Brenda C.

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Hiddy Ho, Fellow OH'ers!!!

The snow finally kept me home, but I am making good use of my time, by posting available swimwear - note, I even have ONE for the MENFOLK!  Please go check my photo album marked SWIMWEAR, and contact me if you want a suit - or have a suit to pass on to another OH Member.  Thanks to Poet Kelly who helped me get the ball rolling!!!  I still have a bunch of boxes to go through, so I may have more to post, and even some for larger guys (4X - 7X).

Well, I guess it was a good thing I actually ventured out yesterday to swim, as Seattle FINALLY got snow, woo hoo!  Okay, I am a little weirded out my my being so gleeful, considering I have complained almost non-stop for five of the last six years I have lived in Seattle -- "I'm SO cold!!!"  This has been a fairly easy Winter for me to deal with, and that includes the lack of insulation from the 165 pounds I have lost... But, sadly, it was the First NON White Christmas since I moved here, so I felt almost cheated.  Someone actually asked my neighbors permission last night if they wouldn't mind having photos of their house with snow on it -- their Christmas Lights are still up -- made me laugh.  My swim mileage tally as of yesterday is 32, which may take a big hit this week, as we are supposed to be getting a lot more snow, hmmmm.  Glad I have an exercise bike downstairs!

Last week I made a stand at a retailer for a whopping $12.44.  Yup, I was miffed and not going to accept a gift card for a purchase that WAS a Christmas gift, just because I believe in getting my shopping done early... Thirty day returns should be considered a little differently after Christmas, you Fashionista's... Guess the company, yet?  Anyhow, it took calling customer service FOUR times, got hung up on twice, but even called back to THANK the operator who called the manager at the store, just to make him hear my plea.  Yup, I sometimes go out of my way just on principle.  I originally asked for the manager & was DENIED his attention, so I decided to make a bit of a stink.  Guess who was given a "just this once" exception to the return policy?  Moral to this story, if you have Christmas returns - NEVER wait an extra week, you may not like the store policy...

Have you lost your Holiday Weight Gains???  I have, so I am pretty happy ;)  I am finally down to my lowest weight, including my rebounding between holiday treats and dealing with plateaus.  It is a pain to my sense of "YOU CAN DO IT," but it happens to all of us.  Just keep your focus on what you are supposed to be eating (and NOT eating), get your WATER intake in (try hot tea on cold winter days), and do not forget that exercise RAISES your body's core temperature -- feel the burn when your thermostat kicks on & burns calories!  My resting heart rate at my doctor's office was 65 the other day, so I am pretty happy to say my heart LOVES my swimming.  Don't forget, as you lose weight, your body usually uses less calories, so maybe you need to tweak your menu...

My sweetie is working from home today.  No holiday for him, but I still only saw him briefly for breakfast.  I went out to feed my wild animal friends - squirrels, crows, other birds, and unseen critters, so I have enjoyed the view from my front room window.  My lazy cat, aka "Tubby Tabby" is keeping me company, and making sure the quilt doesn't fall off the back of the sofa.  My kid is off enjoying the holiday from school, so I will check in with her to see if she will be needing help getting home, it is snowing off & on, and I live on a hill.  This weekend I actually went through my "tea cabinet," as my daughter was requesting certain tea flavors.  How many of you have trouble getting your water in when it is cold?  Hot tea is keeping me happy, and I am finally getting to drink all those fun flavors I forgot was in the cabinet. 

Something that crossed my mind yesterday, I really do NOT mind climbing the stairs for forgotten items anymore!  Okay, I have to admit this, maybe to help someone overcome their laziness.  I sometimes would just shrug and accept that I forgot something upstairs instead of going up after it -- or worse yet, ask my kid to retrieve it.  Back, over a year ago, I started trying to climb the two flights of stairs inside my house ten times a day, just to get exercise.  As of the first week of January, I am also climbing UP as well as down the four flights at the Aquatic Center (used to take the elevator, then switched to taking it just UP).  Something I hated doing before surgery, but now don't even think twice about doing, taking the stairs.  I actually keep all my supplements upstairs to purposely make myself go up and down more often.  My suggestion, set a goal, and take it slow, see how many flights you can take in a day.

Stay positive and remember movement/exercise keeps you warmer than just sitting around surfing the web!  Now, I have to go upstairs to take some more supplements... Stay positive!

Brenda : )~

I just got done writing one of my friends, here on OH, as she had the BEST set of rewards & goals on her blog!  She had used my math to make a swim goal for herself -- Go, Gina! Go! -- so, I popped over to send her a message.  Her rewards made me think, "I have goals, but I do not have ANY rewards, that's just wrong!"

