Pam Hart
New Decade Challenge
Jan 03, 2010
So at the turn of the new decade, a good friend on the pa forum wrote about her past decade. It was a reflection on where she's been, where she is now, how she got to where she is. It also focused on the areas of successing she has seen, and also what areas need focus in now, some of them, more than ever. She challenged us to do the same, so here it goes.
Jan 2000 I was starting my second semester in Bloomsburg University studying to be a teacher for the hearing impaired. The ONLY thing I had ever wanted to do - and was shocked to learn I wasn't fond of the curriculum and couldn't see myself doing it as a career. I also was in the middle of a "relationship" which included being engaged (a ring and everything) I use the term in quotes, though, because from start to finish (first date, to engagement, to break up) was a whopping 9 mos, and was not a good relationship. Although not abusive towards me, he lacked any sort of motivation, failed out of school, was on welfare and perfectly HAPPY being on welfare, and was attempting to "teach me" how to "go through the system" so "you don't have to pay for anything" Directly OPPOSITE of how I had been raised. Also started experimenting with tattoos, started smoking, and although heavy most of my life, had lost a lot the last year of HS and began regaining all of it plus some.
May 2000 - finished my second semester, withdrew from college, moved back home. Began immediately working full time as an EMT for a local company while also maintaining my status as a volunteer EMT with my home squad. Ended the relationship previously mentioned shortly after being at home. Did not enroll in any local school as I had no idea what I should do.
Nov 2000 - Began a relationship with my now husband, which turned quite serious quite fast. A bit of a struggle at first with my parents as he was almost 9 years older than me...and a 19 year old dating a 27/28 year old is a bit much. Started working two full time jobs.
Jan 2001 Began enrollment process for school - local community college. Needed some pre req classes in order to qualify for their nursing program Still dating Brian, still happy there.
Fall 2001 - Started classes. Also still working two jobs, very stressed, very little time. Not taking care of myself. Left the volunteer status of the ambulance corps.
2002 Year finishing up all my pre req classes. Brian's home life is awful, his mom was on and off some drugs and in and out of therapy. I was basically living there due to working. Ended up getting our own place for the first time. HUGE adjustments between working, school, and maintaining an apartment. The whole year is a whirwind in all honesty.
Fall 2003: Ended up leaving the ambulance company - started working in an ER which is a totally different ball game. Also started my first semester of actual nursing classes. More time needed, clinicals, a lot more stress. LOTS of weight gain and constantly feeling helpless and out of control
Late 2003 Moved to a different place, this time a small house which was, in all honesty, a piece of crap. I didn't care about it...and it showed. It was constantly "dirty" looking even though we did attempt to clean. Brian PROPOSED on my 22nd birthday in front of my whole family at my birthday party on Dec 13, 2003. WOW!
2004: Planning a wedding for fall of 2005. Still in a horrendous school/work situation. I remember clearly coming home to a picture frame on my pillow of a photo of Brian and I with a hand written note: This is so you remember what I look like. We lived together, but almost never saw each other. Brian was in and out of work, financially we began to spiral down hill. Also continuing to have problems with his parents Again, a stressful year without much enjoyment in it at all
2005: Spring: Was supposed to have graduated nursing school, but failed the semester. The first time EVER I had failed anything, let alone a semester. Was temporarily devestated, but was also relieved. I now had an "excuse" to be home. I didn't go out much, except for work. The weight was becoming an issue and after working I was almost always very achey and out and out HURTING. Many a day I came home in tears.
September 2005: Despite my family and my teachers pleading, re entered school to finish the semester. The wedding was planned and could not be cancelled, for Nov 19, 2005 Which put me getting married smack dab in the middle of 12 hour clinical over night shifts, last semester of school, full time work, and the holidays. I would not be deterred, however
NOVEMBER 19 2005: GOT MARRIED. By far one of the happiest days in my life, although the dress was a bit snug, and I had on compression garments to help combat that.
DECEMBER 2005: GRADUATED nursing school with a B average this time around!
April 2006: Passed nursing boards and began working as a nurse in the ER. Even though I knew everyone and what not, it was a HUGE adjustment. I wanted to do better quicker. I wanted to be efficient when I wasn't. I wanted to know all the answers. I didn't. Book smart and ER smart = two different worlds. I was very angry with myself very often even though some of the most seasoned nurses in the ER said that they had not seen a new grad "pick it up" like I had. I still felt very inadequate. Also found out in sumer of 2006 I was to big for some of the rides at Great adventure, rock bottom for me. But not rock bottom enough at that time, as when I couldn't fit, I went to the nearest stand and got deep fried butterfly fries with cheesesauce.
Jan 2007: Began doing hard research on WLS Highest weight on record was 235 but I'm sure I was closer to 250. I was chronically hypertensive, generally depressed, had joint changes, and was being considered for bipap. Still working nights, still coming home crying in pain. Consult Jan 30 at Barix clinics. Ended up being a last minute appointment due to a cancellation, so Brian couldn't come with me.
September 2007: Had finished all my insurance stuff, got approved, got a surgery date, and went to PATs. Diagnosed there with hypothyroidism, surgery cancelled until meds could correct the problem. Again - devestated - and again - left PATs and went to Red Robin where I managed to consume appetizers, drinks, and a huge greasy bacon cheeseburger. Now, THERE'S dedication for you.
