Rosa M.

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I went to my brother in law Luis' house for a family gathering.  It was a hot day and we had a great time together.  Well as night fell it got pretty chilly out there.  My sis-in-law Lilia who is a tiny woman offered me a sweater.  The one she gave me kind of poked at me so she handed me another size 12p It fit!  I boosted around in the size 12p for the rest of the evening!

I went out to eat last week (previous post about the dumping) but I forgot to add an important process that happened to me...when we were being seated there were several larger tables with seating for 4 available. Against the wall were these (in my eyes) itty bitty tables with only two chairs. We followed the waiter and for a quick moment I got anxious because he was walking to the smaller tables I thought oh no I am not going to fit! But I remembered that I might...I even sat in the chair with someone sitting directly behind me and there was plenty of room! 

Original Post by Rosa M
Hello All,
I wanted to share my afternoon with you. It had its very high ups and a down. I visited a friend from my previous job I left about a yr ago. I had worked with many who are still there for about 10 years. 
I met my friend in front of the office. I didn't want to go in! I was feeling some anxiety about seeing people. Why? My friend said to me "Rosa you were hiding behind the weight, now you are trying to hide behind being thin". I started to think I wasn't perfect so I didn't want to see anyone...but who is perfect only one man I know. 
As I sat in my car waiting ex co-workers started walking in and out of the building. They saw me sitting in the car and yelled "Rashaaaaa" because they were HAPPY TO SEE ME, but you know what, they would have been happy to see me at 260lbs! The raves and compliments were never ending. They were truly happy for me. I saw Lori, Alice, Laura, Terri, Jeannetta, Michele, and Ingrid. My friend Ingrid had tears in her eyes as she looked at me proudly. I could see in her eyes the sincerity of her happiness for me. Then two of the fellas came out Mark and Ricky their compliments were great "LOOK AT YOU you hot mama"¨ "The new and improved Rosa ". Everyone was starring at me it made me feel very self conscious, but very happy! Needless to say I am still all smiles.
Now for the down...So me and Ingrid go to lunch to some Italian place in Martinez . I order the soup CREAM of zucchini. It was delicious! I had about five to eight spoons of it and a piece of bread the size of a crouton. I felt very full. Then it started...bubbling in my stomach and hot flash! My crown on my head was wet. I think I dumped! 

Hello Family Member (I take the name out to respect their privacy)
This is the link to my WLS journey page.  It isn't spruced up or anything  I don't know how to do that.  I haven't shared the link with anybody in the family besides yourself for now I'd only like to share it with you.  
I hope you enjoy the reading other peoples are so much more interesting.  I want to post pictures but don't have any of myself on a disk.  I need to collect a few pre-ops and have them scanned to a disk.  
I am taking pictures of myself in undies and bra - I don't know if I'll post those but I don't see why not people should see the difference and know it can be done!
FAMILY MEMBER REPLY
Oh, my god, 
I am so touched that you're sharing your personal thoughts with me.  But you must understand, I don't share my weight thoughts with anyone else so I know how you feel.  You've been my inspiration.  I can't afford the surgery, but I went out today and bought some workout clothes and am going back to the gym just to change my lifestlye and maybe all these bad feelings go hand in hand with the way I look physically. 
Loves and kisses, 
love your (I take the name out to respect their privacy)
post them darn pictures up.
MY REPLY
I know how you feel (or at least I can relate to most of your feelings) before I was on this journey I didn't think anyone could possibly know I weighed 260lbs  WHO THE HELL WAS I KIDDING  ~  The reason I share is because I know how painful and lonely it is and I need to release these feelings or at least learn how to sort them out.  You know studies show that compulsive eaters after WLS (weight loss surgery) can pick up some other vice such as alcohol, shopping, gambling etc. interesting isn't it?!  So if we don't deal with our emotions or lack there of we can end up still addicted.

I am so proud of you for going to the gym!  Huge step toward changing.  Only you know what changes you can and need to make for you and your family!  There is no rush for you to start shedding pounds just getting healthy by exercising and getting your heart pumping¡KYOU GO GIRL!  Please know that this was not a fix all for me.  As you read my WLS journal, you will see there are pits, like the Twix candy bar incident and Chato finding the rapper holding it up while I walk across the parking lot and a saying (pretty loud) "Hey Mom, is this part of your diet?!" My answer "that's an old rapper".  I didn't come clean I couldn't be a failure.  Truth is I don't think I am a failure, but will they?  I think a big part of my problem is my thinking of "what will Jaime say?"  to make me feel bad/guilty/undesirable.