Hmmmm, I have lost over half my excess weight - pretty sad when 165 pounds is not enough to get rid of your "excess weight," but I didn't really do anything special for myself for attaining a pretty awesome goal.  I am rounding the corner on 300 pounds - again, many others are just starting at this weight, so maybe I should do more than my usual Snoopy Dance?  Okay, when I hit 300 pounds, that will officially be 174 pounds lost, maybe I should think of something that relates to one of those two numbers... Thinking... Thinking... I may have an idea!  I have been meaning to get a lifetime subscription to Sirius/XM - I wonder if $300 might cover it (I am a pretty good negotiator - so I will let you know!)  Okay, first BIG reward (hope my credit card will have cooled off from Christmas, by then!!!) will be converting my regular subscription for Satellite Radio to a Lifetime Membership.

When I hit 275 pounds, I will have lost one pound shy of 200 pounds - so I will consider this worth $200.  Geez, this weight loss is going to bankrupt me, but heck, I am worth it!  What is something I never do for myself that would equal $200??? Ooooo, I may know what I want!!!  SCUBA Certification.  I snorkel & have done SNUBA, but never got my open water SCUBA Certificate, and I will be On Maui in February 2013 -- so this is a GREAT reward!  I cannot wait, as I will NOT need as much weight in the weight belt - ha ha, almost a riddle!

The next big number I haven't seen in over a decade is 250.  I remember being unstoppable at that weight!  I used to ride my bicycle 40 miles a day, and I really miss those days.  Before I moved to Seattle, I actually got rid of that bike, I was just upset with too many memories associated with it, I gave it a new home.  So, I will go out and buy myself a shiny, new bicycle, with giant off road tires, and heck, maybe some crazy outfit to wear when I pedal my shrinking butt off!  Stump jumper, hmmm, I hope I don't kill myself with this reward!

When I hit 200 pounds, I think I may wait to decide my reward, as I know I will be very emotional.  I have not seen 200 pounds in over, let me think, 25 years, maybe?  I know in 1985 I had just gained some weight, and was upset to be 202, so it has been at LEAST 25 years since I was even close to 200 pounds.  Back in those days, I wore Levi's 501 Jeans, 32 waist, 34 inseam -- probably the last time my waist was smaller than my inseam, sigh.  Oh well, I can do this, so watch out, I am setting some goals!  Ha ha ha, my own daughter wears a 33 inch waist, so maybe I will be able to share jeans for the very first time with my kid?!

Gina, I want to thank you for inspiring me to actually make some long term rewards and goals, and as always, I will be there to cheer YOU on!!!  Anyone else want to share some goals - I am happy to cheer YOU on, too!

Stay positive!

Sigh.  All my Christmas decorations are officially put away, and I am staring out my living room window, watching my neighbors house twinkle.  I was determined, and did what I was supposed to do today.  Took the decorations off the Christmas tree, cut it in half (for pick up), gathered all the indoor & outdoor lights - properly bundled, and even scaled my roof line to collect all the hangers & decorations from my roof.  I love Christmas.  It is my favorite holiday, so it is sad to say goodbye.  But, a sense of accomplishment is worth an extra week of decorations.

I got teased when I was dragging my tubs through the house, "I heard your squirrels singing!"  Yes, I love squirrels, especially the electronic ones who sing Christmas (or any other) songs... Truly, it was just my depositing one of the squirrels in the tub that triggered the song, I swear!  Organization is NOT one of my strong points, but I am trying.  I am actually now contemplating how to have my front room set up -- did I mention a mannequin lives in my front room?  She is currently wearing a signed Hockey jersey & has old school skates around her neck.  She wears all the crazy clothes I never could, but I think I will be taking the jersey back, this year -- it finally fits, again!  Clutter is one of the worst things for me, and triggers my grazing and laziness.  Hey, if I can control all of the above, it is a win-win, so let me have this as a cause and effect moment.

It is January, and so many folks insist on resolutions - I make my farting noise, and roll my eyes, and work toward real change.  Okay, that was a little too cynical, sorry about that.  My biggest problem with anyone having a New Year Resolution - why do you need a certain date to change?  If you work on one bad habit a month, you will actually have a better time making positive changes, and frankly, more likely to continue growing as a person.  Hey, I know, rose colored glasses, but I actually am trying to become a better human, I figure I couldn't get much worse... I actually knew the date ALL of my Christmas had to go away, so I decided to enjoy most of it until today. But truth be told, I started taking down the outside decorations along the walkways last week.  What remained outside was dangling from my roof, spooling the lights, and setting up all of my outdoor decorations for their final place in my garage - under the Halloween tubs!

I have another follow up appointment with my Weight Loss Surgeon's Nurse Practitioner in February, so I am going bonkers with plateaus & of course the Holiday pounds that found me.  I have already - in one week - lost the five pounds I gained, so I am working on getting under 300 before my February appointment (that would be 11 pounds).  After a year, you do tend to start to level off in your weight loss, so that is the time to start changing things up.  My last appointment I was told I was consistent, which made me happy.  So, to be consistent again, I want to be under 300.  When your body gets stuck, sometimes you have to drop calories or up your exercise, I am trying both.  Sadly, I have to admit, I am a people pleaser.  Yup, I like having people like me, so I do what I can to please them.  I want to show the Nurse Practitioner that I am continuing to lose and not just becoming complacent or satisfied with 165 pounds lost.

