Fallenangel2904

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I'm not even sure how to express what I'm feeling. I've worked so hard to get here, this moment and I'm finally here and it feels...surreal. I'm approved. This is REALLY going to happen. Although I've gone through SO much the past 6 months to make it happen, I still think the majority of me still didn't think it would happen. I still thought something would get in my way. A huge fear was always insurance, especially since the last few months I was told how difficult my insurance was to approve surgery. I was pretty much expecting a denial. But it didn't come, and here I am- this official now...and now the fears are sinking in.

I had my final pre op with the surgeon's office yesterday. I talked with the surgeon for the last time. Surgey was set for November 14th, but we still had yet to submit to insurance. I felt we were cutting it very close- 1 week for approval I felt was way too short of a time frame. I was afraid it would never come in time. After my pre op yesterday they apparently submitted. This morning I had to go in for pre op testing, blood work, chest X ray, talk to the anesthesiologist etc. While I'm there waiting to have my blood drawn I was in the office of the pre op admission area and the finance coordinator walked in. He gave me a look and asked me 'What's your name?' I told him and he apparently recognized me and he said 'Oh you know they approved your surgery?' I was taken so off guard! I never expected to hear this, I didn't even know they had submitted yet (I thought they woul submit today) I was like 'THEY DID?' I tried to contain myself but I wanted to jump up and down right there in the pre op testing room lol. He went and double checked, came back and said 'Yes, they just left a message saying you were approved' I am STILL in complete and utter SHOCK!!! SO happy!

So now, this is real. That was the last piece of the puzzle and it's all there. And now the normal pre op fears can set in. I hadn't felt ANY fear for the surgery up until today, because I was so busy worrying about approval and had convinced myself fear was silly because I didn't know if this would even go through. But now the actual surgery is all that I have left to fear. Trying very hard to fight those thoughts lol.

Everything else is all set. I do have to do one final pre op- upper GI series on Friday. This was a last minute addition to my pre op testing and this almost slowed down my surgery, thank GOODNESS the nurse practitioner is on top of things and was able to get me in for Friday. So I'm going to just try my best to enjoy my weekend and not have anxiety over everything. I've come SO far, I CAN DO THIS! I've wanted this surgery for SO long! I've literally been looking into these options since I was 14, far too young to even have bariatric surgery. I almost had the lap band when I was 16, though I'm grateful things didn't work out because I wasn't ready for it. Then when I was 18 I almost went for RNY, but again I don't think I was ready. But NOW I am ready, I can feel it. I've been on OH since 2005- 7 years in the making and its FINALLY time for my journey to start. It's an emotional feeling, but I'm SO ready. I just need to keep telling myself its MY time, and this is right so the nerves settle down.

One week! I can do this!

Well first thing first- I've lost exactly 20lbs since I started this whole process! I was 359 today at my appointment! They were thrilled I've lost this much on my own- this is with out the pre op diet even! They don't require a pre op diet per say, but I'm going to do one anyway the week before- nothing crazy- probably 2 shakes a day and a sensible dinner. If I can get another 5-10lbs off I'll be THRILLED! I mean at my heaviest last year/earlier this year I was over 380lbs. I don't know for sure but I know that when I went for my conult I had already lost a little bit of weight- I was probably close to 385-390. So if I can get down to 340-ANYTHING I'll be over the moon! I only put on these last 30 or so pounds the last year after I injured my knee last year, I was in the 350 range for many years- so now I finally feel like I'm where I WAS. I feel really good!

So onto other things- we wrote out my pre op letter- the nurse practicioner and I. I feel better having that written and she said she was very hopeful it would be good enough for insurane, so I'm hopeful as well. I have to go back November 6th- the week before surgery to see the surgeon one last time and that's when they will finally submit for approval. I'm scared it won't be long enough- 1 week? I don't know...but she said it should be fine, so fingers crossed. I'm really nervous about that! She also wanted me to see the nutritionist one more time because it will be good for insurance so I'll go again next Friday. Hopefully I can lose 2-3lbs before then. Since I don't have a scale at home- well not one that goes over 330 lol- I get hyped when I get to weigh in at the dr lol. It's a motivation for me.

