Michele S.
Frustrated, Sad, Treading water
Feb 04, 2009
I hurt, I am hungry or I think I am, I am sad and I don't know why. Is it the headach and pain, depression, meds, or something new.
I am still not recalling things like I use to, that scares me. Last time they thought it was a med that had been discontinued but I have been off it over a month it should not be an issue any more.
I feel like I am treading water and getting no were. Every time I think we are getting some where, something else happens. I have done everything ask, taken every test, keep going to counseling, had an unfill, trying to keep to my diet, increased my exercise some, and I feel like I am getting no where.
I have an appointment with my nureologist tomorrw but I doubt she will have anything new, and my headaches are worse since Friday. I also see my nut tomorrow not sure how that will turn out. Thee are days I think I was better off last year 100 lbs heaver. Atleast my body was not shutting down. or maybe it was and the symptoms just were not showing up.
It just is not fair, as my sister was so fond of saying when we were children. There were promises of less knee pain, no more sleep apnea, reduced acid reflux, and just feeling better. So far I am -4 for 4 since now we have added , low blood sugar, headaches, messed up TOM and thyroid issues we think. Not only that I feel like I can't make decisions any more. My brain is so fuzzy at times.
At least I son't think I have gained weight. Maintaining is better than gaining at this point.
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I am still not recalling things like I use to, that scares me. Last time they thought it was a med that had been discontinued but I have been off it over a month it should not be an issue any more.
I feel like I am treading water and getting no were. Every time I think we are getting some where, something else happens. I have done everything ask, taken every test, keep going to counseling, had an unfill, trying to keep to my diet, increased my exercise some, and I feel like I am getting no where.
I have an appointment with my nureologist tomorrw but I doubt she will have anything new, and my headaches are worse since Friday. I also see my nut tomorrow not sure how that will turn out. Thee are days I think I was better off last year 100 lbs heaver. Atleast my body was not shutting down. or maybe it was and the symptoms just were not showing up.
It just is not fair, as my sister was so fond of saying when we were children. There were promises of less knee pain, no more sleep apnea, reduced acid reflux, and just feeling better. So far I am -4 for 4 since now we have added , low blood sugar, headaches, messed up TOM and thyroid issues we think. Not only that I feel like I can't make decisions any more. My brain is so fuzzy at times.
At least I son't think I have gained weight. Maintaining is better than gaining at this point.
Ok one more thing to add to the list!
Feb 03, 2009
Ok so I got up late, but managed to get to work on time. On my way into the building, I steped on a patch of black ice and boom! On the ground, fortunately I have a lot of padding on my butox. I had to file an injury report and by the end of the day all the administration and janators knew what had happened I am so embarrased. I also felt so bad, Our janitors take pride in their work and do a great job. I really don't think they could have avoided this. I did not see it. Even the head of the custodial staff went out to treat the area and it took him a while to find it. He said it was about 2 feet by 2 feet. Leave it to me to find it. Unfortunately, I jarred everything real well! At first only a couple of aches and of course my pride was bursed. By lunch my back, shoulders and elbow ached bad. After work had to go get some things from the store and just pushing the cart around, I had terrible pain on right side, right around my port and below. Even breathing hurt. I am pretty sure it is just all the muscles and there really is not anything they can do about that. I can't tollerate the meds beyond tylenol so I am dreading tomorrow morning. I plan on sleepimg with heat (no I will not leave it on all night). Oh well just one more thing to add to the list of things I can discuss with my dr.
I really hope you can't hurt the band from this type of fall. I doubt it, if it were that sensitive it would not be very practical. At least that is what I am hoping.
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I really hope you can't hurt the band from this type of fall. I doubt it, if it were that sensitive it would not be very practical. At least that is what I am hoping.
Today is another day! :(
Feb 02, 2009
Ok so medication is not really my friend. I was perscibed a medication for my headaches. I was taking it, still had headaches. Then I started haveing leg cramps for no explainable reason. I tried stretching more, chaned the shoes I was wearing nothing helped. I talked to my PCP, he said he di dnot know, nothing he gave me should be doing this. So I re-read the information on the medication I was taking, guess what possible side effect, if it occurs call the dr. So I did. After arguing wiht the receptionist she did talk to the Dr. and the Dr. said stop taking it and we will see, I ahve an appt. on Thursday.
By Friday no change in my legs but emotionally more stable I thought maybe it was because TOM had arrived that day also.(been very sad lately thought it was all the stress etc.)