October 30 2007: Thyroid successfully corrected with meds, surgery 10/30/07 My husband was by my side the entire time. I became nervous for the first time as we pulled into the parking lot. I actually asked him "do I have to go in" and I'll never forget his response. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'm in love with you, I've always been in love with you, and I will always BE in love with you. Your weight doesn't matter to me, and you weren't doing this for me. If you don't want to go in, I will turn this car around right now and take you home" Obviously, I went in. He spent the whole day in the hospital with me, and the whole next day as well, with a 90 minute commute back and forth to home in between. His favorite day of the year - Halloween - and he spent it watching me dry heave in a hospital bed and walk countless laps around the nurses station. AMAZING support.
Spring 2008: Began to feel less satisfied with my career. I was working in a small community hospital where I had started working back after leaving the ambulance corps. It seemed to be the "same old same old" every day and I found myself wanting more. Now I was physically able to DO more and I wanted it! I was constantly going, doing something, seeing someone, going to amusement parks, the whole nine. Hubby and I had previously discussed pa as an option....but we weren't sure.
Fall 2008: Thanks to a contact on the pa forum, got an interview at LVH Cedar Crest - my number one choice of employers if we were to move to pa. Had initial contact, interview, and HIRE date within 2 weeks. We now had 6 weeks to let our current land lord know we were moving, find a place out in Pa, and MOVE. Drama ensued with Brian's parents who tried valiently to keep us in Pa
Nov 2008: Moved to pa, started working at LVH and had a HUGE adjustment problem. Brian left for a few days after an argument. I have never felt so alone in my whole life. New apartment, new job, no family, no husband....I'm not proud of it, but that week I spent many nights drunk by myself. This coming from someone who didn't drink pre op, and doesn't drink very often now....but I couldn't eat....I couldn't talk to people....so I drank in order to go to sleep in my new apartment, scared, by myself without knowing when, or if, my husband was coming home, as he refused to return phone calls or emails. Also going through the same emotions I went through when I first became a nurse. I felt I was inadequate for this new job, it was so much different than what I had been exposed to. The diseases were the same...but the treatments were slightly different, it was HUGE (50 beds vs my previous 14 beds), and they were all computerized. My time management sucked because I was trying to learn computer documentation and I constantly felt behind. I was a big fish in a little pond at my old hospital - and here I am a very small fish in a damn ocean. Terrified.
2009: "Finding myself" I really don't put up with a lot of BS from anyone anymore. I realize I am worth it, and so is my husband. I've gotten into a few fights with people who used to be close to me - and they are no longer in my life. We continue to have problems with my in laws and it is becoming more and more obvious that Brian and I may need to make some tough choices in the next couple of years. Right now we are attempting to set up, and KEEP boundaries and ground rules for them to allow us to live our lives and not them to be constantly involved and mother hen-ish. We have friends who initially I met through just online who are now like family to us. Couldn't imagine living without them. My social calendar is very full, as is my work schedule. I ended up going back to the small hospital where I worked. It began as a comfort measure...somewhere that I didn't feel inadequate. Somewhere that people knew my name. And now...it's more of a frustration. I am surprised to learn how much I have learned, and how much intolerance I have for so many things. Not that it's a bad thing - it's just different. My time commuting back and forth is slowly dwindling, and I suspect will cease very soon. I no longer need that "crutch" to feel good about myself.
2010 has a lot to look forward too. Hopefully a new house, and perhaps a pregnancy if all works well. We haven't had much luck in that department - but when the time is right, I'm sure we will be blessed. We do want to move, probably the end of this year when our lease is up. Further west. More rural, less chaotic and industrialized. More Pennsylvania, less NJ
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Jan 2000 I was starting my second semester in Bloomsburg University studying to be a teacher for the hearing impaired. The ONLY thing I had ever wanted to do - and was shocked to learn I wasn't fond of the curriculum and couldn't see myself doing it as a career. I also was in the middle of a "relationship" which included being engaged (a ring and everything) I use the term in quotes, though, because from start to finish (first date, to engagement, to break up) was a whopping 9 mos, and was not a good relationship. Although not abusive towards me, he lacked any sort of motivation, failed out of school, was on welfare and perfectly HAPPY being on welfare, and was attempting to "teach me" how to "go through the system" so "you don't have to pay for anything" Directly OPPOSITE of how I had been raised. Also started experimenting with tattoos, started smoking, and although heavy most of my life, had lost a lot the last year of HS and began regaining all of it plus some.
May 2000 - finished my second semester, withdrew from college, moved back home. Began immediately working full time as an EMT for a local company while also maintaining my status as a volunteer EMT with my home squad. Ended the relationship previously mentioned shortly after being at home. Did not enroll in any local school as I had no idea what I should do.
Nov 2000 - Began a relationship with my now husband, which turned quite serious quite fast. A bit of a struggle at first with my parents as he was almost 9 years older than me...and a 19 year old dating a 27/28 year old is a bit much. Started working two full time jobs.
Jan 2001 Began enrollment process for school - local community college. Needed some pre req classes in order to qualify for their nursing program Still dating Brian, still happy there.
Fall 2001 - Started classes. Also still working two jobs, very stressed, very little time. Not taking care of myself. Left the volunteer status of the ambulance corps.