Reconstructive surgery is just around the corner - March 29 - so I am also UPPING my protein intake.  I usually get 100 grams of protein a day, so my new minimum goal is 120 - 140 grams a day.  This is where I thank two companies for great products.  Chike & Premier.  I just helped my sweetie get his new shaker bottle & mini tubs of Chike ready for the next work week, shhh, between you & me, he gained a couple pounds over the Holidays, too.  I love him, and I love that he supports me, and will always support him.  If you have someone next to you, you will never travel alone.  Oh, and another goal - that he & I fit COMFORTABLY in two seats on a plane - and that I now can take the isle seat, because I CAN get out of his way when he needs to use the bathroom (I always took the window, as I hate getting out of my seat, into the isle, to let him out).  Weird, huh?  Many things people take for granted, us large folks have to plan around!  I now am happy to take the inside seat in the booth, you know, scoot - scoot - scoot, so you both can fit.

Make small goals for yourself, you won't need a resolution, I swear.  I love getting all giddy when I realize a goal has been attained - but then again, I also sing to myself, so I am a little odd.  If you can continue a behavior for three straight weeks, it is a habit.  It works, no kidding!  Once I get to what I figure is the first goal, I bump it up, work at it for at least three weeks, then decide if I made it to the next goal.  Yup, a penny by itself doesn't buy squat, but ten pennies makes a dime, ten dimes makes a dollar, that is how I view my goals.  When folks ask me about my having swam 500 miles last year, I explain that it took a matter of two years to get to that point.  Trust me, even an Olympic Athlete had to start doing laps before building speed & stamina.  Doing something, no matter how small, is change.  No resolutions, small changes, that is how I live my life.

One year down, I am into my second year, and I am still as motivated as I was before I had my surgery.  It took 11 months of 2010 to finally get my surgery, another year living with my new plumbing, and I feel great.  What have you done in the last year that makes you proud?  Really, write it down, and then consider what you could do THIS year to do that even better.  Oh, and be realistic!!!  I started getting thoughts of swimming 750 miles this year, until I did the math.  I will be out of the water about two months, so that leaves plus or minus 40 weeks to swim.  My goal for 2012, 600 miles swam.  Follow along with me - tell me YOUR goal, and I will try to follow YOU along!  You will get support through giving support, I promise!

Stay positive!  If you have a swimsuit you've outgrown (you know, too big for you), consider donating it to another Obesity Help Member.  I am taking usable donations & requests for ALL sizes of swimsuits.  I can already pay forward a few 26 and higher suits - so please contact me PRIVATELY with your requests or donations -- thanks!

Brenda : )~

Ever have one of those days where you get EVERYTHING done?  I did, and am I beaming with my accomplishment. 

Mammogram.  One word that makes many women find excuses to not do this simple task, I just want to ask those of you who fall into that description, why???  It only takes maybe a half hour to an hour of your day away, and early detection is crucial if you have anything questionable in your scans.  Fatty tissue isn't always as easy to self test, so why not take the little bit of time, and get your boobies squished?

The funny thing I got a kick out of when I stripped down for the exam, I FIT in the One Size Fits All gown - woo hoo!  Last year, they had to grab me one of their "extended size" gowns, so this is an improvement to me.  When asked if I have had any changes since my last scan, "Oh, I lost a significant amount of weight..."  When she asked "How much," I beamed, "Oh, just 165 pounds..."  She looked up, and congratulated me.

My miles for the week stands at 14, but I am going swimming tomorrow, so I may get to add more.  When I went to get my truck serviced, it was great to not have to move my seat after it is serviced, and fitting in an arm chair is something I silently celebrate.  Having the Service Manager, who has known me five years, not recognize me, now THAT was the best part of the visit.

Okay, another request for old, too big for you, swimsuits.  I am also asking if YOU need/want a suit, please send me (private message) what you need, I'll try to get it for you!  If you have a swimsuit that is too big, why not pay it forward to another who can use it?  Sure, you won't get the tax deduction, but you may be helping someone get active.  I do have some suits between 26 - 32, and maybe one or two beyond.  I have already received a few requests, and I am trying to fill them.

Oh, a swimwear tip for those of you like me, with a hanging, saggy tummy... I wear a swim brief one size smaller then my swimsuit - backwards!  I hate that my belly is bigger than my butt, but hey, I make it work!  I found black works great - and you could even use a pantie girdle, but wearing it backwards (for me) keeps my belly tucked in.

