anonymouslyobese

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Well today is my one week bandiversarry.  I am finding myself getting sad that I can't have food.  I suppose it is mostly because food is something I used to enjoy and now I can't have it.  Not only can I not have it, but I'm sorta worried about the fact that I threw up medicine one day and bean soup I ate too quickly another day... so I've resigned myself to wait until my dr okays real food, even soft food.  Plus he's out of town so I get to wait three more weeks to see him.  So I have to wait a long time and I am having a hard time getting all my calories in without food.  I guess it's not very enticing to drink a shake again.  

Plus I got on my Wii and it encourages you to do you body test every day even though I had intended only to weigh in once a week.  It has said I lost at least a half pound everyday, but today it said I gained two pounds.  I was so upset!  I keep reminding myself that it's probably water weight or girlie time weight... but it's still like... here I am not eating anything and probably getting in about 600 calories since the surgery and not even losing weight?  How can that even be possible?  I used to eat more than 600 calories in a meal!  Oh well, I decided even if the Wii wants me to, I'm skipping the body test except on Saturdays, my weigh in day.  That way I won't have to deal with the small normal fluctuations making me sadder.  Missing food is bad enough! 

However, I do feel even better, just itchy from dryness and healing.  So, I"m going to just keep reminding myself why I got the band.  I want to be healthy; I want to have babies; I want to fit in a real wedding dress (plus sized is fine, just a real one), and I want to walk around without people acting like I"m some sort of circus freak.  All those things are worth the sadness of missing a little food and the ups and downs of weight loss.  Yay for those things I want... you will be mine!  Today is but a blip in the long road.  :) 

Okay, so yesterday when I sat down to eat my dinner of bean soup I just ate it.  I thought it's soup.  Actually assumed it was soup and didn't think about it at all.  Weeeeell, it is not the same as liquid because it's thicker than water!  I wish I had been thinking about it, but I didn't and I ate it too fast and it came back up.  When food comes back up it's pretty icky.  Then I felt pretty dumb for messing up already after I had only been with it for 5 days.  

But, I learned!  Today I took a much smaller amount in the first place, and then I ate it really slowly.  It stayed down fine and made me full.  It's weird but I still don't feel the terrible hunger pangs that other people talk about before they get filled... maybe it's because it's still pretty early.  Or maybe I get to be lucky for once!  Well, I'm glad I learned some and hopefully everything will go alright for the next few days.  :) 

Still doing my Wii Fit Plus and things are going well.  I can't wait until my incisions are healed so I can take a bath, but there is very little else to complain about!  :D  Going to the dr on Thursday to check my lungs from the asthma episode, and then work should be starting again on Monday.  I'm kind of nervous about going back to work, but I'm sure it will work out ok.  :)   

I wonder if I should continue to number my days.  It seems kinda weird, but we'll see.  Today was the best day yet.  I went to the grocery store with my man to buy ingredients to make a soup I took from someone on this site.  My bf drove and I was careful.  I did feel a little dizzy and tired after but I put the oxygen on and played a little on the computer.  

Then, I cooked!  I made soup of course, since I'm still on the liquid diet.  I made a black bean soup and then I pureed it so there were no bits, even though the bits were soft enough to eat.  I think I like it better pureed because it makes it a slightly thicker soup but it tastes the same.  I just learned today that I love the spice cumin.  It's so good and makes me think of chili.  I only took a taste so I can eat it for dinner with my bf when he gets home.  He said he would eat it even though he doesn't like soup.  I didn't puree his, but I think he might end up doing it anyway later because he likes thicker soup too.  Who cares if it looks like brown goo if it tastes awesome, eh? :)   Plus I have four servings besides the one I set aside for him so that's awesome too!  It'll probably last me four days I think, including today.  