2002 Year finishing up all my pre req classes. Brian's home life is awful, his mom was on and off some drugs and in and out of therapy. I was basically living there due to working. Ended up getting our own place for the first time. HUGE adjustments between working, school, and maintaining an apartment. The whole year is a whirwind in all honesty.
Fall 2003: Ended up leaving the ambulance company - started working in an ER which is a totally different ball game. Also started my first semester of actual nursing classes. More time needed, clinicals, a lot more stress. LOTS of weight gain and constantly feeling helpless and out of control
Late 2003 Moved to a different place, this time a small house which was, in all honesty, a piece of crap. I didn't care about it...and it showed. It was constantly "dirty" looking even though we did attempt to clean. Brian PROPOSED on my 22nd birthday in front of my whole family at my birthday party on Dec 13, 2003. WOW!
2004: Planning a wedding for fall of 2005. Still in a horrendous school/work situation. I remember clearly coming home to a picture frame on my pillow of a photo of Brian and I with a hand written note: This is so you remember what I look like. We lived together, but almost never saw each other. Brian was in and out of work, financially we began to spiral down hill. Also continuing to have problems with his parents Again, a stressful year without much enjoyment in it at all
2005: Spring: Was supposed to have graduated nursing school, but failed the semester. The first time EVER I had failed anything, let alone a semester. Was temporarily devestated, but was also relieved. I now had an "excuse" to be home. I didn't go out much, except for work. The weight was becoming an issue and after working I was almost always very achey and out and out HURTING. Many a day I came home in tears.
September 2005: Despite my family and my teachers pleading, re entered school to finish the semester. The wedding was planned and could not be cancelled, for Nov 19, 2005 Which put me getting married smack dab in the middle of 12 hour clinical over night shifts, last semester of school, full time work, and the holidays. I would not be deterred, however
NOVEMBER 19 2005: GOT MARRIED. By far one of the happiest days in my life, although the dress was a bit snug, and I had on compression garments to help combat that.
DECEMBER 2005: GRADUATED nursing school with a B average this time around!
April 2006: Passed nursing boards and began working as a nurse in the ER. Even though I knew everyone and what not, it was a HUGE adjustment. I wanted to do better quicker. I wanted to be efficient when I wasn't. I wanted to know all the answers. I didn't. Book smart and ER smart = two different worlds. I was very angry with myself very often even though some of the most seasoned nurses in the ER said that they had not seen a new grad "pick it up" like I had. I still felt very inadequate. Also found out in sumer of 2006 I was to big for some of the rides at Great adventure, rock bottom for me. But not rock bottom enough at that time, as when I couldn't fit, I went to the nearest stand and got deep fried butterfly fries with cheesesauce.
Jan 2007: Began doing hard research on WLS Highest weight on record was 235 but I'm sure I was closer to 250. I was chronically hypertensive, generally depressed, had joint changes, and was being considered for bipap. Still working nights, still coming home crying in pain. Consult Jan 30 at Barix clinics. Ended up being a last minute appointment due to a cancellation, so Brian couldn't come with me.
September 2007: Had finished all my insurance stuff, got approved, got a surgery date, and went to PATs. Diagnosed there with hypothyroidism, surgery cancelled until meds could correct the problem. Again - devestated - and again - left PATs and went to Red Robin where I managed to consume appetizers, drinks, and a huge greasy bacon cheeseburger. Now, THERE'S dedication for you.
October 30 2007: Thyroid successfully corrected with meds, surgery 10/30/07 My husband was by my side the entire time. I became nervous for the first time as we pulled into the parking lot. I actually asked him "do I have to go in" and I'll never forget his response. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'm in love with you, I've always been in love with you, and I will always BE in love with you. Your weight doesn't matter to me, and you weren't doing this for me. If you don't want to go in, I will turn this car around right now and take you home" Obviously, I went in. He spent the whole day in the hospital with me, and the whole next day as well, with a 90 minute commute back and forth to home in between. His favorite day of the year - Halloween - and he spent it watching me dry heave in a hospital bed and walk countless laps around the nurses station. AMAZING support.
Spring 2008: Began to feel less satisfied with my career. I was working in a small community hospital where I had started working back after leaving the ambulance corps. It seemed to be the "same old same old" every day and I found myself wanting more. Now I was physically able to DO more and I wanted it! I was constantly going, doing something, seeing someone, going to amusement parks, the whole nine. Hubby and I had previously discussed pa as an option....but we weren't sure.
Fall 2008: Thanks to a contact on the pa forum, got an interview at LVH Cedar Crest - my number one choice of employers if we were to move to pa. Had initial contact, interview, and HIRE date within 2 weeks. We now had 6 weeks to let our current land lord know we were moving, find a place out in Pa, and MOVE. Drama ensued with Brian's parents who tried valiently to keep us in Pa
Nov 2008: Moved to pa, started working at LVH and had a HUGE adjustment problem. Brian left for a few days after an argument. I have never felt so alone in my whole life. New apartment, new job, no family, no husband....I'm not proud of it, but that week I spent many nights drunk by myself. This coming from someone who didn't drink pre op, and doesn't drink very often now....but I couldn't eat....I couldn't talk to people....so I drank in order to go to sleep in my new apartment, scared, by myself without knowing when, or if, my husband was coming home, as he refused to return phone calls or emails. Also going through the same emotions I went through when I first became a nurse. I felt I was inadequate for this new job, it was so much different than what I had been exposed to. The diseases were the same...but the treatments were slightly different, it was HUGE (50 beds vs my previous 14 beds), and they were all computerized. My time management sucked because I was trying to learn computer documentation and I constantly felt behind. I was a big fish in a little pond at my old hospital - and here I am a very small fish in a damn ocean. Terrified.
