Daily "pound"erings

Jan 04, 2011

What will I do with my time?
What will I think about when I walk into a room when I no longer have to do a scan of the place and decide if I will sit on a hard wooden chair that hurts my back, or a booth that will suffocate me?
On the way to the table will I have to squeeze by other patrons and bump my rear into their shoulders, then gently pat them and apologize.
How about a bathroom? Those toilets that only connect to the wall.. scary
A lap for my daughter would be amazing! I make a great slide for her currently.
I know who I am, I know what I enjoy, what I cannot do, what I can do, what my weight will allow me to do with my back pain, knee pain, ankle pain and exhaustion.
I suppose losing half of myself will be like quitting smoking?
Obesity is sort of like having a habit, it is something you do, your world revolves around it, it is on your mind constantly. For me it is not so much a psychological issue, but one of comfort, necessity and ability. By comfort I mean, I am always in pain, I am always adjusting, readjusting to allow my body to relax.
I desire for people that have no idea what it is like to struggle with weight to have some semblence of what life is like for me.
I do not overeat (sure I like seconds once in a while, who doesn't, why am I not allowed that luxury?), I binged twice in my life, once on oreos as a child and once on olives as a child. I still love oreos, but the olives did not love me.
I have been faced recently with questions and concerns regarding weight loss surgery, "why would I put myself through this", "am I not aware of the risks?" " Have I tried to excersice?" "what if you just cut out carbs?" "what if you went vegetarian?", "Just eat smaller portions"....
NEWS FLASH: I did not make it to the age of 32 without knowing perfectly well what a portion size should be.
My first visit with a nutritionist was when I was about 12. My mom took me to NOCH in GH to see their Nutrionist.
I know when I am talking with someone that has never ever experience having a weight issue because they say those kinds of things to me.
However, noone that is in my life that has known me since choldhood has uttered such a silly thing to me. They know me, have watched me grow.. quite literally.
I love it when people say "I have to struggle too, I hve to lose 10 pounds for a wedding" People.. that is a healthy deuce in the morning to my body.. so no.. 10 pounds is not much of a struggle, that is what weight watchers is for, or slim fast.
As far as risks go, or putting myself through "this".....................
Taking vitamins daily for the rest of my life to supplement for the extreme lack in stomach and intestine is a small price to pay for not having to carry around 150 extra pounds on a daily basis. Go ahead, strap on 150 pounds and walk around with it, I dare you to try. Would you prefer vitamins twice daily? I bet you would.
Risks" Lets see here, with any surgery there are risks, anytime you go under there are risks. I understand perfectly and probably know more at this stage about those risks than anyone in my life that has not had this surgery.
I have done enough research to make you sleepy, I am borderline obsessed with it, and I am attempting to get my resources from different areas, not just the Bariatric Surgeon that wants my money, I am looking at national and international statistics, Hospital risk studies regarding bariatric studies that have been done by independant sources as well as the NHIP (National Health Insurance Program) and other federal resources.
I am taking a risk to be with my family for a LONG time. and to actually participate in life and not just be a supervisor of it.
I am Katie like I have always been... That wont change...
What will change? The size of my ass.

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