Brenda C.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Summer.  I have to say, when the sun does finally come out in Seattle, it sure feels great!  I was out & about in the early half of the day, then when I got home, I puttered around in my garden.  I love to grow things, flowers, trees, veggies, all lovely things in my yard.  Being able to bend over & pull weeds is amazing.  I am looking forward to crunching on the beans & other veggies growing, some won't make it to my kitchen.

The very best thing about losing weight has to be my ability to do all the things I love to do.  When my weight was at it's highest (474 pounds), I still worked in my yard, but it felt more like work than something I enjoy doing.  I live on a hill, so my backyard has a slope that I have to mow  and I do not have a ridding mower.  Imagine trucking an extra 130 pounds along with the mower -- that is just looking for trouble.  I am far from accomplishing my goal of normalcy, but even now, I feel so much better.

Things I love about summer and losing weight... I can wear fun, cute short pants I did NOT have to order from a catalog.  I can buy swimsuits - from a store - not from a catalog.  I don't have to worry about sweating/being winded from the walk from my truck in the parking lot to wherever I am headed.  I'm one of the first to suggest a physical activity, not the first to wonder if I can actually do it.  Badminton is a lot of fun!  Hearing from neighbors how great I look -- it really does feel good to know my work is noticeable!  Doing yard work!  Okay, not everyone likes yard work, but I do.

Maybe I would be less happy with yard work if I lived in a warmer climate, but I don't.  It has been a lovely day, and I am happy to say, my zucchinis look fabulous!  Go out & enjoy the sun, but don't forget sunscreen!

Brenda : )~

Have you ever just washed your hair, let it dry, and then catch a glimpse in the mirror, just to stop & really take it in?  I just had one of those, "I have PERFECT hair" moments. 

I am over six months out, been a little cranky over the amount of hair that started ending up in my hand after washing & detangling - which is usually twice a day when I swim.  My supplement regimen started way before surgery.  I will fully admit to being sensitive over my hair, as my mother never allowed me to have long hair - I have curly, fine hair that tangles if you look at it funny.  As an adult, I do not think my hair has been above my shoulders, even considering the almost mullet I sported when I was 18 or 19.  My hair is something I have grown to adore, I love the way it feels on my shoulders and my back, to the point I never wanted to cut my own daughters hair - until she was old enough to ask to have it cut.  My daughter has hair past her butt, blonde, and straight.  Mine, it grows mid back, curly, red, and fits my personality.  My daughter is going to cut her hair off - 33+ inches - for only the fourth time in her life.  Am I jealous of her hair?  A little.

My hair is so important to me, I spend a small fortune on the shampoo and conditioners -- don't forget my supplements.  I never use a hair dryer, don't need one.  My protein intake is good, so I think I am pretty lucky to have not been losing more hair.  Heck, I was at the beauty supply store just two days ago, and wondering to myself, "Should I worry about my hair & get some Bosley Products?"  Lucky for me, I can read a label, I already was getting what they used and then some, so I didn't change brands, just type of shampoo.  Have you ever heard of Purology?  They have this one line of hair products, Nanoworks, the shampoo in a salon goes for around $100 a one liter bottle.  I use a less expensive line, but I did use Nonoworks a couple of times - holy smokes, I can see why they charge so much! 

My hair loss isn't done I am guessing, but it is slowing down.  It happened a little later for me than some of my friends, so I just shrugged and decided to try to keep a positive, "it won't last forever" approach.  Today, the hair is perfect.  Wow, I actually even mentioned it to my boyfriend, he just shrugged.  Okay, okay, so I have that lion's mane of tousled hair, who wouldn't be a little puffy over looking good?  I promise to spend less time looking in the mirror and more time getting work done, right after I check my curls -- like the Red Haired Girl in the Charley Brown Cartoons!

Brenda : )~

One of the things I love about blogging on OH is that I get some excellent feedback!  I want to thank Kim S for stating the obvious to me - I really need to shake up my exercise routine.  I went to a new to me support group last night, and they had a speaker who instructs Jazzercise.  Looking around the room, I was hands down the largest attendee, but I still kept up, even though I almost took the lady out who was behind me -- I swear I get dyslexic when doing Aerobics.  Other than my left knee telling me I had started to hyper extend it, I did a passable job for the three routines I participated in.  Last night I was inspired to look for my old exercise tapes.