2009: "Finding myself" I really don't put up with a lot of BS from anyone anymore. I realize I am worth it, and so is my husband. I've gotten into a few fights with people who used to be close to me - and they are no longer in my life. We continue to have problems with my in laws and it is becoming more and more obvious that Brian and I may need to make some tough choices in the next couple of years. Right now we are attempting to set up, and KEEP boundaries and ground rules for them to allow us to live our lives and not them to be constantly involved and mother hen-ish. We have friends who initially I met through just online who are now like family to us. Couldn't imagine living without them. My social calendar is very full, as is my work schedule. I ended up going back to the small hospital where I worked. It began as a comfort measure...somewhere that I didn't feel inadequate. Somewhere that people knew my name. And now...it's more of a frustration. I am surprised to learn how much I have learned, and how much intolerance I have for so many things. Not that it's a bad thing - it's just different. My time commuting back and forth is slowly dwindling, and I suspect will cease very soon. I no longer need that "crutch" to feel good about myself.
2010 has a lot to look forward too. Hopefully a new house, and perhaps a pregnancy if all works well. We haven't had much luck in that department - but when the time is right, I'm sure we will be blessed. We do want to move, probably the end of this year when our lease is up. Further west. More rural, less chaotic and industrialized. More Pennsylvania, less NJ
Over 14 mos out!
Jan 06, 2009
Jimminey Christmas, where does time go? Speaking of which, we just celebrated the holidays, entered in 2009, and will shortly be swearing in our newest president of the US
Now....what has happened? Well I've been maintaining at around my goal weight since October. I saw Dr. Pupkova for my year follow up appointment...and she had nothing but positive things to say to me and about the "success" I have had thus far. IT was a fairly emotional meeting. There are before and after pics taken at Barix in my photo section. Simply amazing. Dr. Pupkova also "cleared" me to get pregnant - so how awesome is THAT one? Brian and I are loosely trying right now and if nothing happens, I plan on seriously starting to try in the summer time. Brian is of course nervous about it...but we'll figure it all out :)
I bounce between 125-130 generally speaking. Although I must admit I am a bit ridiculous when it comes to the numbers. I don't "mind" being at 127 or 128...but 129 and 130 really bother me and I use them as my "warning" numbers to really watch what I put in my mouth. On those bloated type days I definately go up around 132 and freak out. I need to learn to NOT to freak out over that.
The holidays definately offered their fair share of difficulties and challenges regarding eating. Yes, I did have a cookie or two and yes on occassion I had more than one and got sick off of it, or at least, nauscious, I should say. But I didn't gain anything and I'm happy with that.
Finally got back to a support group meeting seeing as though it has been since about September since I had been to one.
Oh...and of course, WE MOVED and I changed jobs. BIG BIG BIG time stress there but I made it through. We are now living in Easton, Pa and I work at Lehigh Valley Cedar Crest in Allentown. It is a HUGE hospital and takes a lot of getting used to -but I am starting to feel comfortable a little more each and every day. Soooo many people here say I have an accent? I don't hear it! Hubby thinks it's hysterical how worked up I get about it!! It's a big joke around here with me....
So I guess for now that's about it.
Talk to you soon! (maybe....)
Pam
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Now....what has happened? Well I've been maintaining at around my goal weight since October. I saw Dr. Pupkova for my year follow up appointment...and she had nothing but positive things to say to me and about the "success" I have had thus far. IT was a fairly emotional meeting. There are before and after pics taken at Barix in my photo section. Simply amazing. Dr. Pupkova also "cleared" me to get pregnant - so how awesome is THAT one? Brian and I are loosely trying right now and if nothing happens, I plan on seriously starting to try in the summer time. Brian is of course nervous about it...but we'll figure it all out :)
I bounce between 125-130 generally speaking. Although I must admit I am a bit ridiculous when it comes to the numbers. I don't "mind" being at 127 or 128...but 129 and 130 really bother me and I use them as my "warning" numbers to really watch what I put in my mouth. On those bloated type days I definately go up around 132 and freak out. I need to learn to NOT to freak out over that.
The holidays definately offered their fair share of difficulties and challenges regarding eating. Yes, I did have a cookie or two and yes on occassion I had more than one and got sick off of it, or at least, nauscious, I should say. But I didn't gain anything and I'm happy with that.
Finally got back to a support group meeting seeing as though it has been since about September since I had been to one.
Oh...and of course, WE MOVED and I changed jobs. BIG BIG BIG time stress there but I made it through. We are now living in Easton, Pa and I work at Lehigh Valley Cedar Crest in Allentown. It is a HUGE hospital and takes a lot of getting used to -but I am starting to feel comfortable a little more each and every day. Soooo many people here say I have an accent? I don't hear it! Hubby thinks it's hysterical how worked up I get about it!! It's a big joke around here with me....
