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I haven't written lately. In all honesty, My bad mood was amplified and the last thing I wanted to do was be on a computer longer than I had to be! I have been working and re-arranging my schedule to accomadate all the people in my life who seem to think I am suppose to (that could be my bitterness talking tho). Thank God I have an awesome boss who works with me and my inability to tell people to back the @&!* off. Oh well.
Back to the subject that matters. I am down to 270 as of this morning. That's 75 pounds from my highest weight! I can wear a 2x shirt, which I haven't done in over a decade (Tho I did rip thru one like the Hulk once when I tried one on about 3 years ago..). Almost 11 years ago, when I got pregnant, I weighed 272 pounds. The fact that I weigh less than that now thrills the hell out of me! Physically, I feel fantastic! I have more flexability and the things I loved to do are no longer as difficult to me. My husband has noticed a huge difference in my abilities. He has been so wonderfully supportive. Not sure what I did to earn him, but I am SO glad I did.
I go to the gym (guym, according to my husband Jim, who tells me he is the ONLY Jim in my life that I should be spending time with.. lol). I am getting stronger and have more endurance than I ever remember. I feel great.
So far, the only thing I have had trouble with since the surgery has been hair loss. I have tried to increase my protein and started taking hair, skin and nails vitamins, but it seems to be falling out in clumps. Been about a month now and I have noticed major hair droppage. The tub, the sink after I brush my hair, all over the back of my shirt... It's aggitating. But I know it will pass. I just need to be patient.
Anyway, I hope all is going well with everyone else.
Take care all...
-CC

Wow, what a hectic weekend! Seemed like I was in constant motion the past few days! It felt great tho. My mood has really improved. Not sure what was going on those couple of weeks, but I am very happy it passed! I have been getting compliments on my weight loss and I have even calmed down on the weighing myself daily thing.. It's every other day or so. Right now, I am in a stall, but I am ok with it. I am down to 276, give or take a pound. (one more pound down and I get to add a new charm to my bracelet!) I have found some new and interesting recipes via a Yahoo! group I am a member of, so I am liking that! I don't feel like I am missing out on food at all! If anything, I am eating things I really REALLY like...
On Saturday, hubby and I had some people over to watch the UFC 116 Pay-Per-view fights... we had a great time! We ordered pizza and wings, had chips and all that... since I knew we were going to be surrounded by foods I try to avoid, I hunting for something I can make... and found it!!! Cauliflower pizza dough.... so freaking easy to make!!! I made one that was half ground beef topped and half cheese... hubby tried it and ate half all by himself... he said it was better than the pizza we ordered! And for dessert... peaches dipped in cannoli filling... HOLY HELL!! Soooo good. I was ok'd to eat salad and on Sunday we went to a friend's house for a cookout... I made a HUGE salad... ate a bunless burger, half a hotdog and some fruit salad (minus the pineapple). It felt great to be able to sit there, eat something, and not feel self-conscience about it. Normally, I would always be looking around when I ate in front of people because I was worried they were watching the big fat chick gorge herself. It's one of the reasons I would never order ribs when we went out to eat. But since I have been losing weight, I haven't cared! It's amazing the transformation I have undergone!!! And yesterday, I spent 3 and a half hours out in the garden! It felt good to be out there, doing that, and not being in utter pain from bending over so much!!! Later in the day, I even went SWIMMING!!!! I haven't been swimming in over 3 years. I was always so uncomfy doing it in front of people and since I never had my own pool, I refused to swim at someone elses. Oh, and it was hot as HELL yesterday.. but guess what? I was ok with it! Normally, this time of year, I am in agony... I felt fine!
I thank God every day that I have been able to have this surgery. I am so much happier now that I can enjoy my life with the people I love.
Ok, I've babbled enuf... off I go...
You're loser of a friend...
-CC

P.S. Oh, and by the way... I wore a size 2x shirt this weekend... in public!!! I haven't worn 2x since before my children were born. I actually went out and bought two 2x shirts. Since that's the size my hubby wears, I already threatened to steal some of his band shirts too... hehe..