    Eating all that feel good stuff was killing me and my family...Rosa

left from my pre-op days!!!!  I have out grown or should I say under grown all my clothes.  I gave 95% of all my clothes to my sisters friend's.  It is easier to decide on what to wear for the day when you only have 2 pair of jeans, 1 skirt, and 3 pairs of pants.  I always had a hard time figuring out what to wear...but now that the choice is limited it is actually easier.  Hey that doesn't mean that when I reach my goal weight I am not going to be a stock holder at the mall!

Original Post by Rosa M
Hello all - Thank you all for your encouraging words over my post on Friday "Joined the local Gym yesterday!". 

Well Friday night I went and discovered RACKET BALL!  I love it. I played Friday night for about an hour, Saturday for about an hour, and Sunday (I may have over done it) played for about an hour and a half early afternoon. Then guess what my 11 yr old wanted to go back about 7:30 I decided ok let's go. I played for another hour. Remember it was not an intense game but it was more movement that my body has never in its life felt! I feel proud of my boys because they both have wanted to go and mess around for a few hours at the gym. Guess what!?! DH decided he would go with us on Sunday and enjoyed his time there...He wanted to watch me play racket ball but I told him not to watch me...he smiled and said why I think it's sexy.

Next WOW moment...For a brief moment on Saturday I weighed the same as my driver's license 190lbs. Sunday brought a whole new life for me...I woke up and actually weigh less than my drivers license weight OFFICIALLY!  

And finally...I went shopping over the weekend (I don't purchase I do a lot of trying on I use that to gage my progress). Well from Mervyn's I now wear a 16P! This wasn't even in the women's department and I don't even know what that department is called...any help out there? I tried on a large dress (a little stretchy) and it looked beautiful! I love trying on clothes...I dreaded it before because there was not a lot to choose from and then not everything looked nice! Now I have more choices and things fit nicely!  

Original Post by Rosa M 
Ok everybody...I joined the local gym yesterday. I got the family package and for the 4 of us it's $90 per month, gym has aerobic classes, racket ball, weights, treadmills/cycles, basketball, tennis and indoor/outdoor swimming. Both my boy's walked to the gym early evening yesterday and worked out. They went back today and have been there about three hours. I am really excited about it but at the same time nervous - I have never really worked out before in my life (I wanted to join Curves but their hours suck-sorry Amy) and the last time I joined a gym and paid for a personal trainer I didn't feel good about it. Does anyone have any ideas for routines? I am interested of course in weight loss, abs, and butt (I don't want to loose anymore and need it to lift!). Problem I have such a large stomach still that I am afraid I can't do the floor exercises cause my front load.

Other thing I am dealing with on this issue is - DH says joining the gym is a waste of money (he currently is upset about it saying "we'll see how long it lasts"). I am not a mind reader and am not sure if he feels this way because of my past efforts (which were a waste of money  ) or if he just doesn't want me to go to a gym for other reasons? I am not ready to deal with either situation from him - I have already signed up and will go me and boys or just me.

(before I wouldn't loose anything for a day or two then more than a one pound would come off) it's been a week since any weight loss.  I find myself wanting to eat more and more (not physically - Mentally).  I went to the grocery store yesterday and bought a twix and ate it!  I felt miserable about it.  I ate it and didn't even enjoy it.  I told myself that was the last time.  I am getting myself on track with protein, water and vits.  I have to trust my body and not go for the mental stuff.  I am trying to work on all that stuff-trying to understand the relationships with the people around me...hopefully I can mend somethings....well guess what I posted thinking that yesterday was Friday!  I guess my week long stall was broken this morning as the scale read 191 lbs...Sorry for the gooof!  So as of today my BMI is 33.30 = Obese, my short term goals are to get to 170 so that I can be just "over weight" by the BMI calculator, then 142 to be in the "normal" range by the BMI calculator.

Original Post by Rosa M 
This weekend was the start of the dreaded hair loss stage for me (the title version comes from Mels post on hair loss on Nan site - thanks Mel and Nan I needed the reminder). I had more than a few strands and less than a glob of hair while showering over the weekend. I am just over three months out and hoped I would be the one that it skipped .

I am not dreadfully scared of loosing all of my hair as I know this is a phase and this too shall pass (I hope ).  

was great I went to neighbor's house swimming in her pool.  We got in about 7:00 and were in there until about 12:30am - we swam lots and actually exercised away.  I lost over 1 lb doing that.  I feel relaxed this morning all over my body.