PUSHING AHEAD

Oct 08, 2016

Well, I have been up and down for a bit now, and I do not plan on weighing myself too often as I am trying not to psych myself out if the numbers arent what I want.

I am more consistently writing down water and food breaks, this week I am really going to push that.  I am also planning on joining a gym, something I wouldnt have been able to do last year.  I am still mobility challenged but for $9.99 a month I get one, one hour session with a personal trainer who I hope will put me on the right track. 

So, then plan to break the barrier is to keep the defined meal/water breaks making sure that I eat and then have water intake for a few hours before eating again.  I think the frequent meals/snacks were due to eating things like jello, and pistachios which werent protein dense leaving me feeling unsatisfied. (so also need more protein rich snacks) Food journaling is key, I will keep up with that, start wearing my FITBIT, Keep the house tidy so that it doesnt depress me (not easy with teen boys!), and work out at least 3 times a week to start. :)

I am very excited and I do not want to let FEAR run me as it has my whole life.  I am already stressed about male attention when it comes my way and I worry about being attractive or thinner due to my inability to protect myself if need be. I was already injured a few weeks ago when I went out and an older man wouldnt take NO for an answer when he asked me to dance.  My knee was out for two weeks and my back still feels tweaked. (I can do forward motion but not standing in place, dancing is above the level im at currently)

My goal hopefully by next summer is to be fit enough to enroll in the kickboxing class so that I can learn to defend myself and hopefully rid myself of the "need" for this protective fat suit. Mentally I have done all the work with my therapist, now I think when I can physically feel confident in protecting myself it will go a long way toward relieving that stressor. :)

Hope everyone is doing great.  I feel like I am losing again, and I am just going to keep up what I am doing and try not to worry about my numbers or watch other people's numbers as this is NOT a competition. (but man, do guys lose fast or what?? lol)

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