Not fantastic, but better... Basically, my mood has improved even if the situations previously driving it haven't. I am very tired of more being expected of me and even MORE tired of me expecting more from myself. My parents have pretty much got it in their heads that I am the most "together" of all their kids. That does not say much for my brother and sister! Personally, I think the only thing I got going for me is I know how to handle stress and juggle lifes unexpected events. Granted, I use to handle them great while eating a 15 oz steak and a stack of fries... now I just deal the best way I can and when life gets really frustrating, I go to the gym and pound the treadmill. So far, so good. The closest I've come to binging was 5 pieces of pastrami. which were nuked so they were almost like little slices of crispy bacon. Other than that, nothing. I have upped my protein a lot. I now take 4 protein shakes a day. I noticed that my hair started to fall out so I figured upping my protein may be the only way try and stop it. I know it may not work, but it's the best chance I got. I now have m morning shake with all the vitamins, a second shake between breakfast and lunch, another between lunch and dinner and then my final at night. 2 made with milk, 2 made with Crystal light, so I don't get bored with the flavors.
I have been hunting for recipes that I can make to keep my food options open. I get tired of the same old stuff all the time. If anyone has any suggestions, please don't hesitate to throw them out there!
Ok, I am off to skin dinner and throw it in the pan.. or maybe I'll just have the pot roast we threw in the slow cooker.. haven't decided yet ;)
Take care all and I'll write again soon.
-CC

Still not in the best of moods. In fact, I think I have actually gotten WORSE. Not sure what is going on. I am very willing to bet that the euphoric high I was on from the surgery is wearing off. Welcome to month 3... Sigh. My weight loss has been good. I am down to 281 and physically I feel fantastic. I still have a decent amount of energy and haven't had any major desires to eat food, which I like. Tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. Valin, so it should be interesting to see what they say with the results I am having. I hope they think I am doing good. It'll be interesting to see what they say when I tell them I have been eating things like brocolli, brussel sprouts  and grapefruit (de-skined, of course). All of those things I was told to avoid. I have had no issues with them and crave them even. So overall, I think I am doing good. I really don't have the urge for the foods I use to and actually find myself craving more of the things I am suppose to be having. I hope it stays like this!!
Now if only I could get my life to be less...disappointing, would be a good word. I have found that I am just not happy with a chunk of how my life is. I am finally dealing with my weight and health issues. Now I need to figure out my family and personal issues. All of which will be easier now that I am not huffing and puffing for breath or worrying that my blood preasure will bring on a heart attack if I let loose on someone who needs it. Honestly, I am not sure what I am going to do to deal with the family issues I have. I don't have it in me to tell them all to go to hell. I think that would cause more harm then good and my guilt levels will skyrocket. I am not sure how to handle any of them, which is funny since I have known them all my life.
Anyway, I am doing my best not to take it all out on the people who are around me at all times. Mainly my husband and my sons. But I will be honest, I have fouond myself being more and more impatient with them as well. Things that never would have bothered me before, or things that may have bothered me, but that I could deal with, have been driving me crazy. I try to be an understanding person. I am rather easy going for the most part and accept people for who and what they are, but I just can't stand to be around people these days! It's a weird and confusing issue. I want to be left alone... yet fear being alone. I don't get it. Guess I will have to wait for the next session I have with my therapist and ask him what I should do. He has a good head on his shoulders and will hopefully have some insight. He knows me better than I do.
Ok, enuf bitching on my part. Thanks for reading (all 2 of you) and I will write again soon...
Love and all that mushy stuff.
-CC

