. But even more staggering is how I feel most of the time. A healthy, energetic, *normal* person who could maybe stand to lose a few pounds, but isn't too concerned about it. 
BUT-- (Ready for a rant??): 
-My theory about seeing 8's as not small enough and it has everything to do with the media images with which we're plastered every day. Models for everything we are supposed to want are size 6,4,2...even 0! We are bombarded every day with messages that we are not good enough. But have you ever actually seen a runway model up close? Frighteningly two dimensional and completely out of proportion. No real person who lives any kind of real life looks like this...or would want to! Just about everything we see on TV or in advertising holds us up to an impossible ideal and tells us that if we don't achieve it, then we are "less than." Even the "moms" they have hawking lunch meats or cleaning products are perfectly coiffed (or perhaps in artful disarray) and perfectly thin. Personally, I like the flaws. Makes us human and approachable and real. but telling you that you're just fine the way you are doesn't sell anything. They have to make us afraid of our perceived inadequacies so that they can move their products. Such is a consumer driven society. Better than some, very true...but severely dysfunctional in its own right. 
-But here's the scoop-- you can decide what you're really afraid of. Personally, I'm afraid of wasps, rickety heights and the idea that I might hold myself back from actually living my life simply because some Madison avenue vultures tells me that I have to or I will never be happy. B*llsh*t. Being perfectly skinny and "ripped" will not make me happy. Loving and being loved by my friends, family, partner, and MYSELF...that makes me happy. The smaller jeans-size is just a "lagniappe" (as they say in New Orleans .) 
-We all took an extreme path to get where we are now that shifted our physiological selves into overdrive. Our poor overtaxed minds have to get into gear to match that pace. You'll be okay, Rosa . Just remember that YOU are the boss of you. And your brain will catch up to the mind bogglingly rapid pace that your body has set.  Mel 

AMY Peters's Message: 
Hi Rosa, I wanted to email you about your post. I REALLY get what your saying. My weight loss was about 150 pounds down in 8 months! I am a size 8. Sometimes when I look at it I feel that it is too BIG! I need to be smaller is what I think, then, I think...........what am I saying, I feel my bones on my hips and collar bone area sticking out, I can't get any SMALLER! I think that because I was large for the better part of 30 years it is going to take some time for my mind to adjust to this being the "NEW" me. I also look at old pics of me (there are VERY FEW) and I still cannot believe that I EVER allowed myself to look like that! I was HUGE! Even my husband said he had "shallow Hal" (the movie) glasses on, he NEVER saw me that big, he saw the SPIRIT inside. Sometimes I think that WE see ourselves for what we are inside most of the time and then when we see ourselves in pics it's different. I still am that same spirit inside so I still have a hard time seeing the "NEW" me because it's STILL ME, the inside didn't change, just the outside shell that covered the real me inside. I think in time this will get better but for now I have to keep reminding myself where I came from ( a size 28) and that I have done good. I will continue to do good one day at a time and I will try to see what others see inside and outside. Keep loving yourself! AMY

Back to my thought (Rosa's) So for any of you who have thoughts or concerns - Post them - when you post people respond caring with insight, people not yet there, people who are "there" and they are honest!

Original Post by Rosa M 
It's my birthday tomorrow and ritual has been DH takes me out to dinner and then picks some other place after...I wanted to buy a new dress as I don't have many clothes anymore. The last shopping trip I made I brought size 16 jean and xl blouses - which was a HUGE WOW moment for me.

I went to the mall and tried on several dresses (all with a little stretch to them). I tried on size 14 dresses and thought they look nice but they are a little loose under the arm pits...I tried on size 12 dresses and WALA....THEY FIT!  I wanted to buy every size 12 dress I tried on...but I restrained and only purchased one - as I know I won't be in it very long...

My kids can wrap their arms around me - they actually can now hold their wrists while hugging their mother! It probably looks like this () rather than (XXXX) lol. My niece Sonia hugged me the other day and told me I didn't feel as comfy as I did before! lol and my son laid on me this morning and told me that I wasn't "cushiony" anymore.  

I have had some good things happen to me...and I just wanted to share with you all....Smile and have a great day.