So that's all for right now. The count down is on! I'm praying for insurance to go through smoothly. PLEASE! lol

Mini update- I saw pulomary today and she finally cleared me yay! One less thing to worry about lol. She was super awesome through out this whole thing and I know she only delayed me last time because she wanted to make sure I was okay for surgery. So I'm all clear. I go back to the surgery department next week and I'll be cleared (again) medically for surgery, and then we'll figure out insurance- including the letter for insurance approval, which I'm so worried about because they are writing it at the surgeons office as appose to my primary care dr because I don't have a primary right now. I would have been dilagent with making sure I had one if I knew I needed this stupid letter. And I also worry since I don't have an actual weigh in for August, agaijn something I would have made sure I had if I knew I needed a weigh in every single month. I really hope that's not an issue. Fingers are crossed. OH and I found out I have gallstones- fun fun fun lol so I might need my gallbladder out after surgery too so we'll see. Right now I'm just hoping that I get approved, once I finally get approved and have everything done I'll feel like this is all real and ACTUALLY going to happen because I still am scared something will stop it. I've come SO far though, all I want is to get this done! I have every crossable body part crossed that it works out LOL

Well first thing first. YES I have a date- albeit tentative, but my date is November 14th! Now If you've been reading my blog (I doubt anyone actually has LOL but it helps me to document it all) but if you have, you know I was suppose to have an October date. That didn't happen for a few reasons. When I went today she told me there would be no way they would be able to schedule me in October because it was already almost full- she could have figured this out when I was there last month instead of getting me hyped thinking October would be my time, but what ever...and there were still a few things to do before surgery and she figured November so everything could get done. She worried me because she told me my insurance is very difficult to approve surgery. Gee WHY are you JUST telling me this now? I'm starting to worry. Especially because she told me they needed 6 months of medically supervised weights and a letter from my primary care doctor for approval. Um WHAT?? No one ever said I had to do a 6 month diet! I told her I don't have a primary care doctor right now. She said they would write the letter for me and use the 5 months of weight history since I've been coming to their office- I'll have a November weigh in too so that should be 6 months. I'm worried it won't be enough though...I'm having serious anxiety issues over this blehh...

But I'm hopeful it will work out and November 14th will be my date! On a positve note I've lost 5 more pounds- so 17 in total. She was really impressed by that. Since I have an extra month hopefully I can loose 5-10 more. I've gone from 379 to 362. I want to be in the 350 range, so hopefully. I don't want to be dissapointed I have to wait another month, I am a little but time will go by fast hopefully. And I can at least use this as an opportunity to lose as much weight as I can before I go under the knife. They were worrying me because she was telling me today that they may need to put in a filter behind my ear that prevents blood clots since I am more high risk for them with my BMI and sleep apnea. That scared me a lot, not gonna lie, so I need to try to lose as much weight as I can so I can limit the risks.

So that's where I am now. I have to go back on Friday to see pulmonary again and hopefully get clearance. Then next week to get medical clearance AGAIN because it expires on the 24th (3 month window) because they stupidly sent me for it in July. And I need to also figure out the insurance with the insurance coordinator which we will do next week. Nervous for that. So I'm hopeful, but worried! I just want this all OVER with- fingers, toes, and everything else crossed for November 14th!

They say patience is virtue, and I'll be the first to admit it's not one I posess. Where to start. Well technically all my pre op stuff is done. Technically but not quite. I went to the psych last week. I was a little nervous for that but it went awesome. The psychologist was fabulous and I felt so comfortable talking to him. I actually opened up to him, what I was afraid was too much but he was great about it. We talked about me continuing therapy after surgery which is something I think would be benificial to me although unfortunatly it wouldn't be with him but someone else in his team. So I do plan to continue with that. This is such a huge, scary life change and I figure any and all support I have would only help me. So that went great! Then we go to the pulmonary appointment, which I wasn't expecting anything eventful from. It was my LAST pre op appointment and I was so excited. Oh yea...of course theres a catch here lol. I was diagnosed with mild sleep apea a while ago, given a CPAP. Well the pulmonologist didn't think I had been using the CPAP for long enough to have surgery so she wouldn't clear me. She gave me an appointment to come back on October 12th before she cleared me. SERIOUSLY? I wanted to cry with frustration. 

So yesterday- the 18th was to be my final appointment with the surgeons office. When I thought I would get my surgery date. I was discouraged after the pulmonary issue so I wasn't expecting much out of this appointment. Well it actually turned out my vitimin D had been extremly low and they gave me a prescription for Vit D pills...but the PA was so awesome she actually scheduled my pre op appointment even though I didn't have pulmonary clearance yet. So My pre op- where they do all final pre op tests, go over things one more time- that's when I'll get my date- pending on Pulmonary clearance. So my pre op appointment is October 9th and Pulmonary is the same week- October 12th! I was SO happy it worked out this way!! She also told me I would DEFINITLY have surgery before October 24th, because for some reason they made me do my medical clearance appointment on July 24th and it experies in 3 months so she was like 'We HAVE to get you in surgery before the 24th because I don't want you to have to go and do that appointment over again!' She was AWESOME!