Well, I shouldn't say that.. everything with my weight loss is going good... Now if only the rest of my life would fall into place... The past couple of days, I have been extremely irratable. I mean WAY beyond normal. And, normally, I can handle all that is given to me... but I have noticed that my patience is runnng soooo thin. I don't think it has anything to do with the surgery... my life has been a chaotic mess for decades. It just seems like lately, it's more out of control than normal. Work has been good. Home as been good. Family... well, that's where my life turns to shit. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't seperate myself from the chaos that is their lives. I try so hard to just live my life and not get involved in all their drama. EPIC FAIL. Jeesh. One thing after another.. and the chaos that they cause affects my home and my work... which causes more drama... ugh!!! It's a vicious cycle of my loved ones giving me so many reasons to not love them... tho I always will.. because I am a sucker. A Huge MFing SUCKER. Ugh. If it's not money or bumming rides or money for cigs or some other BS thing they need from me. And do you know what I get out of it? Stressed. Fighting. And lack of sleep... hense the after midnight blog post. My family knows how to play on my guilt. And yes, I know I need to learn how to say No. I have gotten somewhat better about that, but it's hard for me to tell my mother, whom I grew up fearing,"No, I can't help you.", even if what she is asking for hurts me in some way, and always seems to cause an issue between my husband and I. Anyway, I've gotten off subject...
My irritability... not sure where it stems from.. maybe my monthly is coming.. been so long since I had gotten it on a regular basis, I barely remember what it feels like. But my patience for all the people around me has basically disappeared... especially other peoples children.. Normally, people's kids don't bother me for one very simple reason... I don't live with them and I can give them back to their parents at any given time...  But lately, I just can't handle kids between the ages of 2 and 8. I know, that's way specific, but it's true. Especially spoiled brat kids that NEVER SHUT THE HELL UP and ask a trillion questions. One of my sons last night made a comment to me because I was trying to unlock the door and one of the neighbor hood kids decided to question me about where I was all day and why I got home so late and when can the boys come out and play and why do they have to do thier chores first... OMFG... It took every ounce of my strength to not side kick her into the street. I am not normally like that!!! So my son says "Ma, are you ok? You look aggitated.." Yes, my 10 y/o is intuitive.. He could see right thru me.. tho I think I was making it obvious with my grumbling and yelling at the keys because they refused to go in the lock faster so I could escape... Tonight was not much better and it seems like it's not going to improve... I just see one bad thing after another. I haven't felt this negitive in months. I hope it passes soon.
On a posative note, my weight is down to 287! And I took my measurements yesterday. I have lost a total of 16 inches since the week before the surgery. Physically, I feel fantastic.. now if only there was an RNY for my mind...
ok, I am off to try and relax, read a book and hopefully fall asleep. Take care all and if anyone knows a good, wholesome family that wants to adopt a 35 y/o, self-supporting woman and 2 ten-year-olds, let me know! I don't expect gifts on the holidays.. just don't ask me for anything other than love, and I'm YOURS!!!
Love ya all and God bless.
-CC

Ok, about 3 years ago, I was seeing a doctor, who of course gave me the same lame-assed assesment of my health... "Christina, you are perfectly healthy... except for your weight.." Really? No shit.. I thought I was skinny... what a blow to the ego... Anyway, this guy was different than the others... all I ever heard from my doctors was "Diet and exercise..." wow.. again.. Really? Sigh. But this guy actually worked with me and helped me devise a plan that would help me with weight loss! Like a nutriotionist, but covered under my HMO!! He worked wonders considering what he was starting with. When I got to him I weighed 334 (I am a sad individual who unfortunately remembers stupid facts like what I weighed 3 freaking years ago). Anyway, he helped me figure out what foods would curb my cravings... which ones would keep me satisfied and what I can I can do to increase my energy and up my exercise... Obviously, the fact that I had to get the RNY tells you that the success was short lived, but thanks to him, I had hit my lowest in a decade... When I plateued... I was 292 pounds and holding strong. Nothing I did budged me from the weight... So he asked me to up my exercise... reduce my cals and all that fun crap... SO I did... and blew out my knee... I went from walking 3 miles a day to walking 5 miles a day... to not walking at all.. The weight came back with a vengence... I slowly gained everything I lost.. My sleep apnea returned and eventually, my blood pressure became a concern. With my knee damaged, exercise was excrutiating. It couldn't handle the excess weight. I was in constant pain. And completely miserable. And with every pound I gained, my depression worsened.
So why the drawn out story?? This is my WOW moment. This past Thursday, I danced. That's right. DANCED!! Why? Well, I weighed myself. I weighed 292 pounds. This past Friday, just for shits and giggles, because I didn't excpect any change in one day, I weighed myself again. 290!!! To say that I danced was an understatement!!! If I thought there was a chance I would survive, I would have jumped on my bed and started bouncing around like a 5 year old!!
In less than 2 and a half months, I surpassed what previously took me 3/4 of a year. I am now at my lowest in a decade.
My RNY is not just a tool... It's a God send. Other than the birth of my sons and meeting the love of my life, I have never felt this happy. Never.
Ok, I'm done. Just had to share.
Take care all, and God bless.
Love,
-CC