Saturday not only was there no chane in my legs my headaches had gotten worse spent half the day in bed. Woke up Sunday the same way so I decided that maybe it was not the meds and they were helping the headaches so I started it again. (I know I should have talked to the dr. but the headaches are so bad some times.)
Anyway I decided to go to church. By the time the pastor started the sermon, she had me almost in tears. Now it was a good and approprate sermon for me, About giving God control of things we have no control over to God (how approprate, I need to hear that) but really not tear material. So I did not take any more. Feel better today on the emotional part. (headache still not good) I re-read the paper on the meds again and yep, it can cause mood changes. Well that is the end of that.
Have two appointments this week, Maybe we will figure something out, or atlest wliminate someting, that would be nice!!!
Oh well at least the Steelers Won, even though Phill did see his shadow!
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By Friday no change in my legs but emotionally more stable I thought maybe it was because TOM had arrived that day also.(been very sad lately thought it was all the stress etc.)
Saturday not only was there no chane in my legs my headaches had gotten worse spent half the day in bed. Woke up Sunday the same way so I decided that maybe it was not the meds and they were helping the headaches so I started it again. (I know I should have talked to the dr. but the headaches are so bad some times.)
Anyway I decided to go to church. By the time the pastor started the sermon, she had me almost in tears. Now it was a good and approprate sermon for me, About giving God control of things we have no control over to God (how approprate, I need to hear that) but really not tear material. So I did not take any more. Feel better today on the emotional part. (headache still not good) I re-read the paper on the meds again and yep, it can cause mood changes. Well that is the end of that.
Have two appointments this week, Maybe we will figure something out, or atlest wliminate someting, that would be nice!!!
Oh well at least the Steelers Won, even though Phill did see his shadow!
What have I done? What am I going to do?
Jan 27, 2009
Saw PCP today. I have been haveing some repeated problems tha twe first thought were from meds. Now he thinks that the stress I have been under with the new job, durgery etc I may have "a dying thyroid" also taht my pancrease has not adjusted to the weight loss and is still overproducing what ever it does.
This is not suppose to happen, I have lost 130 lbs and things are suppose to be better. I have not managed that. My knees hurt too much to exercise most days (I did more in December)and every thing else. I still have headaches, my period is all screwed up and the band is probably going to have to come out (the galbladder test came back normal which sould be good except it is the last thing we were checking as a reason for acid reflux)
SO What am I going to do
If I just have it removed I don't know if I can maintain the wieght loss. if I can I have put my body thoguth all this for nothing, I mad the wrong choice to have surgery in the first palce.
If I have it removed and I can't maintain will the insurance pay for anothre surgery? In taht case faied again and just picked the wrong surgery.
I can have a revision, insurance pending, but I am so scared of the bypass but I am also scard of not succeding. I so don't want to be that person agian. I am jsut begining to like who I am and starting to be happy with how I see myself and others see me. I am not sure which is worse.
Regardless I have caused my body great stress and I am very scared for the future. I have decisions to make and I don't know what to do. I can't undo some of these choices.
I need to rmember that everything happens for a reason and God never gives us more than we can handle with his help.
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This is not suppose to happen, I have lost 130 lbs and things are suppose to be better. I have not managed that. My knees hurt too much to exercise most days (I did more in December)and every thing else. I still have headaches, my period is all screwed up and the band is probably going to have to come out (the galbladder test came back normal which sould be good except it is the last thing we were checking as a reason for acid reflux)
SO What am I going to do
If I just have it removed I don't know if I can maintain the wieght loss. if I can I have put my body thoguth all this for nothing, I mad the wrong choice to have surgery in the first palce.
If I have it removed and I can't maintain will the insurance pay for anothre surgery? In taht case faied again and just picked the wrong surgery.
I can have a revision, insurance pending, but I am so scared of the bypass but I am also scard of not succeding. I so don't want to be that person agian. I am jsut begining to like who I am and starting to be happy with how I see myself and others see me. I am not sure which is worse.
Regardless I have caused my body great stress and I am very scared for the future. I have decisions to make and I don't know what to do. I can't undo some of these choices.
I need to rmember that everything happens for a reason and God never gives us more than we can handle with his help.
Waiting Waiting Waiting is driving me nuts.
Jan 25, 2009
Ok so today has not been a good day, started off that I did not hear my alarm and almost missed the church function that I was in charge of. We made it but not many came, cold weather.
Been eating all day - grazing. We have too many fixed foods around here, left overs from last nights church function. Next time I am only taking veggies and dip or cheese and crackers, that way if there are left overs...