Work, chores, exercise, and I even got to have some Thai food for dinner.  Yup, I am whistling, even if only in my head, because I had a great day!

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

Mile eight, done... Just 592 more to swim for 2012.

Howdy folks!  With all the time I have to spend thinking while I swim, I sometimes come up with things I want to talk about, share, write, so here goes.  One of the subjects that struck me is length of time to get surgery.  So many of us have a long wait, and frustration sets in.  To give some perspective of how long I have invested in my journey, I talked long and hard with my doctor about my wanting to "get serious about my weight," back in 2008.  I spent that year working hard, that is when I started swimming.  By the beginning of 2009 I had not lost enough weight to really make much of a difference, so I went back to my doctor to ask for her to write a referral to get into a Bariatric Program.  She was hesitant, but after all my food and exercise journals I shared, she agreed.

Sadly, I had to put my wishes for surgery on hold, I was in an auto accident that side lined me for 14 months.  Talk about frustration, I was finally ready, but had to put my plans on hold -- I also was not able to swim for 5 months.  Swimming helped me mend, so swimming is great for rehabilitation, too.  Starting again from square one, I entered the University of Washington's Bariatric Program in February of 2010.  With a long list of hoops to jump through, I was diligent and ready to do whatever was called of me.  I did the psych evaluation, the nutrition classes, was seen by Physical Therapy to make sure I would be mobile after surgery (they happily gave me a pass after just three weeks).  I did all the tests for cardiovascular, upper GI, and a few I know I am forgetting.  Then, I hit the wall.  One member of the team at UW decided that my asking for therapy took it upon herself to say I couldn't get my surgery until I had a therapist working with me.  My medical coverage does NOT cover mental health services, so I was in trouble.

So, my suggestion, think twice before you ask for something you cannot get on your own, hoping you will get assistance getting it.  Me being me, I negotiated with the social worker, that if I got a third party to evaluate me and pass me, could I then get surgery without getting a therapist?  She agreed.  I paid, out of pocket, for a therapist who worked specifically with Bariatric patients, and I passed.  The social worker then pushed my file onto someone elses desk, they went off her original notes of my asking for help getting therapy, so no matter what a third party said, it did not matter.  I started looking for another Bariatric Program. 

Sadly, I really liked the surgeon I had chosen at UW, so I decided I wanted a "perfect fit," and was willing to put effort into meeting the right surgeon.  Three surgeons later, I finally found the right surgeon,  and started the whole process all over again.  Luckily I only lost six months.  Having already jumped through hoops, I was basically ready to go.  Sad thing, most patients aren't this ready this quick, so you then have the problem of falling through the cracks.  I was voluntarily weighing in every week, until the nurse pushed the issue with the surgeon's Nurse Practitioner, and they made an appointment for me to see the surgeon.  I was worried that it was October by this point, I had to have surgery by December, or I would have to put it off until Mach of 2011.  Dr Jeffery Hunter laughed when I told him my schedule, "How does November sound?" 

With all that has happened in the last year, I just consider all the time it took to get me here as a small payment for where I am now.  Patience is something we all need to have, but also be assertive when you need to be.  When I consider where I was - weightwise & physically a year ago, it helps put the waiting into perspective.  I spent one whole year working on my weight without surgical intervention, so I know I have gotten a lot further in this last year.  Don't spend your energy thinking about the "should'a, would'a, could'a," and just do it.  Maybe the first year (2008) was a waste of time to some, but it actually taught me how hard this journey is and that I did need help.  When you are facing six months of nutrition classes, a certain amount of weight to lose before a date is scheduled, consider how long it took to get to the weight you presently are.

In the entirety of our lives, what is a year, two or even three?  I now have so many more years of quality living that I may not had, had I not pulled my big girl panties up and faced I needed help.  When people in my support groups, or even here on OH start talking about their frustration, I try to tell them - the short version - how long it took for me.  Eight months of support group meetings, saying my name, saying "I am waiting for surgery" was frustrating, but I never gave up.  Support, that is one of the top five things I tell people to have in place before getting surgery.  I am just over one year out of surgery, and have lost 165 pounds, and am happily waiting until March 29, 2012 to get my first procedure for removing my pannus.  Would I like an earlier date?  Sure, but I still just dance around knowing I finally know when my life will improve, again.

If you are starting out, frustrated over a plateau, feel free to reach out to me or anyone else.  Luckily, if you are on Obesity Help, you will have an easy time to find someone who has gone through what you are going through, and they can share what worked for them.  Ha ha, I found drinking 16 ounces of peppermint tea a day is helping me become "regular".  With all the things I have tried to combat my lifelong constipation, I accidentally found something that works for me.  So, there is one more nugget to knock around - maybe peppermint tea will help you, too!