Yes, I have routines on VHS, gasp!  I used to belong to an organization way back in the 1990's, Women at Large.  An exercise group primarily for larger women.  Basically, they tailored their routines to the ability of those of us who are, well, less flexible & not as able to jump up and down.  Having started out pretty close to 500 pounds a year ago, I know there will be limits for me to deal with.  I am currently 340 pounds, which is closer to the weight I was when I attended the Women at Large classes, so I should be able to get back to the "old routine" in no time.  For many of us "heavy weights," it really does hurt to do simple things like hiking, walking, and forget running for now.  Maybe age, maybe maturity, I just know I do not believe the old mantra "no pain, no gain".  My next problem I have to figure out, where to hook up a VCR?  I did purchase DVD exercise routines, but I think I will start with routines I have been able to perform in the past, as I want to look good - if only in my own eye.  When improvement comes, I will rotate the harder routines in.

Thank you to everyone who sends me comments, I really do appreciate that others get where I am coming from.  The added "atta girls" REALLY make me feel like I can continue to improve on the shell that holds this wacky woman.  When I am able to objectively look at what I am doing, I then can recognize where I am going wrong, and work toward changing the behavior.  Man, if excuses cost me money, I would be in debtors prison!  So, think about that comment the next time you use an excuse.  I am losing slowly because I am not 100% compliant.  Okay, then if being 100% compliant is what I need to do, I just need to manage my behavior more closely.  Just because one scoop of ice cream won't make me dump, doesn't mean I can or should eat it (I did add it to my food journal - so at least I wasn't lying to myself).  Man, I hate having to face reality.

I used to teach, Special Education was my field of interest.  What I always told my students was this:  I respect the work you are doing, because you have to work twice as hard to catch up with others.  That is kind of what being fat feels like.  I have to work twice as hard to see the results others seem to get with little effort.  This isn't an excuse, this is my reality.  If I need to do double the time doing floor work, swimming, aerobics to see progress, well, then that is what I have to do.  Facing facts isn't always pleasant, but it is better than just making an excuse for not having to follow through.  You see, an old dog can learn a new trick. 

As for the pounding my knees and feet take doing exercise, I am going to borrow my daughter's bicycle.  I used to bicycle up to 40 miles a day, so let's see what I can do on two wheels!  Before anyone says it first, I will be "Hell on Two Wheels!"  Endurance has always been my strength.  I may not be as fast as my smaller counterparts, but I can usually outlast them!  There is no greater pleasure for me than when I get some swimmer in the next lane who can swim flat out for one length, leaving me in there wake, only to have me swim two more lengths before they return on the second! 

Taking the opportunity to switch up my exercise routine is a very good thing.  Just remember that the best exercise to do is the one you can stick to on a regular basis...

Brenda : )~

I feel so lost today.  Sigh.  The Aquatic Center is closed to the public while synchronized swimming is happening.  That is what I get when I choose to swim in a pool used by real athletes - insert chuckle here.  I actually had a woman refer to me as a professional swimmer a week ago, that made me really laugh hard.  I just put my foot in my mouth - sorry about that!  Being athletic does not always mean a lean body -- so please, no hate mail about being fat and athletic.

The Aquatic Center will be closed to the public for a week, so I either need to go to another facility (luckily, King County has quite a few indoor pools) or do something else for my exercise.  I still feel like my wubbie was taken away from me.  I have become a creature of habit, something I try not to be.  Being able to adapt & move on is important, otherwise I get into a rut.  Trust me, Brenda in a rut is NOT a pretty thing.  The weather here is weird, sunny one day, followed by rain the next, so it is difficult to face Summer with a smile.  What to do, what to do?  I guess I will go for an extended walk and contemplate life.

This weekend I rediscovered figs.  Holy smokes, Batman, I really miss those dark, chewy, and sometimes overly sweet fruits!  As a child I grew up near some fig trees, and it was the best fun - and sometimes painful - to have fig wars!  Nothing like being pelted with sweet, sticky goodness?!  Maybe this will give the world a little insight as to how I became who I am -- "She had fig fights as a child..."  I guess no one really made the impression on me that fat little kids should not be outside having fun... If I could get there by foot, bicycle, or bus, I was there!  Sorry, I went way off topic: figs.  Well, figs have a ton of calcium, fiber, protein and potassium - and calories - so be aware of how many you eat.  What I found that made me smile was this:  I pooped!  I have been battling the woes of constipation all of my life, so when I find something that works, I investigate further.  Three days in a row I ate a fig, three days in a row I pooped.  Hmmm, I see a correlation here -- today, no fig - today no poop.  So, tomorrow, I'll try the fig theory again, eat a fig & see what happens.