I have also been worrying aobut hte results of Fridays test. I have been having some stomach discomfort since Friday, it helps to have something in my stomach, crackers and applesauce work well but still eating too much. Hopefully my PCP has the results by Tuesday, he di not order it but I ask that he get a copy, does not always happen.
I guess there are many questions in my head not only aobut the band but other health issues, I tried putting in on paper but did not help today.
What if it is not the galbladder? Then it is the band and what do I do then.
What if it is the galbladder? then I still need surgery
What is causing the headaches, mood swings etc? Is he ever goign to find the answer? How can we just stop them for a short time period.
I guess I am more worried about this than I thought. I have meen trying to ask myselfwhy I feel _____ so I can start to understand why the mood swings. some days I know and it is ok, I have a reason to be ____. The onees tha scare me are the ones I can't identifyor don't want to.
I am so scard of making the wrong decision again, I decided to havethe band thought it was right and I very well might have been wrong. Should I have known this? Did I over look something or just not really hear what people were telling me? OMG it is driving me nuts. what am I to do and how can I make this decision? I know it is mine but I am relly having trouble wiht this.
Some times I miss the days when mo knew best.
I really have to start exercising more regullarly, even if I do not get it done in the morning. I have to get back to it, I do feel better when I do. I have been walking for 10 min (or shouvling snow) and it has helped some but I get so cold so fast that 10 min is about it.
Oh well on good note if my scale is correct I am just obeise(sp) just under the line but it is there.
Yeah Me!!!
BTW Go Steelers!!!
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Been eating all day - grazing. We have too many fixed foods around here, left overs from last nights church function. Next time I am only taking veggies and dip or cheese and crackers, that way if there are left overs...
I have also been worrying aobut hte results of Fridays test. I have been having some stomach discomfort since Friday, it helps to have something in my stomach, crackers and applesauce work well but still eating too much. Hopefully my PCP has the results by Tuesday, he di not order it but I ask that he get a copy, does not always happen.
I guess there are many questions in my head not only aobut the band but other health issues, I tried putting in on paper but did not help today.
What if it is not the galbladder? Then it is the band and what do I do then.
What if it is the galbladder? then I still need surgery
What is causing the headaches, mood swings etc? Is he ever goign to find the answer? How can we just stop them for a short time period.
I guess I am more worried about this than I thought. I have meen trying to ask myselfwhy I feel _____ so I can start to understand why the mood swings. some days I know and it is ok, I have a reason to be ____. The onees tha scare me are the ones I can't identifyor don't want to.
I am so scard of making the wrong decision again, I decided to havethe band thought it was right and I very well might have been wrong. Should I have known this? Did I over look something or just not really hear what people were telling me? OMG it is driving me nuts. what am I to do and how can I make this decision? I know it is mine but I am relly having trouble wiht this.
Some times I miss the days when mo knew best.
I really have to start exercising more regullarly, even if I do not get it done in the morning. I have to get back to it, I do feel better when I do. I have been walking for 10 min (or shouvling snow) and it has helped some but I get so cold so fast that 10 min is about it.
Oh well on good note if my scale is correct I am just obeise(sp) just under the line but it is there.
Yeah Me!!!
BTW Go Steelers!!!
Big week comming up!
Jan 10, 2009
Ok so on Tuesday I get to meet with the surgeon to decide where we go from here with the acid reflux. Still working with neurologist and PCP on headaches. I currenlty feel like an human chemistry experiment!
Really busy week this week! Two nights at work , church meetings, my sisters surgery and meeting with counselor. That does not include what is happeing at work, Meeting Monday on new software update, meeting with 8th graders on Wednesday about career awareness, Thursday is progress report pick-up (parnets come in) and Friday we are hosting district competitions at our school.
Wow makes me tired just thing about it. I am still not getting enough sleep either! Can't tell if the meds are helping or causing more problems.
PCP said my brain is exhausted, not sure I beleive it but I know I am mentally done for with this. The emotions seem to be on their own schedule and I don't know what to do about it. I seem to want to cry all the time. But that makes the headache worse so I try not too. It really does not help that I am still not comfortable with the neurologist. I talked to my PCP but he thinks she is on the right track and I should give her one more try, I feel like she doen't listen and I can't get things across to her, he sad she is the best communicator he has, guess that means it is me. I don't know maybe it is the exhaustion but I really hate answering the same queston over and over as thought I gave the wrong answer the first time. One more time I guess will not hurt even though it is another 1/2 day off work. Oh well!
