Things that make you go hmmm...
Oct 09, 2009So here I sit almost 4 1/2 mos. since surgery. Like I said in my last blog, now the real work is beginning. My weight was at 160lbs. at my nut appt. on Tuesday and I'm still sitting in my sz. 12s and a few 14s. It's nice to have been able to wear the same pants for quite awhile now, but dammit I want to wear some 10s! I know it will come in time though.
So I had this sad happy surreal realization moment during my nut appt. I saw my "official" before picture. I'd never seen it before and it was taken when I was about 10lbs. down from my highest. My jaw dropped, I was sad for the girl in the picture, happy for the girl in the chair, and wondering which is the real me?! I remember getting dressed that day to go to the consult, I remember thinking I looked good, I did not look good in that picture. I need to get a copy of it because it affected me so deeply, and all of my progress pics started after I had lost 40 some odd pounds on my own. I saw how far I had come, but in the mirror I see how far I have to go. So now I think, even at 76 lbs. less, when I think I'm dressed up and look good, do I? Or do other people see now - what I see in the picture then? Does that make sense to anyone but me?
On a happier note, I started a running program. I'm doing the Couch to 5K program and I'm just starting week 3 tomorrow or Sunday when I get to the gym next. I'm just so amazed that I can actually jog and can't wait to do a real 5k in the spring. This is something I never thought I'd do, but I have such a feeling of accomplishment when I get off the treadmill after completing my session. I'm looking forward to a lot of those "I can't believe I just did that" moments!
I have a couple of trips coming up too. I'm going to the OH conference in Rye in two weeks, and going to a family wedding in NJ in 4 weeks. I haven't seen most of my husband's family in about 2 years, so seeing me should be a big shock. I don't plan on telling anyone I had surgery, some of them would be the type to make the "easy way out" comments. My MIL and FIL know, but have been sworn to secrecy. I have a dress, but I might get something more fabulous, we'll see. I was hoping to lose another size before then, but I'm just breaking about a 2+ week stall, so we'll see what happens.
Out for now...
Sep 27, 2008