One more plug for my new idea -- if you have a swimsuit (or suits) you have grown too small for, how about paying it forward?  I am looking for usable suits to distribute to ANYONE who wants or needs them!  I still have some extended sizes (beyond 32), so hit me up!!!  If you can live without the donation credit on your taxes, I will accept (and try to pay the shipping) any and all suits, so please private message me here - or [email protected]

On that note -
Stay positive!!!
Brenda : )~

March 29th is the date I become less one "fup," more commonly known as my pannus.  To say that I am excited is an understatement.  I have been buzzing my other doctors offices, as my surgeon asked that I have a current mammogram -- if there is need for tissue, this would be the time to know, I didn't know they could use my belly sag to fill in my boobies, good to know!  Anyhow, I have my mammogram scheduled, the number to fax the mammogram report to the cosmetic surgeon, now all I have to do is sit on my hands & be patient... Not an easy task!

I do have a project that I contemplated while swimming today, collecting swimsuits from those who no longer fit in the larger sizes, and then folks WANTING to get into swimming as I have, could contact me for swimsuits that fit!  I have been donating so many clothes, and sharing clothing within support groups, I do not know why I had not thought this one up until today.  My thoughts were, "What size will I be after surgery???"  So, if you have any - I mean ANY - swimsuits in good condition, I figure size 14 on up, please contact me!!!  I will try to figure out the cheapest shipping and collect all the suits & advertise them HERE!  I have kept my largest suit, I will let it go at some point, but I am proud that it is NEVER going to be used by me, again.

As of today, I have swam 5 miles on my quest to swim 600 - and if things go well, I may bump that number to 750.  I will be out of the water possibly 2 months, so I figure I will shoot for 600, make adjustments as needed!  I usually swim 15 - 20 miles a week, so if I can knock out 45 weeks, I should easily be over the 600, but still giving me room for days I do not swim as much, or cannot swim.  The other thing I am proud of, I have decided unless I am in pain, I will climb the four flights of stairs after my swims!  I had been taking the stairs down every trip, but only taking them back up infrequently.  No more whining, take the stairs!!! 

On the protein snack front, I got a Premier Protein Titan Protein Cookie, Oatmeal Raisin -- 150 calories per cookie, 10 grams protein -- comes in a two pack -- LOVED IT!  I was reading the ingredients, and for those who are fat watchers, this does have 5 grams, but I was happy with the texture, flavor, and how filling it was after my swim.  They come in Oatmeal Raisin, Peanut Butter, and Chocolate Chip -- but I have only had the Oatmeal Raisin so far.  If you want to check out their numbers, follow this link... http://premiernutrition.com/titan-protein-cookie-nutrition.html

Ordered more Chick Meal Replacement Protein today -- I LOVE Chike (iLikeChike.com), and got free shipping -- thanks Jason!!!  If you are looking for fabulous flavor, more nutritional bang for your buck, call my guy at Chike, Jason: 325-480-0700, and he will HOOK YOU UP!  There are five flavors at the moment, with COFFEE being released soon (I think) - I ordered Orange & Chocolate, as they are my households FAVORITE!  Check them out at: http://www.chikenutrition.com/  Chike will send you send you five full servings to try, just tell them Brenda sent you to them!

It is the New Year, so this is when the gyms are busiest!  If you are good about your exercise workout, just give it a month, and you'll have your gym back the way it usually is.  I get sad by the New Year push to exercise that slowly peters out.  People!  People! it takes three weeks to make or break a habit.  If you are still going strong into February, I salute you!!!  Do NOT push to exhaustion - and do NOT let a trainer push you too far, injury or just plain pain will make you less likely to keep your new habits going.  When I started swimming, I went three days a week for a half hour.  You get stronger and able to do more, so be patient with your body, especially if you are starting out.

Okay, to recap my exciting day: I got my surgical date for my panniculectomy (if you want to learn more, go to my December Blog - I actually have done some of the homework for you); I want to start a collection of swimwear for those wanting to get into swimming; I raved about two products, one new to me, the other a cherished favorite; I reminded you to be patient with New Year Resolution Exercisers, and to also be patient with yourself!  It's been a GREAT start to 2012, I am so looking forward to better health and a sleeker profile!  Less drag in the pool, means I can swim more miles!

On that note - Stay Positive, and GET OUT THERE, even if it is just to walk around the block!
Brenda : )~

Hey folks! Happy New Year, and my I also say, Happy Leap Year!!!  I sat and thought long and hard on how to start my New Year off, and  I laughed.  I am spending that extra day today, just communicating with all the wonderful folks I am getting to know, here on Obesity Help.

For many of you who have been following my journey, I really do try to keep my blog up to date, and I ALWAYS make every effort to respond to EVERY comment & email I receive.  I guess my mother would have been proud of me, I try to think of others, and frankly, I guess I do play well with others.  It has taken me three hours to catch up with folks, and I am NOT done, I still have to respond to comments on my blog - to which, THANK YOU!  Getting support requires giving support - mark that one down if you haven't already.  Maybe the Golden Rule actually hit home at an early age, all I know is that I will never hurt anyone, intentionally - and if I have hurt anyone, I will do whatever I can to remedy that situation.  Now, on with the never ending saga of Brenda, the Happy Honu (Sea Turtle)...