Well hopefully good news on Tuesday although I am not anticipating it, even my counselor told me to be prepared to deal with some things that I really don't want to face, like the possibility of loosing the band if we can't get the acid reflux under some control or atlest find the reason it is still acting up other than the possibility of the band causing it.
I don't kow what I will do if that is the case. My surgeon suggest gastric by pass and my counselor said"he (the surgeon) already know my insides" but it really scares me to have the "pluming" totally rerouted. We will see what Tuesday brings.
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Really busy week this week! Two nights at work , church meetings, my sisters surgery and meeting with counselor. That does not include what is happeing at work, Meeting Monday on new software update, meeting with 8th graders on Wednesday about career awareness, Thursday is progress report pick-up (parnets come in) and Friday we are hosting district competitions at our school.
Wow makes me tired just thing about it. I am still not getting enough sleep either! Can't tell if the meds are helping or causing more problems.
PCP said my brain is exhausted, not sure I beleive it but I know I am mentally done for with this. The emotions seem to be on their own schedule and I don't know what to do about it. I seem to want to cry all the time. But that makes the headache worse so I try not too. It really does not help that I am still not comfortable with the neurologist. I talked to my PCP but he thinks she is on the right track and I should give her one more try, I feel like she doen't listen and I can't get things across to her, he sad she is the best communicator he has, guess that means it is me. I don't know maybe it is the exhaustion but I really hate answering the same queston over and over as thought I gave the wrong answer the first time. One more time I guess will not hurt even though it is another 1/2 day off work. Oh well!
Well hopefully good news on Tuesday although I am not anticipating it, even my counselor told me to be prepared to deal with some things that I really don't want to face, like the possibility of loosing the band if we can't get the acid reflux under some control or atlest find the reason it is still acting up other than the possibility of the band causing it.
I don't kow what I will do if that is the case. My surgeon suggest gastric by pass and my counselor said"he (the surgeon) already know my insides" but it really scares me to have the "pluming" totally rerouted. We will see what Tuesday brings.
Not Sure what to hope for?
Dec 23, 2008
Ok I have been haveing acid reflux since last fill in November on the 18th. My PCP ws concercened since I am already on nexium twice a day aand caled my sergeon. I saw him today and we talked. He went over the possible outcomes.
It could be several thinkgs. IT could be the band sinc the acid reflux existed before the band and the band can make it worse,
It could be that my body is getting use to the nexium and I need to switch meds.
It could be that we need to work up the galbladder and see if it is making things worse and needs to come out (also an existing problem)
We have a game plan to start with, he took out 1.5 cc and we are going to see if that helps, if not the next step is to seitch the meds and go from there.
Truthfully I am a little scared One of the options is I might hav eto loose the band and I have been doing so well on the band, I really don't want to have to go that route. He saw I was upset buy that (It was a little hard since I ws crying or almost) and assured me that he would not just take it out and leave me hanging, they would revise to bypass which I kow is very successful for so many but scares me to death. I am not even totally sure why, gut feeling, if you beleive in that.
On top of all this I have to see a nureologist next tuesday for some other health problems we can't explain and that is a little scarry too.
I am hoping for the best but I am not really sure what that is I will have to put my trust in a higher power.
I am goign to try to take the next couple of days and just be tankful that everything has been so succsuful so far, enjoy the people I will be with, stay away from my mothers food ( she made enough for 60 people, ther ewill be 6) and hope and pray that God has put me in the right hands like I feel he has.
Hope you have a great holiday
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It could be several thinkgs. IT could be the band sinc the acid reflux existed before the band and the band can make it worse,
It could be that my body is getting use to the nexium and I need to switch meds.
It could be that we need to work up the galbladder and see if it is making things worse and needs to come out (also an existing problem)
We have a game plan to start with, he took out 1.5 cc and we are going to see if that helps, if not the next step is to seitch the meds and go from there.
Truthfully I am a little scared One of the options is I might hav eto loose the band and I have been doing so well on the band, I really don't want to have to go that route. He saw I was upset buy that (It was a little hard since I ws crying or almost) and assured me that he would not just take it out and leave me hanging, they would revise to bypass which I kow is very successful for so many but scares me to death. I am not even totally sure why, gut feeling, if you beleive in that.
On top of all this I have to see a nureologist next tuesday for some other health problems we can't explain and that is a little scarry too.
I am hoping for the best but I am not really sure what that is I will have to put my trust in a higher power.