I still have to exercise today and I will.  I have been getting up and whatnot and I found making the soup a little tiring for my back which I am using, compensating for my tummy.  It is hilarious to see how often I normally was just ignoring my belly now that I have to be all careful!  I go to do dishes, I press my belly against the sink, and oops, ow!  Then I reach for a cup, oops, ow belly.  I tried brushed my teeth earlier, and oops, ow.  No wonder the one incision site is all irritated (yes I checked, it's not infected, just annoyed at me for not paying attention).  :)   So I keep trying to catch myself.  Hopefully soon I'll catch more before the twinge reminds me!  Poor boo boo.  It was a nice day.  Maybe I'll actually grade some of the papers that are teasing me on my desk.  Or maybe I'll wait for them for tomorrow.  Next up, relax for about an hour and then exercise is on the menu. 

Today is better.  Everyday is better!  I can get used to every day being better than the last!  Today I have almost no soreness on my body which has left me able to feel my tummy better.  My tummy is a little sore after all, and more sore after I exercise although I've been trying to make sure not to exersize the tummy muscles themselves just yet.  I did some strength training and some step for 10 min, went for a walk and did some extra wii strength training.  I feel guilty if I don't exercise, which is maybe good to keep me doing it.  

I do think there is a possibility that my one incision in the front is infected.  It hurts a little and it's red around it.  It doesn't hurt around it though and it's still itchy.  The rest aren't red around them and they look really good.  They all itch, which I think is healing.  Tomorrow morning I'm calling my Dr. and asking him what he wants me to do.  I can't see him though until at least Thursday because I was told not to drive  until at least then and he's 1.5 hours away.  Even if it is, antibiotics should fix me so I'm not too worried.  

They used this stuff called dermaband or something like that to seal my incisions and I love it.  Last time I had staples, which came out and my skin popped open (from the gall bladder surgery) and that was icky and scary.  This stuff seems pretty awesome. Yay for no staples!  I can't wait to see how much even better I feel tomorrow. :) 

Today I woke up and the soreness is soooo TOLERABLE!  Yay!  I am thrilled because I am going to try to visit my family and niece at my mom's house.  I can't drive yet and need to bring the oxygen with me but I'm just happy to get out of the house and to be able to get up and down without wanting to cry or feeling scared of moving my legs! 

After investigation, It seems my whole body soreness is due to me panicking in the hospital after having my first asthma attack.  I apparently tightened every muscle even in my sleep!  My mom said she kept making me relax my hand but I would just tense back up while I was asleep.  So, this muscle soreness  (which is worse than the little pain of my tummy) is totally abnormal (like me! lol) but should get better pretty fast now.  The more I move and then when I sleep it seems to heal more.  So I think trying to visit my niece at my mom's is awesome.  

I was pretty physically miserable, but I'm finally feeling so much better.  Now I can start to feel more excited about the days in front of me.  

I was noticing though, that everytime I eat my shake I feel like lots of air has to escape. I burp a lot, but it's not like a normal gassy burp, it's just air escaping.  I wonder if that is normal.  
 

Well, I was scared and I had reason to be.  I didn't even know I had asthma and that after the surgery was over I had an attack and was just barely awake enough to see all the people in the OR freaking out.  I know this is not normal, so no one else be worried it will happen to you.  First of all I'm one of the bigger people I've seen on this site and second, if I had known I had developed asthma from my weight it probably wouldn't have happened that way.  It was scary and they ended up giving me lots of extra drugs because they were trying to make sure I could breathe.  Then I was allergic to something to boot so I actually spend the entire first day high on way too many drugs.  They put a catheder in me and wouldn't let me out of bed.  I slept so much I wasn't able to eat anything either.  

The next day I finally started to feel better.  I guess between the attack and the drugs I managed to make my ENTIRE body super sore.  My tummy pain minimal unless I twist or move in a way I"m not supposed to on accident.  I only took the meds twice total, and one because the nurse said my blood pressure was up because I was in pain so stop ignoring it and take the meds.  I was so sore though when they finally took me out of bed.  I was relieved to getup anyway though, because my body wanted to move.  I skipped phase one and had my phase 2 breakfast of shake and tea (they gave me jello but eeeeew!).  Then I sat for a while, moved a little more, slept more, and had lunch and finally got to leave after about 2pm.  They made me go home with oxygen though as they are concerned I don't get enough especially when I move around.  

