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I have to say that the 5 day puch test got easier as the days went by. I do feel so much better and I am glad that I stuck to it. I can even tell that my stomach has gotten smaller and a plus I got on the scale and it seems that 4 pounds are gone. I really think that it was water because all I do now is drink. I don't feel weak like I did before and also it is not hard for me to get up in the morning. I guess it is true they say you are what you eat. So my next mini goal is to get back to 260 and work from there. That is about 15 pounds so I am going to start back working out and two meals a day are going to be the protein shakes until I feel completely comfortable with my eating. Since I have been doing it for five day a few more wont hurt. Oh yeah I changed my pouch test a little. I did liquids most of the day and at the end I would have a soft protein like tuna or a boiled egg. I found it much easier for me to follow. So when I got home and had to cook for my husband it wasn't so bad because I did have something to eat. Well it is the end of my work day and I am really looking forward to the weekend. I have a lot of work to do but I guess it is a little better when you are at home and not at work.

I am also going to work on my career goal to be working for myself by 2010. I think that it a reasonable time.

Well OH family have a blessed and wonderful weekend.

Chastity BKA Sweetness

I know that once you look at the title you are like ????? Well I have to be honest I don't really like reaching out for help. I am the person that everyone comes to for help. I may not be able to eat as much as I use to but I know that what I am eating isn't good for me. I am using food as my comfort. I try not to eat until my stomach hurts but most of the time I do. I really miss eating. At first I thought I had it. Then it is like something in my just snapped. I have been thinking about just packing my stuff and leaving so that I can be left alone. I just don't want to deal with anything or anybody any more. I am not feeling my supervisor. He is always talking to me. Not fussing but talking down to me like I am dumb. Ok I don't have a degree but I have been doing accounting now for over seven years. That should account for something. Then my home financial situation is getting worse by the minute. I think that we may lose our house and everything else that we have worked hard for. I am glad that I haven't gained any weight but I sure haven't lost anything either. I am suppose to go back to see my surgeon for my three month check-up but I don't even want to make the appointment. I know that they are going to say something about how many calories I am getting in. I stopped going to the gym because my boss is an ass and he keeps trying to tell me how to work out so that I can get muscle. Ok if I have never really went before why do I need to know how to get muscle. I have a hard enough time staying on the treadmill for 30 min. All of my other co-workers that go with me said I just need to tell him to leave me alone. But they don't understand that they don't work directly with him. He is the type that would take it personal and use it against me in my review. And the person above him loves him and would believe anything that he tells him so I know what you are thinking. It won't work. I know that I am making excuses but somethings it just feels good just to get out what I feel. I know that God doesn't put to much on use that we can't bare. Right now I feeling like I am carrying the whole load. I do love my sleeve and I don't want to do anything that will hurt it or hurt me. I just wish that some of these pressures would just release and let me be for awhile. I have a test that I need to take my Oct 15 I study almost every day but I still can not seem to keep the information it my mind. I know that it could be because I have so much going one but this is something that I have been working on for almost three years and if I don't get it done by the end of the year then I will have to take all of the other test over again.
Well I just wanted to get some of this off of my chest.

Be Blessed

Chastity

Ok first and foremost I want to thank God for all his glory. For him waking me up this morning and giving me the strenght to make it everyday.

Now I have been really thinking that I made the best decision to have the sleeve done. I have lost almost 40 pounds in two months. I would never had done this on my own or with the band. I am not saying that the band doesn't work it just didn't work for me.

On to the reason why I called this post reflections. I have been noticing how different people in my office, at home and even on the street look at me. At first I know that I was getting noticed because of my breast now I think that I am getting noticed because you can see how I am losing weight. When someone in my office asked me if I had an eating disorder I had to laugh because everyone is so use to me being the fat girl or overweight girl. Now that I am losing a little weight and going to the gym I have to have some type of disorder. That is just so funny for me.
Next it seems that my confidence is up I am wearing clothes that I haven't wore in years and shoes also. Everyone is telling me I look so nice and I really think that it is going to my head. I can really understand how when person loses weight they change. It is really easy to do. When you go unoticed for so long it really feels good to get the attention. I don't want to be a different person because I am losing weight but I am. I feel so much better. I really don't complain about to much. Only what I have control over changing. I use to not want to go to work because of certain people not I can look at those people and smile and say they have the problem I don't. I just feel so good. I like being the person that can walk around like I am on cloud nine and no one knows why. Oh yeah I didn't tell anyone in my office that I was having a new surgery done so the only way they will know is if they come to this website. I just want to express how I am truly blessed. It seems like only weeks ago I was so depressed not it just seems like whatever it was just wasn't that important.  I love life and I love myself which helps me to deal with any thing that maybe going on. Not to be putting my busy in the streets but about a week ago I was at my desk at work almost in tears wondering how am I going to pay my mortgage. Now I don't have enough to pay it and all my bills. Then it seems that I had this strange feeling come over me and I just didn't worry about it anymore. I get paid on Monday and I may not have enough to cover the whole thing but for some reason I am not worried about it because I know that God will make away. That goes back to what I have control over. I can't make money just appear so I just have to work with what I have and I know again that God will make a way out of no way. I really hope that someone will read this post and have a blessing from it. I just wanted to share that some times you just have to give it to God. He will not come in your time but you best believe He will be right now time.

I have only three pounds to lose to get to my first mini goal. Please pray for me that I will make it. I just have to leave those carbs alone. Last night I learned that sweets are the enemy and we will never be friends again. I have to put something else in that place. To be honest it is a good thing. Maybe I will get off of my diabetes medication sooner since I know now that I am not able to tolerate sweets.

Okay OH fam have a wonderful and blessed weekend.


Sweetness BKA Chastity