So I guess for now that's about it.
Talk to you soon! (maybe....)
Pam
Updates
Aug 20, 2008
As usual - it's been awhile since I last entered a blog.
Let's see...what has happened? In mid July I was hospitalized with abdominal pain/nausea/vomiting. My local ER diagnosed me with a partial, or early, small bowel obstruction. After much difficulty, I was transferred to Barix by ambulance for an evaluation by Dr. Pupkova. I had gone to my ER at 10am - didn't get to Barix until 10pm. By that time, the obstruction had resolved itself. Thank goodness!!
A few weeks later it seemed that multiple members of both Brian's and I families were hospitalized for one reason or another. It was very trying to say the least. Brian was also in the ER for a back injury which was not fun either!!
This past weekend (8/16-8/18) Brian and I took a long weekend away to Baltimore Inner Harbor. It was soooo beautiful!! We had a great time and walked and walked and walked. I was amazed at how much I could do! Brian at one point said "wow - I'm really sore" and I realized that, hmmm, I wasn't. I had one instance with some back pain after walking all day - but a 20 minute swim in the hotel pool seemed to resolve that and I was back out walking the next HOUR. Whoo hoo!! It was warm there - bout 88 - but I wore jeans and wasn't sweating. That would have NEVER happened before!!
I am 9 1/2 months post op. I struggle with food choices as lately all I seem to want is carbs. Today I had a lot of them - and got sick off them - which is probably a good thing. I really need to focus!! I have been hanging anywhere between 130 and 133. I'd really like to see 128 as Dr. P and the nuts have suggested. But really - my ultimate goal is to maintain at 130. I am wearing a size 2/4 depending on the cute and style of the clothes, have lots of energy and so on. I really am happy with my weight loss. So happy in fact, that I got my "goal weight" tattoo. It came out soooo awesome! It took a total of a little over 5 hours to do - in two separate sessions. One was 2 hours, one was 3 hours. It's just now healing decently, and it has been almost two weeks since my last appointment. It got real flaky and nasty looking for awhile there, but most of that has seemed to clear. There are pics on my profile!!
The other thing I need to start doing is hitting the weights pretty hard. I've been slacking in that department and understand that it's the only way I will have the muscle tone I'd really like. I just need to formulate a plan for it.
Well - it's off to work for me now, so that's about it. Summed up two very busy months in just a few paragraphs - there's more that has happened - but the details aren't needed!
Let's see...what has happened? In mid July I was hospitalized with abdominal pain/nausea/vomiting. My local ER diagnosed me with a partial, or early, small bowel obstruction. After much difficulty, I was transferred to Barix by ambulance for an evaluation by Dr. Pupkova. I had gone to my ER at 10am - didn't get to Barix until 10pm. By that time, the obstruction had resolved itself. Thank goodness!!
A few weeks later it seemed that multiple members of both Brian's and I families were hospitalized for one reason or another. It was very trying to say the least. Brian was also in the ER for a back injury which was not fun either!!
This past weekend (8/16-8/18) Brian and I took a long weekend away to Baltimore Inner Harbor. It was soooo beautiful!! We had a great time and walked and walked and walked. I was amazed at how much I could do! Brian at one point said "wow - I'm really sore" and I realized that, hmmm, I wasn't. I had one instance with some back pain after walking all day - but a 20 minute swim in the hotel pool seemed to resolve that and I was back out walking the next HOUR. Whoo hoo!! It was warm there - bout 88 - but I wore jeans and wasn't sweating. That would have NEVER happened before!!
I am 9 1/2 months post op. I struggle with food choices as lately all I seem to want is carbs. Today I had a lot of them - and got sick off them - which is probably a good thing. I really need to focus!! I have been hanging anywhere between 130 and 133. I'd really like to see 128 as Dr. P and the nuts have suggested. But really - my ultimate goal is to maintain at 130. I am wearing a size 2/4 depending on the cute and style of the clothes, have lots of energy and so on. I really am happy with my weight loss. So happy in fact, that I got my "goal weight" tattoo. It came out soooo awesome! It took a total of a little over 5 hours to do - in two separate sessions. One was 2 hours, one was 3 hours. It's just now healing decently, and it has been almost two weeks since my last appointment. It got real flaky and nasty looking for awhile there, but most of that has seemed to clear. There are pics on my profile!!
The other thing I need to start doing is hitting the weights pretty hard. I've been slacking in that department and understand that it's the only way I will have the muscle tone I'd really like. I just need to formulate a plan for it.
Well - it's off to work for me now, so that's about it. Summed up two very busy months in just a few paragraphs - there's more that has happened - but the details aren't needed!
Update
Jun 29, 2008
So that's my sexy little red dress I bought. It's from a catalog none the less - which I've never ordered from catalogs before - so I was pretty psyched. It's a size 4/6 which is pretty impressive.
Also as of this weekend I am down to 138 - my stall broke. I'm really hoping to get down to 135 before my appointment at Barix later this month - but like I've said before, if those numbers don't happen, I'll still be alright.
I'm fighting a bit of bronchitis right now - which means I'm banned from running the 5K but I can still walk it - so I will. I'm very excited about this whole week.