I think I need an adventure.  Yes, I am sure of it, I miss going out on an adventure, so hopefully I will have something fun to write about!

Brenda : )~

Last week I said I would not weigh myself until Monday, I followed through.  Yesterday while in the pool - swimming my way back to Hawaii - I realized I never weighed or posted.  Today, I officially broke my stall with a two pound loss.  Yeah, I got excited, sang my silly songs, then realized what a goof I am.  Nothing wrong with getting excited over two pounds, right?  But then I thought about it as a whole, I was being silly.

Often when people ask me how old I am, I laugh and tell them I am immature for my age.  In a quest toward being a "better human being," I try to work on my improving my behavior.  I have been trying to not only be aware of my behavior, I have been working to improve it.  Ugh, that is a hard one for me to do.  For those who do not know me, I can relate to Thumper, you know - from Bambi, when his mother would correct his behavior...  Anyhow, I decided not to run to the computer to trumpet my two pound loss - instead, I put on my swimsuit, started my oatmeal, vacuumed while it cooked, and only then did I allow myself access to the World via the Web!  Just a half hour of maturity, it is a step in the right direction ;)

Maturity is a tough one for me.  I am an adult and I need to act like one.  Albeit, a happy, sometimes silly one, but an adult just the same.  I was responding to messages here on OH when it dawned on me, I need to purchase my ticket for the OH Conference.  I have already made an obligation to be a Before/After model -- even though I am still in the process -- so, I better have my ducks in a row.  My behavior - absent mindedness - is going to cost me $40.  If I had finished my last Leadership Class, I would have been able to attend the OH Conference free.  Hopefully the $40 is a cheap lesson learned!  So for all you folks headed toward Bellevue, WA -- I will be the happy, still fat but shrinking, chick who will be attempting to behave herself!  I may wear something beach inspired from Hawaii, but don't hold me to it!

What is your "to do list" missing?  I know mine is long, but I do work on it daily!  Two pounds - woot!  Today I will swim hard and hope for another two pounds...

Brenda : )~

Man, I really wish I knew how to use a Serger Sewing Machine!  The thought of buying another swimsuit, while losing weight, is just cheesing me!  I know, cheesing is probably not a word, so I won't attempt it when I play Scrabble, but I do attempt to use less vulgar words -- cheese, hmm, might be vulgar to some on this site...

Anyhow, I am getting ready for my daily swim, and I really have grown to (sigh) hate the two swimsuits I have been wearing.  They are loose, ugly, faded, and frankly I just do not like them any longer.  My mother used to say, "Brenda, we do not HATE anything, we DISLIKE..."  Well, I have an extreme DISLIKE for the two swimsuits I wear for my workout!

Truth be told, I have other suits, I am just not sure if they fit.  I have been going through so many clothes, I have put them somewhere I just cannot remember!  I have a sewing room slash office - I write "slash" instead of the symbol because I am allowing my teen aged daughter to use the office - and it makes me see SLASH -- as she never seems to keep my workspace clear of her stuff!  Anyhow, that also brings me to part of my "clear the clutter" campaign... Anyone looking for sewing patterns?  I have a bunch - some listed on Photo Bucket - as I was trying to sell them on Craigslist - http://s1220.photobucket.com/albums/dd446/seattle_maui/

It amazes me how I could misplace an entire bag of clothing - which contained some sexy intimate apparel and of course three of four swimsuits.  Someday, hopefully while they might still fit, I will find this bag.  Maybe the weight loss gnomes are hiding it?  Well, I should stop belly aching and just go swim.  Sigh, I need a sunny day!  Seattle, the land of the INDOOR pool...  Stay positive - even when it feels difficult to!

Brenda : )~

This morning I decided to take a mini vacation from my scale.  I am at a plateau, which makes me check the scale more often, so I just won't check my weight until Monday.  Good things come to those who wait, right?

