Poor Choices

Dec 19, 2011

This is a rant!

Its a slippery slope. I made good choices that kept me within my carb limit for 9 days. During those 9 days i passed up pizza, movie theater popcorn, fast food, christmas trail mix and a box of chocolates the size of a 4 computer screens as well as my dads no bake cookies (my favorites). Saturday i ate movie theater popcorn after i passed it up once before. I did not eat any chips and dip at a holiday christmas party on saturday but then today at work i shoved my effing fat mouth with 4, yes 4 cookies! i was so distraught i went straight to the bathroom and vomitted. my stomach still hurts like i didnt get it all out. and then saturday was a total bust! I am sooo upset with myself for not following the rules its ridiculous. why is my will power diminished compared to last week. I just read a blog post of sleever who is 1 year post op. she said 'LISTEN TO YOUR SURGEON'. Yes, Sara! effing listen to your surgeon. He will see that i cheated when he looks at my liver. I wonder if i can do a liver cleanse? i need to do a bowel prep, not on surgeons advise just because i am worried about constipation, like really worried about constipation. What if my dad asks me if i did the right thing? i cant lie to him after all the support he is giving me but i sooo dont want him to be disappointed or not believe in me. :( tear. Its all an effing slippery slope. i made one poor choice, one slip of my will and several days are down the toilet. all this negative energy is not good for me, it decreases the will power. i need to smile, say happy things. be positive that the rest of the day will be great. that the rest of the week will be great. i need to lift myself up so i can renew my will power. but its so hard knowing that i made so many poor decisions this past weekend :(

now that i have that all off my chest, even though noone reads this, i feel like my duty is done. I will follow my surgeons and nutritionists directions on the low carb diet for the next 9 days and then after that, the post op diet instructions for the next 4 weeks. I hope i have a 4 week appt with my nutritionist so i can talk about proper diet for the rest of my life :)

WOW! OMG! 9 days until my new life starts. its kinda like starting a new diet that wont end. its not the 6 week body makeover or 6 week HCG diet. ITS THE REST OF MY LIFE!!! as i tell more and more people about my surgery everyone is making sure to tell me how hard its going to be and that i shouldnt forget its forever and some people who have been skinny their whole life are trying to give me advice! seriously!! that makes no sense. please just support me with a smile and a hug! thats all i want. all i want for christmas is support lol, to the melody of that song.

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