December 30th, 2011, I swam my 500th mile in Federal Way, Washington.  If I had swam to Yreka, California, I would still have four more miles to go before I saw 500 miles.  If I swam North 500 miles, I could travel (theoretically) over the Caribou Highway almost into Chilanko Forks, British Columbia, Canada.  Had I swam East, I would have left Washington, breezed through upper Idaho, and made my way between Missoula & Deer Lodge Montana.  That my friends, is a wonderful journey, even if most of it was in Federal Way, Washington.  The funny thing is, I still know I could have walked further in the amount of time it took me to swim 500 miles, so maybe that will make a good goal for me to achieve in 2012?

If you are just starting your weight loss journey or someone in the middle of it, I want you to think of goals for a moment.  Sure, seeing a certain number on the scale or on the tag in your clothing is one way to show how far you have come, it just makes it more interesting, and sometimes a little easier to have "other" goals to achieve.  Every Non-Scale Victory I have realized has made me a little happier than just when I saw the scale moving in the right direction.  The first time I was able to pick up the soap in my standing shower stall without opening the door was amazing.  I actually keep adding more goals to my life, just to make me realize how truly far I have come in my journey.  Make the trip fun, make the trip challenging, but above all else, make the journey toward better health.

For many of us, regret is a tough thing to swallow.  As a young, fat girl, I tried to live my life with few regrets, which may seem odd to many of you.  But, look at it this way, I had so much optimism as a child, I did not let my weight keep me from living.  Sadly, my biggest regret is my weight.  Sure, we all have worked on achieving a certain size or weight, but somewhere along the way, we got stuck.  Getting unstuck is the true measure of how strong you are - inside and out.  When I finally opened my eyes to how out of shape I was (Round is a shape...), I realized it was going to take a long time to get back into the shape I preferred.  Being able to physically do what I once did with ease, it is well, amazing.  I have a long way to go, but with every day I spend working toward enjoying life, I celebrate.  So, I toot my horn, I am one more year closer to my ultimate goal, being able to do everything I want to do physically, and being the healthiest me, I can be.

No New Years Resolutions for this girl.  I look at every morning as another day to enjoy life.  Life is too long to be miserable, and too short to have regrets.  Live life outloud!  Sorry, if this sounds too easy, but believe it or not, adjusting your view of life will really take you further.  Be so optimistic that you can sell a pessimist a dream (I came up with that line back when I was still a kid).  What I am doing with my extra day this year?  I am here offering to support anyone who needs my support.  I challenge YOU to challenge ME!  Make this a 366 day year to remember!!!

Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~

First things first - THANK YOU to all my supporters -- I really am able to go further and believe in myself fully when I have others cheering me on!  When I hear I am inspiring others, when I get comments, that inspires me!  Throughout this who process, I have tried to be as honest about my feelings, good & bad, and shared even some embarrassing facets of my life, and I promise not to hold back or stop.

For those who asked how to get the process going, my suggestion is first, ask your surgeons office who they refer patients to, as my primary doctor referred me to a surgeon who could not handle my case, as it is severe -- his words.  You do not need to be at a goal weight IF you have at least a Grade 3 or better pannus (please refer to my last blog, it outlines Grades 1 - 5), as this is considered RECONSTRUCTIVE, not merely cosmetic, and effects your life dramatically.  Abdominoplasty, or a tummy tuck, is involving muscle, as in my case, will happen when I am actually within the surgeon's preferred "goal weight".  My cosmetic surgeon did ask me if I am planning on losing more, I chuckled and said, "Of course I am..."  That is one of the reasons he isn't giving me a "belly button," as I will be getting more surgery down the line.  Oh, and if I do not get a traditional belly button, I already have plans what I want in it's place!  I will share as it happens...

For those who have been following my journey, you have heard my back pain complaints, and I have had four doctors now say that the pannus is directly causing my issue, and I indeed need reconstructive surgery.  The process now can be quick, as i am under the impression that my case is severe enough to get an approval upon first submission of my surgery.  At that point, it could be just weeks until I get into the surgery room and get a more streamline torso -- I am wondering what size I'll be, so if can start planning on getting new swimsuits!  My daughter laughed and asked me why I have such a large supply of "hand me down" jeans, it is because, "after surgery, I don't know what size I'll be!"  I have jeans from size 18 up to the 28's I am wearing at this moment! 

Tomorrow, I head to California, so I wanted to at the very least give everyone who wrote me this thank you!  I promise to get back to each and every one of you, please bear with me as I will be on the road.