I am not originally from the Pacific Northwest, so I am still adjusting to the weather.  Yesterday, I heard we have only seen 6 days of 70 degree weather so far this year. So when I say I am freezing, believe it!  Today is a lovely day on my hill.  Again, depending on what part of the Seattle Area you live, you will see sun, drive ten minutes and you will see ominous gray clouds threatening rain.  The suns appearance made me consider asking friends to bring grill items for a swim on Sunday - only to hear the grumblings of my boyfriend that the rain is supposed to be returning this weekend.  There is a Brenda-ism I say about "Summer in Seattle" -- it is three weeks in August, and we may even see 90 degrees during that time -- well, it ain't August, yet.

Why do I sound like I am belly aching?  It is my constant balancing act, optimism & pessimism.  Hell, I just have to seize the day, even if it starts out sunny just to turn out cloudy and gray.  Seattle is a lovely place to live, it just isn't a warm climate, so I dress accordingly.  Don't rat me out, but I am back to drinking coffee, it helps me fight off the chill.  I drink a lot less coffee these days, so hopefully I am not being all that bad.

Here is an odd thought for you, I love to go swimming in the Winter & Spring in Seattle - most of the public pools are INDOORS.  It is warmer in the pool then outside, so it makes sense to buy the year pass just to stay warm.  Okay, so I may not get to swim in the ocean, but I do enjoy getting together with my friends once a month to swim - indoors - at a semi private pool.  Damn it, I am going to put the word out that I will bring the charcoal, so they should bring some meat when we get together to swim on Sunday!

Come to think of it, I have an invite to an indoor beach party in a week -- it is supposed to be beach attire -- hope I can pull off my swimsuit & parka outfit!  Life in Seattle is warm when you factor in the people, so see, there is my optimism creeping in.  No scale today, just my usual swimming laps and staying on my diet.  Depending on how you twist it, just about everything has a bright side -- stay positive!

Brenda : )~

Just for a giggle, I wonder, is chasing a mouse that your cat brought indoors considered exercise?  My cat brought a little excitement to my day, and luckily I was looking up when I saw what he was up to.  First, let me say my cat's name is Killer, which was a joke, but he has lived up to his name.  Anyhow, he either was chasing the mouse for sport, or it got away from him as soon as he rounded the corner coming into my living room.  Damn, I had a mouse hiding behind one of my DVD racks, and an excited cat to deal with... What to do, what to do?  I called in reinforcements, got some brooms, opened the sliding glass door, and went to work!  It took some convincing,  the mouse made it across the room, before I showed it my slap shot, then he headed for the open door.  Too bad the cat wasn't paying attention, he kept vigil most of the day by the DVD rack.

These moments are sometimes what I need to get out of my funk.  For over a week I have been "blah," for lack of a better word.  Not sad, not happy, just blah.  When these moods hit, it is tough to drag myself to the pool - but I keep going.  It is also the time when food comes to mind.  Hell, why would I even consider Twizzlers?!  I have seen them at the store three times since this mood came over me, and I am proud to say, I resisted buying them.  Last night, I was awake until 2 am, again, fighting the food thoughts... "What do I have downstairs?  Ooooo, what if I baked a hybrid cookie, half chocolate chip, half double chocolate?!"  Yes, I have weird thoughts go through my head, and sometimes it is recipes.  Ugh.  Good news, I didn't go downstairs until morning, and I made my bowl of flax seed infused oatmeal with sliced apple bits.  My protein shake is ready to go, and I am typing while wearing my swimsuit - so I made it another day!

One of the triggers of Head Hunger for me is hitting a plateau.  I have been stuck at the same weight, plus or minus a pound, for about two weeks.  My pigheaded nature is to pick apart things I cannot control -- like hitting a momentary plateau.  Yes, I know that plateaus happen, I also know they pass, but I still argue inside my head, "I could be losing this little amount of weight without surgery..."  First, I do not regret my surgery, I just have a bad habit of arguing with myself!  Secondly, I really didn't lose this much weight on my own - so I am doing more than I would have without surgery.  I just have moments of frustration -- we all do.  Now if I could just get it through my thick scull that just because I am frustrated doesn't mean I should give in to my "bad little kid".