Ok, so I have been having MAJOR issues all of a sudden with my protein powders. Since the surgery, I have had no problem with taking at least 2 protein shakes a day... vanilla or chocolate, sometimes with peanut butter,sometimes coffee, sometimes fruit.. yogurt, whatever! But the past 2 weeks or so, I just can't seem to handle the taste! None of them seem to be tollerable and all of a sudden I will gag on them! No clue why. So I tried an unflavored one that I got from the Vitamin Shoppe. I was mixing it with my crystal light and I was doing good... except that the protein would not break down at all in the liquid, so I was sucking in chunks of undesolved powder.. even blending it wasn't working... tried room temp liquids and hot liquids.. nothing worked... so I have to go back to flavored shakes...
Now, here's the reason for the "title" of the blog... Went to Wal-mart tonight. Happen to go down their weight-loss aisle and was checking out their shakes... they had one that looked promising... met all the criteria I needed as far as protein levels and carbs/cal/fat content... even has crystalline tourine in it, which is suppose to be good... bought it.. took it home... opened it up and made myself a shake... tasted ok... not the greatest, but no gagging! Granted, I had a crap-load of ice in it so it was more like ice-cream, but hey, whatever it takes... so I go to the site for the brand and read up on it. Found it has creatine in it. Now I know there has been a lot of hype in the past regarding creatine... but personally, I don't see the harm in it. It's suppose to super-hydrate your muscles so you can work out longer and re-generate muscle mass quicker.  Again, I don't see the down side in that. However, that was BEFORE my surgery. I am not sure if it is something that is good for someone who has had an RNY. I tried looking it up on here and got even MORE confused. Some said it's great.. some said it isn't.. ugh. So I decided that I am going to continue using it till I see my nutritionist on Thursday for group. 4 days shouldn't be that bad. And it's not like I am living off of it. 2 shakes a day with the low levels of creatine in it can't be that drastic. At least, I hope not. I will post what I find out.
Ok, on a more positive note... I lost 2 more pounds... I am down to 293 and happy about it. It seems like I lose nothing all week and then BOOM, 2 pounds... Nothing again and them BOOM 3 pounds... I don't mind it. It's better than what I was before. I am not suffering. And I think I am the healthiest I have been in YEARS.  It is great to eat and be satisfied and still lose weight. Now if only my inches around my stomach would fall in line and stop being so damned stubborn...
Oh, and I found a great workout chart for the people out there like me who can't afford a personal trainer but still want to enjoy the bennies of a gym. I found it while looking up the info on my new cretine enhanced protein shake..
http://www.bodyfortress.com/pages/training_programs.aspx

There is a workout chart for men and women. It looks pretty cool. They have a couple of other tools there that are nice too.