Original Post by Rosa M
I guess this can be considered a WOW moment...On Saturday morning my DH and I were being silly - getting on each others nervous  - well my husband layed his stomach on the living room floor and I got on his back to "beat him up", now pre-op he would have struggled to get me off of him, but post op. he lifted me right up to try and tumble me off , I held on (for dear life), he stood up and gave me my first piggy back ride! He carried me up the stairs while my son watched and cracked up the whole time!  

has a problem with chewing gum...I chew orbit gum and go over the top I chew two to three pieces at a time and will not throw it out. I chew and chew and chew and then chew some more. So with all that chewing I am getting a lot of air in my tummy - I haven't bought anymore gum and plan not to.  oh yea and no I don't swallow the gum...that could be really dangerous. 

This is a reply to a post by Rinie Girl
Only those closest to me would make comments with the first few pounds. I think people may feel uncomfortable about saying something. I wonder if it has anything to do with "she lost a few pounds but she'll put it right back on in a couple of weeks" so they don't say anything at all.

I am down 77 lbs and now people are saying things directly to me like "you have lost a lot of weight" I always make sure I say "yes I have - thank you for noticing and saying something" because next time I see them I want them to know I am open for comments / compliments. There is an older retired couple that live across the street from us...we have known them now for about 3 years - well today I got out of my car and she yelled over "Rosa - you are one hot chick - are you on something?" then her husband added "I told my wife I was talking to you the other morning and I didn't even realize it was Rosa". 

So the moral of the story is...Yes people notice and in the beginning won't mention but when you loose a few sizes "look out" you'll have to duck from all the comments/compliments...

I saw a few family and friends over the weekend.  My MIL thought I shouldn't /didn't need to loose anymore weight (she is concerned over the amount of food I am now eating :-) it is not enough for her to feel that I am safe-my DH tells her I am ok, what I don't eat I take in vitamins and protein shakes).  My friend Jodi who I hadn't seen in about 8 weeks said "you are the incredible shrinking woman, every time I see you I can't get over how small you are getting".  Her husband Robert kept saying "Comadre you are skinny".  It was nice to hear how great I am doing!!!!

about my goals but I do set goals for the end of each month.  They are just superficial goals because with the surgery sometimes you have not control over how fast or slow it can go.  I just know I have to get my ass back to walking and the gym.  We had a heat wave here (no really a real heat wave it was in the 110 to 115) and I stopped all exercise.  

My commitment to myself is to get on track and help this along.  I also want to start building muscle (I know that will slow down the weight loss but will change sizes and proportion of my body).  For the last two months I met my goals end of June goal was 199lbs and weigh in was 195lbs, July was 184 lbs and weigh in was 183.  My goal is to average 12 lbs per month which will get me to goal of 135 by the end of December.  So August goal is 171lbs.  

Post by Rosa M
Yesterday, I went to see my Primary Doctor (PD) for a problem I am having with my belly botton and under stomach flap. Well guess what...I have a yeast infection! So you know you are a WLS patient when....you are excited you got one because it's the first step toward documenting for PS!

My PD said you know it's common. Here is a cream, apply 2x a day and keep it dry. If you continue to get these you may want to consider PS-a tummy tuck to get rid of the problem. I told her I couldn't afford it, she said we may pay if this continues because it will be medically necessary. Make sure you call me anytime you have a problem.

My PD also was very happy to see me. She said I could come back in for weighing in if I wanted too then she said well will you just come in every month so I can see your progress. BTW - I never had high blood pressure but it did go down.

Also my friend Ingrid when I shared I had the infection was confused as to why I was so excited and sharing! She said she needs her own support group so she could ask questions like "How do you support a friend when they are excited about a yeast infection" (she thought I was going to tell her it was from having too much sex - Is there such a term as "too much sex"). Any how hope I didn't gross you out too much... 

Original Post by Rosa M
Ok - I was updating my tickler on my profile - When I looked at the completed tickler I am down 75lbs and have 50lbs to go! I almost want to say "just 50lbs" but we all know that those are going to be the kick ass 50lbs to loose . I am so excited I can hardly breathe! 50lbs to go!!!! 
WLS 3/31/06
260/185/135