I start my vacation from work this week when I get off at 7am. Tuesday I start my new tattoo, Wednesday I start cooking for the bar b que, and Thursday afternoon we leave for HG and Andy's house. Sooo excited!
Have a good day!
Pam
WOW
Jun 18, 2008
Well, I can't believe it's been over two months since I've updated my blog. Bad Pammy!
I am at 141 right now. As is normal with my body - it refuses to move past that hump into the 130's. I have found every single time I'm getting ready to drop another "tens" position, I stall for a week or 3!
Last week was the 5 day pouch test. I did it just because I was finding myself sliding back into old habits - like eating to many carbs, grazing throughout the day, and drinking with my meals. I needed to catch myself early so that I didn't suddenly wake up one day and say "gee, I wonder where I went wrong" I have to keep myself accountable. Brian did it with me. Poor soul! It was hard enough going back to full liquids for ME, let along somebody with a full size stomach.
I did fairly well on it - especially considering I was also PMS-ing. Not an easy thing to do! Luckily, my little friend came the last day and all the water weight I was retaining dropped away with it.
I have officially begun the process to get my tattoo. I had said from the very beginning if I get down to my "goal" weight, I would get a celebratory tattoo. My goal weight according to those lovely (stupid) charts is 125-135. I would personally like to see 135 - I'm 6 pounds away from that. However, after a lot of soul searching and thinking I figured out the following:
Numbers are numbers. The fact is I have met most of my other goals. I can work all night and not feel like a cripple. I have energy to spare. I can chase my little nieces and nephews around and not feel tired or worn out or that I can't keep up with them. I exercise (most of the time) Numbers are numbers. And who says that if I don't lose those other 6 pounds I'm not a success? Certainly not Ms. Shauna! I'm successing each and every day.
Each and every day is difficult and I must concentrate on the new me. I have to remember the rules and remember to play by them. I can't allow my old self to come back.
With all of that - especially the numbers are numbers part, I feel content. I like where I am. And that to me, is part of a successful journey. The first session of my tattoo will be July 1. I'm actually pretty nervous about it - somehow I think this will hurt more because I have less "padding" to protect from the pain. I'm probably wrong, but it's how I feel. I'll be sure to post photos, probably not until it's all done, which will be on July 27th.
Well that's enough rambling from here.
Pam
I am at 141 right now. As is normal with my body - it refuses to move past that hump into the 130's. I have found every single time I'm getting ready to drop another "tens" position, I stall for a week or 3!
Last week was the 5 day pouch test. I did it just because I was finding myself sliding back into old habits - like eating to many carbs, grazing throughout the day, and drinking with my meals. I needed to catch myself early so that I didn't suddenly wake up one day and say "gee, I wonder where I went wrong" I have to keep myself accountable. Brian did it with me. Poor soul! It was hard enough going back to full liquids for ME, let along somebody with a full size stomach.
I did fairly well on it - especially considering I was also PMS-ing. Not an easy thing to do! Luckily, my little friend came the last day and all the water weight I was retaining dropped away with it.
I have officially begun the process to get my tattoo. I had said from the very beginning if I get down to my "goal" weight, I would get a celebratory tattoo. My goal weight according to those lovely (stupid) charts is 125-135. I would personally like to see 135 - I'm 6 pounds away from that. However, after a lot of soul searching and thinking I figured out the following:
Numbers are numbers. The fact is I have met most of my other goals. I can work all night and not feel like a cripple. I have energy to spare. I can chase my little nieces and nephews around and not feel tired or worn out or that I can't keep up with them. I exercise (most of the time) Numbers are numbers. And who says that if I don't lose those other 6 pounds I'm not a success? Certainly not Ms. Shauna! I'm successing each and every day.
Each and every day is difficult and I must concentrate on the new me. I have to remember the rules and remember to play by them. I can't allow my old self to come back.
With all of that - especially the numbers are numbers part, I feel content. I like where I am. And that to me, is part of a successful journey. The first session of my tattoo will be July 1. I'm actually pretty nervous about it - somehow I think this will hurt more because I have less "padding" to protect from the pain. I'm probably wrong, but it's how I feel. I'll be sure to post photos, probably not until it's all done, which will be on July 27th.
Well that's enough rambling from here.
Pam
Another "10" gone
Apr 03, 2008
I was so estatic when I hit "One"derland - but I have found that I enjoy watching the tens drop more so than hitting that one goal. I weigh 159 now. And seeing that number change from one sixty something to one fifty something is just such an awesome feeling.
I had bloodwork drawn yesterday, and I'll be at work today, so I'll be able to find out those results this morning. Oddly enough, today I woke up with a charlie horse in my left calf. It could be nothing, it could be my potassium is low, or it could be I didn't get enough plain h20 in me yesterday. I'm glad I had the bloodwork done, it works out perfectly. If I find a severe abnormality, I'll call my surgeon to see if there's something that needs to be done - but I see her on Tuesday anyway so it shouldn't be that big of a deal.
I was looking at some photos the other day - and I just can't believe how big I really was. I have always been told I look "just like my father" and in a few pictures, I definately saw the resemblence. Definately his nose and other facial features. But now that I've lost weight - I don't see it as much. Interesting!