Also, I missed a couple of days working out. But I did go today so I feel better. I am going to show my sister the chart and ses if she wants to do it with me.
ok. Enough already. I am sure I am boring all of you with this crap. (ha. funny how my ego leads me to believe someone out there actually reads my blog.. ) Then again, it wouldn't be the first time I spent many hours talking to myself.
Take care all and God bless.
Love ya!
-CC

So I took a couple of days off from work... There just wasn't enough work for me to be there and if I am going to be bored, I'd rather do it at home where I can chill! Besides, I have to run to Kohl's to buy new sneaks since the ones I bought 3 weeks ago when I started working out have been DESTROYED... damned Wal-Mart specials...
Ok, so weightloss wise... I keep hitting these stalls! I was at 298 for the longest time and now I am down to 295... and staying there! I am hoping this is one of those cases where all of a sudden a pound or 3 drops suddenly... I know I am obsessing. I guess I just feel like it's taking so long and I am so concerned I am screwing all this shit up. I feel great. And I know that I need to keep the over-all results in perspective. For instance, when I look at it the way I am now, I have only lost 3 pounds in 3 weeks! However, when I consider that I have lost a total of 35 pounds in less than 2 months, I should be thrilled! I just have it in my mind that the typical results for my surgery type is approximately 100 pounds in about 4 months. Any loss is great, but I want so bad to be "typical" in this! It has been almost 2 months and only 35 down! I have been very careful with what I eat. I work out 3 to 5 times a week, if not more. I think part of my issue is the fact that I have been lifting weights, so I must be having muscle gain. I don't seem to be losing inches around my waist much, so going down in pants sizes isn't happening... tho the pant legs are baggier... much much baggier.. lol Look like a damned clown... :)
Another issue was the protein shakes... holy hell, the taste was nauseating me! I picked up some unflavored today... a small container... to try and see if adding it to my Crystal Light will work. I am REALLY hoping it does. I am just not into sweets enough to drink that much sweetened drink. The Crystal Light I get is usually the cranberry or the ice tea... both of which taste great to me. Hoping adding the protein won't kill that for me! LOL
Another thing I have noticed is that steak and chicken and pork taste like ash to me. None of them have an appealing flavor like they use to! However my desire for fish has been TREMENDOUS.. All I think about is how much I want tilapia... or shrimp! Salamon... anything! I am wondering if it's just a high-protein craving. So far, it's the only meat I think tastes good! I've started working veggies into my diet more too. Had yellow squash, corn, and string beans so far.. cooked soft, of course! And a very VERY small baked potato. Hubby and I went to breakfast this morning. I had a single egg, over easy, a slice of pastrami and a half a slice of wheat toast. the rest of the pastrami and toast went to my husband. Both our meals together cost a whopping 12.19! I don't think there was EVER a point in my life that he and I have gone out for a meal and had a bill that was less than 20.00! I made sure not to order anything to drink so I would not be tempted to drink while I ate... The waitress looked at me like I was a freak when I ordered too... which I thought was funny. I don't think she expected a woman my size to have what I ordered and be satisfied... and the no-drink thing probably threw her off as well. But I didn't care... normally when we go to a resturant and I have to sit in a booth, I cringe... I sat down and had ROOM!!! It made me happy. I ate till I was full, starting with the egg and slice of pastrami, followed by the half a slice of toast and passed the rest to hubby, completely satisfied and smiling. I think for my first resturant experience, it was FAN-F'ING-TASTIC! I even trimmed the fatty part off the pastrami!!! lol
Ok, enough about that... time for me to go and figure out my lunch.
God bless and hope you're all doing well! Till I vent again....
-CC

