How do you begin to believe you can reach goal?

I have been struggling since the beginning of my journey to actually believe i could get to a weight that would be normal, at least in my own eyes. I lost over 100 lbs but that was mainly the surgery. i've had periods of clean eating with minimal sugar intake and lower carb but i always go off my diet. I've been lucky in that i haven't gained any weight back but I am not where I want to be. I have a major mental block in place and i'm not sure how to work through it.

any suggestions?

First of all you need to get over the idea that you can eat perfectly or that you even should! If you could have done that you would not have needed wls. Forgive yourself for being human and move on.

Your goal is to simply develop an eating plan that you can live with for the rest of your life, since obesity is a chronic disease and can't be cured, only put into remission. If we try to do things absolutely perfectly we will fail. It is tough, but you can do it. Find out what works for you and do that and allow occasional variances. You don't even have to do it all at once. I never could before and I know I can't now, but that is fine. We are learning new habits and it takes time. Work with your tool and make these new habits personal.

If anyone says they eat cleanly all the time without fail they are either lying or have just started. As we go on we all stray from our original path. We need to allow for these variances or we will get so frustrated we will give up. It is not an all or nothing thing anymore. That is why all my previous attempts at dieting and maintenance failed.

Good luck, Sue

Hi Nicole...

                  I agree with Sue...be kind to yourself...Congrats on your 100 lbs weight loss...Awesome!!  I have days myself where I tend to stray and Im sure most people do at times too....I believe "Everything in Moderation" is my motto!!  Good Luck and hang in there!!!!

                                          

I'd suggest to take the mindset to be "in a happy place" where you are at.  Set mini goals for the next week or two.  Support meetings may be a part of the recipe to get to the best place for you. Not every one gets to that "MAGICAL GOAL" they initally believe they can reach. Any wt loss surgery will only get some wt loss, not 100% of any excess wt.  I started at 365, got down to 186 at 2 years but felt weak and my complexion looked "pasty".  At 205 I feel much stronger and my complexion looks normal.  Yes, it would be nice to be the lower wt, but I really didn't like the way I felt. So I'm in a happy place where I am. DAVE

 not sure what you are asking here, I clicked on to say I didn't believe all the way down and I still have trouble believing but approaching my 3 year anniversary and being at goal for almost 2 years I guess maybe "practice" is the answer. if you don't believe? pretend you do - monitor self talk about practice saying nice things about yourself.

sounds cheesey but so what. I like cheese!  

do you believe you need to stay "on a diet" ?  are you not at goal or not close? do you gain if you add small amounts of healthy carbs?

Focus on one goal at a time, and that certainly isnt your ultimate goal. In some cases, we don't have total control over where our body wants to be - if you are talking about a certain small range.

When I started out, I had 250 lbs to lose to get to a normal BMI. If I constanty reminded myself that i had to lose 250 freaking lbs, I'd just give up because it seems impossible. I rarely ever think about my ultimate goal -so as far as believing whether or not I'll ever end up there - not really an issue.

Can I lose 5-10 lbs? Sure, Can I convince myself and absolutely believe I can do that ? Yep. Do I believe that I can go to the gym 5 times a week? Yep. Do I believe that I can increase my fitness level by working out? Yep. Do I believe I can avoid junk food and trigger food for a week? Yep. the main thing for me is not putting all my eggs in the scale basket - I cannot sit around and wait for the scale to give me the reinforcement I need - I have to focus on the other things.

I focus on the small things that are 100% within my control. And that's where I get my confidence from. I have no idea if I'll ever reach a normal BMI, but as long as I'm trying my best, that's really all I can ask of myself right now.

Nicole, normal is in the eye of the beholder. You have always looked fantastic, and very normal, to me. One is better being healthy than stressing to be "normal". Are you healthy? If you are healthy then you are normal. If not then you need to work harder at sticking to the plan. I have put on a few pounds since my surgery, but recently I began eating better and cutting carbs and have begun losing again. Hugs.

Hi Nicole,

 I noticed that you had your surgery a year before me.  And your question is one that I have struggled with as well.  There was the surgeon's goal for me (150) and my goal for me (115).  I am, on average, 15 pounds lower than the surgeon's goal, but I have not gotten below 130 for more than a few days at a time. 

So, I decided that since this is really about health, I needed to take inventory of where I am. 

LOOKS: I like how I look, I can get around like I would like and can buy cute clothes. FOOD AND FEELING:  But when I restrict enough to get there, I am miserable and really don't look so great.  I don't feel great when I get above 140. 

So, I decided that I need to eat "well", period.  I need to exercise daily, period (I have become an exercise junkie, it's true).  I weigh regularly; i study recipes and plan my menus; but this is what I need to do to feel healthy.   115 would be so cool to reach, but FEELING GOOD is the real point.  I have decided to refuse to let a number on the scale ruin my outlook or health through self-talk or changes in behavior.  If I get to 115, great.  If not, I still feel terrific!

I hope you find peace with this issue ... it can really knock us for a loop.

Janice