Today is the second day after my surgery. It was hard to sleep so I slept on my couch with a pillow protecting my tummy from my loving cats.  (Good thing too!).  Some of the soreness of every muscle is starting to get better but it's still very much there and it is far more annoying than the little pains of my tummy.  I think that is probably a positive for most people though, that your tummy won't hurt too badly!  :)  Tomorrow my family is having a small party to see my niece and I really wanted to go, but I"m gonna need to be able to move more if I can make it and i'll have to drag the oxygen tank with me.  I don't want to scare the children, but it might also remind them not to jump on me!  

After my surgery all of my doctors involved saw tons of things wrong with me, I have a giant liver, I have asthma brought on by weight, etc.  But they all said that they were glad I got the band because it's going to help me get over all these unhealthy physical anomolies so that I can live a much healthier happier life.  So I'm glad I did it too.  I just can't wait not to be so sore in my arms and legs and chest and wrists... :)   Even more than I can't wait to be able to eat real (though healthy) food! 

Okay, I finally lost enough pre-surgery weight to be able to use the Wii Fit my mom bought me for Hannukah last December.  I also am finally over my cough, not perfectly, but enough to try to exercise.  So last night I tried the Wii Fit Plus for the first time.  OMG Yoga is hard!  It has Yoga, Strength Training, Aerobics and many games to play to practice balance and to exercise.  Some of them got my heart pumping more than others, but it counts the minutes you spend actually working out and I made my 30 minutes.  I needed some rest in between because I am sooooo out of shape, but it's pretty fun... well at least for exercise.  It will do for now, and later maybe I'll add some harder things within it to a regular walking.  Since I'm getting married in August I really want to drop enough weight to fit into at least a plus size dress that isn't special order or something, just tailored to fit!  Have to keep thinking about that motivation and the fact I need to be healthy so we can have kids in a few years.  

Anyway, being able to use the Wii was my first achieved goal, which I did not do on my own before the surgery was scheduled, but I did after.  So... Yay me!    Wow, there are a lot of smileys to choose from!  

Countdown:  Surgery the day after tomorrow.  Gotta keep trying to calm myself down from panicking.  Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean...

J

I thought I did so much research about the band and the bypass before all this finally is almost about to come to fruition.  I am seeing really negative comments for the first time.  I know that that band is going to be harder than the bypass because I have to rely on myself some in order to be able to do it.  They all really can be gained back from; I know because an old friend's mom had the bypass and gained all the weight back.  I don't like hearing about the potential for more massive heartburn.  On the bright side, not everyone is having that problem, so maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones.  Also, I already have acid reflux so I guess it would only mean I would be in the same place I already am in.  

The sleeve sounds good too, but it's more similar to the bypass to me and though I may have a foriegn object in my body I prefer not to do anything more risky if I don't have to.  I am scared enough about this surgery as it is.  Okay, now that I thought about it "aloud" again I think I did make the right choice.  If it goes wrong in the end I can still always do the sleeve or bypass then.  I prefer to think that this will be just as much help as I need and things can just go wonderfully.  I can't believe it's already going to be the day after the day after tomorrow.  Eek!  So excited and anxious.  

I had my last pre-op appointment today.  My doctor was running late so I chatted with some people in the lobby while I waited.  Even though it takes me a ridiculous 2.5 hours to get home due to traffic I was in a good mood.  I have been able to take the liquid diet okay though I do miss real food of course, even healthy food!  I keep going back and forth between being excited and being terrified.  Too bad I can't be on an even keel.  However, I have to get my blood taken tomorrow and then it's just my surgery on Wednesday.  I can't wait to be able to sleep again (boo, sleep apnea!).