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Update on January 1, 2012 2:16 pm
I was gone for a few months and for that I apologize. I went back to graduate school, which is awesome and I love it. One of my classes was the hardest one I'll take. Yay, it's over and I got an A. The class replacing it next semester is going to be one of the easiest. I hope that's true.
A lot has happened to me. My divorce became final. I celebrated my 50th birthday, which was fantastic! I went back to school. I continued to disentangle myself from my ex. The divorce process is over, but there were still property issues. The custody agreement is fine, but I find that he tries to negotiate small issues several times a month. It is wearisome.
Weight wise.... well, that has been less than stellar. I hit a stall, which was not my fault, but have done a lot of emotional eating, which is. I have gained weight, which is unnerving. My counselor has pointed out that I am "over-functioning". This was a habit developed into an art form during my marriage. The ex under fuctioned and I compensated. I was exhausted. After the divorce, this "normal" feeling way to cope got transferred into my life, specifically my education and work. What suffered was my attention to my body's needs and my weight loss. SO, it is time to stop over-functioning and bring balance into my life. My eating plan, my weight, my too busy-ness are all symptoms of my need to slow down and do less.
It is the time of the year to make resolutions. Last year, I think I had about nine pages of goals. I'm going to try to streamline that to one page this year. At the top has to me my health and weight.
Here are some NSV (because that's all I've had for several months ):
I have gone swimming in public.
I can sit in a theatre seat with my hands by my sides and still fit.
I cross my legs all the time.
I recognize that my weight loss is tied to my emotional healing and vice versa.
I can shop anywhere (but petite shops and that one's not going to happen anyway).
I have bras from Victoria's Secret.
I can walk without getting winded or tired.
My joints feel great most of the time.
I've gotten hit on a few times.
I am happy for the first time in decades.
Blessings to all who read my blog posts. I appreciate you! Happy 2012!
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I'm Back on December 29, 2011 6:16 am
This is just a quick note before I go to work. First of all, my apologies for the long absence. I started graduate school. It was fun, but there was a research class that kicked my butt and ate all my free time.... make that all my time, period. :-) I need to get back on track with myself, this site, and most of all, my weight loss. Thanks to all my patient friends. Thanks especially to those of you who pm'd me and asked me how I was doing. I have to get back in the saddle (insert other trite phrases here), and OH is part of that. More to come.
Blessings to everyone who reads my blog. I appreciate you. Happy New Year!
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The Skinny on August 2, 2011 8:38 pm
It has been said that inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get free. My skinny self is emerging and the fat me is leaving. Sadly, the fat me is not taking all this extra skin with her. Oh my goodness, the loose skin is, well, it's like a whole separate entity that lives on top of the rest of me.
I've warned my children that should an earthquake occur, albeit unlikely in this region, that they should not stand near me. All my extra skin would beat them to death.
I knew with a beginning BMI of 70 that I was going to have loose skin. I decided to embrace it and just roll with it, having no other choice but to live with it until I can get plastics and that's a ways down the road yet. At first, it was encouraging to lose enough weight to have some loose skin. Then, it became funny to watch it wibble, wobble, and wiggle. I like scaring my children with it. "Be nice to me or I'll show you my knees!" "Look at these arms!" Their screams amuse me.
Now, the skin is taking on a life of its own. We share space. I do what I want, the skin does what it wants. Come winter I'm going to suck it all in with Spanx and Squeezy T's. But, it got up to 113 degrees in my town today and I am not interested in wearing spandex. I can't wait for cooler weather so I can whip this skin into some kind of shape other than the droopy one it now assumes.
My job requires that I occasionally film myself working with one of my clients. I used to hate to see myself on video because of my weight. I'm not at goal, so I was worried I'd still hate seeing myself on video. Nevertheless, I set up the camera and did my work. I made myself watch because I knew it will improve my skills. But, here were my initial assessments. "Oh god, there's my butt." I braced myself. "Hmm, not bad, at least with clothes on." "Oh no, there's my gut. Hey, not great, but not bad, not bad." Then, I began to relax as I watched myself work with my client. Then, "WHOA! Look at that flabby arm skin!
Why didn't I wear longer sleeves? I'm so glad I didn't slap that child silly with all that flab."
The world is not perfect and I am imperfect in it. All in all, I like my imperfection on this side of WLS.
Blessings to all my gentle readers.
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My Life is a Backwards Country Song on July 21, 2011 5:04 pm
and that's a good thing. Here's the joke:
Q: What happens when you play a country song backwards?
A: You get your wife back. You get your job back. You get your dog back.....
I'm getting my life back and I love it!! It has be T-O-U-G-H these past few months. Transitions, by nature, are always hard. Since I separated from my husband, I've had to adjust to a great many things. There have been a lot of emotional roller coasters to ride.
Financially, it has been scary. A roller coaster would be preferable in that arena. However, I feel like I'm conquering some fears and facing the hard stuff in regards to my finances. My 2010 taxes were not filed and I was having trouble facing them, even though I'm set to get quite a good refund. I self-paid for my surgery, which will help with the refund. But, doing the taxes meant having to ask my soon-to-be ex for information and help, which I had already done and gotten only a half-hearted response. The tax refund would get me out of my current hole, but for some reason I just wasn't able to face it... until a couple of weeks ago. I just decided to break "The Taxes" into smaller tasks and to assign a date to get each task done. A week later, I turned in the information to the accountant. Woo hoo! It may seem like a small thing, but it was a huge victory for me.
Today, I went to two, count 'em, two banks to ask for help restructuring my debt. The news was not so great at the first bank, but the second bank is pretty promising. There is a solution out there and I am working toward it. After I get the debt restructured, I have someone who is going to help me with my monthly budget (which will be workable by then) to help me set goals and achieve the financial status I desire.
What does this have to do with weight loss? Everything. Taking stress out of my life, creating a financial plan, living within my means... all of it helps me to get free of head hunger and emotional eating.
I send blessings to all who read my blog. I am grateful for you. You inspire me to live a better life. I hope you are loving yours as much as I am loving mine right now.
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My Story I have been overweight all my life, but as an adult, I became obese, then morbidly obese. I do not feel my outside reflects who I am as a person. Being overweight has restrained me from completely fulfilling my dreams. That stops now.
It took me a long time and numerous diet failures to come to the decision to have weight loss surgery. Now that I have decided to have this procedure, I feel a quiet confidence that I can achieve the weight loss I so desire. Moreover, I believe it will finally be possible to maintain it.
I'm a wife, a mom of two boys, and a cancer survivor. Having faced down breast cancer, I feel empowered and ready to live my life looking as good as I feel. With a mutation on the BRCA2 (breast cancer/ovarian cancer) gene, I know that I will spend the rest of my life fighting cancer. My WLS is part of that fight. Right now, I am ahead with a good game plan for keeping myself healthy and cancer free.
I am enjoying growing smaller. I am avoiding negative people who neither understand my battle, nor my pain. I am glad to find this community where sharing my weight does not raise eyebrows (or if it does, I can't see it) and my experiences are familiar. Thanks for joining me on this journey. My best wishes to you as you become your true, authentic self. That's what I'm working on.