I have only 12 more miles to swim, and already have two places to swim while I am gone for Christmas.  Next year, I know I will want to do at least 600 miles, and the surgeon says I should only be out of the water 6 weeks.  I am wondering if 750 miles is too far, but it is what I am leaning toward.  If you are going to set a goal, make it a good one!

As soon as I know, I promise to post more.  I will include many photos, and of course the "nitty gritty" of the whole process.  I am not afraid of the pain, frankly, I look at it as a "rite of passage," and many of those aren't painless, wink wink!  Anything worth having, is worth working toward, and that includes working through the pain.  When I consider the years I have spent in pain from my excess weight, a couple of weeks of pain should be a walk in the park.  Besides, I happen to know they prescribe pretty good drugs to post operatives, just kidding, sort of...  Here's to a HAPPY & Healthy NEW YEAR, and New ME!

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

The lay term for the "fatty tissue" or belly fat that lays over some laps, is referred to as a pannus, here is what Wikipedia has to say about my subject matter:  Panniculus is a medical term describing a dense layer of fatty tissue growth, consisting of subcutaneous fat in the lower abdominal area. Abdominal panniculus can be removed during abdominal panniculectomy, a type of abdominoplasty. 

What is the difference between an abdoninoplasty and a panniculectomy?  Muscle.  An adomioplasty not only removes skin & fatty tissue, it addresses muscles that have been stretched and need tightening.  In a panniculectomy, only skin and fatty tissue is removed, and in many cases, considered "cosmetic".  Why would anyone be able to get "cosmetic" surgery covered under insurance?  When it is not merely cosmetic, but reconstructive.  I am between Grade 4 & Grade 5: 

Grade 1 Panniculus barely covers the hairline and mons pubis but not the genitalia.
Grade 2 Extends to cover the genitalia.
Grade 3 Extends to cover the upper thigh.
Grade 4 Extends to cover the mid thigh.
Grade 5 Extends to cover the knees or beyond.

I had my RNY just over one year ago, and this is also somewhat tied into when to get the panniculectomy.  As with surgeries that are just cosmetic, most surgeons want you to have been a year out from Weight Loss Surgery and that your weight has been stable for a month or more.  When a panniculectomy is considered reconstructive, you do NOT have to be at or near your "goal weight," your pannus merely needs to completely cover the mons pubis, or be a Grade 3 or higher.  One of the reasons my panniculectomy is warranted sooner than later, is the weight pulling on my middle back.  Other reasons would also be considered because of rashes, hygiene, so document as much as you can, and know photos will help get your surgery covered.

My surgery date is coming,  early in 2012, as soon as my insurance gives their approval, which I was told should not take long.  My excitment is hard to contain, as this has been the part of my body I have never liked.  Now here are some of the things I discussed with the surgeon... I will NOT have a traditional belly button after the panniculectomy.  The surgeon explained that since I will most likely need more surgeries, I can elect to have a belly button "built" at a later time, or in my head, just get a tattoo where it should be.  It really isn't uncommon to get a panniculectomy before all the excess weight has been lost, and I look forward to sharing the process with all of you.

Photos have been taken, and are being submitted.  Measurements have been taken - 42 cm is the length of my pannus that hangs over my mons pubis.  My lower half (hips & belly) fit into a size 26/28 jean, yet my top half is around a size 18, or smaller.  The thought of finally having a bottom half that fits with my top half is indescribable.  I keep trying not to be overly excited, until I am in the pre-op room, worried something will cause me to have to wait longer.  Truly, if this is my worst complaint in my life, I am a lucky woman.  Having surgery does not fix you, but it sure improves your chances of having a better life.

I have just 18 miles left to swim, and am already thinking of my goal for 2012.  My surgeon said I probably will only be out of the water six weeks, so I am confident that I will be able to come back and work harder toward my physical goals.  See, if you put in the effort, great things will happen!

Stay positive!
Brenda : )~

I have to say thank you to all who have sent me messages, kept me in their thoughts, and supported me through this tough time.  My blogging hasn't been high on my daily "need to do" list, but trust me, I see the notifications, then feel guilty for not logging on & keeping the communication going.  To those out there who go through difficult times, when it happens, shutting down is the WRONG thing to do.  I am "limping" my way through my daily routine, but I still have to keep active, emotionally as well as physically.

My swimming is getting me closer to my goal - I finished mile 478.  With plans to swim Sunday, adding days here and there will make the goal possible.  Having a daily routine will help, so I keep going, since this weight isn't going to come off on it's own.  Come to think of it, I just realized a really cool number, I was 474 pounds when I started this journey, so I have swam MORE miles than I used to weigh.  That brought a smile to my face.  Finding the positive in any situation is always the way to go.  When I say "stay positive," I mean it, and try to live it.