I woke up early this morning - and of course am now getting tired which sucks because I need to start getting ready for the day as hubby has his surgery this morning and we have to leave by 6am. Oh well. After I get him home and get his meds, he'll probably still be groggy from anesthesia and will need to take a nap - so we can both climb into bed together and take a nap on this rainy rainy day.
I'm also supposed to go to a work function this evening. Without sounding self centered, I really do want to go to show off my new dress and my weight loss (scrubs don't do that very well!) but if Brian isn't feeling well or isn't sleeping at that point, I know I won't be able to leave him. He says he'll be fine - and he's probably right - nothing I can do at home will help or hinder anything. But it's the guilty wife conscience that's getting to me.
Enjoy your day!
Just about 5 mos out....
Mar 21, 2008
So here it is 3am and I can't sleep. It's the night shift in me, I guess. I can't even call work, because my girlfriend whom I would talk to isn't there :(
So, anyway, in just over a week I'll be 5 mos out. I'm wearing a snug size 10 jean and weigh 163.
I dropped the ball earlier though - I stopped exercising, I stopped taking my vitamins....I just stopped everything. I had very little good reasons to do this. The first week and half I was banned from the gym from my PCP due to my illness. But after that....I just never got back into the groove.
During that time frame my weight fluctuated between 165 and 167. I convinced myself it was a stall. Well, it wasn't. I got back on the program, I've been at the gym, and I've been hitting protein and fluid goals along with taking my vitamins. And I'm down to 163 within one week. It goes to show you that you need to follow the program. I also feel much better.
The past two days I've been getting very fatigued around 5pm - but I think that's because I have been off from work and therfore staying up during the day and trying to sleep at night - which doesn't always work well for me.
So, that's it- I'll update after my doctors appointments and post some pics of a party I have today and also some of a party that I have on 4/4
So, anyway, in just over a week I'll be 5 mos out. I'm wearing a snug size 10 jean and weigh 163.
I dropped the ball earlier though - I stopped exercising, I stopped taking my vitamins....I just stopped everything. I had very little good reasons to do this. The first week and half I was banned from the gym from my PCP due to my illness. But after that....I just never got back into the groove.
During that time frame my weight fluctuated between 165 and 167. I convinced myself it was a stall. Well, it wasn't. I got back on the program, I've been at the gym, and I've been hitting protein and fluid goals along with taking my vitamins. And I'm down to 163 within one week. It goes to show you that you need to follow the program. I also feel much better.
The past two days I've been getting very fatigued around 5pm - but I think that's because I have been off from work and therfore staying up during the day and trying to sleep at night - which doesn't always work well for me.
So, that's it- I'll update after my doctors appointments and post some pics of a party I have today and also some of a party that I have on 4/4
4 mos out
Mar 01, 2008
WOW It's been a long time since I updated my blog. Let's see here....
So I'm a little over 4 mos out. I feel FANTASTIC! I'm hanging around a size 14 and those are a little big, so I might actually be a size 12?! Unbelievable! I have more energy than ever. I'm at the gym religiously. I've been able to run for 17 mins straight on the treadmill at 4.5 mph. Plus I do a spin class at least once a week, if not twice a week.
Eating isn't a problem. I occassionally eat to fast and get that "ugh" feeling, but not nearly as often as I used to. I do realize that carbs can very easily sneak back into my diet, and I need to reign that in.
My blood work came back perfect at my 3 mos follow up visit. My 6 mos follow up visit will actually be at about the 5 mos mark as it is in the very beginning of April, not the end. I was hoping to make it down to 150 by my 6th mos visit, but I doubt that will happen. Oh well!!
People notice how I look, which is awesome. My one brother said to me "I've never seen your face so thin" and my immediate response was "That's because it's never been this thin!"
Unfortunately I am sick right now and had to go to the doctors yesterday. It seems a bug has gotten a hold of me from the chest up - I have an upper respiratory infection, swollen glands, pharyngitis, a double ear infection, and a sinus infection. The good news is, that while there I had a cute little "wow" moment. For the first time since well before surgery I stepped on a scale that wasn't digital. I knew about where my weight was, but something about seeing the little weight around 150 instead of 200 and the top little weight thingy below 20 just made me smile. It wasn't to long ago the big one was at 200 and the little one was above the 30 mark! Unbelievable!!
Today's actually the first day since Tuesday that I feel pretty normal. I've been sleeping so much, it's ridiculous. I told hubby that I had more energy after major surgery than I have had with this illness. I've basically moved from the couch to the bed and visa versa. I haven't met protein goals since Tuesday, not even close. I have been trying to push the fluids though. I haven't taken my vitamins either. I will have to start paying attention to that stuff now that I am feeling better.
So that's about it - remember to keep at it!! The fight will be won, and use your tool to the MAX. It's worth every head hunger battle you have with yourself!
Pam
So I'm a little over 4 mos out. I feel FANTASTIC! I'm hanging around a size 14 and those are a little big, so I might actually be a size 12?! Unbelievable! I have more energy than ever. I'm at the gym religiously. I've been able to run for 17 mins straight on the treadmill at 4.5 mph. Plus I do a spin class at least once a week, if not twice a week.
Eating isn't a problem. I occassionally eat to fast and get that "ugh" feeling, but not nearly as often as I used to. I do realize that carbs can very easily sneak back into my diet, and I need to reign that in.