I am goign to try to take the next couple of days and just be tankful that everything has been so succsuful so far, enjoy the people I will be with, stay away from my mothers food ( she made enough for 60 people, ther ewill be 6) and hope and pray that God has put me in the right hands like I feel he has.
Hope you have a great holiday
Feeling better but still worried!!!
Dec 11, 2008
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Boy a big week! I am going to a weding 2 days after christmas and have nothing to wear, guess thats good since it is all too big. Fortunately I have a gift card from my graduation party to spend. A friend of mine is going wiht me to the wedding. unfortunately between the holidays and the wedding and everythig else, bringing up many emotions!!!! Some good someharder to deal with, getting through it though.
PCP changed meds this week and it is messing with mood and hunger, he confirmed it on Tuesday. Would have been nice to know that before I started taking the meds. Oh well better late than never.
Talked to my PCP. We are still baffled about 8 week headache and the increasing acid reflux. testing is being set up but I am a little worried espicallly about the acid reflux. I have been trying to watch my diet too but forgot some of the rules. I just looked them up on line, I will do better tomorrow. The headache no clue and I can't find anythng to help with it.
Well I think I am giong to take a warm shower and do some work before bed!!
Michele S.
Boy a big week! I am going to a weding 2 days after christmas and have nothing to wear, guess thats good since it is all too big. Fortunately I have a gift card from my graduation party to spend. A friend of mine is going wiht me to the wedding. unfortunately between the holidays and the wedding and everythig else, bringing up many emotions!!!! Some good someharder to deal with, getting through it though.
PCP changed meds this week and it is messing with mood and hunger, he confirmed it on Tuesday. Would have been nice to know that before I started taking the meds. Oh well better late than never.
Talked to my PCP. We are still baffled about 8 week headache and the increasing acid reflux. testing is being set up but I am a little worried espicallly about the acid reflux. I have been trying to watch my diet too but forgot some of the rules. I just looked them up on line, I will do better tomorrow. The headache no clue and I can't find anythng to help with it.
Well I think I am giong to take a warm shower and do some work before bed!!
Michele S.
One of thoese things!
Dec 05, 2008
Ok so I have been going throgh many changes and it is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I know many people go through this with weight loss. Yester day at lunch I was talking to two of my friends. They have a gentleman in mind to set me up with. I tried to explian that the thought of that terrified me.I went on to explain...
I don't think he woudl be intrested in me. I am still heavy and not very pretty. I have been heavey all my life. When someone says picture yourself when you are at goal weight. I can't I dn't kow what that looks like. I don't even recognize my own reflection most of the time lately. I don't even have someone to take to the weding (a friend of mine is getting amarried at the end of the month)...
They went on to tell me how "buratiful" I am and how much I have changed over the last year. How I walk, how I dress, even you I interact with others. I tried to explian that it was probably because of my new position at school (went from being a teacher to guidacne counselor this summer) They disagreed.
The whold time I was fighting back tears. I just don't see myself that way. I son't kow how anyone could. I have been very sad ever since.
I am hoping this has much to do with TOM. It is much more than that I am sure and I will be working on that as well as my diet and exercise routine. I am also haveing much trouble staying away from food today. I think I am going to find something good on TV and curl up with my puppy!!! (actually as 7 year old boxr mix, 65 lbs but she thinks she is a lap dog, NOT!)
Well that is where I am today. I know I have accomplishd a lot but today I am having trouble sticking with that.
I don't think he woudl be intrested in me. I am still heavy and not very pretty. I have been heavey all my life. When someone says picture yourself when you are at goal weight. I can't I dn't kow what that looks like. I don't even recognize my own reflection most of the time lately. I don't even have someone to take to the weding (a friend of mine is getting amarried at the end of the month)...
They went on to tell me how "buratiful" I am and how much I have changed over the last year. How I walk, how I dress, even you I interact with others. I tried to explian that it was probably because of my new position at school (went from being a teacher to guidacne counselor this summer) They disagreed.
The whold time I was fighting back tears. I just don't see myself that way. I son't kow how anyone could. I have been very sad ever since.
I am hoping this has much to do with TOM. It is much more than that I am sure and I will be working on that as well as my diet and exercise routine. I am also haveing much trouble staying away from food today. I think I am going to find something good on TV and curl up with my puppy!!! (actually as 7 year old boxr mix, 65 lbs but she thinks she is a lap dog, NOT!)
Well that is where I am today. I know I have accomplishd a lot but today I am having trouble sticking with that.