On Tuesday, I have an early appointment with a plastic surgeon, so rest assured, I will be swimming after the appointment.  Standing in front of my mirror last night, I started to laugh.  It's a whole lot better than looking at a half empty glass then sobbing that it's too full!  My thighs are caving in on themselves, but I expected that.  My pannus is very heavy, I was lifting & dropping it, laughing at the absurd sound it made slapping against my thighs.  I then sighed, climbed into the shower and thought how wonderful it will be to NOT have to lift my belly up, just to wash.  Pretty harsh, huh?  Well, those of us in really high BMIs have these things to face, if we are to be successful!  The good with the bad; I prefer having my deflated body over the over stuffed one I am slowly leaving behind. 

What would I do differently if I was deciding to get Gastric Bypass?  The first answer is usually the same - done it sooner.  But having done as much studying about nutrition, and living the "after" before surgery for over a year REALLY made the transition so much easier.  Eating 1200 calories - HONESTLY - isn't always easy, and you will have to learn how many calories you are under guessing if you eat Fast Food.  The kids meal at most those restaurants is mind boggling, and I really never guessed I was getting so many calories until I did my homework.  If you are considering surgery, take classes on eating correctly, get your blood work done so you and your doctor and (hopefully) a nutritionist can see how you already eat (shows up in the blood), and make corrections before you commit.  Becoming active is a huge hurdle to jump for many of us, so start slowly, build up, but do it before surgery.  Start taking supplements before surgery, building up your bank of nutrients - the first three months after surgery, you will have difficulty getting nutrition just from food, so the sooner you start banking your vitamins, minerals, and protein, the easier your recovery.  Oh, and you will lose a lot less hair.  Make sure you not only are physically ready, but be emotionally ready.  I never had "last meal mentality," because I went into my surgery armed with knowledge, and I made peace with my food issues.  Head hunger STILL is an issue, but I have not had it as bad as some of my friends.

Everyday is a struggle, for whatever reason, that is just life.  Stay positive, keep your goals small enough to attain - but have enough to keep you going further, and know that if you are ready to change your life completely, you can succeed after surgery.  I am only starting my second year after surgery, and have a long way to go weight-wise, but I still see my future changing before my eyes.  Being honest with myself has been the one thing I can share that may not come up in your doctor appointments, so start as soon as possible.  When I have had cheats - yes, we all have them - I have to admit it to myself, and to others.  Those pesky calories do add up, so face the truth and work toward repairing your behavior, not just "I'll do better, tomorrow..."  Having surgery really is just a tool, what you do with your tool, that is how you succeed or fail.

For all you out there following my journey, I am still keeping my head up, and still keeping my eye on the prize, I just have had a little more emotions to deal with at the moment.  Hey, life happens, you cannot hide from it, and why would you want to?  I have always tried to live my life loudly, and strive to be the best person I can be.  When I have a bad day, I remind myself I am human, and try to turn it around.  Am I happy?  Yes, I am.  So, before you try to hide yourself behind closed doors, just remember, every bite you take in private, will show when you finally are back out in public! 

For those of you who already had surgery, just realize that the weight can sneak back up on you - support, support, support!  I have enjoyed talking with folks who are more than two - three years out, how they have coped with their eating issues, as well as staying active.  I used to ask my mother who got me into TOPS at an early age, "Why do those women keep coming?  They aren't fat."  My mother would then explain that they lost their weight, and keep coming to KEEP OFF their weight (Take Off Weight Sensibly - Keep Off Weight Sensibly).  It does work, if you continue to be accountable and aware of your behavior.  I know, I am still a young'un when you consider I am merely a year out of surgery, but I hope to keep blogging the journey in the years to come.  Hey, I really do try to walk the walk, otherwise I have not been honest with the one person I should be -- ME. 

I did this for me.  I did this for my family.  I did this because I hate to walk out of a movie before it's over, and that is my view of life.  Why leave before your movie is over?  I used to stay & watch the credits at the movies, only to FINALLY be rewarded with Ferris Buelers Day Off!  Then it hit me, that is exactly how I want to live my life, beyond what most people see as the end, all the way through the credits, just in case!  My grandmother told me last Christmas, "Brenda, I don't think I want to see my next birthday..."  To which I stated, "Does this mean I have to come back for another visit before June?!"  I did, I saw her in May, and I just wish she made it to our next Christmas.  My Christmas Angel was a gift to me by my grandmother, I did get choked up, but instead I started singing Christmas Carols and thinking about her wonderful life.  If I plan to see 96 like I am shooting for, it will take a lot of exercise & good living -- oh, and an excellent attitude!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa, Festival of Lights, Merry Winter Solstice, Happy New Year - just have a WONDERFUL LIFE!  Love yourself and those around you -- trust me, you'll have prettier wrinkles from smiling than from frowning!  Stay Positive!!!

Brenda : )~

p.s. I REALLY will write all you folks who have written me - I PROMISE!!!