So....while I don't have an actual date YET I know it will be sometime between October 9th and October 24th lol. A bit of a window there I know. Most likley will be the week of October 15th. I'm super excited and greatful things worked out like this! Just praying pulmonary clears me this time! Fingers crossed!! So I SHOULD be having surgery exactly one month from now! I'm anxious to get my date and get GOING!

Oh and I have lost 12lbs since my initial visit with the surgeon in June. So I'm 367 down from 379. I doubt 379 was even my biggest- I'm sure it was in the 380's I was just in SO much denial. But fresh start now! I know I could have done more but I've slacked. I enjoyed some of my favorite meals that I won't be able to have again for a long time. I don't feel I over indulged because I still lost 12lbs- with out even being too strict. But I want to loose 10 more or so before surgery. Since a pre op diet isn't required, I'm going to do one of my own the week before. I figure protein shakes and lean protein for a week and maybe just shakes the last 3 days. Hopefully I can loose 10 more pounds with that- maybe more. I want to make sure my liver is nice and small lol I'm aiming to be inthe 350's the say of surgery so we'll see!

That's all for now. Can't wait for my date!!!

So I'm actually nearing the end of my pre op stuff. Seriously? I felt like it would go on forever, although it kind of feels like it was just June and I was seeing the surgeons office for the first time. I'll get my surgery date in exactly a month- my final appointment with the surgeons office is September 18th. Is this really happening? It feels a little surreal. Although I think when I FINALLY finish the pre op stuff It will hit me especially when I get my date. I've been here before- not exactly 'here' but on the road to getting WLS. I've never gotten this far in everything though and it makes me feel like this is really going to happen this time! I'm excited, nervous, anxious, happy, scared, unsure...ALL these emotions. Though I know it's what's best and it's what I want.

All I have left is the psych eval on September 6th, Pulmonary on September 12th and then the 18th- my final surgon's appointment. I'm SO close! So now it's just a waiting game. I've been told I'll have a date in October- I'm hoping it's early October- silly reason but I love Halloween and want to be able to celebrate the holiday even if that doesn't mean consuming mass amounts of candy lol. I'm totally fine with that! So in a month I'll have my date! I can't belive it! I feel like it's opeing a new chapter in my life. It's time to put everything in my past and focus on doing whats best for ME- and I know this is it. Fresh start, new healthy me and limitless possibilities for the future!

I've meant to keep up with blogging on here but I haven't posted anything yet oppse! Well I have lots to add about the steps I've taken on my journey so far!

First of all I went to my consult about a month ago. All went very well and the nurse practicioner told me I could expect to have surgery in October! I was hoping for a bit sooner but now looking back that was already a month ago so time is flying by! She set me up with all my pre op appointments. I've already done the ultrasound, 1 of my nutritionist appointments (there are 3 in total) and both parts of a sleep study. The sleep study deserves a post of its own lol. Not a great time folks! Part 1 wasn't bad, I made sure I was super tired before it so I did get some sleep. Part 2 however was horrible. I had to sleep with the CPAP machine because it was found I had mild sleep apnea. The CPAP was awful. Plus the sleep tech I had was kind of an asshole so not a great time. Thank GOD it's over! I have my endoscopy this Wednesday- scared for that! And another NUT appointment Friday. Then next week I have an appointment for medical clearance and I'm done for a while. All that's left after that is my last NUT appointment my psych eval which is in the beginning of September and I have my final surgeon appointment September 18th and I get my date then! YAY! 

So things are moving along for me I guess! I hope I get a date in early October so we'll see. I've also found out that I was heavier then I thought I was- when I went in for my consult I was 379! That's the heaviest I've ever been and that number scared the crap out of me honestly. In addition I've found out I have high cholesterol, high blood pressure sleep apnea and slightly elevated glocous level which they said could be a sign of pre diabeties- I will have more testing for that done when I go in next week for my medical. All of this stuff SCARES me A LOT! My health is the worst it's ever been- I'm too young to have to deal with this stuff- I'm 23 not 53! Some days I feel 53 though- my lnees are pretty bad and I can't even walk a block with out pain. I'm more concinced then ever this surgery will be good for me. I need to get my health back!