What a busy and hectic couple of weeks... and I wish I can say I have something to show for it!
The past few weeks just seem to have one thing after another happening and my stress levels have been a little up there. Monitoring my blood pressure just in case, but no major change, thank God. My weight has been one major stall. I was at 298 for so long! It got AGGRIVATING!!! Just this past Sunday I drop weight again... went down to 295 briefly and now seem to be hovering around 296. I know, I know... don't weigh yourself everyday... I. Just. Can't. Help. IT!!! I am in constant fear that I am doing something incorrectly! Checking my weight helps me re-assure myself that I am not failing. Even a stall does not bother me since I started working out. I realize that working out will make me gain muscle weight. I have been trying to work out 5 to 7 days a week since I joined. More cardio than anything else, but trying to get muscle toning in there as well.
My latest concern? Well, lately, I have had a LOT of trouble stomaching my protein shakes! The taste of them has made my stomach turn so badly that I can barely finish one of them without feeling the urge to vomit! I tried adding some different things, but to no avail. I am going to get some unflavored and add it to my crystal light and give that a try. I don't like not being able to get at least my 50 g of protein from the shakes. With the unflavored, I am hoping there is a chance that I can get enough protein in thru out the day.
Another concern is that I fear I might not be getting enough calories in per day... It's so weird for me to say that! Most days I am just not hungry! I try and stick to a protein shake in the morning, even tho I am not hungry, but now that protein shakes are an issue, it's just not working. I tried eating some eggs and stuff like that, but I feel full so quickly that I am afraid I am not getting enough. Today was an exception. I had a seafood stuffed mushroom and some leftover veggies from last night. For a snack I had some turkey bacon. I even had some blackberries. But this is not a typical day for me. Yesterday, I had to remind myself to eat! It was near noon and I just was not hungry! It's so odd for me because normally when I am this stressed, I binge! Now I am stressed and I can't even look at food! (Wish this was how it was BEFORE the surgery, I'd be pencil thin!!!)
Oh well. I hope all of you are doing well..
-CC

Ok, I think I may have figured out what my issue with the dizziness was... I think it was dehydration... tho the real test will be next month when my cycle rolls around again.. (sorry... red devil talk is never fun..) Anyway, I thought I was getting in enough water, but between the working out and the increase in heat, I guess I was wrong! So I have been upping my water intake... To make it a little easier, I have shortened my hour before/hour after time to 30 before and 30 after. I am still basically not hungry, so I guess it's fine for now. If I start noticing that my hunger is coming back quicker, I will resort back to the hour time limit. It's just difficult to consume the amount of water I need when I can't gulp water the way I use to and losing 4 to 6 hours of drinkable time out of the day! I average 2 meals a day, occasionally 3. I still have a good amount of energy and I think the working out has stalled my weightloss a bit.. tho not complaining... I haven't taken my measurements yet. I do that about once a month and I have to wait a week or 2 more...  I have been sleeping fantastically and I feel better... now that the dizziness is gone...  So the question is, am I happy with my choice??? HELL F'ING YEAH! (Sorry again, but the excitement can not be held back...I tried... I failed). I don't know what the long run is going to bring me. A friend of mine who told me of my doctor just put and update on FB and she is down to a size 12! 12!!!!! I don't know if I will get to that level or not, but even what I have lost so far has thrilled me... and it hasn't even been a year for her yet! I can't even imagine being a 12 a year from now... and don't want to get my hopes up just in case I don't! But I am going to do the best I can. My sister and I have a workout plan that we are trying (that is NOT going to cost 45 a month to do..) Basically, we are going to try a day of cardio followed by a day of shortened cardio with a 3-rep circuit training. We did the circuit training today. Need to figure out my weights yet, but I think I did good. The only machine I couldn't do was the ab cruncher. I don't know if it was because of the surgery or just because of an overall weakness, but even with only 10 pounds, I couldn't get that bitch to move... oh well. I did go to the bench and do some crunches tho. That's the best I can expect at this point. In about a month or so, we are going to switch it up and do a split routine. She is just the opposite of me. She is underweight and lacks muscle. I am overweight and have muscle, but no tone. She needs to tone as well, but she is weak and has upperbody trouble. Again, I am the opposite. Upper body for me is easy. I was adding weight on mine. My lower body is shot tho!!! In time, I am sure all that will change.
Ok, I've babbled enough... Again, I hope you all are doing well
Love,
-CC