Yesterday after swimming, I had to pick up a few things for my daughter, so I parked my truck - twice - at the furthest point in the parking lot.  When I get urges to do "bad" things -- eating, mostly -- I try to counter it with "good" behavior.  Walking hurts me, but I know it will help me through exercise.  I saw those Twizzlers in the drug store, and I resisted them -- small victory for me!  This is day four of swimming this week, and I am at least going to congratulate myself for sticking it through with exercise and not cheating on my diet.  Small victories will get me through this blah period, too bad I am not a painter (visions of great artists running through my head), sorry for the tangent. 

List of things I did instead of eating Twizzlers:  Washed my truck, listed 40 items for sale on eBay (THAT was a lot of work!), swam, walked through my neighborhood, worked in my garden, prepared healthy meals - and only ate the amount I am supposed to, chased a mouse out of my house... Yup, sometimes it helps with perspective if you write things out.  Now, if I could just quit arguing with myself in my head!

Brenda : )~

The weather in Seattle is often less sunny then you might expect, so I have learned to keep sweaters in the rotation of any season.  Today is one of those "Is this REALLY Spring?!?" days, so I figured I better dress accordingly.  Jeans and a blue turtle neck sweater is what came out of the closet this morning.  I was grumbling at the sweater, no fault of its own, it just isn't as long as I wish it could be.  This particular sweater is a really good color on me, but I have what I call "FUP" - what I call my fat apron or panus.

Well, I was incorrect!  The sweater is a 4X, and I just assumed I am still in that range of sizing on my lower half, so I expected my panus to just "fup" out & say hello to the world.  My sweater fully covered the one part of my body I have always had a difficult time accepting.  I know, I try to be positive about most things, but I do have to draw the line at my "fup".  The funny thing, I have been swimming so hard that my butt is actually shrinking faster than my "fup".  Oh cruel reality!  Can it be possible I will lose my derriere (the one thing I always thought looked pretty good, no matter how fat I got), before I lose my dreaded "fup"?  Grumble, grumble...

So, I actually stood, TWICE, in front of the mirror, admiring the work I have been doing & that is really starting to show.  Nothing like knowing you look good, and you feel it! 

All I can do is remember my mother telling me about this article she read about Christie Brinkley, "See, she doesn't like her butt, and she is a super model..."  Oh yeah, well how does she feel about "Fup"?!  The point I am getting to is this, there will always be at least one aspect of your body that you will have a difficult time accepting.  My "fup" has been with me a very long time now, I accept it, don't particularly like it, but it still is a part of me.

Brenda : )~

My back is killing me!  Who knew selling on eBay could be so painful?  I have spent the entire (not exaggerating) day putting my "fat clothes" and "fat patterns" on eBay.  So if you need any stuff in really big sizes, I can tell you how to look my inventory up!  I have been meaning to do this for so long, and now I know why I kept dragging my feet -- sitting for HOURS is no fun!  The upside, I barely ate all day, ha ha ha!  So, I am sipping a protein shake, and getting ready to finally drag myself upstairs.

The little bit of exercise, if you can call it that, was climbing up & down stairs - I have two flights - depending on what I am going after!  I still have more to list - those evil folks at eBay are enticing me with free listings up to 50 a month - shoot I hope it's when the item is listed, or I won't have any free listings come June!  I have 40 items up - holy smokes.  I have so much more, it is scary, I think of the George Carlin riff about "all our stuff..."  Sorry, George, I guess I have consumer issues!

If you sew, I can make you some FABULOUS deals on patterns!!!  I sadly have 50 - 60 of them -- all just lonely.  I have made clothing, don't get me wrong, I just had one of those, "I am going to do..." moments, that just got a little (ha ha) out of hand.  Do not ask me about my fabric stash - IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE... I made a promise to myself, not to buy anymore fabric, until I start producing some finished projects.  Well, except the stuff that found it's way into my suitcase from my last trip to Hawaii... Yes, I have a few problems.

I even cleaned out my pantry the other day, so I guess I am being productive, after all.  I am trying to be a better me, it is a slow process, but I think I am headed - if not sidetracked - the right way!  Anyhow - Thank you to all our Military folks, this is YOUR weekend -- thank you for getting me an extra day off -- so I can WORK around my house!

Brenda : )~

p.s. I took my measurments - I almost can use a standard measuring tape for my hips, now!!!  Good thing I have Quilters Tape!