My blood work came back perfect at my 3 mos follow up visit. My 6 mos follow up visit will actually be at about the 5 mos mark as it is in the very beginning of April, not the end. I was hoping to make it down to 150 by my 6th mos visit, but I doubt that will happen. Oh well!!
People notice how I look, which is awesome. My one brother said to me "I've never seen your face so thin" and my immediate response was "That's because it's never been this thin!"
Unfortunately I am sick right now and had to go to the doctors yesterday. It seems a bug has gotten a hold of me from the chest up - I have an upper respiratory infection, swollen glands, pharyngitis, a double ear infection, and a sinus infection. The good news is, that while there I had a cute little "wow" moment. For the first time since well before surgery I stepped on a scale that wasn't digital. I knew about where my weight was, but something about seeing the little weight around 150 instead of 200 and the top little weight thingy below 20 just made me smile. It wasn't to long ago the big one was at 200 and the little one was above the 30 mark! Unbelievable!!
Today's actually the first day since Tuesday that I feel pretty normal. I've been sleeping so much, it's ridiculous. I told hubby that I had more energy after major surgery than I have had with this illness. I've basically moved from the couch to the bed and visa versa. I haven't met protein goals since Tuesday, not even close. I have been trying to push the fluids though. I haven't taken my vitamins either. I will have to start paying attention to that stuff now that I am feeling better.
So that's about it - remember to keep at it!! The fight will be won, and use your tool to the MAX. It's worth every head hunger battle you have with yourself!
Pam
Eight Weeks Post Op
Dec 23, 2007
So Tuesday (Merry Christmas) is 8 weeks out for me. Where did the time go? I certainly don't know!! I also go back to work on Wednesday. I was out so long only due to my surgeon being THE BEST SURGEON EVER and gave me a two week extension for the holidays. (((hugs Dr. Pupkova)))
I feel great most of the time. I still occassionally eat to fast and then don't feel well, and I had a battle with an English Muffin a week or two ago that lasted about 45 mins. Won't be doing that any time soon again!
I bought dress pants for the holidays - a size 14!! Whoo hoo. They were from Lane Bryant, so I guess that makes them a 14W but who the heck cares! I sure don't! I'm down about 27 pounds from date of surgery, 43 total. That's an amazing job right there! I'm very pleased with the way I look.
Some of my incision sites have "dimpled". Not to attractive, but I'm not planning on wearing a bikini so that's OK. Hubby will have to deal.
I did a LOT of holiday baking this year. I did up gifts for everyone and baked for the family party, too. I didn't have one! I did make myself sugar free sugar cookies - they were good and hit the spot. But I won't keep them in the house as the addict in me would still rather have a cookie rather than a protein snack. I need to concentrate on the protein and not with the other stuff.
Merry Christmas!
I feel great most of the time. I still occassionally eat to fast and then don't feel well, and I had a battle with an English Muffin a week or two ago that lasted about 45 mins. Won't be doing that any time soon again!
I bought dress pants for the holidays - a size 14!! Whoo hoo. They were from Lane Bryant, so I guess that makes them a 14W but who the heck cares! I sure don't! I'm down about 27 pounds from date of surgery, 43 total. That's an amazing job right there! I'm very pleased with the way I look.
Some of my incision sites have "dimpled". Not to attractive, but I'm not planning on wearing a bikini so that's OK. Hubby will have to deal.
I did a LOT of holiday baking this year. I did up gifts for everyone and baked for the family party, too. I didn't have one! I did make myself sugar free sugar cookies - they were good and hit the spot. But I won't keep them in the house as the addict in me would still rather have a cookie rather than a protein snack. I need to concentrate on the protein and not with the other stuff.
Merry Christmas!
2 week update
Nov 21, 2007
I'm actually three weeks out as of yesterday. Last week I had my two week appointment. It went well. I was down to 210, which is a loss of 9 pounds from surgery. 9 pounds in two weeks is pretty darn good I guess! I'm feeling better and better each and every day. Have been back to the gym, but not on a consistent basis as of the two week appointment. That will need to change and soon!
As of the three week mark, yesterday, I'm down to 206, another 4 pounds this week. I have also been back to the gym on a consistent basis. I went Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I will not be going tomorrow based on vanity alone - I got my hair done for Thanksgiving tomorrow and although the gym is open, I want my hair to look good! So none of that. I will be back on Friday though.
I started pureed foods yesterday. My biggest problem is estimating protein and figuring out how much to eat at one time. I'll get there.
So that's it for now. Feeling stronger each day and can't wait to hit ONEderland!
Pam
As of the three week mark, yesterday, I'm down to 206, another 4 pounds this week. I have also been back to the gym on a consistent basis. I went Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I will not be going tomorrow based on vanity alone - I got my hair done for Thanksgiving tomorrow and although the gym is open, I want my hair to look good! So none of that. I will be back on Friday though.
I started pureed foods yesterday. My biggest problem is estimating protein and figuring out how much to eat at one time. I'll get there.
So that's it for now. Feeling stronger each day and can't wait to hit ONEderland!
Pam
About Me
Easton, PA
Location
25.7
BMI
Surgery
10/30/2007
Surgery Date
Jul 08, 2007
Member Since
