rrdesa
Dark Thougths
Mar 02, 2008
The past 2 weeks have been so challenging . SO much so That I have thoughts of suicide. How easy it would be to walk out the door ,get in the car and stuffing the tailpipe and going the death. Very easy when depression sets in, not so easy when you have the support system I do. I feel very selfish, but at a time when everything is coming at me (personally & professionally) the world seems insurmountable. I now get time to decompress. Those dark thoughts get so bad, that you don't care about what other people think. I just want to check out .I have too look at the good times and call Mom when I think that way. The way my dad siad it it's a decision you can never come back from.
It not about the bypass ,it's about who you are.He loves me but is not "IN" love with me. ( at least that is what HE said)
What the Hell does that mean? I thought being "in Love" meant you can be out of love. But loving someone meant you had a commitment to them. A conscious decision to be with that person. Am I wrong?
Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Yes I'm wearing aprint DRESS
Mar 01, 2008
I have to tell you, I went to Kohl's yesterday,to get a top( the blue one. they were haveing a sale 60% n most thing and if you a shopper March 3rd 80%. This $40.00 dress was only $9.00. ,
Yes I 'm a smart shopper.
8 motnhs Post op, 145, size dress Small
Yes I 'm a smart shopper.
8 motnhs Post op, 145, size dress Small
Not feeling well
Feb 27, 2008
I caught something that the boss has. some sort of cold.
I forgot I'm not suppose to take Day quill only tylenol, and I was ok till my stomach started burning. I'm at work because Jim is going to be at home picking up papers and other stuff. I dont want to be there, even if I'm sick.
I think also all these forums are getting to me. I jus want to sleep forever. right now. Anyone got a pillow?
I forgot I'm not suppose to take Day quill only tylenol, and I was ok till my stomach started burning. I'm at work because Jim is going to be at home picking up papers and other stuff. I dont want to be there, even if I'm sick.
I think also all these forums are getting to me. I jus want to sleep forever. right now. Anyone got a pillow?
Breathing Room
Feb 25, 2008
I came into work yeasterday only to find out we have Another Student Forum on Wed. (Can we say beating a dead horse?) I dont think there will be alot of people because , these kids want to get back to studing and Papers are due, exams are coming up and This Saturday is the begining of spring break.Speaking of Break I get one as well! Yippie! 4 full days all to myself. Time to reaccess. PS I'm down to 146. My sister asked me not to lose too much more wieght. I told her I'd discuss it with the doctor.
i HAD A mELT DOWN....
Feb 24, 2008
Last week was the most challenging week Thank god for Jeff. He came with such compassion. I just cried! Such an Amazing man. With everything that Jim was (not and was via email) giving me and everything that the college was passing on to me. If you are not aware. Our President resigned 2 weeks ago, the BOV wanted to respond, in my building, on Friday. They finally told me this Wednesday. (google it on National news) I also had a presentation to do Thursday that got Interrupted by the (new) president of the college. That was frustrating plus it was a full moon (blood red) Eclipse. I also had my sister’s 60th birthday party. And then I remembered their is always LOVE. I have so much love in my life. My sister and her dog. Not always perfect but always there … LOVE
After Yesterday today really sucked ( can I say that?)
Feb 13, 2008
First off one of the kttens was sneeing blood this morning. Had to take her to the vet. Then the Students decided the protest outside was too rainy so guess what they decided to "sit in" in our building, Then Jim writes me a long confusing e mail. Why is he playing with my head. I told him not to come to the house till the 22nd and dont contact me. He doesn't know but I'll be up in DC then. I realy dont want to get into he said/ she said.
My savior day
Feb 12, 2008
Yesterday I got a call from from hair stylist reminding me about an appointment to get my hair colored. I've never had it professionally colored. I Almost cancelled. But my inner voice say go. I'm glad I did.
Britany is my stylist. She fantastic! and she gave me a wine. Yea!
The results
I'm glad I went!
Britany is my stylist. She fantastic! and she gave me a wine. Yea!
The results
I'm glad I went!
Reading and cupcakes.
Feb 10, 2008
Yesterday, the soon to be ex came by to do taxes. He also asked me a big question. If he thought he made a mistake would I take him back.. I said yes but only with counseling. Then it came down to sex and an operation? I called him later to clarify. He meant for me to have an operation, so that I could come vaginally. (Huh?) I told him to read “The feminine Mystic”. I don’t think.... NO, I know I don’t want that. He still hates football, won’t go to the movies and won’t accept presents even at Christmas Time or his birthday. I really can’t do this anymore!
Thank You..
Feb 09, 2008
For all the supportive comments.
You guys are amazing! Thank you so much support.! I really apreciate all the good feelings. Yes I do know I have your positive thoughts to help me through. Now if I could just get a good night's sleep and if someone could please tell me how to turn off the Menopause gene. I 'd be alot happier! LOL
You guys are amazing! Thank you so much support.! I really apreciate all the good feelings. Yes I do know I have your positive thoughts to help me through. Now if I could just get a good night's sleep and if someone could please tell me how to turn off the Menopause gene. I 'd be alot happier! LOL
Still tring to wrap my head around it...
Feb 07, 2008
Last night and this morning, my auto pilot shut down, today I feel like crap, on an emotional roller coaster. I feel like crying. I did notice I‘m eating all the wrong things, but I’m so hungry. This past weekend I didn’t want to eat anything, now I want to eat everything. The weekend is coming up; maybe what I need is a couple of down days. Put on those size 10’s .To remind me, to get back on track.
About Me
Location
25.2
BMI
Surgery
07/02/2007
Surgery Date
Mar 19, 2007
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
Hiding under black
230lbs
